Who: Mercymorn the First, Paul Atreides, and you What: October catch-all, open and closed prompts When: Throughout October Where: Various locations in Trench
Content Warnings: Depression, suicidal ideation (passive), body horror, memory loss
Johnny dips his head a little. He hasn't quite caught onto how Paul is hanging onto his every word. As much as he knows seeing the changes in the people around him have been good for him, he doesn't always notice the full effect he has them.
He considers the question briefly. One foot kicking out a little as he contemplates how best to explain what he sees.
"The biggest fight of my life... And how I blew it.
Back when I was your age. My sensei- He was a real hard ass. But he was closest thing to a dad I ever had. He took all the tenants to Cobra Kai to a whole new level.
...When I lost. He broke my second place trophy and choked me out in front of my friends. Almost killed me." There's a pause. He gazes at the ground for a long moment but he eventually brings his eyes up to meet Paul's.
"It really fucked me up for a long time. And- I still don't think I'll ever forget it."
When Johnny ducks his head and kicks out his foot, Paul is startled by the echo that comes through the lines of his body, the unburied ghost of someone younger shining out of him as he speaks of his memories.
If he lets his eyes unfocus, and thinks of Robby, he feels like he can almost see the Johnny his age, stung by defeat and betrayal from someone he should have been able to trust.
"But he was your sensei," Paul says, bewildered in a way he should be too old and too wise to be bewildered, after everything that brought him to this point. He knows that some teachers cannot be relied on to do what's right by their pupils, but-
"You came in second." There's tightness in his chest for the sake of someone else, and he welcomes it. "He should have been proud of you."
Johnny did his best not to think about that day and more often than not failed. But it was different actually talking about it, and to someone he knew he could trust and would understand.
He's a little surprised by the response Paul gives. He thought- With how he acted most of the time it was more obvious why he had turned out the way he had. He wondered if maybe that wasn't exactly the case.
He feels a small, more hollow smile play up on his lips. Paul knew the exact sort of bitterness that he felt.
"That's what I told him- I told him I did my best. I gave it my all." Right before he got attacked.
"He told me I was nothing. I lost. I was a loser." And... He continued to be a loser for years upon years.
"It held me back for years until I finally met Miguel... Until I met you, and all of the other kids I've helped train." There's a pause before he adds in.
"And- It's why I'm doing my best train you right. To try and guide you down a path different than what I had to go down."
Sometimes uncanny insight set aside, Paul is seventeen, and prone to blind spots. What might be obvious from an objective perspective is obscured from his, looking up at the slight but real pedestal he's set Johnny on from the position of having never, for everything that's happened, having been told he was a disappointment to anyone.
He listens intently, heart swelling lightly to be included in the ranks of people who had made a difference to Johnny after that. The fire dies further, unnoticed, a thin pall of strange light cowling him.
"You're not a loser, sensei." Paul is resolute on that point, first and foremost. Whether or not Johnny speaks in the past tense, Paul needs him to know that Paul doesn't believe it, not in the slightest.
"And I'm glad you're my teacher." His voice is thick with feeling; he's glad of the shine of light over the shine of salt that might cling to his eyes. "You stood by me when I was wrong. You still do. So - to hell with him. What did he know about anything? You're ten times the sensei he was. A hundred times."
no subject
He considers the question briefly. One foot kicking out a little as he contemplates how best to explain what he sees.
"The biggest fight of my life... And how I blew it.
Back when I was your age. My sensei- He was a real hard ass. But he was closest thing to a dad I ever had. He took all the tenants to Cobra Kai to a whole new level.
...When I lost. He broke my second place trophy and choked me out in front of my friends. Almost killed me." There's a pause. He gazes at the ground for a long moment but he eventually brings his eyes up to meet Paul's.
"It really fucked me up for a long time. And- I still don't think I'll ever forget it."
no subject
If he lets his eyes unfocus, and thinks of Robby, he feels like he can almost see the Johnny his age, stung by defeat and betrayal from someone he should have been able to trust.
"But he was your sensei," Paul says, bewildered in a way he should be too old and too wise to be bewildered, after everything that brought him to this point. He knows that some teachers cannot be relied on to do what's right by their pupils, but-
"You came in second." There's tightness in his chest for the sake of someone else, and he welcomes it. "He should have been proud of you."
no subject
He's a little surprised by the response Paul gives. He thought- With how he acted most of the time it was more obvious why he had turned out the way he had. He wondered if maybe that wasn't exactly the case.
He feels a small, more hollow smile play up on his lips. Paul knew the exact sort of bitterness that he felt.
"That's what I told him- I told him I did my best. I gave it my all." Right before he got attacked.
"He told me I was nothing. I lost. I was a loser." And... He continued to be a loser for years upon years.
"It held me back for years until I finally met Miguel... Until I met you, and all of the other kids I've helped train." There's a pause before he adds in.
"And- It's why I'm doing my best train you right. To try and guide you down a path different than what I had to go down."
no subject
He listens intently, heart swelling lightly to be included in the ranks of people who had made a difference to Johnny after that. The fire dies further, unnoticed, a thin pall of strange light cowling him.
"You're not a loser, sensei." Paul is resolute on that point, first and foremost. Whether or not Johnny speaks in the past tense, Paul needs him to know that Paul doesn't believe it, not in the slightest.
"And I'm glad you're my teacher." His voice is thick with feeling; he's glad of the shine of light over the shine of salt that might cling to his eyes. "You stood by me when I was wrong. You still do. So - to hell with him. What did he know about anything? You're ten times the sensei he was. A hundred times."