October Catchall

[ezra_of_lothal]

Who: Ezra and you
What: October catch all including Second Death prompts
When: Earlyish October
Where:  The Kenobi-Skywalker-Bridger house and around Trench

Content Warnings: Assume all content warnings that go with the Second Death, may add more as needed

Comments

[ezra_of_lothal]

[oh.

That is...not, on some level, the response that he'd expected, at all.

His expression goes blank, his presence in the Force contracts, and he nods blindly.]

Right.

I...understand.

I'll- [Give up? Put away his lightsaber? Stop introducing himself as a Jedi Padwan? He's honestly not sure, but he finds himself reeling enough, in this moment, to consider it.]

Figure it out.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan stares because that is really not what he meant and it seems like ezra is wrestling with more than just his words. he pitches his voice low. ]

What I mean is that there is no point in chasing ghosts. The Jedi Order will never be what it once was, even if you had all the Masters returned or the Temple. The new generation has to be the one to own what the Jedi should be.

Not me.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[More silence, and eventually Ezra takes a shuddering breath and rubs hard at his face with both hands. Then says, tiredly-]

I'm pretty sure every generation has to find its own path and relationship to the past, Master.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan slowly shakes his head. ]

No. Not like this.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[He spreads his hands.]

I'm not trying to dismiss the trauma, the loss. The radical change in circumstances.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan gives him a long look as he waits. ]

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra peers back, then actual paces, briefly, before he turns back to Obi-wan.]

...let's not talk in generalities. About a time we are not, actually, part of, here and now. I think we'd just talk past each other, more.

I am struggling with my path as a Jedi. Not - not the ideals. I don't think. Of course I want to help people.

My...identity. My internal balance. The best way to present myself, how to help.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan hums. ]

That is an answer only you can find. But you will find it.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra sighs sharply in frustration.]

I know ultimately that's true. It's between me and the Force, yes. That's true for each and every Jedi.

But also between me and my family. My community. Me and the Jedi who have come before me and will come after me. Is that also not true for every Jedi?

[jedies]

[ obi-wan sighs. ]

To some degree, yes. But what that looks like, what it will be is not up to me to decide.

[ this is difficult to put into words. but obi-wan knows this to be true. while he may share or give back, the jedi order will never be what it once was. and he has no real part in it.

gently, achingly so, but no less firm. ]

I cannot be a part of it.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra goes perfectly still, breath caught in his chest.]

Not even if I ask you to be?

Forget whatever you think your destiny is in the galaxy. I- I know...something about that.

As part of my family - here. Now.

Because I'm probably dead back there, anyway.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan seems unsure. ]

I'll . . . need to think about it.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[He breaks into a small, tentative. some of the tension going out of him.]

Then I'll wait as long as you need, Obi-wan. And respect whatever your answer is.

If there's anything - anything at all about my reasoning, my experiences, whatever you think you need to know, while you're considering...

Please, ask me.

[jedies]

Of course.

[ezra_of_lothal]

Good. Thank you.

[He glances around.]

Now, I don't know about you, but I could use either tea or a nap. And so much meditation.

So homewards, for me.

[jedies]

Mm. That sounds splendid.