deercountry | i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

Entry tags:

i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

^{Who: Peter Graham + you! Prompts will be placed here.
What: Canon update business, potential event things, tba.
When: Through the month of November.
Where: Various places in Trench / tba.

Content Warnings: This character comes with demonic possession by default. There's a gif including nudity (non-sexual, just a couple of people shown naked from behind) in one of the posts.}^{Additional warnings will be placed in individual spaces.}

^{( On Peter's birthday and Blessed Month, he will go through a canon update that's given him updated memories. For weeks 1 - 3 he will mentally be MIA, and Paimon/Charlie may be interacted with. On week 4, Peter will return. Closed starters will be placed under the appropriate posts. Please hit me up @ plot post / plurk / large bat#2354 / pm if you're interested in a starter / if you'd like to plot for the month! )}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( Peter isn't necessarily actively hiding from people, but he isn't making himself easily accessible, either. He doesn't turn off his Omni, he just leaves it places around the house that he forgets about often, and makes no efforts to find it. Which means that messages do go unchecked, and a few days have gone by since he finally emerged from nearly a month of being.... gone.

Not entirely, clearly. The fact he came back shows that his spirit, his soul, was still there. But he couldn't be found or reached, and he had no awareness of anything going on. It was like he was dead. He might as well have been.

(Is that how it is for him, back home? Some kind of prisoner in his own body, oblivious to the fact it belongs to something else now? Or is he still conscious, screaming, trying desperately to be heard?

Does it matter? At the root of it is the fact that "Peter" is gone, back there. And maybe.... maybe that's how it was always supposed to be.)

He spends his days now doing... nothing. Getting high, staying high, sleeping, eating only enough to keep his stomach from aching so much — but even now it growls and he just tries to ignore it, turning away from the kitchen and moving over to the living room to slump on the sofa. Luna's gone out to get something, maybe from the shop she takes care of, or maybe to pick something up from a friend. The house is very quiet, and he just sits there staring at the wall when a knock comes at the door.

Peter moves that way slowly, opening it up without even asking who's on the other side — blinking against the crisp November chill outside. It takes him a moment too long to recognise the man standing there, Peter just staring at him. (Faces and names still feel weird, his mind's still so scrambled.) Then— )

Daniel?

( Peter doesn't... look good. His clothes are a mess — wrinkled and clearly just the result of someone grabbing for whatever was there; his socks don't even match... but it gets worse than that. His hair's a wild mess of overgrown curls, and he very much hasn't shaved in awhile. K was helping Paimon take care of things like that, but now that Peter's back, self-care's gone completely down the drain. Dark circles rim his eyes, which are weirdly swollen, the result of crying a lot and being high almost 24/7..... He blinks, voice a bit hoarse from not having used it very much these days. ...And being high almost 24/7, that too. )

What're you doing here?

( It's not said with annoyance, just genuine confusion, as Peter blinks his goopy eyes at him. )

[ Daniel may not have gotten the exact information about what's going on with Peter, but what he did manage to catch made it pretty clear to him that visiting the other when he stopped coming to the dojo altogether wouldn't do a thing, since Peter.. wasn't there, or absent in some way.

But once he catches wind of the fact that Peter definitely is back, even though he's still not coming to the dojo, that's when Daniel decides he has to at least go visit the other. Not even to convince him to stop by - if Peter wouldn't want to anymore, then that's his own choice, of course - but just to check up on him. Because it's.. sure been a while, and Daniel is terribly bad at not fussing over kids he's claimed even the tiniest amount of responsibility for.

And being asked to teach someone - that sure falls into that category.

It's what leads Daniel to gather up a basket of the healthiest food he can find, even if it's a bit more of a struggle now the seasons are growing colder, and taking that along with Peter's Miyagi-do gi over to the other's place.

.. did he expect to find Peter like this though? In this state? Apparently not, because Daniel's eyes grow so wide when the boy opens the door, only to.. well, look like that.. Daniel has to reflexively shift his arms to keep himself from dropping the care package he's holding in shock. ]

I..

[ There's so much he could say here. So much he wants to say. Every single inch of Peter and the way he looks right now sets off Daniel's dad instincts, after all, wanting to make sure that the other is alright - that he'll get better than this again.

But when there's so much to say that he doesn't even know where to start, he just slowly shakes his head, answering the question honestly. Maybe that should be his first priority here. ]

I came to check up on you.

[ ... A tiny pause, and then he adds: ]

Can I come in?

[ Because.. phew, with the way Peter is looking, this is definitely not the sort of conversation one can casually have while standing on the porch. ]

( It hasn't been that long since he last saw Daniel, has it...? But Peter can't remember, and it feels weird, fuzzy. Has it been weeks? Months? He just stands there, slender form tipped slightly towards the doorframe, like he needs to press his weight against it. His body feels.... strange. Difficult to work some days, and he's prone to just kind of falling over or sitting there unable to move the way he needs to. It's frustrating and scary and upsetting, but Peter doesn't know what to do about it. About any of it. He's fucked up, and maybe he's just never supposed to be fixed.

Came to check up on him...? The younger blinks, not even having looked down at the package in the other's arms yet, not even noticing it at all, even if it's right there. His mind slowly churns, trying to kick-start itself into working. He can't remember when the last time he opened the front door was; Luna's been handling any visitors. Even the fresh, crisp, wintery air outside is something new for him. When did it get so cold out...?

That's right, though. He's been missing for... almost a month. Not physically, his body's still been here, but... in all others ways. People must've noticed he was gone. He's not sure what Luna's been telling them, if anything. She's so exhausted these days, so worn... It makes his stomach clench up every time he sees her looking like that. Because of him. )

Oh, uh..... Sure. ( He looks weirdly confused by such a simple question — 'Can I come in?' — but not in a way that's resisting the request. Just... he's still having such a hard time functioning. Peter pauses for a weirdly long moment and then detaches from the doorframe, backing up into the house and leaving it open for Daniel. But the way he walks is strange, sluggish and weighted, like he's having a hard time moving his legs.

He's not so far gone that he doesn't remember the basic things to ask someone who's just come into your house, although what comes out is..... a struggle. )

Do you want some..... drink, something to— ....water?

[ It's only when Peter turns to lead him into the house that Daniel fully allows his expression to slip for a moment. His lips are tightly pressed together in worry, his eyebrow knitting together into a frown. It's so obvious from just about everything in this situation that Peter is absolutely not okay. Just look at the teen-- he can barely walk, or speak.

Daniel knew that things going on with Peter seemed.. relatively serious, but he didn't quite imagine it was this level of serious, or he may have stopped by even earlier to try and help.

.. he knows that lingering on that thought does nothing for the present moment though, so he discards it for now as something that's not useful.

Instead he has to focus on what he can do, like-- ]

Sure, but.. how about you sit down, huh? I'll get us something to drink.

[ If not just because Peter looks like he might just run into a doorframe by accident on his way to the kitchen...

And with how much of a dad Daniel is, he can't help but try to take the reigns here. ]

Just point me towards the kitchen, and I'll take care of it. [ Having inhaled, he manages to actually make it sound calm, despite the worry running through his veins like adrenaline. It's a talent he's had to hone across the years while having to deal with kids. Someone has to be the calm and responsible adult in scenarios like these.

They can talk a bit more about the other's state, sure - but after they're sitting down with a drink. Just so Peter won't be an accidental danger to himself anymore while wandering around like a zombie. ]

( There's a glossy blink for a long moment, and then Peter lifts his hand to gesture in the direction of the kitchen, piping up softly. ) Just that way. There's other stuff if you want it. Uh..... apples.

( Yes, Daniel, feel free to have an apple? if you want one??..... There's the odd heavy sound of shuffling footsteps as Peter makes his way back to the living room, all too grateful to sit back down. Standing and moving around makes him weird, dizzy, like some constant state of vertigo. This kind of state isn't abnormal for him; demonic possession.... comes with some pretty consistent side-effects, but it's... bad, lately. Bad the way it was when he first showed up in Deerington, bloodied and bruised and barely able to do anything. The days when he'd forget to eat days on end and Henry used to have to help him get in the shower.

The little kitchen that Daniel will find is nice, at least. Quaint and cluttered in a cosy witchy way, very Luna-esque. Peter, meanwhile, finds his nest of blankets on the sofa and curls back into them, long legs drawn up towards his chest and a blanket draped over himself. He's cold, and that's not new either, but it feels deeper and wetter and weirder, and he hasn't looked at himself in a mirror in the whole week he's been back, and he thinks if he does he won't recognise what looks back at himself. He won't dare look.

While he's waiting for Daniel, he stares at the wall, eyes half-lidded and blank, losing track of any amount of time passing. It's only when the other man will find him again that Peter stirs, flinching out of his stare and looking up at him. He knows he looks and sounds like shit, and he knows he's acting like someone who just came out of a coma or had a stroke or something, and the thought of those kind of behaviours usually terrifies Peter. Now he can only be apologetic. )

—Sorry. I'm not— I'm not doing so great. Not contagious or anything, just... ( His eyes get hot and wet suddenly, like they keep doing, like he's some dumb little kid. For some reason voicing it makes him feel really sad and he hears his throat do a weird tight fluttery thing. )

I don't feel good.

[ When Daniel returns to where Peter has nestled himself back into his blanket pile, he's carrying a tray with two cups of tea on it - because, please, it's not like he's just going to grab them water when Peter is in this state, and he definitely brought some tea in his little care package, so he figures they might as well start using it now - and some cookies.

There's a lot more healthier stuff in his care package too, but.. really, he's not going to shove healthy smoothies at Peter just yet. Better to start with something a little more gentle like this.

And despite Peter's state, and despite the other's apology, Daniel just gently smiles when the younger guy speaks up to him. This time he manages to mask his worry a little better, but it's definitely present in his heart even now. Especially now he's looking at Peter again, taking his state in once more.. ]

It's alright. That's nothing you have to apologize for. [ He reassures as he puts the tray down on the table. That's too far for Peter to reach from his blanket, so Daniel grabs one of the cups before holding it out towards Peter. ]

Here, maybe having a warm drink will help.

[ His hand reaches out towards the other's forehead, like he's ready to instinctively measure his temperature the way a parent would do for a sick kid.. But halfway through reaching out Daniel does seem to realise it might be a little too forward with a kid he doesn't know that well yet, so there's a faintly sheepish edge to his expression and tone as he asks: ]

Do you mind?

[ J-Just checking your temperature, Peter! ]

( As Peter looks up at the other man, he's finally able to see some of what Daniel had brought over — because it's clear that he did; Luna may be a sweets and tea fiend, but they definitely didn't have those types of cookies and tea in the house before. Which means... Daniel brought that stuff here. Peter blinks, watching him set the tray down, a little stunned by the gesture. He still only really knows the guy on surface-levels, as someone he was starting to learn things from before.... but he wouldn't say they know each other well at all.

And yet.... here he is, having come over to check on him, even bring him things. Things like that (especially in this fucking place where just leaving your house can be dangerous) show a certain level of kindness that still stuns Peter. )

Oh— thanks. ( He reaches for the cup as it's offered to him, taking it into both hands and letting the warmth of it rest against his palms. He's trying to swallow down that stupid tightness in his throat when Daniel reaches out like that, and Peter looks up at him, only belatedly realising what it is he was about to do.

He can't remember the last time someone, at least an older someone, checked his temperature that way. K might've done it over the past couple weeks when Peter was absent, and Luna's probably done it here and there too, but.... it's been a long time since he actually remembers the simple act of someone pressing their hand to his forehead.

It stirs up memories that never really go away, but that you don't think about until something actively reminds you. Being a kid and having a fever, limbs aching, feeling weepy. The cool touch of someone's hand, a relief for a few short moments. He remembers his mom doing it a few times when he was really little. Not when he got older. It was his dad who took care of illnesses then, but Steve was always.... cool about it. Detached in his way. Touches were only ever brief, if they did come.

He clears his throat a little, gives his head a soft shake. ) No, it— it's cool.

( And he goes very still, like he's waiting for Daniel to do it. As he does, he looks back up at the other, lifting the cup in his hands slightly. Hoping he doesn't lose control of his own fingers and end up spilling the thing; he's holding on tightly. )

Thanks for uh— you brought this stuff over?

Thanks.

[ It's a brief answer, but warm in tone all the same, and Daniel smiles as he finally reaches out all the way, pressing his hand against Peter's forehead - even if that hand is.. very, very cold.. Sorry, Peter, someone is an idiot who decided to just press his corpse-cold coldblood hand against you..

In fact, it's only when his hand is already on there that Daniel realises it's practically impossible for him to check for a fever, since he lost all sense of temperature regulation and sensation when he arrived here with coldblood in his veins. Still, the hand does rest there for a moment, like he's hoping that he might get a sense of it after all, before just giving up and pulling the hand back, moving to sit down himself. ]

.. yeah, I did. [ He instead says, focusing on answering the question rather than lingering on his own failed fever-checking attempt.. ] There's more of it, but I left the basket in the kitchen for when you're ready to take a look at it. Most of it is a little healthier than this though.

[ Daniel admits, a bit of a chuckle in his voice. ]

Since I thought it might help you with your recovery. [ And sure, it's not as easy here as just.. going to the supermarkt and grabbing a kale smoothie the way Daniel would have back home.. but he's made it work somehow with what's available in Trench. ]

And I took along your karate gi as well, since I didn't have the chance to give it to you before things got.. [ His voice trails off, like he's trying to look for a Tactful Word to use here. ] .. busy.

[ Nailed it. Being stuck in a slime cocoon? Clearly just being busy, right. Yeah. ]

Not that I'm saying you have to jump right back into practice, but.. I just wanted to let you know that we're all there for you once you feel like you're up to it again, you know? I think everyone's been pretty worried about you. [ And with 'everyone'..

.. well, he mostly just means he himself, projecting a little bit. S-Sshh, don't tell anyone.. ]

( Oh, okay yeah that is a very cold hand. Very cold! But it's okay, Peter's not one to cause a fuss about things and he's become very good at the art of Just Sitting There Through Some Discomfort Or Other.... so he just sits there unmoving, waiting patiently. He probably is running pretty warm, though Daniel can't sense that.... but Daniel is trying his best here, okay. Even when the other man removes his hand and doesn't actually report on a status, Peter doesn't ask questions, just quietly accepts it.

(Besides, the simple act of having his temperature taken is nice enough, even if Peter wouldn't be able to admit as much aloud... but he likes being babied a bit...)

Peter's listening to him talk, still quietly surprised by the fact that Daniel decided to come over and bring him some recovery things. Then he mentions the karate gi....

Peter blinks a bit more widely, staring. He knows what that is, thanks to Robby — but he wasn't at all expecting to get one so soon, much less for Daniel to bring it here. Peter's staring, already weepy with feeling sick and the abundance of horrors he's freshly learned about from the cocoon, and being around Older Men always makes him miss his dad no matter how much time passes, and Daniel's talking about people being worried about him, and he's suddenly feeling heat around his eyes all over again. He keeps.. leaking... )

Oh— I uh. ( It comes out a little shuddery, and Peter reaches a hand up to swipe at the back of his eyes. He'd be embarrassed about this usually, but right now he just feels... too tired to be. )

Thank you. ( It sounds too simple for what he wants to say. He's just... stunned. )

I didn't know I was going to get one. Since I uh. Haven't been around a lot. ( He's missed... everything, really. He heard about the initial welcome, the interested students being invited over. He feels bad that he wasn't there, which is kind of a new experience for Peter, who's never been involved in anything before, or ever wanted to be. )

I'm sorry I couldn't come. To the meet. I um. Something happened, and I went back home. Like... mentally, I guess? For a while. I saw things that happened there, and went I woke back up.... ( ...He wasn't Peter anymore, not for a whole month, but he's not sure he should throw demonic possession at the poor guy right now. Peter's finding himself afraid to scare Daniel off, although he probably should mention it before he starts properly training at the dojo with other people..... )

...I've just been really out of it. And... weird. ( He closes his eyes for a moment, gives a soft exhale. ) Most people would probably give anything to get to go back home, even if it's just for a little while, but...... I wish I hadn't.

[ The look on Daniel's face grows more sympathetic by the moment as he sits there and watches Peter - especially when the other starts to tear up like that. It certainly isn't the first time Daniel has seen a kid cry, not in this place and not back home, but it tugs a little at his heart all the same.

It's awful that this place keeps putting these kids into situations that make them cry like that in the first place, he thinks, even if Daniel keeps the thought to himself, patiently listening as Peter speaks on.

It's only when he's sure the other is done that he shakes his head a little. ]

It's fine, really.. Please don't worry about it. [ Like Daniel is going to be strict about attendance or anything. He's too soft for it, especially for kids. ] I know it sounded like you had a lot going on.

[ So who'd force him to come to the dojo under those circumstances? Certainly not Daniel LaRusso.

He pauses for a moment, seeming to think carefully about his words, but then continues speaking. ]

I.. understand that I'm just a random guy who's taught you karate a few times. [ Hardly even a few times before Peter went off into cocoon land, really.. So it's not like Daniel wants to claim they're close, or that he's gained enough trust with Peter for the kid to feel absolutely comfortable with him. ] But if you want to talk about any of that, or you feel like you need to.. I don't mind listening.

[ He smiles a little as he says it, hoping it's even just a bit reassuring. ]

Sometimes it can be good to just air things out like that. Or if there's anything else I can do for you, you can let me know about that too. It is kind of my duty to look out for you as your sensei, you know. [ There's a bit of a hint of something more casual in his tone as he says that though - implying that he would want to do so either way, even regardless of that. ]

( Daniel definitely doesn't seem like the kind of person who would get mad too easily. Even just from being around the guy a couple of times, Peter can tell that. Plus Robby likes him, speaks so highly of him... and Peter's come to really trust Robby. They're good guys, the both of them. Peter can see why they get along.

But even so, there's still some dose of surprise when Daniel says it's fine, and to not worry about it. Guilt is such a major part of how Peter functions, it almost throws him completely off-guard whenever someone else removes it from the equation. 'It's fine'.

Maybe Daniel's just saying it to be nice, since he clearly is a nice person. Maybe Peter really did hurt his feelings, or disappoint him — they're thoughts he can't fully escape, and his stomach aches in that weird, familiar way to think that maybe he let someone down, but.... then Daniel's saying what he does next, and once again Peter's struck by surprise.

Oh. That's.... oh. It's all... so nice of him. Peter sits there, giving another soft exhale, and maybe usually he might clam up, not wanting to unload on someone who doesn't deserve any of this, and too scared to let any of his own thoughts loose, because then that makes them real, but... there's so much that's weird and bottled up inside, and he doesn't know how much longer he has before he goes completely fucking crazy. It'd be... nice. To talk. To sound out some of those thoughts. )

I um. I appreciate that a lot. Um. Thank you. ( He swallows again, stares down at the cup in his hands. )

It's uh... it's been four years since I was home. Because I was in the place before this, the Dream? ( He's not sure if Daniel might've heard the term before. ) So it's been... almost four years.

....I saw... the truth. About a lot of things. Or maybe some of the truth, I don't really... I don't know.

( He pauses, aware none of this really... makes sense without him digging in deeper, but how does he explain that he saw the mutilated corpses of his family? Arranged like some... ritual? That he was given to a demon king? That he saw one of his highschool friends kneeling at his feet? That maybe all of this was happening for his whole entire life and he never knew about it? Was everything a lie? Was he always just meant to belong to something else? )

.....I guess my whole entire life wasn't really... how I thought it was. I'm not who I thought I was? And I don't really know... what to do about it.

( It's all mulled over quietly, and a little numb, his upset slowly glossing over into something half-lidded instead. But after a moment he looks back up at Daniel, hesitating before he asks something that's maybe weird to ask, but... they're in this fucking place and everything is weird. )

Do you believe in fate?

[ Talk about a question Daniel didn't really expect to have to answer today.

It leaves him quiet for a moment, thinking. Both about the question, but also briefly about what Peter said before that. It's all a little vague, and whereas Daniel usually would be able to guess as to what might be hiding behind those words, he knows that not every single teenager you deal with in this place is one who deals with the kind of mundane problems a teenager may have where Daniel comes from. It could be anything. For all Daniel knows, Peter would be this troubled about... dragon fighting, or something.

So he discards any intention to figure out what the other might be talking about, instead focusing on the question itself - which is complicated enough, honestly.

But at least it's one he can give an answer to after thinking for a moment and pressing his fingertips together. ]

Rather than believing in fate.. I'd rather say I believe in people's good intentions.

[ It feels nicer that way. Daniel sure has no idea whether meeting mister Miyagi and the man changing Daniel's life forever was fate, but he does know that it changed his life for the better because mister Miyagi was a kind man who kindly reached out to Daniel to help him. ]

But.. [ Judging by that question-- ] You think that what happened to you might be.. fated? [ Daniel doesn't sound like he's judging, honestly.

If anything, the man's tone and body language just gives off the impression he's very ready to listen. ]

( It's a weird question to just ask someone, and a heavy one, Peter knows. It's not something he'd ever usually just... throw out there like that. It's the kind of thing he'd just keep to himself, swallowed down, a quiet stomachache in the middle of a sleepless night.

But he's.. desperate, maybe. Desperate just to hear what other people have to say. He's watching Daniel's face, ready to apologise for asking something so weird, when the man answers. The way he does catches Peter by surprise again. People's good intentions... That does sound nicer. Less... heavy and final. Peter's aware there could be a lot more to that answer, things to elaborate on, but a certain door's been opened, and as soon as Daniel asks that next question, the younger finds his heart pattering harder, and his throat giving a soft sound, and a response of his own bubbling up fast. )

I think so. I think maybe— there's a role I'm supposed to fill. Because... everything's lined up that way.

( It sounds stupid and crazy to voice something like this aloud; Peter doesn't usually believe in things like that. "Meant to be" or "destined" or whatever words you want to use. But it's been years now, and certain puzzle pieces have revealed themselves over time. What he saw back home..... confirmed things that've always been there, maybe. )

I um. I used to think I was being... punished. Because I did something... wrong. Because I hurt somebody, really bad. ( He's staring down at the floor now, eyes half-lidded. ) But now, I think maybe.... it isn't as simple as that. I think maybe what happened to me was always going to happen. And I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

( He definitely gets that this is all.. vague, and must be hard to understand without better details. Peter fidgets slowly, glossy-eyed. He can say it and leave out certain words, but it's still weird and aching to voice. )

Back home... I saw that I'm... given to something. Something.... bad. So that it can use me to do more bad things.

I think that's what I was always supposed to do. To... be.

[ There's a lot hiding behind these words, isn't there.

Daniel is not one to pry, given that he figures Peter has got a good reason for being as relatively vague as he's being right now, and Daniel wants to respect that reason. Especially while the boy is still telling him something, still trying to confide in Daniel with the things he does say here.

So he just takes those things as they come, weighing them in his head. Trying to keep in mind there's probably a whole lot more heaviness hidden behind it that he knows nothing about. ]

But you don't want to be that.

[ It's not a question. It doesn't even sound like one. It sounds firm, sure, but.. not like an order. More like Daniel understanding it without Peter having to say as much.

He may not know much about the boy, but Daniel can't believe the kind of clumsy and awkward young man Robby dragged along to the dojo is someone who'd delight in doing bad things. ]

You don't want to do those bad things.

( There really is so much beneath everything he's saying on the surface, and to some degree that probably makes it impossible for anyone to get the full picture, here. But even Peter isn't sure of that full picture, much less... how to explain it to someone else.

And yet, he's still able to get some of it out, and to... hear the right kinds of things in return. Things that make sense. Because when Daniel says what he does, Peter's immediately feeling a rush of relief, mixed up with a rush of ache to hear his own thoughts voiced out loud like that, by someone else. He gives a soft sound, and has to swallow deeply again. )

I don't. I don't... I don't want any of this.

( He's learned by now, that Paimon isn't really.. bad, isn't evil the way Peter once thought the demon was. But still, the "bad thing" here can be summed up as this, this... fate. This thing Peter was given to the demon to do, to be. )

And maybe this place should be some kind of.. fresh start, or second chance, or something like that. For awhile, I thought maybe it could be, and people kept telling me that, but— but I don't think it can be, for me. If I'm fated to be that way.... then no matter what, even if I'm not home anymore, it's going to happen. I'm going to end up like that. And I don't... I don't know what to do.

Maybe I should just give into it now. You know? Give in to him. To the... person I'm supposed to become. ( Peter pauses, stares down at his hands. They don't feel like his hands, these days. )

I feel like I'm already more... him than me, anymore.

Peter, if you don't want to become that-- then you don't have to.

[ The words roll out of Daniel's mouth so quickly - basically the moment Peter is done with speaking. He even shifts in his chair, leaning forward as he's sitting, just to be a little closer in the other's direction, even though there's still plenty of space between them.

But this feels too important to not take on such an active position about. If there's anything Daniel feels passionate about, it's keeping kids safe and happy.

And Peter is still young enough to definitely count as a kid in Daniel's mind. ]

I understand I don't know anything about the situation, and this might sound very-- [ Looking for the right word, hang on.. ] --very trite. But I mean it. Even if this is a supernatural problem, then.. there are supernatural solutions in this place.

[ Even if Daniel, Very Normal Average Karate Dad, is not exactly an expert in such matters. But he wants to reassure the boy that even if this is something above Daniel's paygrade, there are others that can help. ]

This is exactly the kind of fated I don't want to believe in. What you want, Peter, it-- it matters. [ The man sounds so passionate as he speaks. It's audible in his tone, but also reflected in his eyes, if Peter looks over. There's compassion there, sure, but also determination. ] If you ask me to help you stay yourself, then I will do absolutely anything in my power to help.

[ Is this a little much to offer someone who is basically still just a new student?

.. maybe. But Daniel also just is like this, has always been like this. Unable to keep himself from helping, even when the odds seem against him. Even when he doesn't know someone well.

No one should suffer. No one should end up without help. Peter included. ]

You deserve to make your own choices for yourself. No one else should do that for you.

( Peter's eyes look upwards again as Daniel moves closer — bridging some of the gap between them, a presence that's solid and real and there. He's staring up at the other man, listening to that intensity coming from him. That passion, determination. For him.

What he's saying is what Peter wants to believe. And could be true. Really, it could. Daniel's right; there's help for supernatural things in this place. When Daniel says that, Peter's eyelids flutter again, before he can try to control his reaction. Maybe it betrays that what he's talking about is supernatural in nature.

But..... there's a sinking feeling the more the man speaks. Even if everything he's saying is what Peter wants to hear, and wishes he could hear, all the time. Even if the man's offering help in whatever way Peter needs. His heart's squeezing tighter and tighter and there's a soft sound in the hollow of his throat. It feels like a whimper and he tries to hold it back. )

I don— ( His voice catches, upset bubbling up and cutting off his own words. He swallows again, feels too young. )

I don't think anything can stop it.

( It hurts to say that, to speak that helpless thing, and he has to take a breath. There it is. Voiced, the thing that's been inside him and growing, festering. )

There's ways to help— help me stay.... stable. And more like me. That's um. That's why I wanted to learn from you. And then join. To keep my mind.... better. ( He's not explaining very well, struggling through his words like he's trudging through some thick swamp. But that's why he'd initially sought Daniel out with Robby, and then it led into joining the team the man started up not long after. The one that valued mental focus and meditation and a certain healthiness that Peter's been in need of for a very long time. )

Stuff like that... helps. I want to keep doing it. Keep learning from you.

( ....A "but" lingers in the air for a few moments. Peter's hesitating, not wanting to go on any more, forcing himself through it. )

...But back home, I'm already... gone. I'm not me anymore. I saw it. And so in this place... It's like... It feels kind of like I'm living on borrowed time. Because—

( How can he explain all of this without getting too literal about it? Dealing with demonic possession is probably not something Daniel ever thought he'd be dealing with when he began teaching karate here. )

—this... thing I'm supposed to become, it owns me. Like... my body. I'm just... I'm kind of just... here, now. Because he lets me be.

( That's how it is, isn't it. Paimon could be rid of him tomorrow, has that power. It's because of a Bond with Luna that such a thing doesn't happen, but... Peter can't forget that underneath all of that, he isn't supposed to be here anymore. )

[ There's a small part of Daniel - perhaps left behind by his much younger self - that still wants to fight this. That wants to say that just because things happened a certain way where Peter comes from, that doesn't mean it has to be the exact same thing here. So much could change. So much could be done.

.. but the maturity of age makes Daniel realise that he doesn't know everything about this situation, while Peter does. It automatically makes the young man's assessment of it more reliable than Daniel's own, even if it's.. very depressing. It's made to sound like such an inevitability, and Peter is way too young to deal with something like that.

(And has Daniel ever been good at witnessing the inevitable, waiting for it to happen? First watching his father, and then mister Miyago too die in the hospital. Nothing to be done about it.

He swallows, buries down the thought.) ]

Then let's keep doing the stuff that helps.

[ Even if it might not be a solution. Even if it might not change things around for Peter.

Daniel refuses the idea of just sitting around and doing nothing. He hates it, truly. ]

At least we can do that, right? [ It's a kind of optimism with two sides to it. For himself, sure, but also for Peter's sake. Wanting to show the boy that it's not like anything is over. Whatever is going on with Peter-- as long as they have ways to keep dealing with it, then they'll just have to keep doing that. ]

So.. don't sit around here by yourself anymore. If you think you can manage it at all, then come to the dojo tomorrow. [ It's not an order by any means - that's not the kind of man Daniel is. But it is an urging on, a little nudge. ] You don't even have to do anything too physical. We can start with doing some meditation and similar exercises.

[ There's a tiny pause, and then he exhales and continues. ]

I understand it must be.. so hard. [ So hard that it doesn't feel like adequate wording, even. It's what tht tiny pause is for, even though Daniel apparently couldn't even think of a better way to put it into words. Even without most of the knowledge about what's actually going on with Peter, it sounds like an overwhelming situation. ] But that's why we have to do all we can about it. And you have people to help you with that.

( It's a strange place to be, this sort of.... acceptance? Is that the word?

It doesn't feel like the right word. But maybe that's how it's always been, for him. There was acceptance of his home situation, acceptance that his mom fucking hated him, acceptance that he was never really going to be anything.

Acceptance that he killed Charlie.

None of those acceptances were a peaceful feeling. He was miserable, all the time. But he didn't fight it. Didn't fight any of it. Because he knew it was useless to, knew there was no other outcome. And maybe that's how this is, too. There's no sense in fighting it. He did try to, in his ways, a couple of years ago. But things have only continued to get worse, and the truth has become ever more clear. It's not something that can be changed, only... managed. Right? Like some... disease or something.

And so when Daniel says what he does, Peter's looking up at the man with a little dose of surprise, watching him. Keep doing the stuff that helps... Even coming to the dojo tomorrow. Peter blinks, like such a thing isn't at all what he was expecting to hear. Because he... wasn't. It's stupid maybe, but he's still unused to adults presenting... solutions. Or not even just that, but acting on those solutions. Really stepping forward with them.

Thinking about his father is always painful, but there's a fresh little pinprick as the memory hits again. He needed help after Charlie died, real and professional help. His dad mentioned it. But only that, only ever mentioned the thing, never actually helped Peter... get help. There was a distance kept, some detachment there. Peter needed a hand to hold onto his, needed coaxing, needed guidance, and his dad only gave his thin-lipped smiles and pats to the shoulder and walked away. Uncomfortable.

Maybe Peter should be able to stand on his own, but the fact is that he can't. No matter if he's technically an adult himself now, no matter if people have tried to help him learn how to be stronger on his own..... he needs help. Needs someone to urge him. To help form a path for him to follow. Maybe it's pathetic, maybe someday he'll actually get some much-needed therapy and be! Capable of functioning more healthily! But for now....

Daniel's offer is so much more than just a simple offer. It's not commanding, but it's.... stable. Safe. It still puts the decision in Peter's pocket, but... it gives him a path to see, one he can follow. Come to the dojo tomorrow. Do what he can. 'And you have people to help you with that.'

He's taken aback, eyes fluttering softly, before he looks down again and nods. )

Okay. Okay, yeah. I'll... I'll come. I'll be there.

( Peter looks back up, eyes a little glossy again, and nods again, but this time while meeting Daniel's eyes. )

Thank you. For um.. for listening. For... everything. ( Each little thing, the thoughtfulness of snacks and tea and the karate gi, sitting and talking with him, the offer to help him even when he's a fucking mess.... it does matter. It matters a lot, to Peter. He swallows, manages a little smile, but it's a genuine one, truly grateful. )

For helping me.

[ Daniel smiles, a bit of genuine relief in it when Peter says that he'll be there. He did want to leave the decision up to the young man, feeling that it's important to let young people make their own choices, but he's glad that this is the one Peter decided to go with.

It seems like the best thing for him.

And while usually Daniel would try to kind of sweep thanks aside like that, feeling like he doesn't really deserve it nor did anything special to earn it.. It feels like says thanks for this feels important for Peter.

So he suppresses the natural urge to do so, instead going with: ]

You're welcome. [ Accepting it. Letting the other give thanks. ] And it's really no problem. I'll help you anytime you need it.

[ It always feels like the least he can offer his students, especially in a place like this.

Daniel slowly stands up. ]

I guess I should go now. [ Especially when Peter seems so tired.. Honestly, the guy could probably use a nap, huh. ] But..

[ His lips curve up a little bit more. ]

I'll see you tomorrow.

[ Harkening back to Peter's decision. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

— Daniel LaRusso (cw: depression things, mention of drugs / marijuana)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject