Shen Yuan | November Catch-All

[xiaoxiuya]

Who: Shen Yuan, CR group, People who actually want to talk to the weird metal faces . Maybe more to be added later, who knows!
What: Thread starters for people who want to get bogus relationship advice from Google translate; Shen Yuan Starts a Group Chat, TBD
When: Throughout November
Where: Deernet and beyond

Content Warnings: TBD

Comments

[xiaoxiuya]

Just wait until Huaisang figures out the concept of 'movies.' They're like plays, sure! That you can watch without ever leaving your house. All of Shen Yuan's coolness points will vanish like so much fairy dust.

But he'll always be a big nerd. "Traditional? Sure, by a certain standard," he says with a chuckle and a grin. "A-Sang might want to roll his sleeves up before trying these, they're liable to drip." Shen Yuan is already doing the same; he never tried nachos in Beijing, but he saw them eaten in a few American movies and knows the mess is part of the point.

"See all these condiments? It's like a game, the point is to pile as much as you can on a chip and deliver it to your mouth without spilling."

[fanfavors]

"Ah," Huaisang says, with almost the air of someone who thinks that's disgusting, until he holds one sleeve back and reaches immediately for a chip, to consider its size and shape and how much weird-looking shit it can fit on top of it without spilling - or snapping. "Then it's just like the favored games of us disciples visiting Gusu."

A beat.

"Not any of the Lan sect, though. Don't tell er-ge." Er-ge absolutely knows they made horrible snack messes at least twice weekly at Lan high school, because Lan Wangji absolutely caught them, and so it went. Now, observing the nachos...

"Shen-ge, I don't know what half of these things are."

[xiaoxiuya]

"My lips are sealed," Shen Yuan promises with a wide grin. Schoolboy shenanigans, eh? He'll have to get the whole story out of Huaisang later.

"Honestly, neither do I," he admits, studying the spread. "That one's made from avocado, I think." He points to the bright green guacamole. They have avocados in wuxia, right? "And that's sour creme." A dish full of a white blob. "No clue about the rest." He winks at Huaisang. "Shall we try them and find out?"

[fanfavors]

From what and sour what. Alright, sure. Huaisang opts for a condiment palette that is aesthetically pleasing above all else, and does his very best to scoop them on in a series of lovely stripes, instead of tasting any of them first. He'll live wildly.

"Ah, there, this is my greatest work. Cheers, Shen-ge, cheers!"

Bump chips with him, Shen Yuan, bump chips!! He holds his nacho up expectantly, reaching for his glass in the meantime, for a healthy sip of expensive wine.

[xiaoxiuya]

Absolutely Shen Yuan will bump chips! This is ridiculous and he's fully prepared for the chips to taste vile, but he loves it anyway. Let's go all in and be silly tonight, what the heck!

"Cheers," he says, grinning back, and bumps his own messily-laden chip against Huaisang's. And then, the challenge: can they actually cram all this junk into their mouths??

Shen Yuan, a straight man, has no experience in opening his mouth this wide. He pussies out halfway through and makes a grab for a napkin.

[fanfavors]

How hard can it be to eat one chip laden with a terrible burden, or: Huaisang can eat this whole chip at once, in the very indelicate way of a man who also spent most of his school nights eating handfuls of snacks as fast as possible for fear of being caught. Which is to say, they bump chips, and there they go, and he handles it deftly until Shen Yuan gives up.

This, for some reason, is very funny, and Huaisang abruptly claps a hand over his mouth so that he doesn't spit chip pieces everywhere when he snorts in delight. Don't perceive this, give him a second, he's doing great—

Okay. Crisis averted. Second crisis: these toppings aren't good. "Shen-ge, these are all just cold and wet!" Ah, and, "Is Shen-ge defeated? It was only the first snack."

[xiaoxiuya]

"Who's defeated?" Shen Yuan asks with an amused little huff, and shoves the entire remaining half a chip into his mouth. It's...honestly yeah, it's pretty gross. Did the kitchen fuck it up somehow, or do people really live like this?

"If Huaisang doesn't care for this tradition, he can try something else," Shen Yuan says magnanimously, like he doesn't care one way or another. And then he pours them both more wine, because god knows they need it.

[fanfavors]

"This one doesn't know what kind of tradition thinks cold and wet is an attractive snack," Huaisang says, lifting his freshly filled glass briefly before taking a considerable sip. "No wonder they were so cheap..."

But okay, let's survey these other snacks. He's got a load of fancy-looking desserts, for the discerning wine drinker who thinks about things like 'pairing'— and some kind of candied nut in a bowl, which he goes for next, dragging the bowl to sit between the two of them. Now this is some real school days at Cloud Recesses energy.

"If you ask me, Shen-ge should accept his defeat so that he can relax properly." Chew... is he being subtle enough, Shen Yuan. "Competition is going to do horrible things to your skin."

[xiaoxiuya]

"Oh well, if my skin's at stake," Shen Yuan says with a laugh. "Then very well, I concede. Pray A-Sang will be generous in his victory." And he immediately reaches for one of the fancy desserts, because loads of sugar is great for one's skin, obviously.

(Does Shen Yuan know the first thing about actual skin care? He does not! Is he going to stop him from enjoying himself on Huaisang's dime? It won't! This is pure 'that sign won't stop me because I can't read' enjoyment here, folks.)