deercountry | (closed) december catchall

Chizuru releases a breath - one that almost sounds a little shaky with emotion, even if it's hard to determine which emotion specifically. Maybe it's an overwhelming amount of multiple emotions at once in the face of what he's saying here.

"You always make me feel like a spoiled kid, Robby."

Not in any parental sort of way. That's not it. But-- it's in the way he indulges her, it always feels like. He never turns anything she says fully down without providing an alternative at the very least. He reassures her the moment she asks for it. He doesn't get mad at her when she teases him a little.

Sure, maybe they're all basics things, but.. they're not things Chizuru has ever had a whole lot. Especially not the way they can be so emotionally honest with each other, even about the bad things. It may be something they have promised each other to do, but it still pays off so much more than Chizuru ever could have imagined back then.

"I mean.. It's true. It kind of feels like I don't know what I'm doing.." And it's nice to know someone else feels that way too, even if Chizuru would hope for other people that they could feel a little more certain. "Most of the time I don't even know what I want to do."

Staying here, or leaving - even if she has no choice in the matter when it comes down to it. Thinking about what she wants to do here, who she wants to be.. it's all so much, especially when you've always had such little guidance in that department.

"Most people would just pretend they know what they're doing, but.." She glances down for a moment, at their feet that are still slowly stepping forwards. "You make sure to not let me feel alone in it instead."

Can feeling like a spoilt child be good? Robby can only assume as Chizuru speaks on, what being spoilt in this case means: that they can indulge in their feelings, have each other to talk like this and to about. Two lost souls wandering in more than just this memory-scape but their entire lives. Here, or in their own worlds; just trying to get through in life, or figuring out where they stand after the dust has settled.

Robby can't compare his own life equal to Chizuru's in its hardships - but he can see where their experiences brush up, the parts that he can understand.

The smallest smile tickles his lips.

"Yeah, well - we promised we'd tell the truth. And me? I'm lost; I mean, I don't know where this is," Robby points out playfully, with a look around the place, "and I'm doing this and that in Trench, but...it feels like I'm waiting for something to come up, and take me back to my old life."

He's sure that's a we feel. Two people who don't fit in Trench.

"...I don't think it'll happen," he admits, the joking note in his voice gone. "I'll go back to the sea, maybe, but... my life in Trench? I need to make that a life." A beat. "Easier said than done."

But. "But we might as well make the most of it."

Don't you think?

It's definitely a we feel.

Right along to the point where Robby continues, where he says that he doesn't think it'll happen. Isn't it the same for Chizuru? In fact, she's been in Trench even longer now. Almost a year, and she's still there. Not even a single person from her world has shown up from the sea either, unless you count that odd different version of Sakamoto Ryouma.

Maybe it seems more and more.. like this is just it, somehow. And that - like Robby says - all they can do is make the most of it.

Her hold on him tightens a tad.

"Sure." There's something about her voice that's a little tiny. Like she's still worried, or unsure, but.. she wants to push through, adding: "Let's do our best."

Because they at least can do it together, right?

Chizuru is snapped out of that thought though when they slowly approach the gate that marks the end of the district, leading from Shimabara back into the regular streets of Kyoto. Except the streets beyond are dark and blurry, like they aren't part of this memory, and waiting at the gate is a deer.

Definitely not the sort of creature anyone would expect to see on these busy city streets.

"Ah.. I think that's the end of the memory."

Which may be for the better. It seems like Kazama hasn't managed to chase them - otherwise she's sure he would have caught up with them already, but maybe he lost them in the crowd. Even if sharing this moment with Robby feels kind of nice, she'd rather have him out of it, just so she can be sure he's safe, rather than attempting to fight a demon for her sake.

Ah.

Robby's steps come to a slow with the gate ahead of them, the deer waiting there, as if to lead them farther beyond than where the memory can go. It's a shame, Robby thinks; that this is what Chizuru had to remember, instead of something nice, and he leans his head away to look back the way they came, a street that doesn't look to have much value as a place to take in.

Instead there's Chizuru, done up in a look that doesn't suit her, even if she looks lovely. Robby smiles at her wistfully, resting his hand on her shoulder down onto one of her hands.

"Can I come see you? In the real world," he adds, tugging at his smile some to clarify.

"Of course."

It's not like he'd even have to ask, really. Chizuru likes to think they're close enough at this point that they can just go visit each other whenever without the other really minding.. but the fact that Robby asks anyway is sweet in and of itself, especially when she figures that he might be considerate of how she might feel after getting out of this memory.

It puts a genuine smile on her face as she looks at him, despite the memory they just went through.

.. despite the fact that a part of her is a little sad to have to leave such familiar scenery behind once more. But they can't linger in the memory forever, especially when Chizuru isn't sure what sort of weird side-effects could happen if one were to overstay their time here.

"In fact.. Please come see me, Robby. I'm asking you to, okay?"

This is more than permission. It's a request.

Because Chizuru knows she can beat the bittersweet feeling of this memory with the company of a good friend right after. Enough so that it makes her bold enough to - gasp! - actually ask for something for herself.

Even if that something is just Robby's company.

Oh, Robby can do a request. Rather, he even delights in it, the small mutual expression it offers in them both looking for the other's company. Though it might be for Robby a visit more to see Chizuru and be there for her, it's not a complete selflessness that compels him. Because that would mean he doesn't feel for her--that would mean he would want to be with her despite himself.

And that isn't true. Not when he's going to be thinking about her the moment they leave this memory-scape.

"Okay," he promises, echoing her, a smile widely drawn and gifted before Robby looks over to the deer waiting for them, turning to begin its walk into the undefined ahead.

If he and Chizuru walked too, or if they simply awake where they were when the memory possessed them, Robby can't recall when he comes to; but his mind is a fuzz at first, and then he remembers her-- and then he's walking, his unfortunate sending off point being a damn Winter Mourning hanging from a shop. Thanks, jackass!!

(...okay, maybe thanks.)

He'll shoot off a quick text just to be conscious of the time and to make sure Chizuru's at her and Scorpia's place, the way to which Robby's familiarised as well as his own home. His omen is fortunately more alert than him about traps littering the road, and it makes the journey over simply cold, and longer than his mind likes, but in actuality short and safe.

So he can be knocking on her door, even if Robby knows deep down that Chizuru wouldn't mind him waltzing on in (and he also knows she wouldn't complain about most people doing that, actually), but he also likes the idea of seeing her on the other side when the door opens, the feel of his lips brightening at the sight of her--

and leaning forward and wrapping his arms around her, first thing.

(And that's the goal here.)

Thankfully Chizuru is waiting for him at home, and of course she immediately rushes to the door when she hears the knock on it, since it could only be one person so close after Robby sent her that message.

But while it means she expects to see his face when she opens the door, the hug is a little more unexpected.

Not in any way she dislikes, though. Chizuru seems surprised for the faintest moment, her body freezing against Robby's own, but then she melts into the hug instead, moving her arms to wrap them around him as well, hands landing on his back, her body leaning against his own. It felt odd to suddenly be ripped away from that memory, away from anything remotely familiar again, but the sensation of a warm and trusted body so close to her own makes up for a lot of it.

It brings comfort.

"You didn't warn me about the hug," she mumbles against him while they're still like that.

(It's a joke, really. Mostly.)

"I need to warn about hugs now?" Robby complains playfully, the thought funny more than anything. It sure isn't pulling him away from this hug now, feeling the way Chizuru eases into it completely; her frame smaller, but fitting right against him. He would've been happy to give her this in that memory, but like this, in reality--maybe it's more genuine in its meaning.

And he's enjoying it now, anyway, humour brushing up further in his voice.

"The way you knocked that guy with your shoe so we could get outta there? Insanely cool."

Just so she knows. It's very important.

"It was nothing that special!" But even as Chizuru - as always - dismisses the compliment like that, she at least does sound kind of amused as she's saying it.. like there's something about the compliment that makes her feel warm regardless, even as she's having a hard time accepting it.

She rests in the hug for another moment, but then she slowly pulls away. Truthfully, she's still pretty close to Robby even at that point, but.. maybe it's just that she wants to be able to look him in the face after that memory, and the deep talk they had inside of it.

And for what she's about to say, really.

"Though.. You shouldn't immediately stand up that much to anyone you meet, Robby! He's so dangerous.. He really could have hurt you!"

Someone is clearly a little too brave for his own good.. Though this is honestly such a very, very gentle way of scolding the other. There's no venom or anger in it in the slightest - perhaps just some worry.

And to think, Robby thought as their embrace became less close, even with his own arms still wrapped around her (or slow to drop, anyway), he thought there would be a sweeter sentiment waiting for him.

Instead! He makes a face of faux offence, mouth open in playful surprise.

"What was I meant to do? I'm not letting some guy put his hands on you, he was a jackass!"

At least for Chizuru's gentle scolding, Robby sounds - and looks - more like a guy defending his position for taking a slice of pie that wasn't meant to be eaten until dessert. It's less serious than the mood had been in the memory, that Robby doesn't mind adding further in his defence:

"Maybe you should've made him disappear, or--turned him into a rabbit. Don't you have paleblood? You could've gotten him back for being a creep!"

At least she won't disagree with his creep assessment. There are many people who are rough around the edges - sometimes even severely so that Chizuru will defend to hell and back, but no such thing exists for Kazama. Not when the other demon has done absolutely nothing but terrorize Chizuru this entire time.

So it's not that part that she focuses on, her smile seeming to deflate a little bit, even the semi-playful scolding fading into something that makes Chizuru look a little more guilty.

"I don't know how to.." Granted, she knows Robby didn't really mean it that seriously. It's not like he's mad that she didn't make it easier on them, after all, but Chizuru's brain just loves making her thing that she should have done more, or should have been better. "I've tried a few times lately, but.. no matter what I do, I really don't get how to use my blood.. Not even in a memory like that."

And she's assuming Robby has seen other people with paleblood being able to use it in such a way, judging by his words - the ones now, and the ones before, back in the memory itself.

"Maybe there's just something wrong with my blood."

"Heey, hey." Don't think Robby doesn't notice that dip--and don't think he isn't going to put his hands on her arms, a gesture of comfort, his eyes resting on her in a way meaning to catch her eye. "How should you know how to use them if you don't know what you're doing? I didn't mean any of that, really-- I don't know how easy or hard it is to use blood powers."

How would he? Warmblooded that he is. Where do you even start with any of that? He couldn't give her advice right now.

"We can try and find someone to help you," he goes on, since--that is an option, regardless of everything else, "but nothing how everything went is your fault. But, maybe if we did want to get that guy back if he ever shows up in your memories again--maybe next time you'll be prepared?"

A hopeful note? Hmmm, Chizuru? Doesn't that sound good??

She sees what you're doing, Robby.

And really, how could Chizuru continue to look sad in the face of that? She'd feel way too guilty for continuing to sulk when Robby is trying so hard to cheer her up, to change a worry into something positive. So even though it's not a huge smile or anything, when she looks back at the boy, Chizuru does smile a tiny bit.

"I was thinking I might try to skip these Winter Mournings next year," she says, trying to put a faintly jokey angle on the words as well. It's not super spirited yet, but it's a genuine attempt! "But.. I would like to learn. The more ways I have to try and defend myself, the better, right..?"

Sure, she's already learning some self defense from Robby, but with the kind of threats you sometimes come across in Trench? You need to be prepared with all you've got, Chizuru is very much aware of that as well.

"I don't want you to have to worry about me."

"And if I ever get stuck in a memory, mourning, dreaming space again," let's throw out all the words here, a very gentle bump of a fist given on Chizuru's shoulder, "--you can come running on in and help me out. With a shoe to a monster's face."

Robby will never let the shoe go. But it's a fond thing, and he'd like that for Chizuru. He'll need to ask Paul if he did what he did with blood magic, or figure out someone else who has paleblood and knows how to use it (Viktor? ...he doesn't seem that interested in his own blood magic, though).

"But, alright, that sounds like a good plan. You can even help me, you know? We can do some reading together on paleblood. I've got some books these days." A grin. Yeah, that's right, he reads. "You should ask your friends too. Or we can just go into town and see if there's somewhere that teaches that. Maybe the Gaze?"

Magic 101?

"I don't think I have many paleblood friends who actually use their powers.." See: Viktor, indeed. Or even Jason. It's easy to know who's a paleblood for Chizuru because of the paleblood-only baking competition they had a while ago, but that also means that she's pretty sure she's never seen any of those friends use their powers either..

If it wasn't for the fact that Robby seems to know palebloods who can, Chizuru may have assumed that maybe there's some sort of thing about paleblood that makes it hard to use, or not have much power, much like warmblood.

"So maybe we will have to find someone else." .. even if the idea of meeting a stranger and learning from them is pretty intimidating to a girl like Chizuru.. b-but she's doing her best! Trying hard to be strong and open to the idea, at least..!!

Though she might need to distract her mind from the thought for a moment, if not just so she can steel her heart a little bit more first. Mostly by asking: ".. you like to read, though?"

This is not a judgy question, mind you. Look at Chizuru "ideal demure housewife" Yukimura. You think this girl has had the chance to read much back home? No way. So she's also not judging Robby over it either way, she's just.. curious about a friend..!!

Does Robby like reading? Like is such a strong word.....

"I like music more," a lot, lot, more, "but I can get through books if I'm in the mood, sure." A beat, and, "--is this tell me where you love to, or you wouldn't know where to start?"

It's light in its teasing, a genuine question under it and by the way Robby looks at her. He doesn't mind them switching over to this; they can't do anything about blood right now, and that's for future Robby and Chizuru to worry about. For now, they can focus on books, and Robby's already wondering, of a mind--has Chizuru read before? Well, she can read or she wouldn't be able to text him...

But has the thought crossed her mind? She isn't the type of girl to go out of her way to entertain herself. Damn, he should take her and they can find period-appropriate books.

(Not right now, but it's surprising how far your thoughts can take themselves.)

She giggles softly.

"Well, I think I kind of like the idea of it.." Even if she hasn't had much of a chance to before, there's something nice about the idea. Reading about stories of far-off places, or even just reading to increase her knowledge..

.. though the girl does suppose she has a little bit of experience with the latter, explaining: "Whenever my father was out taking care of patients and I was done with my chores around the house, I liked reading all of the medical texts he had. We didn't really have anything else to read in the house.."

Since, you know. It's an old Japanese house, it was pretty bare.

"But I did kind of like learning from those, though they were a little hard to parse." Understatement of the year.. But it is the reason Chizuru does have some doctor's knowledge.

"I guess reading up on paleblood might be kind of the same.. Though the idea of going to the place with all the books here by myself has been a little intimidating."

Chizuru may be shooting Robby a tiny, half-shy glance.

Like there's an obvious implication in there, though actually voicing it out loud is a little too much for Chizuru! But even just staring at Robby knowingly is already pretty bold by her standards, let's be real..

Is that how it is?

Robby's been around Chizuru long enough to know how bold this is--and if he didn't know any better (or, by the standards of girls in back in the Valley), he'd call it flirty. But this is only flirting in the sense of having a good time as friends--and with who knows how many books? He's definitely smiling for a second, watching Chizuru, just relishing this for what it is.

"Well then," he starts, a voice to go along with the mood this is in his head, "I guess if you're not sick of me yet for today, I could go and look around with you. We could check on books on palebloods," sure, "but maybe see about some fun books too? I did read a book on a Japanese author a while ago, actually."

Just to put that out there. Yes, Chizuru: Japanese books exist.

"I'm never sick of you."

Filed under: things that are entirely unnecessary to say, and yet Chizuru is saying them anyway. It's not even like Robby was genuinely putting himself down in any way, but she wants to reassure him all the same. Even if he already knows - she'll say it all the same.

Because Robby is just that important of a friend.

And, sure, they've been through quite a bit already with the memory.. but Chizuru still doesn't mind his company. If anything, the idea of going to do something else entirely after that memory feels a little nice. Like it's a way to calm down a little again, to relax and return back to a life as normal as it can be in this place.

"But.. are there books about Japan?" The idea does seem to make her perk up a little once she moves past that reassurance. It's like a puppy who just heard the word 'walkies', but with a more Chizuru-appropriate level of energy. "Here, in this place? Or was that back home..?"

S-She doesn't want to get her hopes up, after all!

It's very Chizuru to throw in a reassurance like that, and it is unnecessary, but--the way she says it sure does warm the heart, doesn't it? Robby can't help the goofy smile it inspires on his face, a small chuckle as he ducks and shakes his head. Only Chizuru.

But he can recover with Chizuru's curiosity, nodding his head rather eagerly, excited that he'll get to show her this.

"Yeah, here. How about you get ready and we go now? It's in Gaze, in the big Archives if you've ever been. It'll take a few walks to find the right books," down the aisles, that is, "but it'll be easier if we're both looking."

Teamwork!! Robby is already dressed appropriately for going out, and he can happily wait on the doorstep for Chizuru to get her coat and gloves and whatever else.

Who needs books on Paleblood and all that serious stuff? They can read about Japan, as a treat.

(closed) december catchall

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