deercountry | hell to the rest of us here's to the things you love

Entry tags:

hell to the rest of us here's to the things you love

Who: vi

stayscared and various people
What: a catchall for december mostly feat. memshare things! i might put other things here, if time permits! starters are in the comments. ping me at

eisdamme or eisdamme#7495 if you would like one.
When: throughout the month of december
Where: wherever in trench but mostly in memories.

Content Warnings: tba but probably child death, illness, suicide, parental death, violence, prison, drugs, disease, murder, mental/emotional/physical abuse.

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[these are some of teen!vi's memories. they are not all completely terrible. it does not matter who gets what. handwaves are fine, hitting vi's inbox is also fine, and threading it out is cool, too. the winter sure is a time.]

Like, she barely remembers this but here for maximum sads? (it's a very smol vi and powder, no words just seeing parental death and vander taking off his gauntlets.)

It's a heist gone wrong!

Being chased by enforcers!

Teen Vi + co have a streetfight!

Just a stroll through the Undercity with the crew.

Vander talks about Responsibility(tm).

Vander talks to Vi about Violence(tm).

Vi defends Powder! (JINX U ARE GETTING THIS ONE)

Vi and Powder having a moment.

Vander getting arrested (Vi has a short POV here)

Vi tells Powder she's not ready.

Vi + co Breaking Vander out!

Vi fighting Silco's goons!

Vi abandons Powder for a sec to cool off and oops she can't come back!

Edited 2022-12-11 22:58 (UTC)

[here are mike's memories. they are also not all completely terrible, just most of them. it does not matter who gets what. handwaves are fine, hitting his inbox is also fine, and threading it out is cool, too.]

SOFT (EST) The Room shows Mike a cute memory of his family This also exists on a videotape he manifested recently in Trench. It's a bonus awful/creepy because he's obviously being shown something that should not be on the television.

Sad memory of Katie being sick/fighting with Lily.

(It seems kind of soft) The Fakeout! w/Lily and bonus Dad!

The rest of the Fakeout where it gets terrible and Mike kills the room!

Alternate ending where Mike and Katie are ghosts (IS THIS SOFT??)

SOFT (ISH) book signing

Olin warning Mike. (It's An Evil Fucking Room!)

The Room Part One (What it says on the tin, until it gives him an out that he doesn't take!)

The Room lets him out (but he is a huge jackass and doesn't take the out)

The Room Part Two (up to just before the Fakeout.) This is a 40 min clip lol and most of the movie.

An alternate ending. Where he is maybe not a ghost!

[ Chizuru, not having been here around this time last year, is totally unused to the winter mournings - and therefore also woefully unprepared for them. One moment she's just in Trench, and then the next moment she's somewhere else. Somewhere where it's dark, and the surroundings are--

.. They're unlike anything she's ever seen, Chizuru realises as she glances around them. It's only natural, coming from a place in Japan that hadn't seen any sort of industrial revolution yet. The way this city looks is so foreign to her, and she can't see anything familiar around, and it threatens to make her panic for a few moments. Sure, there are two kids sitting there - both of them sure look younger than Chizuru is, anyway - but they look too different for Chizuru to immediately recognize them for who they are, even as she can vaguely hear their conversation.

Panic threatens to rise, and at first it does, but then Chizuru does recognize something familiar. Someone suddenly standing by her side, and in sheer relief and desire to not lose sight of the one thing she recognizes in the middle of all of this, Chizuru just latches on Vi's arm - the actual older one, stuck here in this memory with her.

(Even if Chizuru doesn't quite realise it's a memory just yet.) ]

M-Miss Vi..! Are you alright? D-do you.. know what's going on..?

[fingertips still on the antlered offering, vi isn't aware it's anything but a normal memory (that's even not in her thoughts at first, it's just happening. could be the first time, the hundredth time) until she sees the girl, and recognizes her from a time she hasn't yet (no, wait...) experienced? no, no, she has. she isn;t in the past, she's watching it. she's ...watching herself as chizuru takes her arm. now they're both watching it.]

I'm okay. [maybe in a moment that will be wholly true.]Are you? How did---

---we're in the Undercity. I ...don't know how this...

[maybe she does. hadn't she been mourning the past? the dead? powder isn't dead, but powder's gone, at least this version that she's looking at, the one she hears ask "what are we doing here?" in a voice that steals the wind from her. she points.]

We're in a memory. That's me ....and that's Pow---

[she can say it. it's true. she's not jinx yet. vi hadn't planted that seed yet, only mylo had, and not enough for it to blossom.]

---that's my sister, Powder.

(thanks to maul and his santa "stories", this had gotten jinx to look even more further into this whole christmas thing. it spiral her down a rabbit hole of media about the holiday for several hours. she had been listening to a few christmas songs, but the one that stood out the most (and her favorite so far) is one titled "it's the most wonderful time of the year". there was something whimsical about the instruments and the singer that drew jinx in. and the lyrics of how christmas is meant to be, how it's spent, or what one does during that day, it made her pretty excited.

the song had been on repeat for a little while; mainly so she could jot down all the tasks that was being said in the song. party hosting, marshmallow toasting, and caroling out in the snow. there's also scary ghost stories and tales of glory? what about mistletoeing? there's that whatever that is. another song jinx had been using for reference is "the christmas song (chestnuts open on an open fire)". it's a lot calmer and cozier than the other, but it listed some tasks, too.

so in her treehouse, jinx had been doing some decorating. she managed to find a small tree to fit in her living room and built a stand to keep it upright. as for decorating the tree, she cut out paper stars, circles, squares, and other shapes. outside of her home, she did her best to decorate for the season, too. jinx used vines to wrap around any pillar with red ribbons to add more flare. as for lights, well, she had to use lanterns or candles by the windows or outside her balcony at night. it all looks... different, but it's suitable and fits with her. all that's left was something to hang outside of her door. something that said, "merry christmas! please come in!"

she had swung by the rookery because surely they had something in their home she could use for her door. and that was when she came across the antlered wreath sitting at the nearby table. this was perfect and exactly what she was looking for! but once she grabbed a hold of it and turned on her heel, jinx was suddenly somewhere else. )

——

( the surroundings, the smell of the air, and the creaks of pipes was something jinx hadn't thought she would ever see or hear again. in fact, she is in such disbelief that she's afraid to take one single step or it will all vanish. zaun seems to be intact still (surprisingly), but maybe she should be weary. after all, she did declare war between the two cities and it's a no brainer that the enforcers are looking for the culprit; mainly her. there's some rustling near by which instantly tightens all of her muscles and for her to dig her toes in her boots.

and with a closer look, she sees... her younger self digging around for parts. jinx stares at the child entirely dumbfounded while she rummages through her pockets -- rediscovering the prototype. this... this is a memory. but what's causing it? trench or is her mind being on the fritz again? either way, she observes the excitement look on powder's face as she hurries inside with jinx, somehow, reluctantly following behind. she's not sure why when it's more than obvious how this will go -- but something within herself is telling her to tag along. )

( powder is already down the stairs as jinx steadily makes her way down; a hand digging through her own pocket for her smokes.

'she's a problem.'

'mylo, i'm really not —'

ah. right, this.

'do you remember what was in that bag? —'

now at the bottom of the stairs with powder, jinx leans against the wall with her boot prop up -- lighting up the stick with a small fire flame (not electric this time).

'— biggest payout we've ever seen and she just lost it.'

a slow inhale then a steady blow with her gaze glue down to the little girl in front of her; flinching at each THUD of the ball. such a contrast between the two of them with jinx barely reacting to the sound.

'she made a mistake.'

'name one time she hasn't.'

'she's young!'

a flick of an ash to the floor underneath her boot.

'don't bullshit me. we're twice the person at half her age'

'you know what, mylo? you're right. there's a bunch of things powder just can't do.'

and it's there powder backs away from the door; heartbroken and she shrinks off in a hurry to climb up the stairs. jinx idly watches the child with a quiet snort through her nostrils. there's another slow drag of her cigarette as she wonders what the hell is the point of her remembering this again? maybe it's her mind triggering a known fact that despite her big sister is trying now that she is still rotten deep in her core?

pushing herself off the wall, she does another ash flick to the floorboards.)

... Fuck the both of you.

( she mutters this as she turns on her heel. it looks as if she is on her way to miss the other half for the second time. when will she ever hear that second part? )

Edited 2022-12-11 02:19 (UTC)

[maybe she'd looked so long because she wanted to look - to feel like she was looking - maybe it was just a little bit self-serving, a little bit of a punishment. none of the places she looks are the right place - the obvious place - the easy place had she just asked fang to do it in the first place. maybe that would have felt like a cheat, like the easy way out.

fang doesn't care, she just asks jinx's omen because she's tired of watching violet dead-end every search. a simple bit of telepathy to mr. bananas in a tired tone.]

ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ?

[vi can thank her later. she will actually insist on it this time.]

Edited 2022-12-21 19:24 (UTC)

[The Winter Mournings are an experience he doesn't want to have again, so he's doing his best this time around to try and avoid them. But locals have a way of placing them in places that are hard to spot. And yeah, he knows that there's like supposed to be a good message at the end and all? But it was all just kind of… awful. Pthumerians don't get what real healing looks like for them lowly mortals.

This time, he hadn't even realized he ran into a winter mourning until he arrives in the memory with a bit of a stumble and a sharp intake of breath. There's fire, that's the first thing he notices, and the smell of something chemical and blood. He spins and spots a girl hunched over standing near what looks like a large man, but there's a presence closer to him that his eyes slide to next instead of going to investigate that.]

Vi? [He frowns slightly in concern, brows notching together. As an empathic paleblood, he can feel the intensity of this memory like a physical presence in the air threatening to choke him. Asking her if she's okay seems stupid.]

[this. this is the moment her mind replays the most out of all of them. it's worse than the decision to leave powder alone, than the idea she could have left her with ekko - that's a 'what if' a 'maybe' a 'what could have been'. this one, though? this is a 'this is' a 'you did this' that she directs inwards every time she thinks of it - a point of no return (you left her) and the seeds that planted every shitty thing that came after.

she's not surprised when she sees it again - though outside of her own body is a new one - the memory is a well worn groove in her bank of failures. what she is surprised at, though, is the voice - and she turns toward lance with a stricken look on her face.]

I guess you get to watch this one play out, too? Vander's last words were "Take care of Powder." [bitterly, she looks back at the scene.] That's the opposite of what I'm gonna do.

[and powder turns the corner, calling out with an unmistakable pride in her tone - because she has no idea what she's done.]

[but vi is here, too. she knows this one - it's one of the few memories she has that isn't on constant replay the way others are, even if she sometimes suspects powder had heard at least some of it. though, there's no reason why mylo wouldn't have said 'twice the person at half her age' right to powder's face. it's true that he never knew when to shut up. and that's proving to also be true about the mylo in jinx's head, so when she sees her sister here, leaning against that wall, the casual tenseness of it - the flick of ash and the start of that turn, her heart both leaps and sinks and she goes for it - moving to catch jinx not by the shoulder or to block her path, but by a desperate reach for her hand, an insistent thread of her fingers through that hand, and a plea on her lips that's just as desperate, unwanted, inconvenient tears threatening to spill and then making good on that threat.]

Please, Jinx. Please listen to the rest of it. I need you to hear this more than almost anything? I promise it's not bad.

[the memory itself has conveniently paused and rewinded half a second. it's not violet's doing.]

[She saw one memory. And it wasn't enough. Normally she curbs her nosy nature for the sake of respecting the privacy of other's personal lives. Because if she can be that way, they might try to do the same to her. But the winter mourning had drawn her in and pushed her into the bold, bleak world of the one person she would have wanted to see most.

Vi's world was so different from her own, the people, the culture, the family. The only thing that doesn't change is the Haves putting down the Have Nots. Seeing how she clutches at Powder's hand, the way she falls to the ground and cries, the way Vander lifts her and carries her away as the scenes are fuzzy but the emotions are overwhelming. It punches her in the chest and she loses her breath in a way she hasn't for a very long time.

And once she's seen it, there's the peace and restfulness. She can sleep. She can't help but crave more. However sick it is, however unhealthy. She wants more. Both the insight into Vi's life and the way her mind calms after, allowing her to feel more like herself and less like a manic bunny.

But winter mournings are random. You can't know whose memories you will see when you touch one. That doesn't mean Saeri won't put everything into trying to beat those odds.

When she sees Vi's crew, with the guy who talks down to Powder--Jinx, it's Jinx, but it's not, she's not--she feels a hatred and longing all in one. This is Vi's family, the people she chose, but seeing him brings about a disgust in her. He reminds her too much of Wynston. So she tries again. And again. And again. It's like an obsession and maybe if she was better she would be able to back down, to pull away and realize how wrong it is. But she doesn't. She needs to see more of them.

And then she feels the pull and ache in her own fists as Vi punches Powder in the face and it's like the hyperfixation she felt breaks and it's too much and too invasive and what is she doing?]

Fuck.

A memory plays.

When Robby leaves through the door, the room itself becomes in the last moment he saw, frozen in the moment. A collage of instances, not quite an all-knowing image of the world: Robby doesn't perceive everything quite as Mike gets to see it, but maybe the oddity of seeing a room in this bizarre perspective is normal for one used to the abnormal. There's nothing to be heard, really, but focusing on parts of the room brings attention what Robby recalled of it.

In particular, he remembers the family reunited somewhere behind his back on his left. The sound of a hug by the stretch of fabric, the whispered words of relief, all playing on loop.

Mike doesn't need to stay inside. The door is still open, and whether he ventures out by his own instinct, or by the boy who has decided to start pacing the space of the corridor: the same Robby as in the memory, in his jumper reading SJDC, hair slicked back, the bruising on his face along with a scowl to match.

A teen in the midst of anger and disappointment. Surely, the worst time to be around a teen.

Mike stares at the frozen room, uneasy for a number of reasons - being left in a time capsule of disappointment, and a cacophony of sounds that should not make him uneasy, but do. He doesn't have the best history when it comes to this sort of thing, and he's not sure which way the pendulum is poised to swing. The murmur of voices as yet out of reach, a melange of sadhappy, the brush of stiff cotton against stubbly skin, none of this should make his skin prickle or his hair stand on end, but there it is, and it's sped him out of the room faster than he'd intended.

He'd intended to follow Robby all along, how could he just let him walk like that after what felt like (oh, fuck it, it probably was a lifetime, the kid's less than half his age) aeons of disappointment, of waiting, waiting, waiting all distilled into a scenario where there's nothing but waiting until the other shoe drops, and being locked up in this place maybe isn't the worst thing one can feel.

That's the real crime, here. The fighting is one thing - yeah, it's bad, but it's sometimes part of being a kid, moreso, he thinks, when you're dealing with other boys, and in some ways maybe inevitable. Getting caught or called out on whatever bullshit you get up to? Well, that's a different roll of the dice. He'd never ended up in juvie, but that doesn't mean much.

"Wait," he calls, somewhat softly, still louder than he intended - or maybe that's because of the hall (how long does it stretch, jesus?) eyes fixed on the SJDC, and then the bruise if and when he turns the direction of his pacing. He's not even sure if Robby can hear him at all.

Is it the worst time? Maybe. But he can think of a few times he'd count as worse. He keeps those to himself as he walks the distance, the echo of footsteps, his own, Robby's, the only sound in this strangely liminal space.

He finds the sick, angry borrowed disappointment in his own chest a worse weight than being in a strange, unpredictable space. For once.

Robby does stop when Mike calls out, a breath taken with it. Or something makes his shoulders heave; maybe the mood of the memory, clinging to even the walls of the emptied hall that only Robby and Mike occupy. Whether this part is honest is debatable, but Robby turns to Mike regardless, mood foul and tone matching.

"We can't get out 'til we're let out. Or do you think you have something to say?"

It's a dare to cross some line, to voice an opinion; fists already balled up at his sides, though he doesn't close in their distance. His glaring for daggers is doing more work as a threat than them, though his body looks small with the hoodie he wears. Or maybe it's his age entirely, his mood, the kind of anger that has no place to go, and so it exposes itself like a live wire.

Ready to snap at anyone, even if they're just a passerby, have no reason to be a victim, a target.

It can be the best form of defence.

Mike shrugs, his posture isn't exactly relaxed as much as it is a little defeated, but it's not defensive. He doesn't close the rest of the space, but he also doesn't seem visibly stricken or offended by the boy's tone or his words. It's a fair question. Robby didn't ask for an audience to his abandonment, and Mike didn't ask to be here.

"I've always got something to say, except when it counts." Nothing that hadn't been launched at him before, and even if it wasn't fair, it was sometimes true. All those words, and none for this?

"What could I say to all of that that you don't already know? That it could be worse? It can always be worse," and he adds, in a bit of self mockery, "Hey, at least the hallway isn't on fire?" with a tone of as if that makes everything actually better? It's a little late for platitudes, and at the end of the day, what do they do here? He's got his own issues with his father, and some days they're clearer than others - but one thing he knows is that by that age he wouldn't have waited with any sense of hope for his dad to show up anywhere, it would have been pure dread.

He can regard the glared daggers like an old, weary pro, at least he understands the why of them. It's anger, hurt, frustration (etc etc), not malevolence.

Is it better to be terrified than crushed, cast aside or forgotten? Maybe.

(Even if the hallway had been on fire, once out, there's still all of this left.)

He really isn't looking for a fight. A real live wire would spark at the opportunity of contact, but nothing that Mike gives is anything that gets Robby to spark, or bristle. No amusement to his upsides, but he exhales a sharp breath, back turned to press it to the window of the room. Even with his storming off, Mike's following after, the corridor hasn't shifted far from the visitation room. There's probably no getting back to the cramped sleeping quarters.

But Robby is anything but still. Even if he wants to be, he can't seem to shake it off; the same agitation that had him tapping his foot under the table is now continued in the hand he knocks against the wall. It makes no sound; it doesn't even feel like anything to Robby, which is just another annoying quality in all this. This was how angry he used to be. This was the itch he couldn't shake off, and now it's back, like it never left. Because it hasn't, yet -- it's only just started to build.

It's as much the reason that he speaks than any- like it's the only way he'll get release, and why the fuck not, right? "He'll try and visit me again, you know? When I'm trying to do community service. Blame me for wanting one visit from him, 'cause I'm the one who put another guy in hospital. Like I wanted that to happen. I tried to stop it."

But nobody cares about that. They only care about the end result -- that's it.

[Powder… he remembers her almost calling Jinx something else that started with 'Pow', it's not hard to put two and two together. It's also not hard to figure out that Vander is likely the hulking man on the ground and little Vi just watched him die. His eyes then scan around at all the debris and catches sight of bloodied goggles and other… pieces. This is a very, very bad memory, he doesn't need to be empathic to see that.

When the little blue haired girl appears, his breath catches in his throat for a split second and he watches her run to her sister, excited, not realizing. Oh… oh, he puts it together the same time that the younger Vi does and swallows, looking over at older Vi in the lull after Powder finally notices Vander's corpse.

So far he thinks that given the situation, little Vi is handling it surprisingly well, but he also senses the shock still there. This is a powder keg of emotion about to go off and the only thing he can think to do is reach over and offer Vi his hand against her arm as Powder starts to break down and ramble out how she'd only wanted to help.

Even if he wasn't an empath, this would be rough to watch, tear at anyone's heart strings. But he's got the luck of feeling both of their emotions pretty intensely and has to grit his teeth hard. Especially when little Vi finally breaks and hits her sister. He jumps a little, but doesn't move his hand from Vi's arm.]

.. miss Jinx?

[ It's not a conclusion Chizuru can draw from looking at the girls. Maybe it's the angle they're watching at, or maybe it's since Chizuru is so used to Jinx being.. well, Jinx, that she can hardly even recognize the girl sitting there.

Even Vi is kind of hard to recognize, though relatively easier. When Vi says it's her, Chizuru can at least tell. But this other girl, Powder.. the only way she knows it's Jinx is because she knows Vi and Jinx are sisters.

Unless they have even more sisters.

Chizuru gasps a little at the realisation, only managing to tear her gaze away from the two younger girls to look at Vi for a moment here. ]

This is.. your home.

[ There's a bit of a questioning edge to the end of that statement, since Chizuru isn't fully sure. But the pieces are slowly starting to click together a little bit better in her mind.

(Even if she still isn't letting go of Vi quite yet. Maybe Chizuru needs that bit of physical reassurance in this still kind of surprising situation.) ]

( had she expected the real vi to show up in this memory? not at all. she suspected this was her reliving her own version of it. so when she catches the sight of her, her immediate reaction is to scoff. but the way she grabs a hold of her free hand and the pleading gaze in her eyes, jinx swallows the bitterness down to her stomach.

'like complain about everything.'

she blinks once; her body stiffens.

'what?'

'and brag nonstop.'

letting go of her sister's hand, jinx quickly swings around back to the door to take a peek through the crack. and there, she's sees the younger version of vi getting up from her seat to head his direction.

'okay, okay, i see where this is going...'

'takes fights with a group when we need to focus?'

jinx should probably take a puff or flick her stick but she is so stunned by what's happening inside the room. is... is this what she missed when she walked away?

'vi...'

'and tell strangers on the street that we got a nice haul?'

'i-i didn't mean...'

'powder's my problem, okay? your problem is never knowing when to shut up. but! i'm gonna help you with that. ready? see this look on my face?! this will always mean it's time to shut up!!"

there's a quivering breath that flutters out of her chest and strangely, she feels rather weak as she stumbles back a bit before regaining her footing. the cigarette gets drop to the floor (don't worry, it won't start any fires) and tries to recollect her thoughts. so... so she was right when she believed mylo was wrong when the spoke up on the roof. she wasn't just making it up because it was what big siblings do.

and when she looks over to the real vi, her eyes are large yet timid. she'll curse herself later for show this vulnerability side again but that's a future jinx problem. awkwardly, she glances away to the floorboards while picking off the polish off her nails. this... is probably the most "powder-like" motion she will ever get. which makes one think. is powder really gone? or did she just somehow got blended in with all the jinx? )

Edited 2022-12-15 06:51 (UTC)

[of course there's relief when she stays - but vi isn't exactly happy to see this play out - that's the real mylo, and while he was a loudmouth, a braggart, and a general pain in her ass, he was also her friend. the things he'd said when he was alive were bad, but she doubts that jinx's mind has conjured that version up? why stop there when it could go all the way to the top? or sink all the way to the bottom of the barrel to scrape up every bit of self loathing and blame.

this only reminds her of seeds he planted that she kicked into bloom - even if she'd been a kid, even if she'd been grieving, try as she might, it's hard to let herself off the hook for that. she's tried, she's still trying, and no, this won't fix everything, but maybe it can give her something to counter that loudmouth with. after all, her own voice lives in her sister's mind, too. pushing her. picking her up. maybe that voice can do a little better, be a little better. maybe it can build her up, or give her some grace.

she feels her sister stiffen, feels her fingers slip out of her grasp. she lets them go, and she watches - listens - waits.

whatever the outcome, at least jinx can finally hear this - even if it's a drop in the bucket. it's something, and it's honest.

she meets her sister's gaze, her eyes still shiny with tears (she's not exactly guarded right now, either) and her breath catching in her chest at that awkward glance, that old nervous habit. her sister is jinx now, but powder isn't ...gone. her voice is soft, worn around the edges, sad, curious, cautious.]

I ...told you it wasn't bad. And you're my problem like I'm your problem. [she'll place her hands on ~~powder's~~ jinx's shoulders if the girl will allow it.] You're not a problem.

[vi doesn't mind if she holds fast to her arm. if anything, she'll draw chizuru just a little closer, gently, as if to prove that this is solid, this is somehow real, and should it choose to unpredictably shift, she's grounded. she's steady. she's solid. ]

This was our home. We're a long time off from Trench.

[it's the lanes as they were under vander's protection. to someone unfamiliar with what they became during silco's reign, they might seem dismal, dirty, dangerous. but there's beauty here if one looks for it. and it's with longing that vi looks on the echoes of her home, the echoes of her childhood, of the only family she remembers well.]

Yeah. Powder is "Miss Jinx".

[she can hear herself telling powder of claggor's embarrassing moment, of mylo's - and this is the one that she smiles the most at - even if it's a sad smile, even if her breath's a little unsteady seeing this. she can smell the toxic air, not as bad on this roof as it might be deeper down, and she looks to chizuru with concern - she doesn't have a mask, but there's a quiet resilience to the girl she's always been curious about - it goes deeper than politeness, than kindness, even. she hasn't been able to unpick it, but she wants to make sure the other will be okay ...however long this lasts.

powder's giggle at mylo's permanent ass-splotch makes her wince just a little and she can't help but flick her gaze toward the bunny. her bunny. it had come with jinx to trench - it's on her bed now.]

( she say she isn't a problem. and yet...

'she's a nobody'

'she's better than YOU are, you self-absorbed little SHIT.'

'it's no fucking wonder you can't find someone.'

'it's only a matter of time before you implode.'

'because you're a jinx!'

even with her sister's hands on her shoulders, jinx looks so... defeated and suddenly worn out. she is so tired of hearing the same voices, the same cycles. and there are times she wishes she could disappear. although things seem to be going okay-ish, there's never seem to be a break where she isn't hurting in her days. jinx does her best to remember the ring but it's difficult when her hallucinations show she has it on her when reality, she doesn't. and it's hard to fake she is mentally sound among the sleepers -- afraid they will abandon her the moment the pick up a sign that she's different.

but she's trying to have hope. like vi, a few of her friends she managed to gain are trying to help her and be supportive. but the paranoia settles within her a lot; simply waiting for a rock to be thrown against a glasshouse. she is just mental drained all around. jinx finds herself stumbling forward -- practically letting her weight fall into her sister but gripping onto her, too. )

Can... Can you spend the night?

( she doesn't want to be apart from her, not today. jinx doesn't feel she can handle being alone for the rest of the day. )

[one word messages are always ...something. when it's 'hey' that's fine, usually good, even. there are a ton of words where their singular delivery wouldn't spell something bad, but 'fuck' isn't among those. it's right up there with 'shit', slightly past it, and hovering in the area of 'no' and 'oh no'. but at least it wasn't a scream. that means saeri (probably) isn't in trouble. or maybe just not the ...immediate kind.

trench is doing things again, and she wonders if it's that, or a different (bad) something she hasn't yet discovered. here goes:]

What's happening? Do I need to be there? I can be there if you need me to be.

[and there it is. his jump doesn't surprise her, but she flinches anyway - it's as if she's recoiling from her own blow. but she doesn't brush his hand away, or twist out of the gentle grip, just swallows and tries to breathe, even as her eyes flicker back to vander's lifeless body, a mess of wrongness she can't stop revisiting. it's as if she's set on punishing herself. if he's here to see it, there's nothing she can do. maybe that's better.]

It gets worse, don't worry.

[she won't begin to justify the thing she says next, because you're a jinx! do you hear me?! mylo was right! -and if he's looking, which he probably isn't, she's mouthing those words softly as she stares at the scene. she's whispering them, too. this blow is the one she'd take back if she could only take back the one. she'd have kept her mouth shut - said anything else. with all the bitterness in the world, she speaks to a violet that can't hear her.]

Bravo, Violet.

[this is another of the reasons she will etch into her mind - this is a vote of 'yes' toward a blood bond. this is why. that defeat. that bone-deep exhaustion. that lingering fear she has that vi is one step away from calling it quits. it only makes her dig her heels in.

she's ready to bear the weight now, she thinks - she can handle it if it gets tricky - she's got skills under her belt she didn't have months ago. she's got a better idea, too, of what jinx faces. both of those things are key to making this work.]

Of course I can. Anytime, sis.

[just say the word and she'll drop whatever, should she need to - if that's good or bad remains to be seen, but she's more than willing to do it. she she's read to catch you, sis. grip as tight as you like, it's fine.]

Mike doesn't see the amusement in his upsides, either. He's still vaguely unsettled by the corridor, huffs a glare at the doors that trap them, that seem to decide where they go and how long they stay. But he's less put off by it because there's a kid, right there, in distress, all agitation and displaced spark, soundless knocking, and a building, mounting tension.

That doesn't sound like a great way to get a visit. It, too, sounds misplaced. He doesn't know much about Robby's dad, other than he's got problems, mostly anger, and maybe not the best at expressing his feelings - both things are upsettingly relatable, and Mike doesn't like thinking he could do something like this - be responsible for such a failure of so many things, but he has been, in his own way. He doesn't like that, either.

"Did you ever get to tell him that, or did you get shut down?" He asks because he'd been the one to shut down Lily. Every time. Until he just left, like a coward. "He should have shown up the first time, and he should have shown up with a two open ears and a shut mouth if he was going to try again."

It's what Mike should have done, and what he meant to do in the end. Maybe even tried to do.

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hell to the rest of us here's to the things you love

various vi memshare things for winter mourning

various mike memshare things for winter mourning

vi memshare!!! this is the "vi and powder having a moment" one!!

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vi defends powder.

birthdays and blood bonds

Vi winter mourning "vi abandons powder and can't come back" to wreck our shit

wrecks everything

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Manic Winter Mournings

( for mike )

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;_;

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cw: depression

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