deercountry | If I had died

The scream cuts right through her; digs in deep and burrows itself under. She's hurt people before, she's made them beg and plead, but that was her from another life, another time. It twists at her guilt and then triggers the rage that rests deep in herself.

That's not a person. She knows that. It's a monster born out of a darkness that lives in someone else but it mimics a person too well.

"Shut up," and she fires another round, aiming center mass. It's done nothing to her except mimic strangers but she knows what it'll do to Shiro the moment he sees it; the moment he sees those faces and recognizes them.

Another scream, while the blubbery mass... deflates? It starts to pour out bubbling sludge like a broken water balloon. The scream continues, carrying through the foggy air.

"Sharon...?"

And almost right on cue, there he is. Standing in the mouth of the alleyway, his face gone even paler than usual. The deflating creature reaches out, spindly arms trying to maintain the facade, the mimicry, even as it continues to die.

"Shiro..." it hisses. Oozing, sinking.

Something akin to relief blossoms up in her chest as the creature begins to deflate even as the scream continues to bounce off the buildings around them. She lowers her gun a fraction and then lowers it entirely when Shiro steps into view, her relief visible now, shooting the dying mimic a quick glare as it says his name again like it offends her.

"Shiro," she calls out breathlessly, glad the monster's life is fading even as it clings to its mimicry, "I tried to kill it before you got here, I didn't want you to see it."

Because she knew what it would do to him. Even now, she fears what it will do to him. He'd heard those voices, voices of friends, calling for his help.

"What... what is..."

He can't take his eyes off it. He can pick out every face still lingering in the sagging flesh. Allura - Chloe - Eddie - Will - Lance - Keith - Adam - more and more seem to pop out the more the creature sinks in on itself. He goes from pale to vaguely green.

His heart jumps into his throat.

"What is that?"

Sharon hurries past the deflating creature, giving it as wide a berth as she can in the tight alleyway, to meet Shiro at the entrance. She had wanted to keep him from seeing it at all. It was born from him, from all the things that torment him, but it was only brought into existence thanks to her meddling (it's necessary, she tells herself over and over and fucking over). She steps in front of him to block his view but she's not nearly tall enough for that.

"It kept... It kept calling for you and changing faces. It knew what would bother you the most," she tells him uneasily. She spares the creature a last glance and then returns her gaze to him, "I-I think it was trying to lure you to it. You know how the monsters in Trench can be."

"I didn't think you should have had to kill that thing." The awful, human cries it had let out would haunt her for a few hours but it's Shiro's expression that will find its way into her nightmares.

It's just a monster. Just some creature dreamed up by Trench. Not real. It's not really their faces - it's not really the people he's lost, the people he's failed. Just some horrible thing trying to hurt him. Right? Sharon has no reason to lie to him. Not about this.

He can't take his eyes off Allura's feigned face. It makes his skin crawl. Makes the guilt well up and swirl in his chest.

"Thanks," he manages. He means it more than it sounds like, more than he can actually get out, verbally. "I... are there more of these?"

Sharon is quiet for a moment before she responds, "This is, uh... The first one I've seen but I've seen more than one of a few monsters in this place so I wouldn't write off the possibility."

The possibility, though, fills her with a strange sick dread. She doesn't want to encounter another one of those and doesn't want to hear the horrible sounds they make as they die.

"Will you be able to handle it if we come across another?" she asks with some hesitancy. He protected her in the Other Trench and she'll protect him in this one. If he can't handle it, she can and will.

Will you be able to handle it

He's silent. Probably a beat too long, just staring at the corpse. Staring at the faces he knows so well. Would he be able to handle it? Defending himself against someone he loved? Someone who was close as family? He remembers, once, years ago, when Eddie had been taken over by some force - when the kid's knife had raked furrows into Shiro's skin, and he'd done nothing to fight back.

The scars were still there.

"I don't know," he says, finally. But it's thin, strained. "But I can try."

His gaze seemed stuck on that deflated corpse and Sharon knew what his response would be even before he said it: I don't know. She nods the moment he answers and touches him carefully, hesitantly, on the bicep. This world would drag up the worst of things for him to suffer through and she could drown in the guilt.

"It's... It's okay if you can't," she tells him, the sympathy thick in her voice, "I can and I will. Whatever we see here, I can handle it if you can't."

I'll protect you. "I got your back, Shiro."

She searches the street beyond him. A quick check to his right and then a quick check to his left. It's empty for the moment but it was only a matter of time before more monsters appeared, drawn to the sound of gunfire and shouting like moths to the flame.

"We should go. It's not safe on the streets."

He wants to thank her. Tell her that she's really strong for this. Capable - that the help is appreciated, deeply. He does want to - and it almost comes out. He almost gets the words to come out. But they die in his throat when his eyes come to rest on the monster once again. All he ends up doing is nodding.

It isn't the first time it's happened. That something like this has happened. And it won't be the last. It still hurts, all the same.

We should go

Another nod. And he falls into step with Sharon. It's easier that way. Just follow an order. Old habits moving his muscles without his brain having to check in with the rest of him.

The nod is enough for her and she returns it with one of her own. She can take the lead here. It's the least she can do for him after all he's done for her.

She leads him down the worn, cracked street. The buildings that line the cobblestone are all crumbling, windows shattered and doors boarded. Even some of the walls have long since fallen inward and reveal the innards of each little home and shop like an old diorama but most of them are left in the shadows. Anything could be hidden inside of them.

Sharon keeps close to Shiro, never more than a few steps ahead, and her gun is always held at the ready. The fog makes it difficult to see further than a street ahead. But the walk is silent. Not even the soft crunch of their footsteps gives them away to whatever hides in the darkness. It's not long before they encounter their first impasse: the street just ends. The buildings on either side of the road have fallen away. The street continues a block or two ahead but there's no way for them to cross.

"Shit," she curses as she steps close to the edge, her voice quiet, "I guess we're not going this way."

He falls into step with her. Easily. The way his brain is racing, it's easier to fall in line and march. Easier to take orders rather than give them. Keeping an eye on Sharon, trying not to look around, lest he catch sight of any more monsters wearing friends' faces.

"So much for the easy way."

It doesn't come out as lighthearted as he was trying for. Instead, it's flat, quiet. His eyes don't lift up off the ground and the broken pieces of asphalt. Like there's no way out. He knows he needs to snap out of this, needs to pull his head out of his ass and focus.

But the faces are dancing in his head. Allura's face. And he can remember her ghost with a similar expression, twisted in pain and fear, over and over again.

"Head toward the ocean," he suggests, numbly. "Good landmark. Maybe... Mariana won't let this stuff hit her domain."

Sharon picks up on the flatness of his tone. It's as if Shiro was emptied of himself. A balloon without its helium. Her heart clinches up in her chest but she breathes through it; ignores it and swallows it. This was her fault and she would help him through this, no matter the cost on her part.

She nods at his suggestion. It's not a bad plan but some part of her prays Mariana isn't paying attention. The last thing she wants is a patron upset with her.

"Right. Yeah, that's... That's a good idea." She finds there's not a lot she can say in this situation. Too much chatter might attract a monster to them and... she doesn't feel like there's anything to say; nothing that would help ease him in this world. She opts for silence.

It's not long before they come across a chainlink fence blocking their path. It's not enough to stop her but, she looks to Shiro and asks him lightly, some tiny attempt to lighten the mood, "Ever hop a fence?"

If I had died

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