deercountry | January and February Catch-All

[ The sister that was gone, right? Robby rolls his lips, a glance taken at Aubrey, and--he gets it, even if he doesn't believe that. He knows a few things about turning to anger to hide grief. People break things because of it all the time.

And maybe he doesn't know Sunny well, but he'd like to think he isn't secretly malicious. ]

You really think he doesn't miss her too? [ He's looking at Aubrey at he speaks, though glances over at Sunny. ] People do dumb shit all the time--and yeah, it would've been bad to lose those photos. But that doesn't sound like a guy who's proud of what he did.

[ He's not trying to get at Aubrey or chastise her, but he doesn't know if it'll help. She's got a temper, she's upset too, but maybe if she can actually talk to Sunny instead of at him...

Robby looks over at Sunny with some sympathy, saying his name - 'Sunny?' - just to include him into this -- to give him some encouragement to speak for himself. ]

[Aubrey is choked up, shaking her head.] I just... I don't get it. You don't talk to us for years but you did that?

[At least Kel doesn't seem to be mad. Instead he pats Sunny on his shoulder.] Hey, uh, I don't really get it but... I'm sure you must have been hurting. And no harm done in the end, right? [He turns back to Aubrey to say this as well.] You fixed the pictures.

[Sunny is having a hard time looking at them, feeling like his throat is closing up. He tries to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. He glances over to Robby again, as though needing to see him to keep himself grounded in reality rather than get lost in the memory again.]

I'm sorry... I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I should have been there for you, when you were hurting. But I couldn't.

[That last part surprises Aubrey. She's still angry, tears now streaming down her face, but she's at least listening.] Why not?! Why did... why did I have to deal with everything by myself!?

[Sunny forces himself to keep looking at her.] Everyone was dealing with it... in their own ways. Badly. [Very badly, in his case.] We should have stayed together. I would change it if I could. [But he couldn't. Even this was just a memory.]

[ Robby nods at Sunny when he looks at him, and there's a pang in him where he feels bad. This isn't the best onslaught of emotions to be dealing with, and how did it go back in reality? There's some good in seeing how events can go a different way, but he also...doesn't entirely think everything being talked about now needs to be brought up here, and now.

That's a lot-- a lot for all of them, even if this is just a memory. ]

You can change what you do now. It sounds like you all have a lot to talk about. [ He looks between Aubrey and Sunny, not sure which of the two to focus on. At least Kel is pretty easygoing....thanks pal... ]

How about you meet up again and finally do it? Get whatever you need out. No more making anyone wait--okay?

[ He does look at Sunny there, giving him a look, but one that isn't stern. He's the one who has to speak up, not Robby. He can only try to help in these small ways. ]

Set a time and place.

[The park really wasn't the best place to talk about everything they needed to discuss. In reality this wouldn't and couldn't change what had actually happened. But it was nice to imagine a world where he could have talked about things sooner.

Have told them everything in a better place than a hospital room.]

Can we all talk tomorrow? At my house, after Hero gets back into town? [They all had to be there. The five of them. Kel, true to character, agrees easily.]

Sure, it'll be best having us all together, huh?

[Basil stutters out an 'okay' wearing a look of simultaneous resignation and relief on his face. Aubrey is shaking with anger and unresolved grief and it takes her the longest to give a single nod.]

Fine. But you'd better explain things, Sunny.

[And that was that. Perhaps this meeting would never happen, but at least the intent was there. That was what was important. Sunny nods, before turning and giving Robby the faintest of smiles.]

Thank you.

[And this is where the memory ends itself.]

[ The memory might end, but unlike it, life doesn't stop there. Robby's startled into consciousness when he comes to, the book he'd been reading (and half the culprit for his slumber) sticking to his cheek.

Winter Mournings are supposed to make you feel refreshed, and they do, but Robby still feels and uneasiness regardless that follows him as he peels off the page, rubs his face.

...You know what, he'll wash his face first and then send Sunny a message--because he's not going to leave it quite like that. ]

hey sunny. how are u? sorry u got caught up in one of those. they call them winter mournings

u ok?

[Sunny himself awakens, sitting up in his bed in the quiet of house. While he doesn't feel bad about the dream, there's a tinge of regret at the idea that things could have gone differently in reality if he'd just spoken up.

But he simply couldn't back then. Things had changed quite a bit. He glances over at the bedside table when the omni goes off, before picking it up.]

i'm okay thanks
it was strange but not bad i don't think
i'm glad you were there
things went better this time around

i nearly stuck my foot in it
not every day i meet a girl w a nailbat
thought someone was gonna tell me about the monsters everywhere

[ A joke!! But also!!! ]

how long ago was that?

i'm pretty sure she carries it just for show
aubrey wouldn't hurt people like that
monsters though
if we had them she totally would

that was three days before i came here
so pretty fresh

damn
you had a lot going on before u showed up

did u get to talk to them back home?

things got kind of crazy yeah

i did
we talked about a lot of things
and i told them something really important
but i didn't get to see how they reacted before i came here

[ ???? ]

did u get interrupted?

[ By something other than magically appearing in Trench?? ]

i don't think so?
but then again i was in the hospital
so maybe i don't remember so well because of the pain medication

huh
things were foggy for me when i first showed up
but
aubrey didnt seem too bad
i get things being hard for u too after something like that
we dont have to talk about it but i just wanted to say its easy to regret what u didnt do
talking to ppl or not feeling like you can handle stuff
but a lot of ppl struggle before they finally find something to help them change
if you were getting there then thats good

no aubrey's a good person
she just felt abandoned

thank you
i'd be ready to talk to them about everything
if any of them showed up here
i want to now no matter how things turn out

until then you have the rest of us to hang out with
already said u can talk to me if u need it
but if u ever want a talk and good food ask sensei
hes always ready to feed everyone
👍

just say i told u it was ok

yeah i really appreciate all of you
you can always talk to me if you want too
i might talk to you about things eventually
it's still hard

i am going to go get food from sensei though
100%

sure
i can tell u about my family since i found some about urs
when i said about it taking a long time for ppl to get out of bad places i was thinking about my mom
she had problems most my life
its not the same as what u went through but she went to rehab for it
she got out a couple of months before i showed up here

life can be complicated

[ It takes him a good second to send, hesitant, but... he's found out details about Sunny's life, and maybe it'll help Sunny to open up himself in time if other people do first.

He's spoken about his mother a few times already, too. ...but it doesn't make it exactly easy.

Well. Maybe one day. ]

was she doing well after rehab?
i'm sorry that that happened though
not the rehab but before it you know

i think it's good people can change
people can get out of bad places and try to be better
i'm trying to

its ok
and yeah she was doing better
i didnt spend as much time w her as i wish i had
i got caught up in drama and in my own head
i kept a lot from her

im trying too
i hurt ppl in my past but im also trying to learn to trust better too
it takes a while
some times it doesnt feel like anything will change at all
or it didnt for me

it's easy for that to happen
i lived in my head for a long time
and kept everything from everyone

sometimes it feels better for me
but sometimes i think i'm the same person i always was and i'm going to hurt everyone again like before
it's hard

ppl do it for different reasons
i wasnt closed off but i didnt have a lot of friends when i got older
i didnt try to
i thought everyone looked down on me anyway so why bother

i think that fear stays with you
screwing up again
i had that even when i came here
i was angry for a long time bc of stuff that happened and i called a fight between miyagido and eagle fang when my dad showed up
it was stupid. i thought he was here to make fun of miyagido bc of history between us
but me and the guy i was fighting broke out into a real fight

i did it bc i feel weak here
i should have de-escalated the fight but i didnt
i tried quitting miyagido but mr larusso wouldnt have it
he helped me give myself a chance

finding something that makes you feel like a better person takes a while
i dont know if im really there but im trying

why did you think people looked down on you?
you don't have to answer if it's too personal but
everyone i've talked to respects you a lot here at least
i do too

i'm glad you were able to give yourself another chance
it's a really difficult thing to do when you think you've messed up so bad you don't deserve one
i was there for a long time and i barely dug myself out of that mindset
sometimes i still don't think i deserve a chance but i decided that i was going to keep moving forward so i am

at least you don't have to do anything alone
there are a lot of people to support you
...and me
more than i ever would have thought
we can work towards feeling like better people together

guess when i think about it i was looking down on myself
my mom had her problems and my dad wasnt around
but he lived in the same state
i loved my mom but i thought id turn out the same as them

idk i had a lot of messed up feelings about everything and no one to talk to

but yeah
i like that idea. working towards being a better person
whatever that ends up being
even just changing a little can make things feel different
but its easier to understand once u get there

did u have any plans for today?

i know it's something you can't change overnight
i look down on myself too
but i hope that you don't feel that way as much anymore
and if you ever want to talk at all i'll always listen

yeah i get what you mean
change is scary for me
but i'm glad i made the changes i did

no
i'm just hanging around the house

i hope you start feeling better about yourself too

u want some company? if u still need to look around town i can go with you
ever been to the entertainment feed? its got arcade machines there
weather sucks but its not bad once you get moving

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