necrolord: <user name="thebutt"> (Default)
ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴏʀ ᴜɴᴅʏɪɴɢ ([personal profile] necrolord) wrote in [community profile] deercountry2023-01-09 02:43 pm

15 . JOHNUARY

Who: John Gaius and company.
What: All around him, John's friends and loved ones begin to shed their skins. Also: Riteoir.
When: January
Where: Gaze and the new city.

Content Warnings: Tagged in headers as needed. Note all the usual warnings of this character.

bolstafir: (pic#14876422)

[personal profile] bolstafir 2023-01-21 05:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[It's strange. John describes this fantasy, and it's oddly small and cozy for a man who talks about ten billion kills like its nothing, someone who can manipulate souls. He is struck by the notion that it doesn't feel like a god, and it clicks at the back of his mind suddenly that John said when I was a kid. In all the legends of the Brother gods he's ever heard, there's never been mention of their childhood. It makes him feel more like a person. That was the point, of course -- it's what he'd been looking for when he'd asked. And yet it's jarring, to find something he can relate to in all this, though it makes sense. He had people he was close to even here, before he decided to drag them all into his fistfight with Mariana.]

As someone who used to live in the woods? Vastly overrated.

[That's how he starts, buying time with a joke as hew chews on this further.]

But I dunno, taking care of your people's pretty big responsibility on its own, don't you think? These boys who run around fighting pirates, they gotta have a place to go back to at the end of the day, right? Someone who's gonna watch their backs during the fights, get 'em a good meal and a warm place to sleep before they get back to it the next day.

[It wasn't nearly like that, with the bandits. You pulled your own weight, or you'd be thrown to the Grimm. Peter's adventures with these lost boys sounds a lot gentler. That John so identifies with it is something that gives Qrow some pause, before he adds:]

We've got a lot of stories like that, of people coming together and taking care of each other. But I think I always got more out of the ones where it isn't so easy.

[For Qrow, he's never quite had the luxury of it being simple to be with others -- as a harbinger of misfortune, a spy, a soldier in Oz's war. Struggle has defined too much of the way Qrow has lived for those stories where it's easy and without worries to be meaningful to him.]

One of the ones that stuck with me the longest was Infinite Man.
bolstafir: (pic#13945151)

[personal profile] bolstafir 2023-01-21 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)
It's about a man powerful enough that people called him a god. He could do magic, and easily turn the creatures of Grimm--the monsters of my world--to ash. But he refused to call himself a god. He'd always say he was just a man, and not even a very good one.

[Qrow's voice is soft, and there's a thread of affection in it that perhaps reads as nostalgia for a childhood memory, or something similar. He's not about to admit that it's essentially the memoir of a real person, after all, much less his own mentor.]

One day, this man came to the aid of a village under attack by Grimm, and the people he saved were so impressed they insisted on traveling with him. The more they traveled, rescuing people from Grimm, the more word would spread of this man and his followers, and more people would come to join them--to learn from him, or to be protected, or just to be part of something. They came to be called the Circle.

But the rumors of the man's power, that he had lived many lives, didn't just draw followers. It also drew people who wanted to see proof, and the man was betrayed by one of his own. He was poisoned, and on his deathbed the young girl from the first group of villagers he'd saved begged him to come back...and he did. It took many years, and by the time he found them the woman was already middle-aged. But they'd made the Circle flourish, became a stronghold against the Grimm and a place people could learn to defend themselves and protect others, and the man was awed and honored. He meant to move on, thinking they didn't need him anymore, but they pleaded with him to stay, and he did.

For a while, they were happy. Until a group invaded his Circle, wanting to fight a god. The terms were simple--a fight to the death between their leader and the man, and they promised to leave the village alone if he agreed. His people protested, but he thought it was the best way to protect them. Still...it was a difficult battle, and the man didn't fear death. He only worried for the safety of his Circle, and the danger posed by it dragging on too long and causing collateral damage. He decided to throw the match.

[His voice goes quiet, almost hushed, from there. He remembers the time he saw this story play out as a memory, the argument he and Oz had about it. The knowledge this is a true story makes the last part a little hard to tell, even though he's come this far.]

....The warriors didn't keep their word. When the man came back again, there were no more stories, no real trace of the Circle to be found--except one old, old woman with a missing eye and arm. The only one spared and left behind to tell the story...so everyone would know the folly of placing their hopes and faith in one man--and not even a very good one.

--Not exactly a happy ending, but I still think about it a lot. About the man, and the choice he made at the end. What he might have done differently.
Edited 2023-01-21 19:20 (UTC)
bolstafir: (pic#14876522)

[personal profile] bolstafir 2023-01-29 02:24 am (UTC)(link)
[It's interesting, for that to be the way John frames his question. After all, John has been a god who is now merely a Sleeper, a powerful man among many other powerful men.

But while Qrow hadn't quite anticipated the question to be asked in that way, he had expected the question itself. He doesn't avoid John's oil-black gaze when he answers, for all the color stirs unpleasant associations.]


When I was younger, I used to think his mistake was taking the invading warriors at their word. He trusted them when he shouldn't have, and his people suffered for it.

[The funny thing about Infinite Man is that you can read the story in any number of ways to suit your own point of view. Qrow has known this story as long as he's known its author, and his views on it have grown alongside him.]

But these days I look at it differently. The invaders lied, sure, but it never really had to come to that. The man's people told him, over and over, that they needed him. And then, in that last critical moment, he decided on his own that they were wrong, and left them behind. And yeah, the invaders didn't keep their word, but what if he'd listened to his people and refused to accept the challenge? What if he'd fought back with the people he'd come to love like family and trusted that he'd trained them well enough to hold their own, and that they'd gone on to train the others just as well? Maybe they still would've had to bear some losses, but they wouldn't have been obliterated.

[He shakes his head.]

I guess you could say he acted too much like a god when he was still only a man, but I think the problem was closer to the heart.

[Victory lies in a smaller, more simple soul.]

He couldn't trust his own people to know what was best for them, so he made the choice for them. He let himself die thinking he was saving them, but they wouldn't have wanted to be saved that way in the first place.
Edited (bah repetition) 2023-01-29 02:26 (UTC)
bolstafir: (pic#16140382)

[personal profile] bolstafir 2023-01-30 11:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[There it is again. You and your dreamed-up family, untouched by everything that would eat you alive. That's twice, now. John slips, and Qrow can't help but feel a twinge of something like empathy for this man he'd been fairly certain he didn't like very much. Maybe it's because he recognizes grief when he sees it, has been too soaked in a lifetime of it not to, and is surprised to find a god can feel such a thing at all.

He does John the kindness of not looking into his eyes when he says the next part, and it's surprisingly easy to find the words, when he pushes aside the last lingering embers of resentment for the debacle in July.]


You already know how I feel about gods, I think. But for what it's worth from some random asshole who's only ever been a man -- if you've got a chance to be one here, you should take it, and hold whatever family you're able to build close. There'll always be more powerful gods.
Edited 2023-01-30 23:50 (UTC)
bolstafir: (pic#14876552)

[personal profile] bolstafir 2023-01-31 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know about that.

[And here's where Qrow is at an advantage, of course, knowing the story is real.]

There's many versions of that story out there. Some versions like to imagine epilogues for it. The infinite man doesn't stop being infinite just because one of his circles was broken, you know? He carries on. But the great thing about that story is that it's exactly whatever you want to make of it. You can still decide what he does next, write an epilogue for your ideal version.

[He lets out a quiet huff of a laugh.]

I mean, we're all a little bit infinite out here in squidland, right? That calls for a few tweaks, if you ask me.
bolstafir: (pic#14876422)

cw: reference to "hypothetical" suicide

[personal profile] bolstafir 2023-01-31 04:01 am (UTC)(link)
What choice did he have? I mean, it's not like he could die. If I had to guess, he'd probably already tried. He was known as a man who'd lived many lives, after all, well before he ever saved that village.

[Qrow speaks as though this isn't a story about someone he knows, and John carries on as though it hasn't hit home. Both of them maintain the kindness of continuing to politely pretend as though they believe each other.]

The one nice thing about hitting bottom is that the only way left to go is up, even when it's a treacherous climb and your shoes are torn to shit.