deercountry | 15 . JOHNUARY

[ Immediately, John looks as though someone has slapped him; he leans back in his chair to let this sink in. His eyebrows go on a multi-stage journey. The silence hangs between them, in the wake of that.

Murmured, like an aside: ] Probably better I don't ask about the photogram.

[ He settles back in, laces his fingers as though they are now going to have a reasonable discussion. Like they're back at a research table, and not whatever this is. ]

You know, I'm glad they got the little death bit in there. Be a shame to miss the low-hanging fruit.

[ was that a dirty joke ]

You would approve of it.

[ by now, asriel has determined that john's sense of humour is exhausting at best. occasionally something lands, but this is like accidentally finding out more than you ever planned to know about a coworker and now having to reevaluate how you view them as a person. ]

That's a strategy, I suppose. Ridiculous talking points because we're being coerced into having conversations.

[ oh no, not conversations. he really says it like it's the worst thing he can think of, but it's not how he planned to be using this time right now. ]

[ Being around Asriel is always easy, because John so readily falls into the role of 'unflappable cop.' He waves a hand as though to dismiss Asriel's simmering fury. ]

Ridiculous always seems to be the order of the day... well, ridiculous or dire, but usually it's both. I'm sure we can find something fitting.

Edited (repetition my beloathed) 2023-02-23 19:23 (UTC)

Well, whatever it has to say, I've nothing to hide.

[ embarrassment means you have to care what other people think of you, and asriel makes it a point not to. ]

Ideally, this will not take hours like last time; I prefer to keep some attempt at a schedule, at least.

[ this is an extremely petty complaint because he has never actually kept a schedule in his life and does everything on his own time. he just hates to be inconvenienced. ]

[ Dutifully, John thumbs open the display on his Omni. He looks at Asriel. He looks at the text. He does something complicated with his eyebrows.

Finally, because it is very funny, he deadpans: ]

Men will literally wage war against God instead of going to therapy.

[ He sure hopes that's about the plan to attack and dethrone some squid. ]

Honestly? I'll give them credit on these. They made an effort.

[ He taps the getting-to-know-you questions between them. ]

These just don't have the same spark.

[ asriel's expression, on the other hand, remains the same throughout whatever john is going through. if a look could be a question mark, this would be it. he also looks impatient, but it's likely that's just how he always looks. ]

Did they? I can't claim to be an expert on—... whatever they were going for.

[ memes. ]

I suspect we were meant to be so captivated by these personal revelations that we never get to the filler. [ eye roll. ] I suppose they are thorough, if anything.

[ he hates to give the pthumerians any credit, but since they've managed this much, asriel lets the omni give him a number at random because it's not like he's locked into anything if he doesn't like it. probably. ultimately, he decides to stick with what he ends up with because if something wants to keep circling this particular topic, he'll allow it. ]

'Do you believe in a higher power?'

[ it's not like he's shy about where he stands, but he supposes they've never had this discussion despite the proposed deicide. ]

[ John exhales a long slow breath, like a man forced to concede a point: when the Pthumerians decide to have a sense of humor, they really go for the throat. ]

[ Well, here they go. He rallies, but only by rubbing at his brow. ]

I think we've covered that, locally speaking. I've met half the pantheon personally. [ Deadpan: ] We don't really get on.

True, but acknowledging their existence isn't quite the same as believing in them.

[ at least, by asriel's definition there is enough of a distinction to matter. ]

I suppose I've never seen them as gods. They're like the angels — just another form of life.

It's a difference of faith, right? We know that they have power... omniscience, to a degree... but worship, that's a personal choice. That bit gets tricky.

[ He splays his hands like a man bowing out of an argument, and tips another wry smile at Asriel. ]

Theology isn't my strong suit. As I've been told often and at length.

[ He says this like it's funny, because it is, considering. ]

[ He does not expect the sudden jolt of punishment. It shows in him as a slight startle, and a dawning, terrible incredulity. ]

[ whatever asriel was about to say is abruptly interrupted when he notices john's reaction. it's not hard to guess what might've set it off, given the personal reveals and leading questions. ]

... But that's not entirely true, is it?

[ he says this with a measure of sympathy, but mostly because he realises he's a dishonest person sitting in the same boat. ]

I suppose we've found the catch.

Looks like it.

[ He sounds almost grimly resolute, and only a little scandalized that they keep finding new ways to fuck with him. ]

We could call it a complicated personal topic.

Well, you're in good company there. It seems to have led you to the same conclusion, which is really what matters.

[ at least to asriel. ]

Most people handle it in less productive ways.

[ that could almost be a compliment if you squint, but he mostly appreciates john's contributions to his work. ]

[ This is safe water so long as they're talking about squid overlords, but John isn't unaware of what he's being steered to. He's not in the mood; of all the people he could open up to about the pressures of the throne, Asriel does not seem the sympathetic type. It'd just be embarrassing, honestly. ]

Productive might be generous. I've gone up against a few directly: the Reckoning, Mariana. Didn't leave a scratch.

[ That's half-true, and so he corrects it: ]

The scratch I left was a hell of a lot smaller than I expected it to be.

[ If there's anything he can keep Asriel occupied with, here, it's business. ]

[ well, it's working, but if john is having any doubts he cares more about that anyway. ]

No, I meant what I said.

[ he's certainly not sugarcoating things for anyone's benefit. ]

Don't get bogged down in the setbacks. You learn something even in failure. I spent my entire life working just to get to a place where I could think about facing my enemy directly.

[ here he can't help but laugh because asriel is at all times aware of their power gap. it would be impossible not to be, since the only thing he's certain about is that he has no idea exactly what john is capable of. that's a very different perspective. ]

You also went up against two of the most formidable Pthumerians in a contest of—... what? Power? Physical strength? The balance here is shifted in their favour, so the fact that you made a scratch at all is impressive. Imagine what you can do once we've levelled the playing field.

[ John does not generally get pep talks about killing gods. Throwing hands with the Pthumerians has been, on the whole, an everyone disliked that kind of activity. Only Chara has tried to hype him up about a fresh round in that ring, and every time John looks at that black-eyed fucked-up too-old revenant, he feels like he needs to go lie down.

There's a horrible sense of disconnect, as Asriel offers him a sharp laugh and a fierce smile. John feels it again, here and now: the weight of resignation is crushing. But what else does he have going for him, right? What's he going to do instead?

Help her, Annabel said, before the ocean swept her back again. It feels like no time since then, and it feels like a thousand years. That means prying the current powers out of the throne, right? One shitty god to another. At least there's an end goal to that. A promise of morning.

John scrubs a hand back through his hair, exhales a heavy breath, and nods agreement. ]

Physical strength might be stretching it... You don't want to see me in a literal fistfight. But if you can bridge that gap? That's when it'll get interesting.

It is a collaborative effort, is it not?

[ there is plenty asriel will take credit for without discounting john's contributions to the work, and if they're going to fuss about semantics, he'll stick to this. ]

When I understood Dust, I could break something up into particles and put it back together again. [ a pause. ] Or not. Everything has a weakness; the answer will come.

[ sure, he had to die to secure the last win, but he has even more reasons to believe in their inevitable victory this time. he was handed an extremely potent and dangerous weapon in blood magic. ]

But there's no need to belabour the point. I believe it's your turn to change the subject anyway.

15 . JOHNUARY

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