Never at peace

[wannasmash]

Who: Izuku "Deku" Midoriya and YOU
What: Catch-all log
When: February (lmao what is a hiatus)

Content Warnings: grief, blood corruption, bleeding, danger-seeking, poor mental health, self-neglect, MHA manga spoilers up to ch. 327 including in my icons. Other prompt-specific CWs noted in threads below.

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Open

[wannasmash]

Event plotting post | Deku's blood corruption info (spoilers up to ch. 327)
Please ask before tagging open prompts so I can be responsible during hiatus.

Getting To Know You

[wannasmash]

additional cw: mild shocks probably, forced honesty

He is lured in with the promise of a hot drink and somewhere to sit out of the cold. He suspects one of the staff is obliquely hinting that he should see to his Corruption with some tea and light conversation.

Midoriya's eyes have clouded completely over into impossible white moons. Fangs he's not used to having wear at the skin of his lips. He digs into a pocket with fingers tipped in claws and passes a handkerchief over his nose before he gets blood on the table. His hair manages to be both voluminously messy and pathetically matted. (He tries not to think of one person who would playfully ruffle it, another who would singe it while sparring, and a third who would order him into the shower. Three close members of his found family have returned to the sea in less than as many months.)

Midoriya shuffles at a slouched prowl where directed and shrugs off his puffy vest. His plain black long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants are rumpled because he slept in them. He stares listlessly at a funny whorl in the wood tabletop. A cup of tea and a card of icebreaker questions are helpfully dropped off at his table. His Omni dings when someone sits opposite him, indicating something called deerlyBeloved has been sent.

[strongroots]

Robby has the aura of someone unhappily dragged into this mess, even if the figure opposite him is one he's become familiar with. Despite whatever else Midoriya is and isn't doing, he still attends his Miyagi-do classes. Sensei worries about him, of course; sensei worries about everyone, but the mess that is Midoriya currently, more so.

He sits opposite of the guy (barely so, with everything going on), and his own profile get sent as he sighs, arms folding as he settles in his seat. Robby doesn't touch the cards; his gaze is kept on Midoriya, an expression between sympathy and displeasure. Some uncertainty, too.

"Have you been talking about it?"

Surely, he doesn't have to clarify what it is--not to the buzzer, anyway.

[wannasmash]

When a student is consistently absent, it's natural to ask after them through their friends. It's only a matter of time before Miyagi-do people start asking him about Uraraka.

Robby looks particularly annoyed. Midoriya wonders if he's done something wrong, or if it's just because this establishment expects them to start their conversation with inane "icebreaker" questions.

"Yes." And then he amends, because that's not quite the whole truth, "Only a little."

He spares a glance at his Omni when it makes a sound. Never know when an emergency might come up--

"Huh?" he blurts out, then quickly avoids Robby's eye. Tory didn't say anything about being dumped, not that Midoriya had asked. Midoriya resolves not to ask now.

[strongroots]

Robby breathes, looks away when Midoriya inspects his omni and makes that noise. Mouth pursed, but his expression doesn't change much from the already conflicted thing it is. Still: "Yeah, whoever made them had fun."

A dry, dry assessment. He's not been reading them for that reason, but since Midoriya's looked at his, and there's particularly no rush: "You know what yours read?"

An offer, if Midoriya's even curious. They're often ridiculous, rarely kind. But what about Trench is?

[wannasmash]

"I have one too?" he asks quietly, the exhaustion telling in his voice. Normally he'd stay properly seated in his chair, but he forgets to act like a normal human these days. He hunches and brings his knees to his chest, looking more like a gargoyle than a young man.

He should probably check to make sure his profile doesn't say anything bad about his boyfriends, but forgive him if he's reluctant to upend more of his life today. Even a small thing like a bit of embarrassing social media might let loose the whole dam of his troubles.

"Kind of afraid to look... Um, why don't you just tell me?"

Just get it over with, he thinks as he braces himself with a wince for effect. Sometimes it's better to hear it from someone else.

[miyagimagic]

Usually Daniel would hate the fact he's here.

But right now? He doesn't care. It's not like he hasn't seen Midoriya lately, nor the way he looks worse and worse by the day during practice, but somehow he looks even worse right now. It almost startles Daniel when he suddenly finds himself in this space and spots the other looking like this - when the other has been twisted by Trench so far that he almost looks more like an extra in a haunted house than the boy Daniel met months upon months ago.

"Hey," Daniel speaks up. His tone is gentle, but there's something insistent in it, trying to draw Midoriya's attention. The man doesn't even look at the Omnis as they send blurbs back and forth, instead looking directly over at the other, trying to capture his gaze - if there's even a gaze left among all that white. "Can you look at me?"

The worry is obvious in his tone. Daniel's never been good at hiding things like these, and even less when he gets too worried, frantic.

He first has to check whether or not Midoriya can still point his attention towards anything specific at all. It almost looks like the poor kid is in a daze, after all.

[wannasmash]

The onset of his Corruption was quick, and it only happened after Uraraka missed class. When a student is absent, it's natural to ask after them through their friends. It's only a matter of time before Miyagi-do people start asking him about Uraraka.

Midoriya has all his faculties. In fact, he shifts in his seat restlessly when called on. It seems that he oscillates between sadness and a frenetic energy, unclear if it's due to Corruption or just constantly being on the verge of breaking down. His eyes flick up, then down again as if he's guilty. (Hard to tell with all the white, but his lids move properly.) He hasn't done anything wrong, but he doesn't like being a pain, and he knows Daniel is already concerned. An I'm fine isn't going to get him out of this one.

He reaches for his Omni in the absence of being able to think of anything else.

"...'Italian Stallion'?" he mutters.

[miyagimagic]

"Italian--"

Daniel momentarily sounds confused about it, but then something in his brain snaps into place - probably something with a joke gift from Amanda, and them laughing about it together, and oh my god is this place now really showing that to others-- - but he tries to shrug it off. This isn't about minor embarrassing stuff like that.

Daniel can't bring himself to care about that in front of one of his students being in such clear need.

He shakes his head, and then stands up. Thankfully this place does let him do that much, allowing him to move over to sit on the same couch as Midoriya, rather than on the opposite couch. He's not sitting too close to him, giving the boy some personal space, but Daniel wants to be a bit closer to him. Just in case, perhaps, or so he can at least try to comfort the other, or help pull him back down a little.

Maybe he should be a little more worried, given that heavily corrupted people could just turn into beasts and lash out, and despite Daniel being the teacher here he is aware that Midoriya has special powers and could probably crush him with enough corruption being involved-- but when has Daniel LaRusso ever worried about personal safety in the face of other people's suffering?

Never. So not right now either. He sits next to Midoriya without any concern for himself, all of it turned towards the boy.

His heart pounds with nerves over that concern, in fact, because the boy looks truly bad in this moment. Daniel wants to ask more about it, do more, but maybe distracting the other with something mundane is what Midoriya needs in the moment instead.

At least initially.

"That-- um. It was a joke gift from my wife." It feels dumb to explain, especially in the face of Midoriya looking like this, but Daniel tries to shove something more casual into his tone, even when it's hard with the sheer amount of concern weighing down on him. "My family is Italian."

[justoscar]

Oscar stopped and couldn't help but stare when it came time to rotate tables, stunned by the sight of a familiar face and name in an unfamiliar state. Sucking in a breath, Oscar took his seat across from Midoriya Izuku. His brows knit in worry-- but, he didn't know what to say or do.

"Uhm.... Deku? It looks like you... haven't been taking care of yourself?"

[wannasmash]

Midoriya tends to hide away when he's badly Corrupted. He hides even now, gathering himself slightly straighter and curling his claws into his palms in his lap.

"I'm not feeling well, but it's not contagious. I'm fine. What day is it?" he murmurs, then remembers he can just check his Omni--it seems "Oscar" has sent him something--

"What's this? 'Ageless wizard'? I know how old you are, Oscar-kun."

[justoscar]

"oh-- that."

Oscar heaved a heavy sigh, less like a teen and more like a certain long suffering Wizard that a lot of people knew in town for an instant. He wanted to squirm and hide as well. Lying was even on the table, but he didn't want to just lie about everything about himself anymore.

"My Omni kinda put that together on its own and has been sending it to everyone. It's... Kinda related to why I had a hard time getting back to my body last summer?"

He knew it didn't answer the question, but he had explained it several times during that period and couldn't remember who all got the related info.

"I'm the most recent successor to an ancient wizard who's been cursed to jump from body to body every time he does. Instead of just taking over, he kinda... Becomes a part of whoever he's with."

It was the driving cause for a lot of good decisions, but he didn't want to implicate a certain someone else right yet. Instead:

"It's still pretty early in February. Have you been hiding in your room this whole time?"

Bad Luck (cure process optional)

[wannasmash]

additional cw: curses, blood, danger to teen, violence to beast

Midoriya could say he's been having bad luck for over a month already. Three close members of his found family have returned to the sea over the winter. His Corruption has not shown signs of fading. His shadow-rimmed eyes are clouded like a dead fish's, and blood drips from his mouth between fangs he's not used to having. He wears both his mask and his cowl to hide this from anyone who might be troubled by it. He doesn't look like a hero.

There are rumors of a Hunter gone rogue, or a humanoid Beast that lusts for the blood of other Beasts, seen around this time last year. The hero Deku currently looks like a cryptid, but he protects both people and Beasts (who could be people). When he feels Danger Sense like a spike to the head, he breaks his uneven prowl and rushes to the fight.

Today he's near the farming plots of Ache just outside Trench. It's a long thin biped who dwarfs a nearby greenhouse and looks like an escaped patient from Soma. It's covered in a tangle of bandages and losing its dark hair in patches all over its body. Its limbs move crooked and wrong, as if broken and healed improperly, but this in no way impairs its lurching grace. One cloudy-blue eye balefully regards the workers preparing the fields for planting before it takes a lethal swipe at them with long clawed fingers.

Midoriya's goal is to deter the Beast and let it be on its way elsewhere. He doesn't announce himself with a triumphant yell of "Smash!'' like a beloved front-facing hero should. The tattered figure trailing tendrils of the black energy he calls Blackwhip hurtles in silently out of nowhere. The super-strength kick to the Beast is strong enough to send off a resounding clap of compressed air. The Beast staggers--but it only becomes angrier and easily sends Midoriya flying with the back of its hand.

Striking first was good, but Midoriya is being reckless.

[manyone]

Beatrice is wandering. There's a restless urge in her to seek others out, to be of help in some way, even if she isn't sure quite what that's going to look like when she finds someone. Naturally since she's a great and powerful witch, the rumors of Beasts lurking amongst the farming plots outside of Trench have brought her forth--no monster, after all, is of concern to her. At least she doesn't seem to think much of it.

She's spotted the beast, probably a little slower than Midoriya had. She's heading across the fields, coat flying behind her as she goes, a golden sword already shimmering in her hand when she sees Midoriya come hurtling in--and then then flying back out. She laughs and she flicks her fingers. Absurdly, a mattress coalesces out of golden butterflies to catch Midoriya like some sort of demented baseball glove and Beatrice shoots past to plant herself between him and the Beast, shimmering golden sword gleaming in her hand.

"You shouldn't bite off more than you should chew~!" She crows, seemingly heedless of danger as the Beast turns its attention on her.

"You might not have a helpful Witch around to bail you out next time."

[wannasmash]

"E-Eh??!!"

Incongruous objects appearing usually only happen when Yaoyorozu is around, and he hasn't seen his classmate since the last time he saw home. The blur streaking right into the fight is unfamiliar. He's never met this person--though he may have heard that laugh somewhere? From the golden butterflies, he'd have expected Ange, but this is not the case. A Witch, but not the one he knows... Midoriya isn't a Pro Hero, but he's trained enough to recognize a team-up when he sees one.

Midoriya bounces off the mattress well like he was made for Saturday morning cartoons, but the hero who lands in a crouch doesn't look like the reassuring kind that kids would flock to. He bares his fangs in a feral growl at the Beast, but he speaks to Beatrice.

"I don't want to kill it. I'm just trying to drive it away."

He shoots Blackwhip from his hands to attach to the Beast and attempts to tangle its legs to keep it in place for Beatrice to strike.

[manyone]

"You don't want to kill it? Why ever not?" Beatrice seems surprised by the revelation as she looks over at Midoriya, expression incredulous.

"It's a Beast. It's going to hurt people. Shouldn't we dispose of it properly?" She asks. Then as Deku holds the thing in place she launches herself forward to lash out with the golden blade, digging at the thing's side with a sharp and sudden blow. It's not enough to fell the thing, unfortunately, but it howls in pain and tries to swipe at her as she darts back in a flurry of skirts.

Closed

[wannasmash]

Kaworu Nagisa | Blanket Fort

[wannasmash]

When Bakugou and Uraraka disappeared, Midoriya wept for days and lost track of time. Today, he's quiet and very outside of himself. Midoriya hardly feels the need to eat or sleep in the midst of the worst stages of his Corruption. If he does, it is because his body collapses from the toll or because it imitates habit like a ghost.

Threaded through his exhaustion is a mania he occasionally expends, completing an everyday task in a frenzy--or worse, prowling away for a few hours in his Hero costume to work despite not being in a reliable state. He knows he has to have a hard conversation with Paul Muad'dib soon, but most days Midoriya hardly feels he has the strength to go outside.

His skin is pallid and papery. His nails have grown into thick brittle claws. Fangs he's not used to cut his lips and smell of the rust of warmblood. His eyes are colorless moons, lenses fogged over. (The bleeding from his eyes, nose, and mouth isn't so bad today.) If he's showered and wearing a fresh T-shirt, it's only because he was coaxed to.

He hides from the world in a blanket fort that was constructed by three small children last month. He carefully curls up the way he did in the bushes of Trenchwood during March of last year. (He would dream of the green if he could sleep properly, and Kaworu convincing him to return home.) Midoriya's soft breathing is slightly too fast; it indicates he's awake. He twitches but makes no move to object to the presence of another person.

[peripheries]

Kaworu doesn't know what to do or say. Part of him wishes Midoriya would just leave until he can figure everything out and just be normal when he comes back while another part doesn't want to see the other boy leave for fear of what might happen.

So generally, he keeps his distance. Not fleeing, but not getting close either. He wants to be conscious of Midoriya's corrupted state and not make it worse by choosing the wrong words. But he's needy and always has been. He can't deny himself the presence of a loved one for very long.

Eventually, he crawls into the fort that his own hands, so much smaller, built with the direction of the two other boys, with inspired deftness. The angel wraps his arms around skinny knees and sits, chin resting on bone, searching for something.

But there's nothing there. He has nothing.

"I don't know what to say."

[wannasmash]

Part of him doesn't want to leave Kaworu alone for too long with Paul (Muad'dib of Arrakis). Midoriya remembers what Paul (Atreides of Trench) said in his letter. And regardless of any ominous warnings, it is good to see his boyfriends day to day, to make sure they won't disappear too.

He unburies his face from his forearms and looks up from where he lies curled in a crescent on the blanketed floor near the back of the tiny space. He shifts his cheek against the balled-up hoodie he's been using as a pillow. (Is that a broccoli printed on it?)

"That's okay," he rasps thickly. "You don't have to say anything. I'm scared you'll disappear too. So when I see you... it's good."

Blood-tears leak from the corners of his eyes, and he hardly looks comforted or "good."

[peripheries]

"It doesn't feel good. So what's the point...?"

He feels what Midoriya feels. He knows the words are empty. He sees how useless he is in this moment and he hates it. It makes him want to claw his skin off.

"What can I really do?"

Cutting. He can never stop being cutting.

Paul Muad'dib | I Just Want To Talk

[wannasmash]

additional CWs: corpse mention, and the Wait For Me prompt: loneliness, depression elements, psychological horror, trapped/immobilized

A year ago, they sat here and clasped hands in the wake of a terrible vision. Midoriya is drawn to this spot of black sand in the same way he abhors going near the rocky outcrop where he lay Paul's body.

What if he doesn't come?

Despite the steel with which Midoriya prepared himself, this thought is a small hard knot in his chest. Midoriya is not at his best. He alternates between frenzied activity and listlessness. His eyes are white moons fogged over with cataracts. Rivulets of tears mixed with tar-smelling warmblood seep from his eyes, nose, and mouth. The tips of his claws shredded the tips of his gloves. They will have to be repaired later.

A campfire, recently started, shudders against the last of the winter winds. A large thermos and two cups rest next to the backpack that carried them. Midoriya sits cross-legged on one of two padded mats made for the frozen black sands. They are positioned within arm's reach, set as if for two friends or trusted acquaintances.

Midoriya is fully kitted out in his Hero gear.

The mats are there because the tea is there, and the tea is there not for comfort. It is to indicate--insist--that this conversation may take a while. He hasn't bothered smoothing the increasingly rumpled mess the sea wind makes of his hair. In fact, he can't move at all.

It isn't the immediate and complete cessation of movement as a result of Paul's Voice or John Gaius's not-touch. Midoriya knows those. This very different onset barely gives him time to move a gloved hand in surprise before going still. He could be a slightly bewildered weeping statue with a hand raised in peaceful benevolence, a neglected seaside shrine lost to time. Unable to wipe it away, stigmata stains his face rust-red. The fire is more alive than the boy silently panicking as his body grows colder. A gull brazenly lands on his head, rifles through his hair, and takes off disappointed.

The enchantment makes him impervious. His eyes don't hurt from being open. They don't need to be closed.

[unchoose]

The days have been kinder to Muad'Dib than they have been to Midoriya. What the world has scraped off of him was velvet rust from charred metal. When he cuts across the sand, he does not hunch or tremble, his stride easy, his shoulders balanced.

It's the eyes. It's always the eyes, and their seeing, that betrays him. Their blue lacks the luminosity they once carried, the fission stigmata dulled to a wash of spice bloom that stains sclera to iris to pupil. They focus on Midoriya from a distance, and they don't shift - but his pace does, quickening by half a beat or more.

When he's closer, they flick across the scene Midoriya set for the conversation: the gear, the mats, the tea. The expression on Muad'Dib's face does not change. He notes these things, internalizes them, but reaction is not yet required.

What is required is to come to a seat in front of the stilled form of Midoriya, settling his hands on his own knees. His fingers twitch, wanting to curl, but they stay flattened and untensed.

"I'm here," Paul says, softly, "Like you asked."

It's then he raises his hand, pulling the soft knit of his black undershirt that lies beneath his flexible black leather armour over his fingers. He wipes gently and meticulously at the clotted fluid around Midoriya's nose, his mouth, cleaning it away like a midwife to an infant.

[wannasmash]

Midoriya spies the tall black-clad figure in his peripheral vision making his way down the beach at a good pace. The discoloration of Paul's eyes makes him look sick, a cyan jaundice mixed with murky water of what is left of a human.

Midoriya's body has hardened to a dense plasticity; touching him is like touching statues of saints and nothing more. His heart wants to beat in a frenetic staccato, but it can't. His eyes want to weep in frustration, but they can't. There is no change. He might as well be a highly detailed doll and not the real Midoriya.

Midoriya is not being held still by any of the people who have held him down before, but it's Paul who is here, and he's one of them. Midoriya tries not to think about the rocking of a ship, the slice of a blade, or how easily a throat is opened. He almost succeeds until he thinks about the gentle touch of long fingers to his face.

His Corruption has always brought acute extremes with it, most in service of what causes him to move without thinking to save another. His Corruption prolongs it beyond the short bursts it is meant for. The snake isn't meant to eat its own tail in excess or it will be destroyed.

[unchoose]

Paul takes his hand away. There's no further intrusion of touch. He looks across Midoriya's frozen features again, his eyebrows knitting slightly, and concern has softened the sharpness that held his eyes.

"It's going to be all right." That's a promise. "You're going to be all right. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Nothing. He may as well be talking to an ikon raised up on the sand. He's done it before. Knelt before a tomb in the desert and told it things it could not hear, asked it things it could not answer.

"I know you're angry with me." His mouth quirks at the corners. It's not a smile. "I should say that doesn't matter, shouldn't I? But it does matter. You being angry with me...it matters more than almost anything."

The wind twists his hair. It's full of salt. He can taste it on his lips.

"That's why I want to keep you safe. Not in spite of. Because of." A quiet, hitched noise, somewhere behind his tongue. "No one hates me like a human being, anymore. Is that so much to want?"