deercountry | Was I really seeking good [Open]

Was I really seeking good [Open]

Who: Varian and you!
What: November catchall!
When: Throughout November.
Where: All around the place!

Content Warnings: Child poisoning in the comments, bloodletting in the first half of the Sleeper Farm prompt

BUILDING AN ABOMINATION TO THE GODS - Driveway of Disaster House, Cassandra- OTA

Varian can't actually remember the last time he built something purely for himself. Both back home, in Deerington and here in Trench, his inventions have always had a greater purpose. Sure, he enjoyed making them, but they were always ultimately to help other people. Building something just for his own enjoyment generally wasn't on his radar. It's only recently that he's felt like he's earned the right to indulge in something for himself.

And so, at the start of the month, Varian can be found on the driveway of the Disaster House- starting to put together the very early beginnings of a frame for a car. He isn't bothered by the lightly falling snow- he doesn't feel the cold anymore and the crisp air is honestly good for clearing his head. He's wearing his serial-killer-esque welding mask and has his little foot-pump-powered 1800s welding kit with him, but that isn't doing so well in the cold weather. After a few frustrating attempts at getting the damn thing to work, he gives up, stepping back to stare at the metal he's trying to get into shape. He looks at his hand, a soft hmmmmmm sound echoing in the mask. He's not comfortable with this, but Mako has been helping him get a more...positive outlook on his abilities.

So, for the first time since he got here, he decides to actually use his abilities for something instead of actively avoiding and being reviled by them. He flexes his fingers, using the techniques Mako has run over with him many a time, willing flame to sprout on them. He has to concentrate a lot, and it's definitely not a tiny, careful flame like the one on his torch (he's not quite THERE yet) but it's enough to start welding the pieces of metal together. Once he's done that he snuffs the flame by closing his fist. He steps back, pushing the mask up so it rests above his goggles (why doesn't he just take the goggles off, why does he have to wear both?) to assess his work, before realising someone is standing nearby, turning to offer a little smile.

"Do you think it looks okay? It's kinda shoddy but I guess I can always go over it later once the snow stops."

IT'S FULL OF OPENINGS, IT'S JUST YOU AIN'T SEEING THEM - All around the city - OTA

For once, fate has smiled down at Varian. His Patron is The Tower and while the buildings are shifting and doorways keep vanishing and reappearing he's still able to find his way around. It's given him confidence that means he might just be ignoring the always buddy up system, because it's fine. It's totally fine. He knows where he's going. So he goes about his daily business as normal - unfettered by the chaos that the vast majority of the population are dealing with. He's a compassionate soul, though, and if he sees someone looking lost, he moves over to them, raising an awkward hand in greeting.

"Uh... hey. You look...lost? Do you want me to help you out? I understand where I'm going for...for some reason. If you stick with me, we can get to where you need to go."

SECRET, SECRET, SECRET SECRET BUNKER - Willful Machine - 28th November OTA with CR prompt

Finding the compass on his workbench had been a happy little surprise. He didn't really need one, but it's pretty nice and after quizzing the people in his house (none of whom took responsibility for the little gift) he probably should have been worried about the device that just appeared in his lab in the dead of night. He isn't, though, because it's cool.

Naturally, he uses it as a normal compass first- but as he's working on his car, he does need to try it on bigger things. He's headed to Willful Machine for more parts, and it using it on a sheet of metal on the ground to measure out exactly what he needs. It's while he's doing this that the circle opens up under him, upending him into a little room. One moment he's there, the next he isn't. Maybe you were there to watch him fall in like an idiot. He looks around at the space- full of everything a person would need to hunker down for a night and makes a soft confused noise before yelling because that seems the best course of action here.

"Um- HI??? Is anyone there?"

And if that doesn't work, he'll get out his Omni and send a message to his friends:

Fell in a hole. I think into a pocket dimension? Help.

MUSHABOOMING

On hearing there were cool new mushrooms to deal with here, naturally, Varian's gone about trying to harvest some. He can make all kinds of cool alchemy with them!! This being Varian, of course, means he's neglected some pretty basic health and safety in his mushroom harvesting. So people can catch him in various pickles throughout the town as he goes about stupidly collecting stuff for his lab.

They may find him hallucinating on Walking Terrors, covered in spores and running around with a panicked expression and screaming about the floor melting. Or maybe you'll find him face-down in the dirt, a Floater sitting happily on top of him. Just...help the idiot out, he'd appreciate it.

THE SLEEPER FARM

Varian starts his No Good Real Bad Time swinging upside down- his blood dripping down into a bowl underneath him. It freezes before it hits the bowl, of course, leaving a blue, frozen blood slushie at the bottom. He's still confused how he got here, but he knows that's not the pressing concern here- not while there are other bodies strung up who have definitely had body parts removed. Varian does a quick, muggy-headed check that nothing seems to be out of place- no organs missing, two arms, one leg. Everything as it should be. They've even left him with his prosthetic, which is nice. But he'd still rather get down from here before this gets worse.

"Uhhhhhh, hi? Anyone still...conscious here?"

Or perhaps you find him afterwards, once he's down and on his feet again. He's still got a sizeable gash on his arm, but at least it's frozen over - thanks for the natural cauterization, coldblood! He'll be helping get other people down or helping them move as best he can. Much like earlier in the month in the town, he feels a strange pull towards the way out, and he'll be trying to bring whoever's with him along that path.

"C'mon, I...I know the way out."

He's not offering a reason for that, oh no. It's while he's leading someone towards the alter that they're suddenly pulled out by a force Varian recognises almost immediately. It's an old, familiar one after all- and once they're upended onto the lawn where Disaster House's Lamp Friend sits, he looks up at the sky, frowning.

"...Cynthia?"

[[ooc: As always if you want something else or a closed thread, please hit me up on

teeff or PM me! Will add event stuff later!]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It will absolutely not be the last time either of them has been dumb, either, that's a given.

"Of course! I'll be able to keep a better eye on things and get you out of there if it goes bad," because he still has a lot of festering guilt over the moonflower debacle and desperately wants to make up for it. "But you gotta tell me the second it goes go bad, okay?"

Fern's expression falters when Varian says that. Right, yeah, as much as he hates it, he can't exactly force Varian to stop feeling guilty. He has to just go with this, and hope that the two of them working together will help Varian's mental state.

He reaches over, touching the other boy's cheek gently. "I promise I'll tell you what's going on in my head every step of the way," he says firmly, before climbing to his feet. "Okay?"

For now, it's a guilt that will keep eating at the back of Varian's mind. Only time will start to ease it, but at least they have plenty of that. He exhales, leaning his cheek on Fern's hand, his own moving to curl around the other boy's wrist lightly.

"Okay," he says it with some solid finality, because if nothing else he can believe in this- he stands up too, a little wobbly with the aftereffects of the mushrooms. "Okay, well, I definitely saw some of the ones that release spores a little ways away. They'd be good to get a hold of."

Fern unconsciously reaches out when Varian wobbles, his hand settling on his shoulder to help steady him. This is fine, they've got this together.

"Cool, let's do this," he says, his hand slipping down to grip his boyfriend's reassuringly. "Anything science-y I should know about these guys? Or mushrooms in general?"

Varian really appreciates the help there- he's pretty sure he won't fall over but having Fern's steady presence there means the world. He offers a smile, squeezing Fern's hand in return. They did have this. Together.

"I think they secrete some sort of hallucinogen? I've seen people react badly to them," he hums thoughtfully. "The problem will be trying to get close to them without accidentally inhaling any of their spores."

Fern considers this. He doesn't really want to go in swinging his sword in case that makes the whole emotions thing even worse. But then, his swords are pretty useful....

"Hmmm. I got something." With his free hand he spins a finger around in a circle. "I can make a fan with one of my swords. That might be able to keep 'em away long enough for you to get some samples."

Varian watches Fern make the gesture eyebrows raising. That seems...highly unlikely, but he's learned to accept that Fern (and Ooo in general) tends to laugh in the face of physics. If he says he can do it, then Varian has utter faith that he can.

"That makes sense. It would act as a fan- push the spores away so I don't have to breathe them in," he smiles, nodding once. "Okay- great! That sounds like a good plan of action. Let's do it."

It makes absolutely no sense and very likely defies several laws of physics, but it's worked before and he doesn't see why it couldn't work for this. He grins and punches his fist in the air excitedly.

"Great. We got this!" They totally can handle a walking mushroom or two! Probably! Eager to get started on this science adventure he'll start dragging Varian down the street, looking around for any signs of a mushroom.

It defies so many laws. But Varian is more than used to Fern doing that in general. It's...quirky. He can't help but smile at the little fist punch. Fern is goddamn adorable. He resists the sudden urge to pull his boyfriend into a kiss because that will certainly distract them from the task at hand. Science adventure first, kissing later. He definitely has that goofy, lopsided grin of his when he's full of squishy, soft feelings for the other boy, though. He can't hide that.

"Yeah, we got this."

He lets himself be dragged, only stopping to tug Fern's arm for his attention when he spots some of the little suckers trundling along on their little legs.

"There's some!"

Kissing, as much as Fern would appreciate it, would absolutely be a distraction from the very important task of hunting mushrooms. This is still fun though, and when they come upon the mushrooms he stops a good ways away. Lifting his free hand, he forms a sword.

"Okay, lessie...." He says, focusing a bit. The blade bends at a 90 degree angle and, like he said, starts to spin like a fan. It's weird as heck but hey, it works!

Gripping Varian's hand tighter he steps closer, advancing on the mushrooms. He can feel a buzzing of feelings in his head, growing louder as they get closer, but he tries to shove them to the back of his mind. He uses his grip on Varian's hand to help ground him and focus on the task at hand, carefully blowing the spores coming off the mushrooms away.

It really would be such a distraction and science can't be done with distractions! No sir!! He watches as Fern does the thing with the sword and...yup, there he goes- defying the laws of physics again. He watches in amazement until he feels Fern's hand grip tighter in his and he returns the gesture. His focus then turns on his boyfriend watching him with undisguised worry. As much as he wants to study these things, he absolutely doesn't want it to come at the cost of Fern's wellbeing. Nothing is worth that, nothing at all.

"You doing okay, there?"

He knows Fern needs to focus, but he would hate himself if he didn't at least check. Not after everything- not with the pressure of failing to catch when he was suffering before still screaming in the back of his mind. He needs to know for certain, now.

Fern has his eyes solidly darting between his sword and the mushroom. The latter's stumpy legs are too short for it to be able to run if they spook it, but he doesn't want to see it getting hostile when they're trying to be cautious for once. The former is just... a spinning blade, and no one needs to accidentally end up on the wrong end of it. Even himself, since grass has a particular weakness to what amounts to a weed trimmer.

It's working, though. The wind the sword is generating is enough to blow away the spores from the mushroom, giving Varian an opening. He feels a little trill of triumph, in between all the volatile emotions coming from the mushroom, and it takes him a second to realize Varian asked him a question.

"Y - yeah. I'm alright," he says slowly, glancing over and trying to look reassuring. "Just something I'm not really used to, but I think I can handle it right now."

Varian's been focused almost entirely on Fern. He knows he should probably be ready for his opening with the mushroom- to get what he needs while Fern is trying to keep the more dangerous aspects of the fungus away from them. But he can't, he's just watching Fern, his chest feeling tight and uneasy. He chews at his bottom lip, unsettled. Even the reassuring look doesn't seem to ease it.

"Are you sure? If...if it gets too much you gotta stop, okay? Don't- don't push it too hard."

Fern fully expects the alchemist to take the chance and go grab some samples for his alchemy and science, so when he doesn't he's honestly baffled. He can't be in that bad shape, right?

His eyes widen as Varian speaks, asks if he's okay, and for the first time since they've known each other he feels like he's being mistaken for some fragile thing. Like he doesn't trust him on this.

It sends a burst of irritation through him, and he responds before he can stop himself. "I'm fine, Varian," he says tensely. It's been who-knows-how-long since he's actually used Varian's full name instead of just V or Hairstripe or Goggles or some other affection nickname, and he doesn't even realize he's doing it. It's purely born out of his frustration at being treated like - like some wilting flower, instead of a grass monstrosity who is trying to find some normalcy through a little science adventure.

"Trust me a little, okay?" He takes an aggressive step towards the mushroom, yanking his boyfriend along with him. "Let's get this thing already."

Edited 2021-11-25 23:58 (UTC)

The panic and worry from learning how badly Fern's new powers had affected him, how much Varian had missed due to his own corruption is clouding his judgement. Instead of being distracted by outside forces, in true Varian fashion, he has gone hard in the other direction. Now he's too attentive, too worried. He doesn't even factor in how frustrating that must be for Fern until he responds like that.

Varian actively flinches at the sound of his own name from Fern's mouth. He genuinely can't remember the last time Fern addressed him with anything other than some weird nickname. Over a year, easily - far longer than they've been together. It's just a silly thing, anyone else might not see it as much of a big deal at all, but for Varian, it sinks deep into his chest like a dagger. It feels like he's misstepped in a way he can't mend. That he's messed up what they have between them even more than he already had.

"...Sorry."

His voice is small and off, and he doesn't fight as Fern pulls him along- there's no resistance at all. Like tugging a ragdoll along. He can hear the creaking of amber again- he can see it growing out of a nearby building- rocky tendrils reaching, searching for someone or something to grab. He closes his eyes tight shut, willing it away. It wasn't real, none of it was real. When he opens his eyes again, the amber is gone, but the horrible, ashy colour has started to spread across his skin again. Suddenly, desperately, he doesn't want to be here. To do any of this. He wants to just go home and lock himself up in his lab and avoid everything and everyone.

But then he'll be showing he doesn't trust Fern with this. He'll be hurting Fern and letting him down- just like he's hurt and let down Usagi. Like he doesn't know how to deal with Rapunzel and Cassandra and how to make any of that mess even slightly easier. He's not enough for any of them, he's simply not good enough- and he was only kidding himself to think any different. The amber comes back, suddenly and violently, cracking straight up through the building, and Varian stops dead- staring at nothing like a rabbit in headlights.

Fern can't see the amber. Of course he can't, it isn't actually there. It only exists in Varian's head.

Instead, he only sees his boyfriend flinching, and practically cowering, both physically and verbally. There's a flash of regret in his mind for snapping, but drowning that out is more frustration. Why can't things just be normal? Why does he have to have this stupid power to begin with? Because if he didn't, there wouldn't be any problems. Varian would trust him, instead of - this. This distrust.

That's what it is. At least, that's what Fern assumes this is when Varian abruptly stops and proceeds to stare at nothing. He doesn't trust him, doesn't want to do this, doesn't think they can just have a normal, fun outing like they did back in Deerington.

His frustration gets the better of him again. He hates it, but it's flooding his brain and taking the steering wheel. "Seriously? Come on, Varian, I can handle this! It's just one mushroom! I'm not that w -"

He hasn't noticed the mushroom has turned its attention on them, and has taken the time to waddle its way towards them. Without looking at where he's going Fern takes another forceful step forwards, utterly intent on seeing this adventure through. They are going to get those stupid mushroom samples, and Varian is going to quit being a huge worrywort, and he's going to be happy instead. They're going to go home and his boyfriend is going sequester in his lab to do all kinds of science experiments that'll help the whole city and it'll be fine.

As soon as he takes that step, the spinning blade of his sword shreds straight through the mushroom's body. Mushroom's are mostly water, and the grass sword is incredibly sharp - there's basically no resistance. The poor thing stands no chance, and as Fern inadvertently kills it it lets out a hideous, horrifying shriek of pain. Those emotions ripple through the air, straight into the boy's head with the force of a freight train.

The blade comes to an abrupt stop (but it's too late), and Fern lets out a strangled noise as he suddenly drops it, releasing Varian's hand so that he can reach up and grip his hair. He collapses to the ground, the shock of getting hit by the final emotions of another (semi-sentient, in fact) floral creature too overwhelming for him.

Varian doesn't hear Fern snapping at him a second time- he doesn't hear him using his name a second time. He doesn't hear anything. He just stares in wide-eyed horror as the amber spreads from the building- like vines and roots, seeking out people to ensnare- to trap forever. Some dive under the floor, raising the cobblestones as they go, while others reach out to other buildings, crumbling walls, smashing windows. With Varian's growing panic, the air around them heats up- fire starts to lick at his feet- it doesn't burn him, but it's definitely real, unlike the visions.

It's being trapped in the visions that mean he misses Fern slicing into the mushroom, and it meeting its awful end. It's only when Fern wrenches away and makes that noise that he finally turns to look at his boyfriend. Varian automatically crouches, reaching his hands out to help - but the amber crashes past, trying to reach the prone boy. Varian screeches out a terrified, guttural sound, turning his attention to the amber. Fire flashes out of his fingertips, attacking something that isn't there. Thankfully, the fire is focused away from Fern- striking the cobblestones as he tries to force the amber away- fire does nothing to it, he knows, but he reacts out of instinct, more than anything else.

Then he blinks and it's gone. Like it was never there at all. Varian stares, dumbfounded at the empty space the amber was definitely populating, before turning to Fern. There's no amber- there's nothing there, but a boyfriend in pain and for a hot second he worries he did something. He can smell smoulder in the air - did he burn him again? He dithers, scared to reach out, even without the fire in his hands anymore.

"F...Fern?" he reaches out, but his hand hovers just over Fern's shoulder. "What- what's happening? Are you hurt?"

Much like Varian, Fern is too tangled up in his own head to notice the things going on with Varian: the sheer terror in his expression, the air heating up, the flames curling to life. He should, but he doesn't, the death throes from that mushroom still blaring in his mind instead. The ground provides some much-needed stability for him, and once he's collapsed he curls inwards, his fingers sharpening into points as they dig into his hair and grass. Thorns start sprouting up along his arms, his grass twitching, threatening to grow entire vines to lash out at the (now dead) source of the pain in his head.

Distantly, he hears that inhuman noise next to him. A small part of puts two and two together - that it must be coming from Varian - but he can't pull himself together enough to actually do anything about it. The most he can do is cringe at the sound of his name and. But it's Varian's voice, him and not some scared thing, and so he shakily drags a hand away from his hair to reach out towards his boyfriend, grasping at the air, trying to grab any part of him that he can.

"N - no - I - " His teeth are gritted, grinding together, but he's forcing himself to get this out. This is what they had agreed to, after all. "I need you!"

Despite everything roiling around in his head, despite the fact his skin has gone wrong again and there's a horrible pressure in his mind he can't get rid of, even if the amber has vanished for the time being- despite all of that, when Fern reaches his hand out, Varian drops it all. He doesn't care, he doesn't want to care. The only thing he wants to care about right now is Fern, and helping Fern deal with all of this happening to him right now.

He shifts closer immediately, getting onto the floor with him- one hand grips Fern while the other wraps around him- secure and safe, unmoving- like an anchor. He's going absolutely nowhere. He squeezes Fern's hand tightly, perhaps a little too tightly- a tiny hint of the panic still surging in him.

"I'm here," he tries to keep his tone even- there's a wave but he's doing his best, telling Fern to breathe won't help, so he focuses on what he does know will calm Fern down. "Try to think about the treehouse, okay? Remember the...the ladder going up to it and the little lights all around- and all your skulls and swords on the floor."

The turmoil in his head starts to quell as soon as he feels Varian's hand latch onto his, and the other boy's arm coils around him in a secure hold. Fern clings back, desperate for that physical anchor, his entire form twitching and shaking. As difficult as it is, he tries to follow those instructions, too. Try to think about the treehouse. Remember the ladder and the lights and his skulls and swords.

He gives a shaky nod as he buries his face against Varian's neck, forcing the image of the Tree Fort to take over his head. There's the sound of the breeze through the leaves, and woodsy, earthy smell inside, and how comfortable and familiar it is, all lived-in and cozy....

It takes several minutes, but gradually the thorns disappear and his grass settles down. He doesn't stop clinging, he isn't ready to let go quite yet, but the emotions in his head are dulling down to a soft ache. Something more manageable than before. He sniffs softly. "I... think I'm okay."

He's a step above from having a complete meltdown at least, and his head is clearing enough to notice just how much Varian is clinging to him. He knows his boyfriend well enough to know when he's trying to be supportive, and when something is wrong. And this is definitely the latter, so he pulls back a tiny bit, looking questioningly up at Varian. The ashen tone to his skin isn't lost on him, and his stomach drops. "... Are you?"

Varian stays where he is, clinging tightly to his boyfriend, trying to be a steady rock for him to come back to himself for. To fight against everything going on in his head. His heart is still thundering in his chest and he's trying not to look anywhere but at Fern. Just in case the amber starts to come back. If he can just stay focused on Fern, everything will be fine. Fern's all that matters.

Only when the thorns recede does he release a breath he didn't know he was holding. He keeps clinging, his hand squeezing Fern's firmly. He doesn't care about himself, and the question about his wellbeing makes something shift uneasily in the back of his mind. He wants to push this deep, deep down inside, not think about it. He knows that's not the healthy way to deal with it, he's read enough about corruption to know it will only make things worse. But after everything Fern's just gone through, he doesn't want to make this about him.

He tries to force a smile but fails abysmally at it. It just ends up looking worried, like he's teetering on the edge of something.

"Don't worry about me. Let's just...deal with you first."

Fern already knows what the answer to his question is when he sees the looks on Varian's face, and it makes his heart sink. Of course, of course his own stubborn insistence that he could do this and his miserable failure hurt him. He should have been more careful, or not tried this at all.

The worst part is, though, that Fern just turns his eyes downwards and nods. "... Okay. Sorry." Sorry for yelling, and causing all this trouble, and for not pushing the other boy about his own growing corruption. Sorry for being a selfish jerk and not being a good boyfriend and not wanting to let go. He's incredibly concerned about Varian's wellbeing, but he's also exhausted, and the lingering feelings of that mushroom's death are still clawing at the edges of his mind.

He falters there, silent for several moments, before speaking up again softly. "I think... I think we should go home."

Away from those mushrooms, where they'll be safe.

Fern's reaction digs deep and solid into Varian's chest, something cold and hard and heavy starting to grow there. He very almost pulls away, to curl in on himself and shut out all of the bad feelings threatening to drown him right now. He doesn't, he manages to hold firm, but his face does turn to the ground.

"...Don't be sorry."

His tone isn't great. Something painful and unpleasant is festering under the surface, and his tone isn't doing a great job of hiding it. His skin feels itchy, he realises belatedly- like he needs to scratch the entire thing off. He pushes it to the back of his mind, letting go of Fern only to stand, but offering a hand immediately to help him up.

"Okay. Yeah, I... I want to go home too. Let's leave."

He'd like to argue, normally. He's sorry and he thinks he's right to be sorry, and he's certain Varian is only saying this because he doesn't want him to feel like he's done anything wrong. But he has, he shouldn't have snapped and should have been more cautious about that stupid walking mushroom.

His concern only grows when Varian pulls away to stand. There's no doubt in his mind that the other boy looks awful. Staring for a second, he takes Varian's hand, grateful, and gets to his feet. Even after he's found solid footing he doesn't let go of the alchemist's hand, squeezing tightly.

"Okay," he says, turning to bend down and grab the sword he dropped. It disappears back into his hand, and he pauses, staring down at the mushroom's remains. "Do you... want to still take this stuff? It still might be useful to you."

Was I really seeking good [Open]

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