deercountry | Was I really seeking good [Open]

Was I really seeking good [Open]

Who: Varian and you!
What: November catchall!
When: Throughout November.
Where: All around the place!

Content Warnings: Child poisoning in the comments, bloodletting in the first half of the Sleeper Farm prompt

BUILDING AN ABOMINATION TO THE GODS - Driveway of Disaster House, Cassandra- OTA

Varian can't actually remember the last time he built something purely for himself. Both back home, in Deerington and here in Trench, his inventions have always had a greater purpose. Sure, he enjoyed making them, but they were always ultimately to help other people. Building something just for his own enjoyment generally wasn't on his radar. It's only recently that he's felt like he's earned the right to indulge in something for himself.

And so, at the start of the month, Varian can be found on the driveway of the Disaster House- starting to put together the very early beginnings of a frame for a car. He isn't bothered by the lightly falling snow- he doesn't feel the cold anymore and the crisp air is honestly good for clearing his head. He's wearing his serial-killer-esque welding mask and has his little foot-pump-powered 1800s welding kit with him, but that isn't doing so well in the cold weather. After a few frustrating attempts at getting the damn thing to work, he gives up, stepping back to stare at the metal he's trying to get into shape. He looks at his hand, a soft hmmmmmm sound echoing in the mask. He's not comfortable with this, but Mako has been helping him get a more...positive outlook on his abilities.

So, for the first time since he got here, he decides to actually use his abilities for something instead of actively avoiding and being reviled by them. He flexes his fingers, using the techniques Mako has run over with him many a time, willing flame to sprout on them. He has to concentrate a lot, and it's definitely not a tiny, careful flame like the one on his torch (he's not quite THERE yet) but it's enough to start welding the pieces of metal together. Once he's done that he snuffs the flame by closing his fist. He steps back, pushing the mask up so it rests above his goggles (why doesn't he just take the goggles off, why does he have to wear both?) to assess his work, before realising someone is standing nearby, turning to offer a little smile.

"Do you think it looks okay? It's kinda shoddy but I guess I can always go over it later once the snow stops."

IT'S FULL OF OPENINGS, IT'S JUST YOU AIN'T SEEING THEM - All around the city - OTA

For once, fate has smiled down at Varian. His Patron is The Tower and while the buildings are shifting and doorways keep vanishing and reappearing he's still able to find his way around. It's given him confidence that means he might just be ignoring the always buddy up system, because it's fine. It's totally fine. He knows where he's going. So he goes about his daily business as normal - unfettered by the chaos that the vast majority of the population are dealing with. He's a compassionate soul, though, and if he sees someone looking lost, he moves over to them, raising an awkward hand in greeting.

"Uh... hey. You look...lost? Do you want me to help you out? I understand where I'm going for...for some reason. If you stick with me, we can get to where you need to go."

SECRET, SECRET, SECRET SECRET BUNKER - Willful Machine - 28th November OTA with CR prompt

Finding the compass on his workbench had been a happy little surprise. He didn't really need one, but it's pretty nice and after quizzing the people in his house (none of whom took responsibility for the little gift) he probably should have been worried about the device that just appeared in his lab in the dead of night. He isn't, though, because it's cool.

Naturally, he uses it as a normal compass first- but as he's working on his car, he does need to try it on bigger things. He's headed to Willful Machine for more parts, and it using it on a sheet of metal on the ground to measure out exactly what he needs. It's while he's doing this that the circle opens up under him, upending him into a little room. One moment he's there, the next he isn't. Maybe you were there to watch him fall in like an idiot. He looks around at the space- full of everything a person would need to hunker down for a night and makes a soft confused noise before yelling because that seems the best course of action here.

"Um- HI??? Is anyone there?"

And if that doesn't work, he'll get out his Omni and send a message to his friends:

Fell in a hole. I think into a pocket dimension? Help.

MUSHABOOMING

On hearing there were cool new mushrooms to deal with here, naturally, Varian's gone about trying to harvest some. He can make all kinds of cool alchemy with them!! This being Varian, of course, means he's neglected some pretty basic health and safety in his mushroom harvesting. So people can catch him in various pickles throughout the town as he goes about stupidly collecting stuff for his lab.

They may find him hallucinating on Walking Terrors, covered in spores and running around with a panicked expression and screaming about the floor melting. Or maybe you'll find him face-down in the dirt, a Floater sitting happily on top of him. Just...help the idiot out, he'd appreciate it.

THE SLEEPER FARM

Varian starts his No Good Real Bad Time swinging upside down- his blood dripping down into a bowl underneath him. It freezes before it hits the bowl, of course, leaving a blue, frozen blood slushie at the bottom. He's still confused how he got here, but he knows that's not the pressing concern here- not while there are other bodies strung up who have definitely had body parts removed. Varian does a quick, muggy-headed check that nothing seems to be out of place- no organs missing, two arms, one leg. Everything as it should be. They've even left him with his prosthetic, which is nice. But he'd still rather get down from here before this gets worse.

"Uhhhhhh, hi? Anyone still...conscious here?"

Or perhaps you find him afterwards, once he's down and on his feet again. He's still got a sizeable gash on his arm, but at least it's frozen over - thanks for the natural cauterization, coldblood! He'll be helping get other people down or helping them move as best he can. Much like earlier in the month in the town, he feels a strange pull towards the way out, and he'll be trying to bring whoever's with him along that path.

"C'mon, I...I know the way out."

He's not offering a reason for that, oh no. It's while he's leading someone towards the alter that they're suddenly pulled out by a force Varian recognises almost immediately. It's an old, familiar one after all- and once they're upended onto the lawn where Disaster House's Lamp Friend sits, he looks up at the sky, frowning.

"...Cynthia?"

[[ooc: As always if you want something else or a closed thread, please hit me up on

teeff or PM me! Will add event stuff later!]]

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[Oh jeez, oh no, Peter definitely got the wrong end of the stick. Varian kind of stars at the screen for a moment, before...no, no. He can't just let Peter assume he's a victim here.]

It's fine. Well, not fine it was pretty miserable, but I deserved to be in there. I wasn't framed or anything. I did some horrible things and I went to prison for them.

( Peter takes that in for a few moments. It's... absolutely not the first time Varian's said something that he can deeply relate to, even if in a very different way. Peter never actually faced consequences from the law, after what happened. He's never been in a dungeon of any kind.

But he's still done his own terrible things. He's a murderer. )

I've never been in prison or anything like that before, but uh... back home, I did some terrible things, too. Things some people would say I should probably have been locked up for, for awhile.

( It's... weird to just put that out there, but Peter's sending a little smile over his video feed to the other boy. )

So absolutely no judgments here, dude.

[There's a soft sigh on Varian's end, his brow furrowed with worry. ]

People should probably judge my actions a lot more than they do, honestly.

[Thought that would involve him telling more people about his past. Being more open and honest with it, and that's always...hard. As much as he knows people aren't going to up and abandon him these days, he still fumbles with the truth. ]

You don't come across as someone that would hurt anyone. Was it a... Paimon thing?

( Okay, that's a mood..... As nice as it is that so many of his friends and loved ones here don't look at him with Judgment..... there's a big part of Peter that almost wishes they would? It's... strange. He feels... bad, because he doesn't deserve such leniency. But it would involve him opening up more about his own demons — apart from the literal one.

If he knew they could relate just that hard about it, he'd have to show Varian the Pointing Spiderman meme. )

I don't want to assume I understand what you've done or anything like that, but.... I at least feel like I know what you mean, there? People are... literally too good to me. ( There's a small smile, a little sad. )

No, I actually uh... can't blame that guy for this one. It was all me. ( ...It actually wasn't, but Peter doesn't know that. )

And you know how people always say, they were doing what they thought was best at the time? It's not like that for me. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway.

[There are definitely the Pointing Spiderman meme. Honestly, hearing Peter not immediately dive into a no matter what you did, you're a good person now and that's what matters is deeply refreshing. It's nice to have someone...understand. It's a rarity here.]

...Yeah. I know how that feels. I knew what I was doing was... beyond wrong. Even the reasons I had for doing it got twisted and messed up and eventually, I was just doing it to make other people hurt. I...I chose to do that and the people I hurt forgave me but...

[BUT.]

Well. It's not so easy to forgive yourself, huh?

( Peter's quiet for a little while, taking the other boy's words in. Absorbing them. He may not be the best at communicating, but... Peter's pretty good at listening. The severity of all of this is something he certainly doesn't take lightly.

And of course, he certainly hasn't forgotten the time Varian had listened to him when he'd needed someone to.

Peter leans back against the mound of blankets and pillows in his own secret room, thinking. He doesn't talk about this a lot. There's not a lot of people who could understand, but... Varian can. )

It's definitely not easy. And.... I guess this sounds kind of weird to say, because I think most people would say the goal is to like... ultimately forgive yourself, but..... I think maybe for me, I don't want to? Not yet, anyway.

...It actually makes me feel worse to think about forgiving myself. So I think I won't do it. ( There's a soft laugh. ) And it's okay if you don't want to, either. Or... if you're not ready to for a long time. It's personal to you, you know? No one else can really get it.

[Varian takes a moment to let Peter's words sink in. People around him have always been pushing him to forgive himself. To not hate himself for what he did, who he used to be. It has often made him feel broken that he can't quite get there. That there's something wrong with him, that he's failing at even forgiving himself. But here's Peter, with the option that...it's okay to not be there. It's a sentiment he's only found in a few other people and this...this is deeply comforting.

He manages a smile- it's small and tired but it's definitely there. ]

Thanks. That's...that's actually a perfect way of putting it. It feels like the goal is to forgive yourself but...I don't know. It's been years now and I just - I just don't feel like it's something in my grasp. It... it really helps to hear that.

That's it's okay that it takes time.

( It's perhaps a strange concept for most to understand. But sometimes maybe it's important for someone else to just... acknowledge that where you're at is okay. Even if there's room for "improvement" — and that's such a subjective term anyway — it doesn't mean you have to take it. Not yet. Not until you're ready.

At least, that's Peter's way of thinking. Of course, he's... hardly the picture of working to better himself, and hardly anyone who should be giving advice, but... this isn't really meant as advice. He honestly just doesn't want Varian to feel alone in this. Because that's important, too. )

It's definitely okay. I think you're doing just fine, dude. ( A gentle support, and a little smile to go along with it. One that quietly shifts into a soft laugh a moment after. )

With talks like this, we're the life of the party, aren't we? ...Maybe that's why this place gave us some weird secret rooms. So we could shut ourselves up in them and not talk about weird stuff.

( He calls it "weird" but he doesn't mean it, tone openly light-hearted. He's enjoyed the short little talk. )

[It really does mean the world. Varian's from a home where second chances are a given- that plenty of people have done awful things and been given a chance at redemption- but he never quite feels like he deserves it. Years of self-worth issues before any of that even happened made an impacted mess of his ability to forgive himself and move on. Not feeling alone in that does wonders. ]

Thanks. I appreciate it. Seriously.

[At Peter's comment a tired little laugh is pulled out of him.]

Hah. Maybe. Just our own little hidden rooms to hide all our horrible trauma in. Thanks, Trench.

( There's a smile at that, and Peter gives his head a soft shake — you definitely don't have to thank him, Varian. )

Room of Trauma.... It has kind of a ring to it.

( Peter's little smile spreads into another grin, and he reaches for one of the gazillion pillows in his own room, propping an elbow against it. )

Hey, if you ever need a break from your own trauma hidden in there, you can always come hang out in mine.

( Which is how Awkward, Sad People extend invitations for their friends to come chill in their own secret rooms, clearly. )

We can get room plaques and everything.

[He returns the grin because honestly, that does sound like a great time. Just awkward sad people hiding in their secret rooms from the world. ]

I wouldn't turn down an offer like that. Might be good to have a space to get out of my own head sometimes. Uh..obviously, the same is for you. Even if this isn't exactly a cool, hip space like yours is.

[Varian, you are the oldest teenager on the planet. ]

Dude, that's a great idea. Make it all official. ( Even if it's all half-joking, it's.... actually meant kind of seriously, too? It'd be nice to hang out in each other's secret rooms. Clearly, this place gave them to the both of them for a reason. Peter's not exactly sure why yet, but he and Varian are connected in that way, and it's kind of nice. )

Hey, yours is pretty cool and hip itself, I'd say. In a vintage kind of way. ( Totally old school! )

I'll definitely have to come over — you can show me what's in all those bottles you've got over there, and..... we can have snacks.

( The alchemy bottles and whatnot.... Peter, please don't try to eat what's in there. )

I am known to have good ideas once in a while.

[His tone is light and teasing but he would definitely do this. This is a nice connection to have. Inexplicable, to be sure, but still nice/i>. ]

Awww, I didn't know that was a thing. Vintage cool! And sure thing, it's uh...mostly alchemy, though. So don't drink those, you'll die.

[Please don't drink the alchemy, Peter.]

But I do have a couple beer kegs in here!

Oh yeah dude, vintage is definitely a thing. When I'm from, people were especially getting into all kinds of old school things again. Like records and stuff.

( Though Varian's time certainly goes well past records.... but still.

And Peter's immediately perking up at that. He has beer kegs in there??? W h a t. It's like a completely different kind of Teenage Dream from his own... but a teenage dream nonetheless. )

Okay, your secret room is officially cooler than mine. I gotta come hang out soon.

( And he definitely will be! )

Records. Like... the paper sort or...music record?

[He doesn't know these things, Peter, gosh!!

Beer kegs make everything better, and that admission makes him smile. Heck yeah, he's a winner!]

Yeah? Was it the beer kegs? Is that what officially made it cooler? Because I can see why that would be the case.

The music ones — which, I actually have some with me here in Trench, from back home. I should totally bring them over when I come.

( Varian, do you want to listen to The Beatles??? )

Oh yeah, totally. Beer kegs are one of the coolest things I can think of to be in a room.

( Said with a dopey grin. Peter's still a dumb teenager at the core of it all. )

Have you tried it yet? Is it pretty good stuff?

Oh! The ones that are on the black flat disc with the grooves in them for the sound, right? [They are so cool gosh wow.] Yeah, I'd love that thanks!!

[He absolutely does want to listen to them, they can be an EDUCATION.]

I'd like to think so, at least this place is a lot cooler about the drinking thing. I really did not understand the rules beforehand. [Having to be 21 to drink is just madness when you come from early 1800s Germany, okay. ] I have! It's really good- it's a little like the beer back home.

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