deercountry | February Catch-All; "We can deeply love our poison."

Who:

survivalthroughhate and open!
What: Maul comes back from a canon update with a brand-new attitude
When: All of February
Where: At his home and around Trench.

Content Warnings: Gross canon update cocoon, will update as necessary

Open prompts below!

A. Canon-Updated

After Maul peeled out of his cocoon and had reoriented himself with where he was, it was time to make some house calls. By his point-of-view, he'd been gone for three years. Though he had learned thankfully that time had passed for everyone else over the course of a week, he still wanted to check up and make sure that the people he cared about were still present, accounted for, and had all their limbs attached. The fact that the month appeared to once again be messing with his blood type just exacerbated matters.

So off he went. His first priority was to check up on those he was blood-bonded to. Fortunately, he could feel they were all still intact, but they were the ones he cared about most in Trench, so they were checked on first. Then came everyone else. If anyone had even a somewhat positive relationship with the Zabrak Sith Lord, they were going to find themselves with Maul on their doorstep to check up on them, his eyes no longer golden but now instead a grey-brown color. Close friends and family could even expect to possibly be hugged, a sure sign that Maul had changed in his time away from Trench.

B. Lessons

January had been a wash as far as all student-related activities were concerned given Maul had either been a kid or wrapped up in the membrane where he'd experienced life in his own galaxy for the entire month. Well, it was time to get back on track with his students. To that matter, after he got on the network to inform everyone of his changed state, he made sure to make time for anyone who wanted to stop by in February.

He kept to his regular hours as much as possible, not including any of the usual shenanigans that made each month go topsy-turvy, and made sure to make the lessons a little longer to make up for the fact he hadn't been able to train anyone for the past month or so. "It's been a while. I hope you haven't forgotten everything I taught you," he would say upon seeing any of his regulars show up.

C. At The Archives

After the intriguing conversation with Sharon regarding his former ability to shapeshift, Maul knew it was time to do some research into the ability of being able to turn into mystical deer that those Sleepers who had been in Deerington had once possessed. He hadn't tried to turn into that form since arriving, assuming with the corruption of Ramona into a permanent beast that such a thing could no longer occur.

But he remembered that the Ramona seen when passing through the dimension which would allow them to change into deer had seemed to be beyond time itself in a way. If that was true, than part of her was always going to be waiting there, uncorrupted and never-changing. It was time to figure out if that was truly the case. To that end, he was in the Archives, looking through ancient books and scrolls filled with text that would lead him to the answers he sought.

If he saw someone he knew, he would gesture them over. "Come, take a seat!" After they'd sat down, he would plunk down a huge mass of scrolls, a bottle filled with caffeinated tea, and a bag of beef jerky in front of them. "Tell me if you can find any mention of Ramona Derwin in these." There was something in his bossy tone that made it clear he wasn't allowing anyone to leave until they had helped him out at least a little bit, though judging by the supplies he possessed, he was certain to try to keep anyone there for the long haul.

D. Chocolatier

[After the disastrous experience Maul had the previous year that had led to the death of Willow, he was avoiding the chocolatier at all costs. He also wasn't letting anyone make the same mistake he had and to that end he was warning everyone away from the giant monster at all costs.]

Don't you dare accept anything from him!

[He'd state emphatically.]

Some of them are harmless but others will dead to disastrous, even dangerous consequences!

[If anyone asked, he would detail what some of those chocolates could do to a person.]

E. Wait For Me

[Maul had always had a little trouble with the anticipation of waiting for people. It wasn't like he didn't already have a ton of abandonment issues that stretched through the entirety of his life that made him very conscious of those that he had left. The anxiety that gnawed at him grew greater and greater until he found himself suddenly unable to move another muscle.

Then he was stuck there, a pit of fear and energy in his body that was unable to go anywhere. All he could do was stand or sit there, waiting for someone to come along and help him out, trying to reach out with his own mind to anyone he knew who could come save him from this plight.

Alternatively, he could be that person for someone else who was afflicted, coming along their frozen body and noticing almost immediately that something was wrong. He'd come up to them and inspect their form for a few moments before taking a step back.]

Well, this certainly is a situation.

[Maul observed. He wasn't certain on how to fix this problem but he also just wasn't going to leave the person afflicted all on their lonesome. He'd come far enough in his journey of becoming a better person to know he had to stay and help.]

F. You Take My Breath Away

[Maul wasn't big on being touchy-feely even with people he was close to, let alone people he might not have been fond of. As he went about minding his own business, he'd pass by someone and suddenly it would hit. He gasped suddenly, unable to take another breath. He'd reach out blindly, trying to grab whoever was close by to bring attention to his plight.

He could see the other person nearby who was also choking. Was this affecting everyone in the city all at once?! But as soon as he touched them, he could feel himself able to breathe again. He took deep breaths in, grateful for the oxygen he could access once again.]

What--What was that?

[He gasped out as soon as he had enough air in his lungs to speak with.]

G. Speed Dating!

Maul wasn't all that enthused about being forced to go through another 'getting to know you' session in Trench. But it wasn't really like he had any other options here. So he sat there, glowering a little, not exactly appearing to be the most friendly of partners to be seated across from.

On the plus side, his profile was indeed a thing of beauty. He'd been mortified for about five minutes after seeing what it had put up for him but then he began to see the funny side of it. Rather than letting it get to him at all, he decided to just have a sense of humor about the whole thing.

He glanced at whoever sat down across from him and went back to picking at his claws, which were looking a trifle long right now. "Shall we get this over with already?" He asked. "Do you want to go first or should I?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Perhaps not. But denying connections with other people to the point where you hurt yourself and them as well? That is.

[It was only now back in Trench with the clarity of the nearly three years spent in Deerington and in the city that he was able to truly see with his eyes open.]

[ obi-wan hums. ]

It certainly is.

That was the first lesson. I didn't understand it at the time but now it is much clearer in my mind. The second came when I found Grievous' ghost there. That one I do believe I was meant to fight. He taunted me, talking about my need for revenge and how I'd always failed to take it upon those I felt had wronged me. Sidious, you, Dooku, Grievous himself, he kept talking about how I'd accomplished nothing in seeking those out that I felt had caused me pain. He asked me how it felt to have the one I sought upon him to be stolen by virtue of you killing him before I could.

[Maul looked down at the floor.]

I had to confront the fact I never wanted to put into that position in the first place. I didn't ask to become a Sith and have all this pain brought into my life. That I was holding onto my desire for revenge because I felt I'd have nothing else in my life. When I finally killed the ghost, it felt hollow. Revenge had taken everything from me and left me not even with satisfaction.

[It had taken him a long time to come to that conclusion in Trench. Usagi and Obi-Wan had both helped him reach that conclusion until he could understand it for himself.]

[ obi-wan listens patiently. it's not his part to comment, at least not yet. he's here to bear witness, it seems. after a long pause, he wonders. ]

Will you be giving up the moniker of Darth then?

[There was a long pause from Maul.]

..........I don't know.

[He wasn't certain if he'd outgrown that particular title yet, not with how hard he'd had to work to earn it in the first place. Discarding it felt like acting as if all his blood, sweat, and tears over the years had meant nothing.]

The last one I met was Qui-Gon. The room he was in felt....different. The Force was stronger there than anywhere else in the castle. There was a power I couldn't quite fathom just with what I could sense myself.

[The Force was far bigger than anything one single person could have interpreted no matter how strong they were with it.]

[ well, the dark isn't one side of the force. it's not light and dark. it is the force and the dark. to understand the vastness of it and to know you come short is part of the training. but it's different from the other side. obi-wan knows this, but it's not for him to comment on this revelation. ]

You left a chill there, you know. In the palace.

Did I?

[He seemed a touch surprised by that. Maul had been running on high emotions that day, full of power and arrogance. His connection to the Dark Side had been very strong and it made sense he'd left an imprint of himself in the palace. Anyone who was Force-sensitive would have been able to feel that echo.]

Interesting, that I would leave such an impression in the Force there.

[ he had gone back a few times, on missions and delegate duties. he hadn't lingered, his own feelings tied to that place, but even beyond that, the chill had lingered. ]

But not surprising, I think.

No. It is not.

[He paused for a long moment, trying to piece together what he wanted to say in a way that would cause the man he loved minimal pain.]

I have to wonder if it was not actually Qui-Gon's spirit in that room. [He'd told Maul he'd studied a way to exist in the Force after death.] Perhaps he had hope I would choose a better path than the one I had been on when I killed him.

[ to his credit, obi-wan lets this suggestion settle before shaking his head. ]

Qui-Gon was with me. I spoke to him.

Do you think a spirit in the Force can't be in two places at once?

[No, really, he was legitimately asking the question. Given his upbringing and the Sith believing nothing existed after death, Maul had no clue how things worked for the Jedi when they died.]

Whatever was in there with me taking his form, he did the same thing he did in Deerington. Tried to get me to see a better path, one not so reliant on anger and pain. My hardest lessons to learn.

[No one in Trench had managed to fully get through to Maul with them no matter how hard they'd tried, even those who had stuck by Maul long after a lot of others had given up. That was one he had to learn himself.]

The Force is always with us. But it is the Dark that burns cold.

[ so while he could feasibly believe qui-gon may have lingered there briefly, he was no ghost and the cold is not a facet of the light. obi-wan exhales quietly. even with his reconnection with qui-gon, it is hard. but what is important must be. ]

I still prefer it to the Light. That blinds me when I'm in it for too long.

[Though not nearly so much as it used to, not after being around Jedi on a regular basis for going on three years now.] He paused

He explained something to me. How causing others pain will never cause my own to become smaller. And in the end while I cause it in others, it will be my own pain that causes my undoing and be my downfall. I.....couldn't accept what that meant at the time. [He looked down, unable to tell Obi-Wan of how he'd struck down Qui-Gon's figure in anger and rage. Then he looked back up.] But I was able to understand and accept it once I came back here.

[Finally allowing Maul to find a sense of calm and peace that he had been lacking for so many years.]

Prefer what you like, but it is the truth.

[ obi-wan doesn't paint deliberately bad pictures of the dark because it gives him joy or moral superiority. he knows the dark well enough now. he's faced vader and he's been through the fortress. he doesn't say it to feed his ego or win an argument. the dark burns cold. there's no need to contest it further. whether maul believes it or not is up to him.

he sets his teacup down. ]

I believe I said something similar to you, long ago.

As a teacher, I think you would already know someone has to want to learn such a lesson. I wasn't ready to. Not then. But the day has finally can when I can say I have.

[Now came the most difficult part. He looked down and then back up at Obi-Wan before hesitantly reaching over and gently grasping the man's hand.]

The reason I asked you to come here today is because by learning what I have, I realized there's something I've needed to tell you for a long time. [There was a big, deep breath in and then Maul got it all out, speaking a bit quickly so he wouldn't lose his courage.] I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain I ever caused you. Killing Qui-Gon, Satine, Anakin. Hurting so many innocents just to get to you, knowing it would hurt you deeply. I'm sorry for everything I did for so long because you were an easier target to focus on than the real one that was beyond my grasp. The past can't be changed but.....I finally regret all that I put you through. I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan.

February Catch-All; "We can deeply love our poison."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject