deercountry | (closed) february catchall

[Didn't exactly know how he wound up on this couch. But... He had been drinking the night before. That was obvious from the beer stain on his shirt and the empty bottle rolling idly between his fingers.

Eventually he sits up and takes a look out the window. ...Shit. That was a lot of snow. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. His eyes glance around the room and it doesn't take him long to catch onto what's going on here. He had only recently done something like speed dating but he considered himself a master now.

He doesn't quite have a chance to open up his Omni before he does see a familiar face walking through the small crowded room.]

Keep walking, LaRusso. Unless you suddenly have a rack, I'm not interested.

[He means it in as friendly of a way as possible.]

Edited 2023-02-07 04:18 (UTC)

[ It truly says something about how used Daniel is by now to Johnny's Johnny-ness that he hardly even reacts to this sort of statement anymore. There's no anger. Not even real annoyance. No, the most that remark gets out of Daniel is just an eyeroll.

But he does realise they're not going to get out of here any time soon. No, the entire reason he was walking was because he was trying the door, but it does seem like they're snowed in. No way out.

.. at least there isn't a monster, he tells himself as he moves to sit down on the other couch with a sigh. ]

That's rich, coming from a guy who constantly calls me Danielle.

[ There's no venom in the remark at all. Just faint exasperation at best as he glances around them, gaze not dropping to his Omni just yet. Maybe Daniel is hoping some magical door leading out will appear after all, or something like that. ]

Is this even for real?

[ Who would shove them together for something like this, of all people? ]

Look- That's totally different.

You're just not being manly when I call you that. That doesn't mean you're a chick.

...I think.

[Johnny has learned maybe a fraction about gender identity in his time here, but to say he understands it is a long shot.]

This place doesn't usually fuck around. I wound up in a weird jungle once and had to fight giant frogs once.

Maybe if don't play along something awesome will show up to fight.

[ Thankfully toxic masculinity flies right past Daniel at this point. You don't spend years upon years of people throwing it at you without just being able to easily ignore it sooner or later.

It also helps that he's much more concerned with the latter part of what the other says. ]

Okay, fighting giant frogs does not sound like my idea of a good time. [ Yes, he's just quickly saying that before Johnny truly suggests waiting for some monster to show up. No. That's not going to happen.

Daniel looks like he's about to say more, sitting down just as he opens his mouth, but then he glances at his Omni, and..

Well, that's enough to halt all other thoughts in his mind for a moment. Daniel frowns at that device like it just showed him a distasteful ad. ]

.. Johnny, what's this?

[ At least he's holding up his Omni to Johnny now, so the other guy can see what he's looking at - Johnny's beautiful, beautiful dating profile. Picture included and all. ]

It kind of sucked- They were slimy as shit and it made them really fucking hard to punch.

[Look. Johnny had some fond memories of Jumanji but the frogs weren't it. It was mostly screaming at Peter Graham and telling him to be more of a man. ...But he ended up dying not too long after that.

Except Johnny doesn't have too much time to think about that. He's more focused on the picture that Daniel shows him. And there's a moment where he just stares.]

Shit- I must've been more drunk the other night than I thought. What the hell!?

[Don't mind him as she goes to try and lift his shirt and see if that's there.

It's not but he's still having some difficulty lifting his shirt.]

[ Because it's notoriously easy to look at your own lower back, right.

It probably means that Daniel is an involuntary witness to this for a moment - Johnny lifting his shirt as he's trying to look at his own back. Like a dog trying to chase its own tail.

Which Daniel endures for maybe five seconds before he's already sighing, saying: ]

Just turn around and let me look.

[ Not that he's particularly invested in seeing Johnny's back, or his.. possible tramp stamp... but it's better than watching Johnny make attempts at it himself, okay. ]

[That's not going to stop him from trying. He even rolls over on the couch he's on a couple times trying before Daniel finally speaks up.

He looks over with an incredulous look.]

Aren't you married, Larusso?

Why are you so interested in catching a peak?

[As if Johnny had not sent him a picture of his dick before. But he's mostly ribbing on him. He does turn and lift his shirt. But there's nothing there.]

[ Daniel is glad it's just ribbing rather than an actual protest - because the last thing he wants to do right here is argue with Johnny about whether or not the other should or shouldn't lift his shirt in front of him.

.. but even though he's glad, it's still Daniel. So he can't shut up enough to still say: ]

Okay, Johnny, like you have such an extremely sexy back.

[ Two can play this ribbing game!!

Even though Daniel does actually look enough to say: ]

There's nothing there though. Guess they doctored this photo somehow. [ Which.. is a little disturbing in its own right? Do these Pthumerians have Photoshop? ]

[Now here's the actual scoff of offense.]

You're damn right I do. I don't do all those delt flies and rows for nothing.

[Johnny was fucking proud of his workout routine. Thank you very much.

But there's a pause and when he speaks up again there's an edge of worry and anger in his voice.]

Those fucking assholes- They must have took me to some fucking clinic while I was drunk for them to put whatever fucking magic bullshit this is.

It probably only comes out at night or some shit.

[Johnny doesn't know what a doctored photo or photoshop is.]

[ ...

Daniel glances up at Johnny when the other says that last part. And he just-- he just stares. It's not even a judgemental stare at first. No, instead Daniel looks completely baffled that this is where Johnny's mind went. You'd think that after all this time Daniel would be used to it, but no, apparently it can still catch him by surprise.

His mouth opens and closes once without saying anything, like a goldfish in a bowl, and then Daniel reaches up with one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, like he can't believe this is something he's actually hearing. ]

That's-- .. I think it's the photo that's fake, rather than there anything being wrong with your body.

[ His tone is just a little exasperated as he's trying to explain it, but. You know, at least he's staying calm. ]

I mean, have you looked at the rest of this profile? "Yeah, I got into karate for the babes, it's a total chick magnet. Can't deny how fun rolling around with the guys is, though"?

[ Can't believe Daniel LaRusso is saying those words out loud, even if he's just reading them from his Omni's display. ]

You can't tell me you wrote that. [ Maybe if it was just the first half.

Daniel would've believed that. ]

So a doctor fucked with the photo? That sounds like they wasted their time going to doctors school.

[Johnny has to think about this for a little. There's a lot screeching as the old rusted gears turn in his head. He doesn't remember writing anything like that.

But he could have been drunk when it happened. It did sound a little suspicious but he can't just agree with LaRusso on this one, right? That would be like taking the easy way out and he has to own up to this shit if he did do it.]

...I don't remember writing it.

But are you saying there's something wrong with a sparring match with a tough opponent?

It's just saying I'm a badass.

[Get defensive. That's the way to go.]

Johnny.

[ Just listen to the way he says that name. It's almost exasperated, yet it doesn't quite manage to reach that level, like Daniel is too baffled to get properly annoyed here.

No matter how much he gets to know Johnny, it's like the other's ability to completely misunderstand anything and everything still catches Daniel by surprise.

(Then again, maybe he's just quicker to catch onto the metaphor here when his wife uses the 'karate' innuendo all the time..) ]

You know that isn't really about fighting, right? [ R-Right? Come on, Johnny, really let those gears work. Oil them up. ] It's a double entendre.

[ Daniel really should know better than to use Big Fancy Words around this guy though. Come on, Daniel, you're just doing it to yourself now. ]

What?

[There is an earnest tinge to the annoyance in his tone in how reacts to this. How is he supposed to know how the internet and editing photos worked? Clearly Miguel was a miracle worker when he made the Cobra Kai webpage. Or just a total nerd.

There's a pause and Johnny blinks.]

What you mean like a fancy dinner?

[That's an entre Johnny. You'd think he'd know this being a former rich kid. But he was too busy with karate, wearing short shors, and riding dirt bikes.

But then something clicks and he gets it.]

What? Are you saying this fucking thing is trying to say that I like dudes? Is it trying to say I'm gay and like men? Fuck that shit. I'm straight. I am straight.

I'm going to kick the shit out of whoever made this garbage.

[ There is, as always with Johnny Lawrence, so much going on here.

So much that Daniel doesn't even know what to address first. Which leaves one option on the table - address one of them in the most dry way possible. Because sometimes he just can't quite suppress the sass when faced with chaos. ]

I think the implication is bisexual, actually. [ Instead of gay.

Does that make you feel better, Johnny. If these dumb texts are calling you bi instead of gay. ]

[Johnny is silent for a moment as his brain slowly tries to wrap around Daniel's comment.

Eventually it gives up and the dumbest words possible spill out of his mouth.]

Dude. I'm trying to serious here. I'm not a fucking bicycle. Not just anyone can get on for a ride.

Wha-- [ Just leave it to Johnny Lawrence to catch him by surprise every single time.

Daniel's mouth opens and closes like a goldfish, but then he manages to refind his words enough to shake his head and continue to speak. ]

Not a bicycle! Bisexual! [ God, does Johnny not know what that is?

.. on the other hand, he also didn't know what Facebook was.. ]

It means that you like both women and men!

[ Daniel honestly can't believe that he's sitting here explaining this to Johnny. This is what his life has turned into. A circus. ]

[There's a moment where Johnny considers that.

...And then it's his turn to open his mouth again.]

I'm pretty sure my point still stands.

(closed) february catchall

For Daniel

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CW: Internalized Homophobia Via Meme.

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