[ There's a certain amount of awkwardness inherent in returning to your family after spurning them for months. Gideon expected that. She doesn't even know what to call herself half the time -- Gideon? Kiriona? Gideona is dumb, and also sounds like a weird sex disease, so that's right out. Lately, she's just been switching back and forth.
The emptiness she sends through the bond isn't intentional anymore, now more of a result of her non-living body than anything else. It's less, though, which is why she's able to notice that something is a little... off. The bond is noticeable like a hangnail.
Kaworu's acting just as strange. Nothing wrong, per se, but there's something distant in his speech, and also his showers have been weirdly long? Cornering him about that would be a shitty thing to do, so Gideon waits until they're both idly messing around in the kitchen for a snack before pointing anything out. ]
Hey, uh. You good? You can have the first pick of the fridge if you feel like shit.
[ Kaworu has been his usual self, lazy, rude, but cheerful to have Gideon... or Kiriona around now. He prefers Gideon, but supposes he could call her Kiriona if she wanted. So mostly, he's good.
Except when he's not. And he's totally unaware of the strange leak in the back of his mind. A slow drip starting to form a pool. Something easily missed until it grows large enough to start creating holes.
Kaworu twitches and looks (or something looks) at her.]
[ Kaworu tends to be very fluid with his movements. That twitch is almost as unsettling as whatever is flowing through their connection. It feels like it's creating pinpricks in Gideon's mind, little pins-and-needles in a place that she cannot reach to scratch.
Gideon doesn't get freaked out. In fact, she makes it a point to be cool in all situations, thank you very much. But this is... it's not good. ]
[ Gideon weighs her response options, ranging from your mom suck me good and hard through my jorts to are you okay? One is too sappy, one isn't sappy enough. ]
I said you can pick first. I'm not really hungry. You should eat something, you know. You seem more fucked up than usual.
[ Gideon's tone is clipped, almost brusque, as if trying to hide concern with no-nonsense advice. But now she really is starting to worry. ]
[ That's...something? Juice has calories, and more importantly, tastes good. Gideon will allow it.
Still, Kaworu's response is anything but reassuring. Gideon knows she deserves all this and more, after the stunt she pulled with him. But that doesn't make this any easier to see. ]
What do you mean, Izuku is injured? How do you know? You're the one who's acting all fucked up, dude.
[ Actually!! Fuck this shit! Kaworu is right, of course. He's always been annoyingly insightful. That doesn't mean Gideon has to like it.
She doesn't do anything more aggressive than roll her eyes, in the name of her penance. ]
Yeah. I feel like shit about it, if you have to know. I was just - [ she stops, thinks better of something, and then shakes her head ] - it doesn't matter. So I guess maybe we both feel like shit.
[ That's worse than any accusation. Gideon deflates a little. Kaworu's won. She's dropping the subject. (For now, at least.) ]
Yeah. I'm - [ Gideon chokes a little on her own voice, but this time, she manages to continue ] - I'm sorry I came back wrong. And that I don't feel the way I used to.
[ There are moments, like this one, where she hates what she's become. It's so easy to stew in that hatred, but Gideon knows if she doesn, she's already lost. She'll be Kiriona again.
So instead she crosses the distance between her and Kaworu, and if he allows her, takes him in her arms and squeezes tightly. ]
[He says with as much teenage indifference as he can muster, even as he settles in against her chest. He misses her heart beat. And her warmth. But, as always, he'll take what he can get.
something slithers in between the small spaces between them. water filling cracks]
[ Kaworu tries to reassure her, as fucked-up as he is, and Gideon wants so badly to believe him. It's not that bad, except that it is. Gideon is alive, except for the fact that she's dead.
She can't dwell on that for too long, though, because there's something between them. It shouldn't be there. It's cold and wet and wrong, and all of a sudden, Gideon's body goes stiff. Through their connection, Kaworu can probably feel a little pulse of fear. ]
Did you feel that? It's like... water. On the beach. Cold and shit.
Always? [ Gideon half-whispers, hoping that if she doesn't say it loud, then it won't be true. It's a childish way to think, but so it goes. ] This is the first time I've heard it through the bond.
Do you want to go there? To the beach? [ Maybe that would help? Gideon feels very out of her depth. Almost like she's drowning, but she doesn't want to think along those lines. ]
[ it’s like Kaworu in that he’s usually honest and bitchy, but unlike Kaworu in that it’s downright cruel. The… distance in his voice doesn’t help either. ]
Maybe. What can I say? Guess I’m a bit of a coward. [ she tries to keep her tone light, but it’s hard. ]
That’s fucked up. Maybe your dreams are like Paul’s, then, and they’re telling you to go somewhere.
[ After emerging from that memory for the final time, Kiriona (or Gideon, or whoever she is now) spends a lot of time with Ortus. Once Ortus leaves, it's back to Paul and Kaworu, who are way too nice to her in taking her in again.
She doesn't tell her father what she saw. It would be too embarrassing. He'd think her weak, or worse, he'd understand.
Still, he's bound to know that she's been gone for a while eventually, even if John has never been the most diligent in looking after her. Which is why, one evening, he hears a knock on his study door. The sound is hollow, like the grave. ]
[The run-in isn't unfortunate. It's hardly serendipitous either, of course, but perhaps it could simply be called random and left at that. He happens to notice a familiar face on his way home from one of his patrols, and he's struck by the passing thought that things have changed between him and John Gaius since the last time they spoke.
(Or perhaps more accurately, the last time he spoke to Gideon? He supposes he and Kiriona haven't exactly had the pleasure of being introduced)
Qrow couldn't explain the urge that hits him then, but he finds himself calling out to Gideon's retreating back as he closes the distance.]
...Hey. [Called out, after a moment.] You're John's kid, right?
[ She's on the way to the market when Qrow calls out to her, and being referred to as John's kid stops her dead in her tracks. It's been difficult, going between Kiriona and Gideon when neither name really fits anymore, but this guy's got it in one, hasn't he? She's John's kid. Always has been. ]
Yeah. You stopping me because I'm, like, famous on the network or whatever?
[ John has made plenty of posts about her, after all. ]
[ Oh. This guy. Kiriona never got to see his face, but based on his tone, she can make an educated guess about this dude's identity.
She shrugs, hoping that's at least somewhat reassuring. She know that still looks weird from a dead body, but so these things go. ]
Yeah. He really pissed you off, didn't he? I think I remember.
It's... [ how much to say to this guy? ] ...going fine, I guess. I'm doing better than I was in those network posts, at least. [ She offers a little laugh. ] I'm surprised you remembered enough to give a shit. That's nice of you, I guess.
[Is it nice of him? It feels a little selfish, honestly.]
The town's had us run into each other a few times since. We've got a truce for now, at least.
[...]
[Brothers, this is awkward. He should've never done this.]
...I know what it's like, is all. To think you're done with someone forever after getting burned, and then finding that door maybe isn't as shut as you thought it was. So when I saw you...felt like I had to ask.
[It's not so much a weird question as a complicated answer. He's quiet a long moment, trying to arrange his thoughts into the right places.]
...Kind of both, in a sense. Walking through it was my choice, but I only had a clear path to walk through because we ended up in Deerington.
[He lets out a quiet exhale, not quite a sigh.]
Maybe I would've made it through back in Remnant, too, but it's more likely I'd have crashed through and landed with a face full of splinters.
[They wouldn't have had the same kind of space or time to work through things, with the war still going. It would've been a desperate thing, a tarp laid over a sinkhole. A lone weathered plank set out over a chasm, rather than any sort of real bridge.]
[ There's no anger there, just cool statement of fact. ]
I'm finally done with him. With him and Wake. [ Both of her parents, but Gideon doesn't feel like explaining that. ] Doesn't mean I hate him, but it does mean my life's my own, now.
Or my death, I guess. I dunno. Words are weird. Glad you and your dude got things sorted out, though. [ She smiles ruefully. ] Your guy's probably nicer than God.
[He doesn't know who Wake is, obviously, but she's some manner of important. Connected to John in some way, he assumes. It's not particularly important for the conversation to clarify, so he sets it aside for another time, perhaps.
Still, the way she phrases that does catch him off-balance, a moment. I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world, he'd said, almost three years ago now. It's strange to think about, in the context of this conversation.
It brings to mind a conversation he's recently had with Ford, too--the older man had admitted he doesn't know how to be alone anymore, and Qrow knew how that felt, too. He's not so sure his life has ever been his own, or what he'd do with it if he had it. But Kiriona's young enough, some form of undead or otherwise; there's time for her to find out. Qrow's too set in his ways and the people he's tied himself to for that.
Somewhat at length, he admits:]
John reminds me of him. Probably why he pissed me off so bad back then, honestly. I don't know if they're really that different.
[It's an admittance that should bother him more, maybe. But the difference between now and three years ago is that he's no longer blind to Ozpin's faults, or unwilling to look directly at them.]
Honestly, it's probably that we just had a longer history. I knew him since I was your age.
[ Kiriona is young, but she won't ever be old. It's a weird thing to think about, so it's one of the many things she tries to put out of her mind. There's a lot of things she tries not to think about, but hey, that's why she occupies her mind with hot women instead.
At John reminds me of him, she winces. ]
Oh, well then maybe he is a little bit of an asshole. Or just, like, a lonely old guy. I guess those go hand in hand.
[ Despite the cruelty of her words, there's a certain softness to how Gideon pronounces them. She's sure John would describe himself in the same way. ]
How'd you meet? Was he your secret long-lost father, too?
[He is about to make some quip about the accuracy of that remark when Kiriona whips out that last question, and Qrow makes some kind of undefinable noise--like maybe he was about to laugh before he choked on it. Give him a second to clear away the psychic damage, here.]
Brothers, no.
[Sure, he's the closest thing Qrow has ever had to a father figure, but given the particular circumstances and the age of that particular host body at the time Qrow met him, it'd be uh. Somewhere between deeply disturbing and 'physically impossible' for that to be the case.]
He was the headmaster of the uh ... let's just call it the combat school I went to.
[Those are different from Huntsman academies, technically, but explaining what a Huntsman is feels like an unnecessary derail.]
He saw the best in me, and it made me want to live up to it, at a time when I was ... kind of an especially shitty person. I've been working with him in some form or another ever since.
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for kaworu
The emptiness she sends through the bond isn't intentional anymore, now more of a result of her non-living body than anything else. It's less, though, which is why she's able to notice that something is a little... off. The bond is noticeable like a hangnail.
Kaworu's acting just as strange. Nothing wrong, per se, but there's something distant in his speech, and also his showers have been weirdly long? Cornering him about that would be a shitty thing to do, so Gideon waits until they're both idly messing around in the kitchen for a snack before pointing anything out. ]
Hey, uh. You good? You can have the first pick of the fridge if you feel like shit.
no subject
Except when he's not. And he's totally unaware of the strange leak in the back of his mind. A slow drip starting to form a pool. Something easily missed until it grows large enough to start creating holes.
Kaworu twitches and looks (or something looks) at her.]
Huh?
no subject
Gideon doesn't get freaked out. In fact, she makes it a point to be cool in all situations, thank you very much. But this is... it's not good. ]
Hey. Trench to Kaworu. Can you hear me?
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[It's like a switch flipping. Or a door opening.
He turns to Gideon like she just arrived, his lips turning upwards into a smile that's soft but decidedly unfitting.]
Did you say something?
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I said you can pick first. I'm not really hungry. You should eat something, you know. You seem more fucked up than usual.
[ Gideon's tone is clipped, almost brusque, as if trying to hide concern with no-nonsense advice. But now she really is starting to worry. ]
no subject
[He reaches out and grabs a juice box, ignoring all the food, and forcibly jams the straw through the tiny tinfoil layer before taking a long sip.]
Izuku is injured.
no subject
Still, Kaworu's response is anything but reassuring. Gideon knows she deserves all this and more, after the stunt she pulled with him. But that doesn't make this any easier to see. ]
What do you mean, Izuku is injured? How do you know? You're the one who's acting all fucked up, dude.
no subject
[Okay, it's not that dire but still. He pours the juice with a flourish as if that will prove his point.]
Just bored.
no subject
...Okay. [ It's clear she doesn't believe him for a second. ] But how do you even know that? He seemed fine the last time I saw him.
We can go say hi to Shinji-kun, I guess, if you're really bored. Or check on Izuku if you're worried.
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Are you paying penance?
[It's one of those barbed questions that Kaworu asks knowing that it's got sharp edges. But the intention is good.]
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She doesn't do anything more aggressive than roll her eyes, in the name of her penance. ]
Yeah. I feel like shit about it, if you have to know. I was just - [ she stops, thinks better of something, and then shakes her head ] - it doesn't matter. So I guess maybe we both feel like shit.
[ Gideon's still not dropping this. ]
no subject
[He doesn't know what she's going on about but there was time where they didn't have these back and forths.]
no subject
Yeah. I'm - [ Gideon chokes a little on her own voice, but this time, she manages to continue ] - I'm sorry I came back wrong. And that I don't feel the way I used to.
[ There are moments, like this one, where she hates what she's become. It's so easy to stew in that hatred, but Gideon knows if she doesn, she's already lost. She'll be Kiriona again.
So instead she crosses the distance between her and Kaworu, and if he allows her, takes him in her arms and squeezes tightly. ]
Best I got is this.
no subject
[He says with as much teenage indifference as he can muster, even as he settles in against her chest. He misses her heart beat. And her warmth. But, as always, he'll take what he can get.
something slithers in between the small spaces between them. water filling cracks]
And I'd rather have you here than not at all.
no subject
[ Kaworu tries to reassure her, as fucked-up as he is, and Gideon wants so badly to believe him. It's not that bad, except that it is. Gideon is alive, except for the fact that she's dead.
She can't dwell on that for too long, though, because there's something between them. It shouldn't be there. It's cold and wet and wrong, and all of a sudden, Gideon's body goes stiff. Through their connection, Kaworu can probably feel a little pulse of fear. ]
Did you feel that? It's like... water. On the beach. Cold and shit.
no subject
I... always hear the beach.
no subject
Always? [ Gideon half-whispers, hoping that if she doesn't say it loud, then it won't be true. It's a childish way to think, but so it goes. ] This is the first time I've heard it through the bond.
Do you want to go there? To the beach? [ Maybe that would help? Gideon feels very out of her depth. Almost like she's drowning, but she doesn't want to think along those lines. ]
no subject
[It sounds like something Kaworu would say. But there's a strange tone to his voice. Like he's speaking from far away. Or underwater.]
I often dream of the beach.
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Maybe. What can I say? Guess I’m a bit of a coward. [ she tries to keep her tone light, but it’s hard. ]
That’s fucked up. Maybe your dreams are like Paul’s, then, and they’re telling you to go somewhere.
[ she makes a decision. ]
Come on. Let’s go.
for john gaius
She doesn't tell her father what she saw. It would be too embarrassing. He'd think her weak, or worse, he'd understand.
Still, he's bound to know that she's been gone for a while eventually, even if John has never been the most diligent in looking after her. Which is why, one evening, he hears a knock on his study door. The sound is hollow, like the grave. ]
no subject
(Or perhaps more accurately, the last time he spoke to Gideon? He supposes he and Kiriona haven't exactly had the pleasure of being introduced)
Qrow couldn't explain the urge that hits him then, but he finds himself calling out to Gideon's retreating back as he closes the distance.]
...Hey. [Called out, after a moment.] You're John's kid, right?
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Yeah. You stopping me because I'm, like, famous on the network or whatever?
[ John has made plenty of posts about her, after all. ]
no subject
[he hesitates, not even really sure what he was trying to do in the first place. It feels a little stupid, honestly.]
...We talked once, before uh ... before you were Kiriona. About him. Guess I've just been wondering...how it's going.
no subject
She shrugs, hoping that's at least somewhat reassuring. She know that still looks weird from a dead body, but so these things go. ]
Yeah. He really pissed you off, didn't he? I think I remember.
It's... [ how much to say to this guy? ] ...going fine, I guess. I'm doing better than I was in those network posts, at least. [ She offers a little laugh. ] I'm surprised you remembered enough to give a shit. That's nice of you, I guess.
no subject
The town's had us run into each other a few times since. We've got a truce for now, at least.
[...]
[Brothers, this is awkward. He should've never done this.]
...I know what it's like, is all. To think you're done with someone forever after getting burned, and then finding that door maybe isn't as shut as you thought it was. So when I saw you...felt like I had to ask.
no subject
Oh, that's cool. We've got a truce now, too. I think.
[ Kind of weird to say you have a truce with your dad, but it's also weird to be the child of God. Gideon doesn't get the luxury of normalcy.
She's quiet for a moment, taking everything in. Eventually: ]
With that door, did you choose to walk through it? Or did someone else make you?
Sorry. I know that's, like, a weird fucking question. Guess I'm just in a mood.
no subject
...Kind of both, in a sense. Walking through it was my choice, but I only had a clear path to walk through because we ended up in Deerington.
[He lets out a quiet exhale, not quite a sigh.]
Maybe I would've made it through back in Remnant, too, but it's more likely I'd have crashed through and landed with a face full of splinters.
[They wouldn't have had the same kind of space or time to work through things, with the war still going. It would've been a desperate thing, a tarp laid over a sinkhole. A lone weathered plank set out over a chasm, rather than any sort of real bridge.]
no subject
[ There's no anger there, just cool statement of fact. ]
I'm finally done with him. With him and Wake. [ Both of her parents, but Gideon doesn't feel like explaining that. ] Doesn't mean I hate him, but it does mean my life's my own, now.
Or my death, I guess. I dunno. Words are weird. Glad you and your dude got things sorted out, though. [ She smiles ruefully. ] Your guy's probably nicer than God.
no subject
Still, the way she phrases that does catch him off-balance, a moment. I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world, he'd said, almost three years ago now. It's strange to think about, in the context of this conversation.
It brings to mind a conversation he's recently had with Ford, too--the older man had admitted he doesn't know how to be alone anymore, and Qrow knew how that felt, too. He's not so sure his life has ever been his own, or what he'd do with it if he had it. But Kiriona's young enough, some form of undead or otherwise; there's time for her to find out. Qrow's too set in his ways and the people he's tied himself to for that.
Somewhat at length, he admits:]
John reminds me of him. Probably why he pissed me off so bad back then, honestly. I don't know if they're really that different.
[It's an admittance that should bother him more, maybe. But the difference between now and three years ago is that he's no longer blind to Ozpin's faults, or unwilling to look directly at them.]
Honestly, it's probably that we just had a longer history. I knew him since I was your age.
no subject
At John reminds me of him, she winces. ]
Oh, well then maybe he is a little bit of an asshole. Or just, like, a lonely old guy. I guess those go hand in hand.
[ Despite the cruelty of her words, there's a certain softness to how Gideon pronounces them. She's sure John would describe himself in the same way. ]
How'd you meet? Was he your secret long-lost father, too?
no subject
Brothers, no.
[Sure, he's the closest thing Qrow has ever had to a father figure, but given the particular circumstances and the age of that particular host body at the time Qrow met him, it'd be uh. Somewhere between deeply disturbing and 'physically impossible' for that to be the case.]
He was the headmaster of the uh ... let's just call it the combat school I went to.
[Those are different from Huntsman academies, technically, but explaining what a Huntsman is feels like an unnecessary derail.]
He saw the best in me, and it made me want to live up to it, at a time when I was ... kind of an especially shitty person. I've been working with him in some form or another ever since.