deercountry | But I'm tired, I will always be afraid/Of the damage I've received

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But I'm tired, I will always be afraid/Of the damage I've received

Who: Maul and Mob
What: After this happens, Maul checks up on the kid with phenomenal cosmic power
When: A few days after it all goes down
Where: Down by the beach

Content Warnings: Mentions of violence typical for both canons, others as necessary

Maul learned about what had happened a day or two after the initial destruction had gone down. He'd heard from one of his followers about how things were shaping up in Crenshaw. The Sith Lord decided the best thing to do was to avoid the area until he had more information about what was going on and who was doing it. When he eventually heard the eye at the heart of this storm was Mob, he felt a talk was in order. He'd known for some time now the teen had extraordinary powers and he wondered what had set him off on such a path of destruction, whether it had been something the Pthumerians had done to mess with him or something closer to home.

He approached the boy slowly when he eventually tracked him down, making sure he wasn't going to accidentally surprise him into lashing out with his powers. "Come on. Let us walk together." Mau led Mob down to the beach. It was no accident. If he were to go nuclear again, an unlikely possibility but still there, he wanted it to be in an area that would have the least amount of casualties.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" There was no judgment or condemnation in Maul's voice. The Force only knew he'd done things just as bad, both back in his own galaxy and here in Trench. There was a street that still bore permanent marks of damage when he'd lost control after Lance killed Reaper. But he still wanted information to get a full picture of what had happened to Mob before he could figure out if he could help the boy.

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Since it's happened Mob has been keeping to himself. He's always been hard to read, expression bland and subdued as he watches things play out, but there was small shifts before. Little smiles, eyes widening a fraction in surprise, softness around his tone- all things that seem to be gone now when he agrees to follow Maul to the beach. Just a blank look and a nod, silent on the way over.

His aura, the feeling of his power, is even more muted and controlled than before. Active, intense repression. That might answer Maul's question in a way.

The question isn't what he expects though. He's expected a lot more condemnation, a demand for answers, not the choice to even answer at all. It makes him look over from the sea to Maul, hesitating before he says, "I didn't hurt you too, did I?"

"No. I was wise enough to stay away from the area of destruction." Maul occasionally could be smart enough not to get caught up in all the shenanigans that happened in Trench, moreso now since he'd come back from his own galaxy with a new mindset on things. He had no desire to die again anytime soon.

He could sense that tight repression the boy was using, trying to keep a grip on his powers in a way that felt very unhealthy to someone as used to letting go of all his emotions as Maul did following the tenants of the Sith. But he'd get to that in a moment. "Do you feel bad about hurting the people you did?"

That's a relief, though Mob's a little too drawn into himself to feel it beyond the idea. Maul seemed strong, maybe he could have protected himself but Mob's never been sure if there's someone who could really stop him if things were- if they went like this.

Sunny did, sort of. Mob doesn't want to put Sunny through that ever again though.

"... yes," he says, tone still a little on the flat side but quieter as he looks away. "I don't want to hurt anyone ever. Even when they're trying to hurt me." So this? An absolute nightmare.

Now they were getting somewhere. Mob sounded so quiet, almost detached from what was going on around him. It was a little harder for Maul to read what his emotional state was than he would have liked but he knew he just needed to be patient right now. Answers would come in time.

"What happened that caused all this? Something must have set you off. You don't strike me as the type to suddenly snap for no reason at all." Not the way Maul himself had done in the past.

Ah, a complicated question, sort of. Mob takes a moment, unsure of how to put it, before he decides to tell Maul the truth. Or at least what he actually thinks happened.

"I think I died." He still isn't entirely sure, and that's obvious from the vague uncertainty in his tone. "Um, there was a beast. I thought it might be someone I know, because I sensed something like his life force in it... I should have been more careful. It hurt me really badly at least. I passed out, and-"

Well, what happened happened. "This... it happened before. Once when I hit my head, and once when someone choked me and I passed out."

Maul wasn't sure Mob had died in the strictest sense of the word, otherwise he would have been back in the ocean, but he wasn't ruling out an extreme form of trauma. Still, the idea that this was a consistent pattern was worrisome. "Sounds like a deep-borne instinct in response to deadly situations." Lashing out with his powers in an instinctive attempt to keep from dying, perhaps?

Now they were getting to the point that Maul had brought him out here to discuss. "You try very hard to rigidly control your powers but I fear doing so only means that when you eventually break, as in this situation, the results are far worse than they otherwise might be. I offered before to help you learn to control them while also freeing your emotions. That offer still stands."

"Maybe," Mob agrees. That made the most sense. "It seems a little like my powers taking over when I can't move anymore." That's his best guess. This time had been different in a lot of ways though.

He's quiet as Maul offers this option. It's one he's thought about, at least what Maul said to him before, about emotion and freedom. It seemed frightening back then and it was even more so now, but maybe he was right. Mob's tried to do things this way for so long and look at what's happened. Things get better only to get worse, again and again.

"I-" he starts, goes quiet, struggling. At least his aura is starting to move a bit, not quite as rigidly blank as before. Robby took him to this beach before everything happened, wanted him to open up to how he felt. At the time it seemed to work, it made him feel... better. Ready to talk to Ritsu, to face the next day that ended so badly.

And now Robby is hurt. Robby warned him about Maul too, because of Mr. Lawrence. Mob could understand why he was skeptical and angry, even if he himself thought Maul deserved a chance to show he's changed. And he's here now, offering something. Trying to help when he thinks most people would give Mob a wide berth.

"How would that work?" he glances over from under his fringe. "Robby tried once, to help me let go. I wasn't very good at it."

Maul's eyes crinkled up around the edges, going a little softer when Mob mentioned Robby. "I trained Robby for a while, taught him much of the same tenants I can offer to you. I'd like to think it helped him, if not to find balance than at least not to be afraid of feeling his emotions." Though he can't be sure. Maybe he'd just hurt his student all the more and made things worse, especially after he'd found out Maul had killed his father.

Well, he wasn't going to dwell on things he could no longer change. All he could do was focus on the present moment. Mob needed his help and that was what was important. "Most people can benefit from not trying to repress what they feel but in your case I feel that is especially true. I can sense a rigidity around you that feels like repression." It reminded Maul of the belt in the engine of a ship stretched as tight as it could go, almost to the point of being ready to snap.

"Have you ever meditated before?"

Talking about Robby isn't easy, though it's not as bad when he doesn't think about anything other than Robby and Maul. "I hope you guys can work things out," he says after a moment, because he does know now Robby struggles with his emotions sometimes too. He's felt it. He could feel it now, if he tried, but he doesn't.

"Not really, just a bit in Miyagi-do," he answers, rubbing his arm as he considers what Maul says. "It makes me fall asleep sometimes. I don't think I'm very good at it."

Another beat and he says, "I don't know how else to control my powers though. They're my feelings and... I don't want them. My powers. I don't need them. They aren't normal, even for other psychics. They're too much."

"I hope so too, my young friend," Maul said solemnly. For now, he was letting Robby have his space. It couldn't have been an easy thing to hear the teacher you'd been taking classes with for several months had killed your father but Maul figured he'd let his actions speak for themselves. He was a a much-changed Sith Lord from the one that had rashly Force-Choked Johnny to death.

Maul chuckled a little at the mention of falling asleep. "Trust me when I say you're not the first to fall asleep during meditation. My brother does so often when he tries to do so with me." Which usually resulted in Maul throwing something at Savage to wake him up. "My method of meditating is a bit different than what you are used to, so you may do better with it than before."

Then his tone grew serious. Mob was allowed a little bit of whining given what he'd been through but Maul wasn't going to coddle him. "You're not getting rid of them anytime soon. So you can either learn to control your powers or let your powers control you. Which is it going to be?"

Ah right, he saw a little about Maul's brother on the network. Maul trying to get him a date. Frankly it reminded him of Ritsu a little, Maul doing that, even if he had some sympathy for Savage. A point in Maul's favor, he adores his younger brother.

"What's your method?" he asks, still flat but he is curious. If it could help he'll try it. He'd try anything at this point.

Frankly Maul taking that tone makes Mob's expression wake up a little, a hint of alertness that was lost in the placid. He's grateful for the concern he's been shown but he doesn't really want to be coddled either. He wants people to take this seriously and hold him fairly accountable. The fact Maul seems ready to do something like that makes him open up just that tiny bit.

"I want to learn to control them," he answers, finally looking Maul in the eyes. "No matter how hard it is."

"Good. Because it will be hard," Maul said, never one to sugarcoat things. Still, he never pushed his students to their breaking point the way Sidious had with him. That was no way to learn. "But the results are worth it if you stick to your training."

He gestured for Mob to take a seat right there on the sand. Maul did likewise, crossing his mechanical legs as he took up a position for meditation. "Now, I told you my methods for meditation are a little different than what you may have felt before. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and bring all your emotions to the surface. Whatever you may be feeling, especially about what happened. Anger, sadness, guilt. Bring it up, hold it there, and focus on it. Let it sit there on the surface of your mind and run through it."

Right there was already the difference Maul's style of meditation than others. Rather than detachment, letting all emotions go so that there was no conscious thought in the mind, he instead wanted his students to acutely feel their emotional state before he began.

Mob takes the seat, too distant from himself to feel nervous. It didn't matter if it was hard, it had to happen one way or another. He couldn't be like this anymore, not when his head is skating around Daniel on the ground, Robby, Ritsu.

He doesn't close his eyes right away, but eventually he does. The question of bringing his emotions to the surface- he can't pretend he doesn't want to reject that. It's terrifying, his fingers curling a little, but he needs to try, doesn't he? What if he hurts Maul? What if it all happens again?

Miss Makima, he reminds himself, and lets out a breath. Breathes in again, out, trying to avoid it but eventually letting himself actually think about it.

The result is immediate and maybe a little alarming.

A pressure build around, imprinting on the sand. His aura is a bright thing, blues and purples and greens, swirling endless spirals and an ozone pop. He thinks about seeing the destruction on the way home and- fear, guilt. It makes the air even heavier, then heavier, enough it might be hard to breathe. Sea shells crack then crack further then fall to pieces the closer they are to him. His eyes are closed tight, and even if he's trying there's still at least some distance.

Maul was acutely aware of what was happening around him. The boy was powerful, dangerous even, and no mistake. That was why he'd wanted to do this down at the beach in the first place. If anyone got hurt, hopefully it would only be him and a bunch of fish.

He could sense the boy in the Force, the colors that made him up, something that to Maul was similar to his aura. The emotions were rising up in him now and they were a powerful force, something Maul could immediately tell had been wound up tightly so that they would not be out of control. It was time to loosen them.

"Focus in on one of those emotions. Your fear or your guilt perhaps. Keep breathing and bring it all up to the surface. Once it is there, picture it all flowing outwards away from you. Let it go. You no longer have to suppress it the way you have been." He braced himself with the Force and waited to see how Mob would interpret those instructions.

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But I'm tired, I will always be afraid/Of the damage I've received

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