march catch-all

[wingstosee]

Who: Venus Vesper (wingstosee)
What: Catch-all for March, belatedly.
When: Late March
Where: Primarily in Kainé and Anna's place, but specified by thread.

Content Warnings: Likely language and references to totalitarian regimes, but past that all warnings by thread.

Comments

[wingstosee]

[ she's here. she's focused. she's stable.

slowly, vesper allows herself to untense. she lifts the restrictions on her new body's hearing; she opens her eyes, a little bit at a time, to look down at herself again. she keeps thinking about the dock, the pier, the feeling of looking at anna-

(-and when her mind wanders, when it wonders just how she remembers that so clearly, she hugs anna tighter and tries to push it away.) ]

You're here. [ slowly, she returns to stroking her old body's hair. ] It's okay. We're... We'll make it through this. I absolutely promise. Okay?

[hauntedsavior]

How long will it take?

[she wants that sentence to come out easier. she wants to know these answers. she hates not knowing so, so desperately. everything feels so new and confusing and loud even as she turns the volume down, even as the static fades. there's so much more than just the sound, so much more than what she's hearing. and she can never, ever completely tune it out, can she? she can never get rid of it or make it stop.]

[it's stupid that she ever asked vesper to do the same.]

[feeling fingertips in her hair sends a shiver down her spine. when has she ever been able to do this? when has her too-tall frame, all limbs and elbows and knees, ever been in a position to be small like this? why can't she be small like this all the time? why can't someone take care of her in ways that the physical world seems so happy to deny? so she goes back to her question.]

I don't want it to be over too fast.

[wingstosee]

I...

[ how long will it take? does she even know? can she even know? like this, alone and deafened, she doesn't know what to say. she can't tell the truth. she can't even tell anna what she wants to hear. she doesn't know.

it's terrifying. it's terrifying and it's isolating. she tries not to think about it, stroking anna's hair and hoping desperately she guessed right. ]

I don't know... how long it'll take. [ her voice is slow, anna's lower register almost faltering with each syllable. ] But- I'll stay here. As long as you need. Okay?

[hauntedsavior]

[anna shudders again. it's her own voice saying that. it's her own voice saying the one thing that she always tells everybody else—that she'll stay, that she'll be here, that she doesn't know what's coming next but she's not going to leave. and it aches in a way that makes her heart sing something miserable and free. she doesn't know what to do except breathe and grip the t-shirt that she should be wearing and try to keep herself under control.]

Please. I'm sorry. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish this was easier, I wish it was quieter, I wish it were just me and I wish I knew what that meant anymore. [she feels so small and isn't sure that she hates it. it's awful to be trapped within a body that isn't big enough to contain everything within. it's even worse to be caught in an even smaller body with even more information to live with. but if she focuses on the touch, the feeling, the words, she thinks—she hopes that she can get through this.]

You hear this all the time? Es'st wie eine Bombe.