★ APR. (CATCH ALL); baby i'm spinnin’ 'round the corner. it's tasting kinda lonely

[opheliac]

Who: jinx & YOU
When: all of april
Where: all throughout trench
What: things that will happen with her during this month. some will be open & some will be private.
Warnings: jinx suffers from mental illness. such as the following - schizophrenia, hallucinations, PTSD, & separation anxiety. these may or may not happen in this log. BIO, PERMS, & OP-OUT: Here

❝You get in my way? I'ma feed you to the monster.❞

❝I'm normal during the day, but at night turn to a monster.❞

cw: explicit content lyrics
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
Being a bitch is my kink
What the fuck else did you think?
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
It's gonna hurt, it'll sting
Spittin' your blood in the sink

I'm crazy, but you like that, I bite back
Daisies on your nightstand, never forget it
I blossom in the moonlight, screw eyes
Glacial with the blue ice, I'm terrifying

I. TREEHOUSE VISITATION.
II. FORBIDDEN WOODS
III. PRIVATE (THE PANIC PICNIC OF FUN)
IV. PRIVATE (W. MB + WRENCH)
V. PRIVATE (W.MAKIMA)

code credit to: thisismanx

Comments

[tealeafs]

[ There's no doubt Chizuru is nervous about this whole thing. Not nervous enough to avoid it altogether, since she thinks it's important to talk to Jinx, she knows that some people have told her as much.. But it's still scary to go up to someone and talk to them when that went wrong so massively the last time around. There's always the fear - especially within someone like Chizuru - that it might happen all over again.

The saving grace truly is the fact that they're not alone. Chizuru is infinitely grateful to Jinx's cute little monkey Omen for that much. There's probably less of a chance of this going super badly when there are other people to balance out the mood..

.. hopefully, anyway.

She figures the nerves won't go away entirely. But she has to do this. You don't learn things if you don't face them.

So Chizuru does show up for the picnic, walking towards the beach, dressed in something that is definitely spring-themed, but maybe not very beach-themed. Her little bird Omen is sitting on her shoulder, not quite as sound asleep as ever. It's not at full alert, but the Omen is awake, which is odd by its standards, since it easily sleeps the day away most of the time. There's a basket in the girl's arms, filled with the picnic food she promised to bring along. She probably made.. a little bit more than exactly necessary, given how stressed out and worried she was, so she's making the friend she brought along also carry some of it, since Chizuru just simply does not have enough arms.

(Or arm strength.)

As she spots Jinx already sitting there, and as they get closer, Chizuru tells herself to just breathe calmly.

It's just a picnic. It's just a talk. S-She can do this. (She's still very nervous.) ]

Ah.. hi. [ She greets Jinx with a polite bow of her head. ] Is it alright to put the food down on the blanket..? [ Chizuru moves her hand, gesturing at the baskets she and her friend are holding. ]

[strongroots]

[ Robby is the friend.

He's dressed casual as well, a funnily clashing sight next to how done up Chizuru is, but far from looking out of place on their walk over. Small exchanges can be seen before they get close to the picnic blanket's location (and within earshot), the way he tips his head towards her for some small and silly remarks that only go so far to relax Chizuru, with how she looks.

But hey, it could be worse.

So his hands are full, and he stops when Chizuru does. Looking at Jinx with a neutral expression (subject to change depending on any looks he receives) before he regards the set-up, the omen that's out. Gives a nod of his head as a greeting with Chizuru's own, and he waits for permission before doing anything.

Got to be a good boy, or whatever. ]

[ekkoeffect]

[Ekko is dressed much like he always is, like a mechanic in his overalls, bandana around his neck, and utility belts strapped with empty slots for his tools and pockets full of something. Yeah, maybe he always smells a bit like oil and grease, but he doesn't care.

It's clear that he's cleaned up a bit though. His hands aren't wearing his usual gloves, filthy as they tend to be, because he's carefully carrying a black basket. The fried fish and baked potatoes he promised. He'd even seasoned them with some of the herbs and spices he's been growing. He's setting his food on the blanket so when the question is asked he shrugs.]

It's where I'm putting this, so why not. It's where we're eating.

[opheliac]

( somewhere down the line of her seeking for a good vibe song, she went down the rabbit hole of her own playlist. it's not loud but not fully calming, either. it's definitely in the grunge alternative genre and if it weren't for her monkey patting her leg, she wouldn't had notice the guests coming her way (with her mouthing out the lyrics and bobbing her head to its beats). she puts the tunes on pause and gathers up to her feet -- straightening out her coat for any annoying wrinkles.

her eyes first goes to chizuru and her outfit, smiling over that despite the jarring style differences in clothing, it suits her. jinx gazes over to robby next and, oh. hello. he's someone she did not expect, but regardless the smile doesn't twitch away. she doesn't hate the guy because "hate" is a very powerful feeling.

and to be on jinx's "hate" list, one has to do something despicable -- like lying, for example, being the quickest way. and the longer one keeps the lie, the stronger the hate. and despite her run-in with him and his dad on the network, it's not enough for her to put either of them in that column (in fact, she got over the whole thing). she wouldn't go out of her way to associate with him, but she has no real beef with him. so all in all, he's alright. existing and what not. )

( and before the girl can even answer chizuru's question, ekko is already well on his way putting his stuff down and answers it for her. still, her smile widens with her hands place on her hips. )

Yeah! Place 'em anywhere. — Oh! I packed some drinks too. Dunno if everyone is into wine so I got juice, too.

( mr.bananas then quickly climbs up on jinx's arm then up to perch on the girl's shoulder. his attention is on chizuru's sleepy omen in pure curiosity. he really is a sleepy little guy. maybe the bird needs more energy or something! )

And... ( jinx will start off, digging in her pocket to pull out the stone resting on her palm. ) I got this too. It's Vi's bloodstone. Helps with calmin' your nerves if ya, uh... have any.

( because it's obvious under the layers of this picnic to why it came to be in the first place. and to sit around and pretend everything is nice, sweet, and bubbly would be irresponsible and... probably look bad. clearing her throat and looking horribly awkward, jinx mumbles," I'll just... set it over here." then lightly tosses it a bit away from the food area -- so it won't effect anyone. if only the ring on her finger was a massive rock, huh? and mylo is already snickering with a scarastic, "nice communication there. veerrry natural." in her ear. )

[tealeafs]

[ Thanks, Ekko, for just making the answer very clear by putting down some stuff yourself.. At least Chizuru does know how to follow a lead, and it helps that she's very eager to just have something for her hands to do here. When she gets this nervous, she needs to have a clear task or something to fidget with, and putting down her basket and starting to take out the food she's made - an entire variety, some of it using the fruit that had been growing all over Trench last month, and even a few snacks that are more in the Japanese style that she's used to - is perfect right now.

It means the girl is quick to kneel down on the blanket, staring to take out the food bit by bit, making sure to put it on little plates she brought along to keep anything from getting too sandy..

(Let's be real - it's all going to get sandy either way.)

She's probably halfway through directing the basket Robby is holding down to the blanket as well so she can start unpacking that one when Jinx arrives at the last thing she says.

It stills Chizuru, nerves most likely on full display. She's never been good at hiding them, after all. ]

Do you.. want to talk first? [ She swallows. Chizuru glances sidelong at Robby, like she's looking for something that gives her courage there, but then turns her gaze towards Jinx. ] About last time. If-- If you two don't mind.

[ She glances properly at Ekko and Robby at that. She knows it's kind of why they're here, to keep the tensions low while talking about that stuff, but there's still a tiny part of Chizuru that feels guilty for taking up their time like this. Especially Robby's, since he's the one she brought here. ]

Jinx, if you want to say something about it first, then I.. I can listen.

[strongroots]

[ When Chizuru makes her move to settle, so does Robby; ready to put the basket where she wants and taking out the bits and pieces inside of snack bites. Really, this is looking like a feast for more than four people (and...omens??), but Robby had been figuring as much happening when Chizuru handed him a basket, while taking one herself.

Well, that's Chizuru for you.

He catches her look, here to play the support buddy, after all; regarding Jinx and Ekko, but his attention is more for the girl beside him in the immediate (and thereafter). So Robby looks at Jinx when she speaks, the stone she chucks, but he comes back to Chizuru; tipping his head at her for the question, a pull of his lips for that look she gives him. Approval given here.

And he's glad. He'd prefer they got into the subject immediately than fuss around it. ]

[ekkoeffect]

[He might have overstepped but also hadn't been thinking. A question was asked and he answered it. But when Chizuru asked to talk, he didn't say anything. Because that's definitely not a question he's answering for Jinx. He might think it's too fast, and Jinx needs more time to settle with how stressed she's already been--talking to herself can be good or bad, but Ekko is pretty sure it's not the good kind--but this is up to her. She has to manage this kind of thing for herself or it's never going to work. He hadn't met Robby before today, but at least he seems the chill type. Chizuru didn't pick someone who was going to step in for her and do the talking. Good they seemed on the same page for that.

But it's like walking along a trip wire. Even a twitch could set it off and this could blow up in their faces.

Instead, he focuses on pulling the food out he'd brought and making space to set out plates. He sends a quick look Jinx's way, trying to gauge her demeanor.]

cw: minor hallucination

[opheliac]

( her breath catches and her words dry immediately. sure, she expected this to come up, but somehow it doesn't make it less nerve-wrecking. she is still attempting to hold up her facade -- all smiles and out-going, but her vulnerability is spilling through its cracks. and deep down in her core, she despise this side of her. jinx, the loose cannon, the one who terrorized the northside, who is able to get people to pissing themselves whenever her name is uttered, is crumbling over a girl. what has she become? ... a human? )

Uh, sure!

( that leaves her before she could even realize and she carefully takes a seat while removing her socks and boots. maybe treating this spot like home will build up more courage. the emotion from her big sister (through via blood bond) is looming already; a sensation of comfort that is tickling over jinx's shoulders as if she's about to enter a boxing match. and this is... a bit what this feels like. either she comes out of this fine or get jabbed from all angles to an instant K.O.

she smiles as her focus is on chizuru with her hands on her lap. but then her eyes dart on the other side of the girl, the side robby isn't on. mylo sits there and looks on with the rest of everyone else here -- except looking way more impatient.

if only she can bite back at him, to shout at him to get out of her way so she can concentrate. but this is his favorite thing. he relishes over the fact she can't say anything because while ekko and chizuru are aware of her "freak outs", robby isn't (to her knowledge anyway. rumors might have travel to him about her hearing voices and seeing things).

therefore, she has to push on through and be normal. mr.bananas quickly picks up on this as he climbs down to place himself on her lap -- doing his best to make himself as fat as possible. if he gives himself some weight, it'll keep her grounded. )

( the teen rapidly blinks to her omen like she just got out of daydream. and when she looks up, mylo is gone. to where? who knows. he'll be back. but now is definitely the time to say something before he interrupts again. with a bite of her lip and light brushes of her omen's fur, she starts: )

L-Listen, I... I'm sorry. About that. ( so far, so good? ) — I shouldn't had gotten frustrated or upset at all. It wasn't over the question itself. I just thought, y'know, when it came to me... all of me, you knew how I was.

( then very quickly and in stammering words: )

N-Not that it's your fault!! None of it is your fault. I probably assumed like I always do and screwed up. I'm not great with people... I'm more use to weapons and how they act. But I get that doesn't excuse how I reacted. So... I'm really sorry.

( her mind is already swirling over this is being the worst apology in the existence of all apologizes. and if it is, at least she put it on the table that she sucks and she is self-aware of that. so. )

I can... still answer your question, if you want me to. Or not. Whatever is comfortable for you.

( and that's her cue fishing for a glass to pour some wine in -- anything to keep her from saying too much or wrong. )

[tealeafs]

[ At least neither Robby nor Ekko seem to think that it's enough of a bad idea to talk about it right away to push back on it - which is at least one thing Chizuru has going for her here. This entire talk is already nerve-wrecking enough, but it feels just the tiniest bit easier when this isn't a decision she has to make all by herself, or decide all by herself whether it's a good one or not.

Still - the moment she hears Jinx speak, she suddenly isn't sure at all anymore whether she was actually ready for this. Chizuru can feel her nerves playing up as she listens to the words. Not even because of anything Jinx is saying in particular. Chizuru thinks it's more than a fine apology, and she wasn't even looking for an apology from the other in the first place - so all of that works.

It's just.. a little anxiety-inducing, thinking about any of this at all.

But Chizuru does her best anyway. She listens, momentarily stopping her food arranging over here to instead pay proper attention to Jinx, looking over at the other girl from Chizuru's kneeling position on the blanket. ]

.. I'm sorry too. When you reacted to the question, I.. thought I hurt you. I started to feel really guilty, especially when things started to.. escalate.

[ Maybe it's hard to directly address the moment Jinx told her she loves her out loud. Maybe Chizuru finds it easier to put it this way, making it more vague, just to continue to have the strength and courage to speak on. ]

You don't-- You don't really have to answer my question from back then. Instead, I.. um, I'd like to ask a different one, if that's okay. [ Her gaze has slowly dropped to the blanket, rather than to Jinx directly, as she was speaking. It then shifts to the side, briefly looking at Robby. It'd feel easier if she could just hold her emotional support bestie's hand to gain some courage, but Chizuru knows that would look kind of weird here. Hence why she just leaves it at a glance in his direction before she looks at Jinx again. ]

You say.. I knew how you were. [ Not really a statement Chizuru is denying, but it's just.. making her think. ] In that case.. Who are you, Jinx..? O-Or, um.. Who do you think you are? Who.. do you want to be..?

[strongroots]

[ If there's anything left in the baskets to take out, Robby doesn't particularly care to keep working on them with the conversation currently being shared over the picnic blanket. He's got a leg tucked under his other, and while it'd be easy to sit down properly, he decides to keep as he is right now similar to Chizuru.

He's not particularly trying to watch Jinx as she speaks this time. Her words are for Chizuru, but he doesn't watch her too much, as if every reaction needs to be studied. His eyebrows do raise though, hearing the girl--so different from how she likes to act online, but Robby knows that isn't all just saved for online trolling.

If he wants to say anything, he doesn't, before or after the two girls have both spoken. He does look at Ekko momentarily though.

As, you know, both the other guy there, and the other on Friend Support Duty. ]

[ekkoeffect]

[She's never been good at apologies. Never been good at admitting when she fucked up, because she always felt she had to not be the one at fault. Being the one to blame when things go wrong is one of the things Jinx avoids to an extreme.

The fact she's even taking some of the blame, let alone placing it all on her own shoulders instead of Chizuru's is a lot. It shows to him how much she's changed, how much she keeps changing. And maybe Chizuru and her won't work things out, but he really hopes that doesn't mean all the progress she makes will get blown up.

But she's doing pretty damn good right now explaining herself, so he hopes that keeps up. His job is to help keep things even if she can't, but he wants this to be on her own terms more than him being a go-between. He doesn't want that to be necessary.

Even if it means he's sitting here pretty useless while the girls have a very deep talk that it's almost uncomfortable to part of. But he's doing it for her. Is this a "big brother" role thing? Thinking of Mylo and Clangor...

Best not to think about that.

He sees the look from Robby though. A knowing look you can only understand if you have had to ride-or-die with a friend with their Feelings. He raises an eyebrow and gives a little shrug. Small and trying not to draw attention to himself.]

cw: spoilers of arcane

[opheliac]

( she gulps down her wine way faster than she needs to. because alcohol is good for anxiety, right? if the customers of the last drop taught her anything is that whenever you have a problem, just drink. and funny how she suspected the blood stone to be passed around like a hot potato when it's look like she might be the one who will be holding it in the end. but the next set of questions that chizuru asks are like a pin drop, a shattered glass, a record scratch. they're not bad questions, in fact, they're pretty fucking good. it's just... she's been running away from them since she arrived here in trench.

mr. bananas carefully takes the drinking glass out of jinx's hand with his tail. if she holds onto that any longer, it'll definitely be into pieces and that will be a mess. )

W-Wha...?

( she trails off -- looking around at the meals in front of them as if the answers are playing a game of hide and seek with her. )

Who is Jinx? ( now this is where she tosses up her usual reply of," jinx? jinx stands for jinx, durr." and let the people decipher for themselves. but the teen knows that will do no good here. and neither is escaping -- her fingers are already twitching to instinctively reach for a smoke bomb to high tail it out of here. don't worry, there aren't any bombs on her person and her hands stay where they are. it's all just a defense mechanism response. )

Jinx is...

( her attention is now at the ring; a finger caresses along the stone. )

— Jinx is someone who Vi wanted. ( she admits with a hushed tone; avoiding looking up at everyone -- ekko, especially. and is she really going to refer herself in third person? yes. but hey, whatever helps her go through these questions. furthermore, what does vi have to do with all of this? sadly, a lot.)

Everyone thinks it was Silco who made her. It was never him. All he did was... put a roof over her head and gave her a job. All the know-how to do heists, stake-outs, fighting, hurting people... Vi taught her that. She liked harming people so... Jinx liked it, too. Kinda encouraged it, sometimes. That's why she doesn't get why Vi hates it now.

( a brief pause. )

Some had called Jinx crazy, sick, a liability, dangerous, a monster, or Silco's mangy mutt.

( jinx turns her hand to see the tattoo quote, "you're perfect" on her index finger. a very weak smile is on her face as she blinks away a pink shimmer tear from leaking through. )

But Silco calls her strong, perfect, and a prodigy. He told her to be what people fear and to use betrayal as a tool to be greater.

( a beat; chewing on her lip with so much uncertainty. )

I think... I think Jinx is all of that? Maybe, I dunno. ( ... ) I'm just a monster that Vi created who simply exists. No missions, no Piltover to rip apart, no Nation of Zaun. I just... exist. — And when I see everyone here in this city have nice things, I want what they have. I want to be like them but also be Jinx somehow, too. 'Cuz I don't think she's all that bad sometimes. But I know I can't have what you all have. I never can. I can try over and over, but I'll get punished if I try to be anything else but Jinx. Sometimes that makes me angry.

[tealeafs]

[ It's a lot. And not even the sort of answer she really expected. After all, Chizuru was more wondering who Jinx wanted to be - someone who enjoys violence, or someone who's trying to stay away from at least needless violence. That felt like the important question here, but.. it seems that this issue all runs even deeper, and the girl can't help but glance in Ekko's direction as she hears Jinx speak. Not the entire time, but there are moments where she's trying to gauge his reaction as well.

He comes from the same world as Jinx, after all. He'd know better than Chizuru if this is something he's heard about before, or something he'd already figured for himself. Especially when some of the things Jinx is saying feel odd to Chizuru.

(Mostly about Vi. Would Vi.. really want Jinx to be like that? Violent, or uncaring? Chizuru thinks on what she knows about Vi, and it feels-- just not right.)

Chizuru is quiet when Jinx finished talking. Awkwardly so. What does someone even say in the face of all of this? It feels so heavy.

.. but she can't be quiet either. And letting Robby or Ekko speak for her.. that feels cowardly, and rude on top of it. She can't expect other people to solve her own problems. ]

Who.. punished you?

[ In this place, Chizuru means, since it kind of sounds like Jinx may be talking about Trench there - or maybe this is just about Zaun.

But Chizuru can't imagine anyone punished Jinx here. Chizuru even tried really hard to steer Caitlyn away from the other girl, and she's the only thing that seemed even remotely like a threat in that sense.

She briefly glances at Robby too. It looks a little apologetic, since this is definitely more than she expected to accidentally drag the poor boy into.. ]

[strongroots]

[ Man, this is not the time to be making any swift change of faces or saying shit, huh.

And this is a time where he'd like to say a few things to Chizuru under a more...private situation, that doesn't have Jinx or Ekko across from them. Or even to someone else--hell, maybe Viktor. Viktor's a good shot.

He sucks on the inside of his cheek, but keeps his thoughts private through Jinx's...third personing. Decides--even if the picnic part of this feels absolutely disconnected from everything actually happens--to take a piece of food and to start eating at it.

Somewhere after looking and catching Chizuru's gaze. A look he'd rather like to signal something with, but even he isn't sure what that entirely is. A question? Uncertainty? His brows lower tightly, in an expression not so much confused, but somewhat concerned.

But he's definitely munching on a jam tart. ]

[ekkoeffect]

[Maybe Ekko should be eating, but it's really hard to eat when Jinx just said she thinks Vi is the reason she's the way she is. Vi. Vi. The one who didn't even care that Jinx was out there killing for Silco and ruining their city for him because she wanted to have her sister with her again. The one who would excuse so much of Jinx's behavior at the drop of a hat.

Maybe it shouldn't surprise him the way it does, like a punch to the gut. Because this is exactly what Jinx would think. She also thought he wanted her dead despite him never once trying to kill her. She had shot at him, killed his friends, and even blow him up and never once had he tried to kill her, but she was so sure that was what their relationship was. And if Jinx assumed something was the truth, she had to get punched in the face with reality before changing her opinion.

Of course, Jinx would take the worst day in their lives and define her entire personality around it and give Silco--the guy who ruined everything, egged her on, praised her for turning into his little killing machine--the least amount of blame.

It makes all too much sense in how much it makes no sense at all.

Maybe he does need to shove food in his mouth to stop himself from saying things that will derail what this whole picnic is about. He cocks his head ath Robby and motions toward those tarts. Give.]

[opheliac]

( and like everyone else in this deep dive of an emotional picnic, she should also be eating. but with her doing most of the talking, chowing down is the furthest thing in her mind right now -- even with her stomach quietly gargling. although she doesn't reach for anything, her omen picks up a fruit and holds it up to his sleeper's eye level.

her stomach had been on empty since last night and given shimmer is within her bloodstream, her not eating for this long can get rather dangerous. an average human body can still truck along if they miss a day or two of meals, but someone who is chemically altered with the serum? just one day without anything can lead them to collapsing and fall into unconsciousness.

it'd happened to her twice so far when all coldbloods couldn't do a simple task without exhaustion. and vi religiously checked on her baby sister every several hours with an enormous stash of food for jinx to devour. because in order for jinx to function normally, she has to eat at least three (maybe four) plates worth of food, and then burn it off later. maybe it explains why she is always so damn energetic. her pinks fixate on the crop and then takes it reluctantly. jinx takes one bite just to satisfy her omen (for now); chewing the produce thoroughly yet shrugs at chizuru's question. )

( there's a small chuckle though -- a somewhat of an amusement type as she comes up with an answer. )

Who knows. Janna, maybe? ( there's sarcasm swirling in her tone while looking over at her bitten fruit. ) — The ancient protector of Zaun.

( a beat. )

She ain't real, though. Just some made-believe story grown-ups tell the kids to give us hope whenever things go wrong in the Undercity. ( another nonchalant shrug with a light toss of the fruit to be in her other hand. )

Or maybe she was real. The fossils use to rant a lot at The Last Drop how they've seen her durin' their sails and junk. Maybe she took one look at me and gave me the curse.

( she hands the fruit back to her omen in which he wants to protest, but decides to take it off her grasp. for now, of course. he'll make her eat in the next couple of minutes. )

What I'm tryin' to get at, Ru, is... I wanna have friends. A home, a family... the same wants as everyone else. But because I'm different, I feel can't have those things. Not in a long run. My "Jinx" will make sure of it whether I do something on purpose, on accident, or doin' absolutely nothing.

For a world to have balance, light needs dark. Good needs evil. And I guess it's my curse's way of sayin' I'm meant to be on the other side of things. — So I would embrace it 'cuz... you can't fight destiny or whatever people say. And sometimes it feels great not givin' a fuck once in awhile and just go wild.

( and finally, she glances over at chizuru -- the following sentences that leaves her lips will definitely make the boys awkward so hopefully those tarts are crazy delicious. )

— But being around you the last two months, made me feel like I don't gotta live a life like that. Y'know, all alone and... yearnin' for what everyone else has. Even though I think and believe all of this, I can still... I dunno, maybe have the things that I really want. That I gotta shot? I wanna show everyone I can be great. Like we said we were gonna do together. And I am tryin'. I just...

( she lets the sentence trail off then: )

Get easily enabled by others. ( she shoots a glare at her monkey in which he shrugs and says with a pep in his speech.) What? We're all thinking it! And it's true. Do better.

[tealeafs]

[ Well, at least some people are enjoying the picnic food she brought.. Because Chizuru herself sure isn't. There's no way she could. She's still feeling too antsy, and that sensation makes her throat feel like it's unable to let anything pass through it whatsoever right now. Not that she'll stop anyone else from enjoying the food - but Chizuru just sits there, almost motionlessly as she's listening to all of this instead.

And what she's listening to is a lot. Again. It makes it so tempting to stay quiet here. To let Robby speak up, because she always feels like he is able to say things that make way more sense than anything she could say. Or to let Ekko speak up, who knows Jinx better, who might know the right thing to say.

After all - Chizuru is still so worried about setting the other girl off again. Of saying the wrong thing here.

But she has no idea what the wrong thing or the right thing is here. There's just-- uncertainty, even with that last tidbit the Omen offers. But even with that uncertainty, she has to try. It feels too cruel to just back down and leave this to the boys when it feels like this is her problem, not theirs. ]

Destiny.. I don't think that sort of thing exists. [ She speaks slowly, carefully. It's clear to see Chizuru is a little troubled as she speaks, her eyebrows carefully drawn together. ] I can see how it might feel that way, if certain events always end up happening a certain way, but.. it feels like attributing that sort of thing to 'destiny' just makes them go wrong the same way over and over.

[ She swallows, her hands folded up into worried fists on top of her legs - so tight with tense nerves that her knuckles are turning white. ]

Everyone can be who they want to be, I think. If they really try. You too, Jinx. Everyone is just doing their best everyday to be who they want to be. [ Her glances shifts at Robby and Ekko, only briefly, before she looks at the other girl. ]

You just.. have to decide who you want to be. A-and then try.

[strongroots]

[ Damn Ekko, glad to have you in this section of the picnic of Not Saying Shit Despite Shit Being Said. He catches the look, the motion, and here, Ekko, have a blackberry tart passed your way. Now that Robby's started--and considering their size--he doesn't mind placing a second tart on top of his knee for when he wants to bite into that one.

By the time the two girls have finished speaking, he's bit into the side of it. But, for once, he actually feels like speaking up proper. Doesn't feel the need to shut his mouth and just listen with a few glances here and here, with most of them on no one.

But now, he does look over to Jinx. ]

You've got stuff to work through, but so's a bunch of people here. We're not all out here living some perfectly easy life, most of us don't fall into black or white, and bad stuff happens even when we're trying to be better people. No one gets the same luck--some people get to go through life falling with a cushion always under them and the rest of us struggle.

[ And then there's the between, but whatever. Lucky fucks regardless. ]

If you wanna be someone who enjoys the simple life once in a while and goes off other times, that's your choice. [ He shrugs a little, cants his head towards Chizuru. ] I just know Chizuru's wanted to understand you, and be on the same page. She never saw the stuff you said online. You should probably talk to Vi about the other stuff you said, too.

[ A beat, and he looks at Mister Bananas briefly... ]

Also, I don't know what your monkey's talking about.

[ Because he doesn't want to agree with shit he wasn't thinking by not acknowledging it. ]