★ APR. (CATCH ALL); baby i'm spinnin’ 'round the corner. it's tasting kinda lonely

[opheliac]

Who: jinx & YOU
When: all of april
Where: all throughout trench
What: things that will happen with her during this month. some will be open & some will be private.
Warnings: jinx suffers from mental illness. such as the following - schizophrenia, hallucinations, PTSD, & separation anxiety. these may or may not happen in this log. BIO, PERMS, & OP-OUT: Here

❝You get in my way? I'ma feed you to the monster.❞

❝I'm normal during the day, but at night turn to a monster.❞

cw: explicit content lyrics
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
Being a bitch is my kink
What the fuck else did you think?
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
It's gonna hurt, it'll sting
Spittin' your blood in the sink

I'm crazy, but you like that, I bite back
Daisies on your nightstand, never forget it
I blossom in the moonlight, screw eyes
Glacial with the blue ice, I'm terrifying

I. TREEHOUSE VISITATION.
II. FORBIDDEN WOODS
III. PRIVATE (THE PANIC PICNIC OF FUN)
IV. PRIVATE (W. MB + WRENCH)
V. PRIVATE (W.MAKIMA)

code credit to: thisismanx

Comments

[strongroots]

[ If there's anything left in the baskets to take out, Robby doesn't particularly care to keep working on them with the conversation currently being shared over the picnic blanket. He's got a leg tucked under his other, and while it'd be easy to sit down properly, he decides to keep as he is right now similar to Chizuru.

He's not particularly trying to watch Jinx as she speaks this time. Her words are for Chizuru, but he doesn't watch her too much, as if every reaction needs to be studied. His eyebrows do raise though, hearing the girl--so different from how she likes to act online, but Robby knows that isn't all just saved for online trolling.

If he wants to say anything, he doesn't, before or after the two girls have both spoken. He does look at Ekko momentarily though.

As, you know, both the other guy there, and the other on Friend Support Duty. ]

[ekkoeffect]

[She's never been good at apologies. Never been good at admitting when she fucked up, because she always felt she had to not be the one at fault. Being the one to blame when things go wrong is one of the things Jinx avoids to an extreme.

The fact she's even taking some of the blame, let alone placing it all on her own shoulders instead of Chizuru's is a lot. It shows to him how much she's changed, how much she keeps changing. And maybe Chizuru and her won't work things out, but he really hopes that doesn't mean all the progress she makes will get blown up.

But she's doing pretty damn good right now explaining herself, so he hopes that keeps up. His job is to help keep things even if she can't, but he wants this to be on her own terms more than him being a go-between. He doesn't want that to be necessary.

Even if it means he's sitting here pretty useless while the girls have a very deep talk that it's almost uncomfortable to part of. But he's doing it for her. Is this a "big brother" role thing? Thinking of Mylo and Clangor...

Best not to think about that.

He sees the look from Robby though. A knowing look you can only understand if you have had to ride-or-die with a friend with their Feelings. He raises an eyebrow and gives a little shrug. Small and trying not to draw attention to himself.]

cw: spoilers of arcane

[opheliac]

( she gulps down her wine way faster than she needs to. because alcohol is good for anxiety, right? if the customers of the last drop taught her anything is that whenever you have a problem, just drink. and funny how she suspected the blood stone to be passed around like a hot potato when it's look like she might be the one who will be holding it in the end. but the next set of questions that chizuru asks are like a pin drop, a shattered glass, a record scratch. they're not bad questions, in fact, they're pretty fucking good. it's just... she's been running away from them since she arrived here in trench.

mr. bananas carefully takes the drinking glass out of jinx's hand with his tail. if she holds onto that any longer, it'll definitely be into pieces and that will be a mess. )

W-Wha...?

( she trails off -- looking around at the meals in front of them as if the answers are playing a game of hide and seek with her. )

Who is Jinx? ( now this is where she tosses up her usual reply of," jinx? jinx stands for jinx, durr." and let the people decipher for themselves. but the teen knows that will do no good here. and neither is escaping -- her fingers are already twitching to instinctively reach for a smoke bomb to high tail it out of here. don't worry, there aren't any bombs on her person and her hands stay where they are. it's all just a defense mechanism response. )

Jinx is...

( her attention is now at the ring; a finger caresses along the stone. )

— Jinx is someone who Vi wanted. ( she admits with a hushed tone; avoiding looking up at everyone -- ekko, especially. and is she really going to refer herself in third person? yes. but hey, whatever helps her go through these questions. furthermore, what does vi have to do with all of this? sadly, a lot.)

Everyone thinks it was Silco who made her. It was never him. All he did was... put a roof over her head and gave her a job. All the know-how to do heists, stake-outs, fighting, hurting people... Vi taught her that. She liked harming people so... Jinx liked it, too. Kinda encouraged it, sometimes. That's why she doesn't get why Vi hates it now.

( a brief pause. )

Some had called Jinx crazy, sick, a liability, dangerous, a monster, or Silco's mangy mutt.

( jinx turns her hand to see the tattoo quote, "you're perfect" on her index finger. a very weak smile is on her face as she blinks away a pink shimmer tear from leaking through. )

But Silco calls her strong, perfect, and a prodigy. He told her to be what people fear and to use betrayal as a tool to be greater.

( a beat; chewing on her lip with so much uncertainty. )

I think... I think Jinx is all of that? Maybe, I dunno. ( ... ) I'm just a monster that Vi created who simply exists. No missions, no Piltover to rip apart, no Nation of Zaun. I just... exist. — And when I see everyone here in this city have nice things, I want what they have. I want to be like them but also be Jinx somehow, too. 'Cuz I don't think she's all that bad sometimes. But I know I can't have what you all have. I never can. I can try over and over, but I'll get punished if I try to be anything else but Jinx. Sometimes that makes me angry.

[tealeafs]

[ It's a lot. And not even the sort of answer she really expected. After all, Chizuru was more wondering who Jinx wanted to be - someone who enjoys violence, or someone who's trying to stay away from at least needless violence. That felt like the important question here, but.. it seems that this issue all runs even deeper, and the girl can't help but glance in Ekko's direction as she hears Jinx speak. Not the entire time, but there are moments where she's trying to gauge his reaction as well.

He comes from the same world as Jinx, after all. He'd know better than Chizuru if this is something he's heard about before, or something he'd already figured for himself. Especially when some of the things Jinx is saying feel odd to Chizuru.

(Mostly about Vi. Would Vi.. really want Jinx to be like that? Violent, or uncaring? Chizuru thinks on what she knows about Vi, and it feels-- just not right.)

Chizuru is quiet when Jinx finished talking. Awkwardly so. What does someone even say in the face of all of this? It feels so heavy.

.. but she can't be quiet either. And letting Robby or Ekko speak for her.. that feels cowardly, and rude on top of it. She can't expect other people to solve her own problems. ]

Who.. punished you?

[ In this place, Chizuru means, since it kind of sounds like Jinx may be talking about Trench there - or maybe this is just about Zaun.

But Chizuru can't imagine anyone punished Jinx here. Chizuru even tried really hard to steer Caitlyn away from the other girl, and she's the only thing that seemed even remotely like a threat in that sense.

She briefly glances at Robby too. It looks a little apologetic, since this is definitely more than she expected to accidentally drag the poor boy into.. ]

[strongroots]

[ Man, this is not the time to be making any swift change of faces or saying shit, huh.

And this is a time where he'd like to say a few things to Chizuru under a more...private situation, that doesn't have Jinx or Ekko across from them. Or even to someone else--hell, maybe Viktor. Viktor's a good shot.

He sucks on the inside of his cheek, but keeps his thoughts private through Jinx's...third personing. Decides--even if the picnic part of this feels absolutely disconnected from everything actually happens--to take a piece of food and to start eating at it.

Somewhere after looking and catching Chizuru's gaze. A look he'd rather like to signal something with, but even he isn't sure what that entirely is. A question? Uncertainty? His brows lower tightly, in an expression not so much confused, but somewhat concerned.

But he's definitely munching on a jam tart. ]

[ekkoeffect]

[Maybe Ekko should be eating, but it's really hard to eat when Jinx just said she thinks Vi is the reason she's the way she is. Vi. Vi. The one who didn't even care that Jinx was out there killing for Silco and ruining their city for him because she wanted to have her sister with her again. The one who would excuse so much of Jinx's behavior at the drop of a hat.

Maybe it shouldn't surprise him the way it does, like a punch to the gut. Because this is exactly what Jinx would think. She also thought he wanted her dead despite him never once trying to kill her. She had shot at him, killed his friends, and even blow him up and never once had he tried to kill her, but she was so sure that was what their relationship was. And if Jinx assumed something was the truth, she had to get punched in the face with reality before changing her opinion.

Of course, Jinx would take the worst day in their lives and define her entire personality around it and give Silco--the guy who ruined everything, egged her on, praised her for turning into his little killing machine--the least amount of blame.

It makes all too much sense in how much it makes no sense at all.

Maybe he does need to shove food in his mouth to stop himself from saying things that will derail what this whole picnic is about. He cocks his head ath Robby and motions toward those tarts. Give.]

[opheliac]

( and like everyone else in this deep dive of an emotional picnic, she should also be eating. but with her doing most of the talking, chowing down is the furthest thing in her mind right now -- even with her stomach quietly gargling. although she doesn't reach for anything, her omen picks up a fruit and holds it up to his sleeper's eye level.

her stomach had been on empty since last night and given shimmer is within her bloodstream, her not eating for this long can get rather dangerous. an average human body can still truck along if they miss a day or two of meals, but someone who is chemically altered with the serum? just one day without anything can lead them to collapsing and fall into unconsciousness.

it'd happened to her twice so far when all coldbloods couldn't do a simple task without exhaustion. and vi religiously checked on her baby sister every several hours with an enormous stash of food for jinx to devour. because in order for jinx to function normally, she has to eat at least three (maybe four) plates worth of food, and then burn it off later. maybe it explains why she is always so damn energetic. her pinks fixate on the crop and then takes it reluctantly. jinx takes one bite just to satisfy her omen (for now); chewing the produce thoroughly yet shrugs at chizuru's question. )

( there's a small chuckle though -- a somewhat of an amusement type as she comes up with an answer. )

Who knows. Janna, maybe? ( there's sarcasm swirling in her tone while looking over at her bitten fruit. ) — The ancient protector of Zaun.

( a beat. )

She ain't real, though. Just some made-believe story grown-ups tell the kids to give us hope whenever things go wrong in the Undercity. ( another nonchalant shrug with a light toss of the fruit to be in her other hand. )

Or maybe she was real. The fossils use to rant a lot at The Last Drop how they've seen her durin' their sails and junk. Maybe she took one look at me and gave me the curse.

( she hands the fruit back to her omen in which he wants to protest, but decides to take it off her grasp. for now, of course. he'll make her eat in the next couple of minutes. )

What I'm tryin' to get at, Ru, is... I wanna have friends. A home, a family... the same wants as everyone else. But because I'm different, I feel can't have those things. Not in a long run. My "Jinx" will make sure of it whether I do something on purpose, on accident, or doin' absolutely nothing.

For a world to have balance, light needs dark. Good needs evil. And I guess it's my curse's way of sayin' I'm meant to be on the other side of things. — So I would embrace it 'cuz... you can't fight destiny or whatever people say. And sometimes it feels great not givin' a fuck once in awhile and just go wild.

( and finally, she glances over at chizuru -- the following sentences that leaves her lips will definitely make the boys awkward so hopefully those tarts are crazy delicious. )

— But being around you the last two months, made me feel like I don't gotta live a life like that. Y'know, all alone and... yearnin' for what everyone else has. Even though I think and believe all of this, I can still... I dunno, maybe have the things that I really want. That I gotta shot? I wanna show everyone I can be great. Like we said we were gonna do together. And I am tryin'. I just...

( she lets the sentence trail off then: )

Get easily enabled by others. ( she shoots a glare at her monkey in which he shrugs and says with a pep in his speech.) What? We're all thinking it! And it's true. Do better.

[tealeafs]

[ Well, at least some people are enjoying the picnic food she brought.. Because Chizuru herself sure isn't. There's no way she could. She's still feeling too antsy, and that sensation makes her throat feel like it's unable to let anything pass through it whatsoever right now. Not that she'll stop anyone else from enjoying the food - but Chizuru just sits there, almost motionlessly as she's listening to all of this instead.

And what she's listening to is a lot. Again. It makes it so tempting to stay quiet here. To let Robby speak up, because she always feels like he is able to say things that make way more sense than anything she could say. Or to let Ekko speak up, who knows Jinx better, who might know the right thing to say.

After all - Chizuru is still so worried about setting the other girl off again. Of saying the wrong thing here.

But she has no idea what the wrong thing or the right thing is here. There's just-- uncertainty, even with that last tidbit the Omen offers. But even with that uncertainty, she has to try. It feels too cruel to just back down and leave this to the boys when it feels like this is her problem, not theirs. ]

Destiny.. I don't think that sort of thing exists. [ She speaks slowly, carefully. It's clear to see Chizuru is a little troubled as she speaks, her eyebrows carefully drawn together. ] I can see how it might feel that way, if certain events always end up happening a certain way, but.. it feels like attributing that sort of thing to 'destiny' just makes them go wrong the same way over and over.

[ She swallows, her hands folded up into worried fists on top of her legs - so tight with tense nerves that her knuckles are turning white. ]

Everyone can be who they want to be, I think. If they really try. You too, Jinx. Everyone is just doing their best everyday to be who they want to be. [ Her glances shifts at Robby and Ekko, only briefly, before she looks at the other girl. ]

You just.. have to decide who you want to be. A-and then try.

[strongroots]

[ Damn Ekko, glad to have you in this section of the picnic of Not Saying Shit Despite Shit Being Said. He catches the look, the motion, and here, Ekko, have a blackberry tart passed your way. Now that Robby's started--and considering their size--he doesn't mind placing a second tart on top of his knee for when he wants to bite into that one.

By the time the two girls have finished speaking, he's bit into the side of it. But, for once, he actually feels like speaking up proper. Doesn't feel the need to shut his mouth and just listen with a few glances here and here, with most of them on no one.

But now, he does look over to Jinx. ]

You've got stuff to work through, but so's a bunch of people here. We're not all out here living some perfectly easy life, most of us don't fall into black or white, and bad stuff happens even when we're trying to be better people. No one gets the same luck--some people get to go through life falling with a cushion always under them and the rest of us struggle.

[ And then there's the between, but whatever. Lucky fucks regardless. ]

If you wanna be someone who enjoys the simple life once in a while and goes off other times, that's your choice. [ He shrugs a little, cants his head towards Chizuru. ] I just know Chizuru's wanted to understand you, and be on the same page. She never saw the stuff you said online. You should probably talk to Vi about the other stuff you said, too.

[ A beat, and he looks at Mister Bananas briefly... ]

Also, I don't know what your monkey's talking about.

[ Because he doesn't want to agree with shit he wasn't thinking by not acknowledging it. ]