and for a brief moment, we could stop the time.

[possessum]

^{Who: Peter Graham / possessum + various!
What: Catchall through endgame. I'll be placing starters for folks here to indulge in. If at any time you would like to do something with Peter before the game ends, please hit me up ♡
When: June - August.
Where: Various places in Trench.}

BUT WITH THE STARS AND THE MOON, I WOKE UP IN THE NIGHT.

Comments

misc.

[possessum]

— random threads around the city, etc.

cw: Dark Knight spoilers, spoilers up to 6.3 possible

[aetherweaver]

[Nara'a has been sitting on this for too long. Peter has been a good friend to him, but he'd disappeared quickly after he - or his Avatar - had threatened that woman. He'd never gotten the story, given that Peter was shaken and he'd decided it wasn't the best time to pry.]

[But things can always look up. He wanders over to Peter's with a basket of food - some jams, some fresh bread, and a few candies. He hesitates at the door and takes a deep breath. It's fine. He's fine. He's just going to talk to a friend about the things inside of his head and soul, it's totally normal.]

[It's not normal, and he knows it. His mind is teeming with too many things as if it were a forest and his thoughts the animals within it. But it's Peter. Peter of all people won't judge him.]

[He knocks on the door, calling out -]

Peter? It's Nara'a. Are you free?

[Maybe he should have texted first? That seems to be the 'modern' way. ... It's still hard to change customs sometimes.]

[possessum]

( Peter's fallen a bit out of touch, admittedly, with more than a few people. The days have been long and hot and strange. The month of The Reckoning looms closer and closer, and he remembers what happened to him last year. It still aches, and it's a horror and a dread. He keeps close to home.

....More people also seem to have been returning to the ocean as of late. He hasn't spoken much about it, just quietly carried that awareness. People leave him in cycles, it seems. They always have. Several loved ones at once. He grieves numbly.

He's thought about Nara'a, after what happened. It's still something he's been trying to recover from, slowly: the cultists coming here for him. That screaming woman whose name he'd only learned recently. They might come for him again, someday. They probably will. But there were friends who protected Peter, who helped him through it. He isn't alone.

When the knock comes, it's a lazy afternoon and Peter's lounging on a couch in the living room while Luna's taking care of some things up at Ritual Gig. He moves long legs to stand, and heads to the door, brows lifting when he hears the voice on the other end. Peter's opening it up to the other man, feeling an odd sweep of relief. Nara'a is still here. )

Nara'a— hey. Yeah dude, come on in...! ( He's opening the door wider, moving aside to welcome him inside the comfortable witchy townhouse that he and Luna have made theirs. )

How's it been?

[aetherweaver]

[Nara'a has also fallen out of touch with more people than he'd like. He knows many have returned to the sea, but he's just... not sure when his time will come. He wants to go home, but he doesn't want to leave the people here. It tears at him, but he carries it as he always does.]

[He smiles as the door is opened, stepping inside and looking to see if he should take his boots off. ... Some people are more sensitive about that than others, and he's not sure how it is for Peter's culture.]

I've been... all right. Thinking over some things, and... I thought I should check in on you. Not that I'm trying to... hover or anything, just...

[He sets the basket down and pulls off his boots, having come to a decision. His claws can be seen just barely poking out his socks. ... He probably needs to trim those. But he sets his footware aside and straightens up, carrying the basket with him.]

... I wanted to talk about some things, but only if you're okay with that.

[possessum]

[ Peter waits until the other is in before closing the door, turning to watch him as he listens. A soft frown tugs at his mouth — worry bubbling up under the surface. Peter's prone to jumping to the worst conclusions, anxiety worn like a second skin. ]

Yeah— definitely. Here, it's comfy in the living room, we can go in there.

[ He'll lead the other over to where there's a nice sitting area, with a sofa and some plush chairs, bookshelves, and a fireplace — not that there's any need for that right now, with how hot it's been..... But overall it's a very comfortable space, cluttered in a cosy way. A few random knickknacks scattered around, mostly the handiwork of Luna (...and some being from Paimon....)

Peter settles into an arm chair, not wanting to push Nara'a in any way, but his worry for his friend prickles and flutters like too many little insects. ]

Is everything okay?

[aetherweaver]

[He follows and looks around, a little cautious - for no reason, he knows there's no reason - and sits on the sofa near Peter. It's an instinct, something buzzing at him to keep his allies close and protect them, just in case - in case what? - and he sets the basket down near him.]

[... He's told Chizuru about some of this, but it's still scary every time.]

Well, first... I wanted to make sure that you were okay. You... weren't, the last time we were together. And... I wasn't in the best of ways either, having used up a lot of my aether.

[He'd had to hunt something after, if only to keep his Avatar satiated. The strange creature had never spoken much to him, and he had the sense that was the first time it had spoken at length in a long time.]

And... and it's not the only thing in my soul. It's... one of them is more complicated than the other, though they're both complicated in their way.

[possessum]

[ Peter eyes the basket for a moment, but for once, his black hole stomach isn't the dominating force here and he doesn't poke his nose into asking what's in it just yet (that'll come, for sure...) but for now, he's just worried. The last time someone came to him and asked to talk, it was to tell him a friend had died, and things were.... bad, hard, and something's clearly up. He's listening intently, keeping quiet for the moment, as Nara'a explains.

Ah. That time.... Peter's spent some time looking back on things since then, and.... thinking about a lot. But he hasn't openly talked about it much, not even with Luna. It's... a nightmare that's so difficult to face. But he hasn't forgotten, and certainly not how Nara'a (and the Other Thing inside of him) had come to his rescue. It all feels very dreamlike, hard to grasp, but he hasn't forgotten the glimpse he'd gotten of that thing.

Not the only thing in his soul....? That's a concept that certainly isn't unfamiliar to Peter, and has in fact been on his mind too, with everything he's been... learning and thinking about, regarding his own bizarrely complicated situation. He shifts, uneasy, brow furrowed. But he won't run away from this. Nara'a came to him. ]

I uh... truthfully, it's been on my mind a lot. What happened. [ Peter starts there, looking down at his hands. ] It all still feels like a bad dream. But I guess deep down, I always knew they'd come looking for me here.

...I never got to thank you. For— for saving me. If you hadn't been there, I don't know... what he might've done. [ Paimon. Would he have returned to that woman...?

He'll ask more about the second part of what Nara'a told him, but first— ]

Thank you, to um... both of you. The voidsent... Were you okay after that?

[aetherweaver]

[He stays silent until Peter talks, unsure of how his friend is going to react. Sure, it'd be hypocritical of him to be weirded out, but he's experienced that so many times before. He takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.]

[... Right. They can get to that in a minute. Of course Peter's worried about them.]

A - ah, yes. We had to go hunt afterwards, since they felt weakened from being in my body for so long. So I had to go replenish its aether without spending more of my own... but it's all right.

[There's plenty of small game in the forest for them to hunt without hurting anyone. And it's been a long while since he'd tested the limits of their bond like that. This world has plenty of energy, but it's... different.]

It's... h... heh. Is it bad if I admit that this is the third thing that's taken up residence in me? ... Probably. I just...

... One is a personified part of my anger and frustration, and one is my counterpart from another world. I... um. It's been a - a long journey, as I've told you. But I'd be dead without any of the three of them, I think. Definitely without one of them.

Or...

[Well.]

I'd be totally unrecognizable and mindlessly trying to destroy an entire world, at least. Which is worse than dead.

[possessum]

[ Go hunt....? It's an ominous thought, and Peter almost asks how that works, but... he isn't sure that Nara'a would want to dwell on that too much. And with the other man being so visibly anxious as it is... the last thing Peter wants to do is add to his discomfort. So he swallows aside that thought for now, focusing on everything else. Listening, brow knit as he gives it his focus.

It all sounds extremely complicated, but of course, Peter is no stranger to that. He's learned by now that Paimon technically isn't the only thing inhabiting him, either. Though he's not... certain the exacts of it. Isn't sure he wants to know everything. (But oh, he can feel her there sometimes. Charlie, or some shadow of her. And others— how many are there?)

He swallows, thinking over what Nara'a has divulged to him, disturbed and concerned. That certainly sounds... dangerous. Upsetting, and dangerous. He'd lose himself without one of them....? Turn into something worse than dead. ]

Is there any danger that they could be..... removed from you? Or leave you? And that you'd end up like that?

[aetherweaver]

No. No, they can't - well. If I use a certain ability then Fray can come out and fight, but he's not... removable as far as I know. It's not... like I've had a guide for any of this stuff. I've mostly been feeling things out. I don't... really know what I'm doing, truth be told. Even if I look like I do.

[He feels small and vulnerable right now, but Peter's okay. Peter's safe.]

As for Ardbert - my counterpart from another world... we're part of the same soul. A very very long time ago the world was split into fourteen pieces. My world has had several of those pieces rejoin, so those of us there have denser souls than those on the other worlds, but... I don't think anything can shatter us apart save for another sundering. And that's not going to happen.

[Partly because he's pretty sure no one has the power to do so anymore, and partly because he won't let it happen.]

... We had trouble at first. He was trying to save his world, so he tried to doom mine. But he returned home and he had to see his friends give up their lives to help save their world... and then spent a hundred years as a spirit until I came along. ... We made up eventually. He sacrificed himself to help me control the energy I had absorbed.

He... was a good man. He deserved better. I don't really hear him, so I hope he's resting well.

Fray is... more of a problem. I've... run my mouth off with his words before. But I - I don't know. Maybe they're what I really think, if he's born from me...

[What is mental health? He still only has the faintest of ideas. The books are helping, but he's... still trying to grasp it.]

cw: reference to / introspection / discussion on severe mental illness (DID)

[possessum]

[ It's so many.... and they have names. Peter falls to silence again, listening, thinking. This isn't... exactly like what his grandmother had. His father explained it to him, the mental illness she'd been diagnosed with: dissociative identity disorder. Multiple selves, personalities. A trauma that a person dealt with when very young, one their mind couldn't handle — how it had to form other parts that were capable of helping the person.

But he hadn't known much. Had barely even talked to the woman while she was alive, a strange, estranged relationship. His mother kept him firmly away from Ellen, almost as if... she were afraid for him to be close to her. She could be... mean, sometimes. Horrible. She was horrible to Annie. Was it always her? Was it another "part?"

On the other side of things, it must have been awful for his grandmother, too. His father told him of the time lost, lapses in memory, the amnesia.... things that Peter now deals with on a regular basis. Parts of his existence almost seem to reflect his grandmothers', and it frightens him. And here's Nara'a, also dealing with so many different "people" inside of him. ]

That sounds.... really scary. [ He voices softly, staring down at his hands for a moment. ] Not knowing what's really 'you', or... how much those parts... those souls exist as their own person... being influenced by them. Sometimes it must feel like you're not really in control of yourself....?

[ He doesn't want to assume anything, tilting his head up to look at the older man. ]

I know it's... not the same exactly, because these are literal other souls you're dealing with, but... my grandmother had a mental disorder that reminds me kind of this. My dad told me about it. She was... a lot of people. Had a lot of people inside of her. Not literal other souls — but parts of her own personality...? It's complicated, but... they had names, too. And completely different personalities. Some of them even talked differently, I think.

...It's not something you can inherit, but.... sometimes I feel like that. Um. Especially when I can't remember what I've done, or... how much of it was really me. It's... scary.

[ He takes a moment to collect himself, swallow. Peter's never spoken about this to anyone, before. ]

....Are all of those.. parts, those souls... aware of each other?

[aetherweaver]

It... the only one that can take control anymore is the voidsent, but I can feel them... I know it sounds crazy, but...

[Should he be using that word? He's not even sure. But his life is a series of unbelievable events so he can't even really blame anyone for not believing him. But Peter believes him. Believes in him, but without elevating him as a hero like so many other people have.]

... The only one that's a part of my personality is Fray, but... but it's complicated. They seem aware of each other, but I haven't really had conversations with them. Not... in a while, at least. I... when I had to go back to Ardbert's world I tried to talk to him. To tell him he was home, if only for a moment.

[He misses the ghost he used to talk to, but he understands that Ardbert deserves rest. He can't hear him so much as feel him - a slight urging in his soul and mind. He takes a deep breath and frowns, thinking about it.]

I guess I never tried asking. I'm sure the voidsent knows, and I'm sure Fray knows... I suppose Ardbert must know, too. He's more...

[He raises his hands and clasps them together.]

Fused? With me? If that makes sense. But... you experience this, too? It's...

[He'd had to learn how to lose control in a number of different ways. Training as a reaper was maybe the hardest to grasp, because he'd had to learn how to watch his body move around without him controlling it. Like he was in a cart that was thundering down the road, but he couldn't drive it.]

... It's hard to learn how to do. You do, though... with Paimon, I mean. You don't remember things? It's... is Paimon hiding it from you? Maybe for his own reasons?