Mostly Closed Catch-all for November

[azurestar]

Who: Lance (azurestar) and CR
What: Catch-all for November, after this
When: All of November
Where: Prufrock, Cellar Door, Crenshaw

Content Warnings: discussion of death, murder, trauma/ptsd, psychosis, past torture

( ooc: this is a catchall for Lance this November after his conflict with Reaper and then Maul, though I am trying to keep my new threads this month limited in number, if you have CR with Lance already you are welcome to come plot something with me here or on plurk at spypigeon and we can start something here in this log or I may ask to wait till next month while I get his inbox more caught up and under control if I've already got too much going on, either way I'm happy to plot always! )

Comments

[azurestar]

[Lance's jaw works and clenches at the reminder of the last time he blew up. He'd been the one to die that time, though. It struck a terrifying chord with him in how he feels about his powers, himself, and Reaper. The fact that the man scares him that much, that when he was just the right amount of vulnerable, he exploded from his own ability… it terrified him more. An added layer of fear of himself on top of the fear of the psychological power Reaper had over him just by his mere presence.]

…That time was different.

[He hugs his elbows, wincing a little at the action, and then looks around at the area. He's having trouble focusing, his fingers twitch on his arm in an agitated way and his eyes flicker to different points of focus that only he can see. Ghosts and shadows. He's so tired. But he answers in a tight, mumbled and reluctant voice.]

It's all by the cart on the street.

[jedies]

I know it with every step I take forward.

[ because it means he can change. that anything can change. it doesn't mean he stops being accountable for the past, but it doesn't need to be end for him. or anyone. ]

Whenever you move forward, you start to believe in more.

[azurestar]

Of course, man. You're a really creative and passionate guy. [He gives Bolin a bit of a warbling smile. The fact that his powers haven't gone as haywire as usual when opening up emotionally isn't noticed right now, he's got a lot to think about as it is.] I've gotta… go check on things back home, make sure Edelya and Kaltenecker and the rest know I'm alive.

[Showering earlier with all his wounds was difficult, luckily, most of the bandages hid everything after he rewrapped them. But thee pain is intense and he has some "supplies" back at the barn he needs to take the edge off.]

[pabugotmoves]

Oh.. yeah, of course.

[Bolin smiles and dusts off his shirt, collecting his basket and script.]

I'll get out of your hair.

[A smile and a shoulder squeeze and he lets himself out.]

Later! Text me~!

[azurestar]

I'll help.

[He says in a trembling voice and then jumps practically out of his skin when he feels her hand on his shoulder. But it doesn't take him long to realize it's her and he immediately goes to wrap his arms around her middle and cling. He shakes his head with a little whimper, eyes closed tight. Oh wait, that might be worse because he's hearing things too.]

N-nope. Dunno any cure.

[azurestar]

[He blinks a couple times in fast succession. Peter? He'd… shared a temporary housing with a Peter once in the first couple months he was in Deerington… his eyes go wide.]

Wait! You mean to tell me that guy was the actual Spider Man?!

[He talked to him a few times after that, but then lost track of him as the horrors of the nightmare ramped up and piled on. He vaguely remembers meeting Spider Man, but he thought it was a fever dream!]

[onerthes]

[She could feel him there, and she didn't care if it felt like a snake trying to coil around her. Despite the fear, she gripped more tightly to him and started to back up, towards a wall. Distantly, she could hear footsteps, and they sounded like thunderous rapport, getting slowly closer.]

I... don't think we're alone.

[They were not, but those mushrooms weren't farting around with whoever it was. They danced and started to scamper away quickly, the figure slowly getting closer looming like inky darkness. It was hard to target and she gripped her blade with her free hand, growling.]

Whoever you are, stay back!

(OOC: You can do the cart rescue or me whenever we want.)

[no_reload]

[Reaper was more than aware that Lance suffered from a very strong case of PTSD, yet the kid was relatively functional under most circumstances. He also was keenly aware of what someone living with a sense of fear and dread and anxiety looked like. It might not have been his job, but he had made certain to spend at least a portion of leave time visiting soldiers who had suffered from similar conditions back States-side.]

And yet, it's very much relevant to who you've become. You were emotionally broken before I ever came on scene, and I don't see that improving any time soon.

[He turned to look down on the ground where the cart in question was. He glanced up at Wraith then shrugged and stepped off of the beam to fall the distance to the ground. He landed heavily, sending up some snow around him before he was moving to explore the cart's contents. He picked out the raw materials and connections to be used. Beams were set to his shoulder, tools and nails in a bag in a hand and he took a run and jumped the distance back up to the beam.]

Let's get a start, since that's why you're here. Busy hands stabilize a wandering mind.

[laminae]

[Fern does undeniably feel the urge to punch something over all of that nonsense, though he's well aware thanks to his own self-loathing that he was a huge, stupid idiot for trying to fight a fire-breathing dragon when he's so vulnerable to fire. He should have been smarter about things, he shouldn't have been so weak, yadda yadda yadda.

But, from Fern's point of view, Lance also got screwed over pretty hard, too. He shrugs a little, and he should probably suss out the situation a little more, but what can he say, he goes by his gut and emotions first.]

Well, yeah. You probably didn't ask to be turned into a bloodthirsty dragon, right? The town just did it? [Because that's usually how the town worked.] So you got screwed over, too.

[azurestar]

[Lance looks over and then looks up and to the side, genuinely trying to think on if the omen would go so far…]

Y'know, it's kind of hard to say. I still haven't totally figured him out… [He abruptly looks uncomfortable and his eyes turn down.] I'm still not sure why he broadcast that mess with Reaper, so it's anyone's guess.

[droptheious]

[Varian shrugs, ever so matter-of-factly. He is from a point where no comic books existed so Peter to him has always been That Weird Guy With The Spider Getup.]

Uhhhhh yeah? He sometimes went around Deerington in the weird costume. Apparently, that's a big deal but I figured it was just one of those pop culture references I never understood.

[azurestar]

[He pauses and hugs the ladder for a moment to look back at Hunk in concern. Sure, his best friend could just be joking around, but he knows that it isn't always that simple and his recent experiences and persistent insecurities nag at him to say something.]

Dude, you're so much more than just those things. Especially to me. You know that, right?

[azurestar]

[He looks down at the jar of honey and brings a gloved hand up to its side, drumming his fingers on it contemplatively. Then he asks:]

Dude, does this stuff just never run out or something?

[And he's opened his mouth again to talk about the repairs when he catches Shiro's look, and his empathic ability picks up a trickle of his feelings. His senses are a bit dulled right now, though, so he's not getting a lot. His brows draw together at the question, clearly not understanding.]

…Like… literally? [He squints.] You're not about to take off your galra hand and give it to me if I say yes, are you? Because that would be so lame.

[shiro2hero]

[One of Shiro's shoulders twitches in a shrug, also looking down to the jar. He's never noticed it running low before, in all the time he's had the thing... therefore:]

I don't think it does. I've never seen it run low before.

[Oh, Lance.]

[You didn't just go there. Because those melancholy feelings ease into vapor in a moment. His expression creases - not in the usual concerned way. In a much, much different way.]

Well hey, now that you mention it - [He actually reaches over, pushing his shirtsleeve up. Acting for all the world like he's going to freaking detach his arm.]

[azurestar]

[Lance nods a little shakily, but his expression says he's really having trouble applying it to himself. He closes his eyes and then sits heavily on a nearby pile of logs, leaning his elbows on his knees. Might as well, since he's too caught up in massive emotional confusion to work right now.]

I tried to do that for a long time after… [It was publicly broadcast what Reaper did, he doesn't feel like vocalizing it again.] Maybe… I just wasn't strong enough. I'd… see him all the time. And every time I did, it was like reliving it again, like I was never going to escape. But then I killed him, and…

[And it was the first time in a while he wasn't afraid when he looked at that mask, like he took back control from an abuser who was allowed to walk free, it was so intensely world shifting, he snapped. But he doesn't say that, doesn't have the words right now, if he ever will.

He's so scared about what it says about him that it took killing the person he feared so deeply and refused to get revenge on for so long to feel like he might be able to finally move forward from that experience. Divided is almost not strong enough of a word to describe how he feels. He shrugs a little helplessly, heavily. Even saying this much is visibly difficult for him, so he swallows and just skips to the end where he asks in a small, confused voice:]

Did I do the wrong thing?

[azurestar]

[Bob, giant, lovely, brave and beautiful Bob sees the two of them in potential danger and comes barreling back over. Zealots are slow walking towards them like the Terminator and it's horse to the rescue.

He comes to a halt close-by and noses the back of Lance's hand where it's latched around Vira's waist and Lance screeches, letting go. But then he hears the horse snort and looks over… and feels sick. Bob does not look like Bob to him, but… but he can tell it is Bob. He knows from the touch. And also because he's hearing Bob speak to him… yes, that's completely normal.

He grabs Vira's hand and starts to pull her to the cart.] C-come on! Bob's right here with the cart, we can trust him! He said so!

[jedies]

[ obi-wan glances at lance. ]

Is that what matters to you? If it is right or wrong?

[ because while it's worthwhile to put a moral judgement on such a thing, obi-wan is not sure if it's important when it's in the past. especially if it might be used in self-flagellation. ]

[onerthes]

That's not how any of this works! Horses don't talk! But fine, if it gets us out of here!

[Just call her Wilbur? She was grabbing where his hand directed, hauling herself up and over the lip of the wood, arm extended to him. Her eyes clenched shut, the world a swimming sea of awful colors that made her want to be violently ill, but as long as the two of them could get inside, the cart could do the rest, right?

Wait, was Bob his omen? She'd have to ask him later.]

[onekindsoul]

[Ruby notices the tinge of discomfort and she gives a little nod herself. She gives him a little nudge on the arm just to let him know she was there.]

That's a good point. ...Maybe it's just something it thought needed to be done for you- I don't know if it was the right move but- It did let you get something off your chest that was bubbling up.

I know my omen does weird things too. It apparently holds people at knife point? I haven't heard of it hurting anyone but it definitely does act out.

[azurestar]

[For the second time in this interaction, Lance flares with intense energy as he whips his head around to look at Reaper. There's fear and hate there and an immense amount of dread and fierce denial.]

You don't know anything.

[But he knows Reaper is right on one thing: he was definitely broken long before Reaper got his hands on him. But he doesn't see why that matters, how it's relevant to anything. The rest… the rest is his greatest fears vocalized, everything his shadows whisper and laugh at him over and keeps him from sleeping basically every night. Then he continues glaring as Reaper goes to assess the materials.]

And I was doing just fine on my own.

[azurestar]

[Lance can definitely feel Fern's punching urge through his empathic powers. And he's quiet for a long moment, contemplative of what he's being told. Only recently has he started to try and accept that in many cases he was powerless… it's truly not that easy. Even though all rationality tells him it's so, PTSD, survivor's guilt, all that great shit… just maintains its hold on his heart.

So instead of arguing or agreeing, he reaches up to awkwardly rub at the back of his neck and finally looks up at Fern.]

If… if you wanna punch something, I've got a whole mountain of rubble you can get your fists on. That's almost like punching a town.

[azurestar]

[Lance takes a minute to absorb this and as he does, he slowly remembers more of his interactions with Peter and Spider-Man… yeah. Okay, he might have sort of already knew in a way, there was just a lot of shit going on all the time and his memory has trauma holes in it.]

Uhuh, looking back I can totally see it. And you're right, it's a huge deal. Spider-Man is a cultural icon for a lot of people. A legend.

[azurestar]

[Well, in that case, he'll just go ahead and take a spoonful because he is definitely in pain, even with the pain killers coursing through his system. He's been cutting back to make the supply he has last longer and it's rough.

He pauses with the spoon still in his mouth as he sucks honey off it as Shiro goes to take off his hand. The only appropriate response is to groan and hang his head. In fact he lets it keep hanging until it hits the table and the spoon is pulled from his mouth so he can talk into the surface of it.]

You're the worst.

[azurestar]

[Lance's brows draw together as he looks back up at Obi-Wan, not understanding.]

Shouldn't it? I mean… when I was growing up there was always a pretty strict list of things you just never do, no matter what. Though, ever since I was pulled into an intergalactic space war, a lot of those rules have been majorly challenged, but revenge was always bad. You're supposed to call the authorities, let the courts handle it and then the criminal goes to jail to be rehabilitated and serve a sentence. That's what's supposed to happen, anyway.

[He stands with a nervous energy and paces a bit.]

And… and who am I if finally getting him back, the thing that was always bad no matter what… felt right to me? Karkat said in his culture it would be totally justified, but I'm not a Troll, I'm not- I don't know what I am anymore.

[azurestar]

Then why did he just say 'yippie ki-yay motherfucker'?!

[That was all in Lance's hallucinating mind, of course. And as they both get on, fumbling and freaking out and just trying to trust what they're seeing is something else, the Zealots send lightning attacks their way. Lance turns around to look compulsively and then SHRIEKS at what he sees as Bob darts forward down the street, running as fast as his big bulky body can go.]

WHAT ARE THOOOSE?!