deercountry | No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering.

No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering.

NOVEMBER 2021 EVENT

IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: Red mushrooms with white spots growing rapidly.]
[Image Two: Mushrooms on log with morning mist. ] Within Prompt: Orange mushrooms walking on small, greenfeet. Jellyfish-like mushroom with mini-mushrooms growing on top. Vine-like mushrooms with clear heads. Blue mushrooms.

Prompt Two
[Image One: Corpse pinned to chainlink fence with man standing in front.]
[Image Two: Limbless, headless, semi-naked bloody bodies wiggling in walls.]

Prompt Three
[Image One: Disfigured humanoid with skin stretched over eyes and chattering, exposed teeth.]
[Image Two: Large organ-like structure pulsating with a human head attached on top via metal contraption.]

[NAVIGATION]

Prompt 1 • Prompt 2 • Prompt 3 • Plotting • Newsletter

[JUMP TO COMMENTS]

MUSHABOOMING

WHEN: Month of November
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Poisonous mushrooms that induce paralysis and suffocation and violent hallucinations.

Come November, Trench is flourishing with a wide variety of mushrooms. Mushrooms can be found growing in the woods, around your house, and maybe even on your house if you're especially lucky...Or unlucky, depending on the type of mushroom.

The mushroom is considered to be arguably the most important food source in Trench. It's the easiest to find and grow, and one of the easiest to harvest. It's a dependable source of protein and can fill people up. They are filled with vitamins that directly help your blood and heart health and can help keep your digestive system on track. But not everyone is a mushroom farmer and most Trenchies wind up foraging for their own mushrooms. Woven baskets are sold just about everywhere to help forage. Omens are extremely good at scenting out edible mushrooms.

The following edible mushrooms can be found/grown throughout Trench: button, portobello, cremini, oyster, chanterelle, porcini, black trumpets, morels, enoki, shimeji, shiitake, and giant puffballs. If you are extremely lucky, you might even find rare truffles. Truffles can be exchanged for highly valuable goods such as magnificent jewels and specialized weapons. Or you can keep the truffles to yourself and use them in a nice dish.

It is said there are hundreds of unique species of mushrooms to Trench. The following mushrooms are permanent features in Trench and can be found most commonly during Bone Season:

WALKING TERRORS

These parasitic mushrooms seem to "walk" around the forest floor. Arcane scholars have determined that their motion is actually just a natural response to stimuli in the environment and helps the fungi to spread its spores onto living hosts. Once you have been exposed to a cloud of these spores, you will immediately begin to hallucinate the world around you warping into a terrifying hellscape. Some say that Walking Terrors have driven people to beasthood in a matter of minutes. But there is a huge benefit to finding Walking Terrors: their caps, once dried and crushed down, are an ample treatment option for corruption. The tricky part is actually getting them. Covering your entire body, head to toe, completely is one way of avoiding the spores and probably the easiest way. Does anyone have a hazmat suit? Another option is knowing a darkblood or someone with similar abilities who can manipulate the direction of the spores in the air by pushing them away. Once the caps have been removed from the rest of the mushroom, the spores seem to lose their nightmarish quality and, at most, will just make you sneeze.

FLOATERS

These mushrooms come out exclusively at night and float lazily through the air. They bob and bump around, their tentacles searching for something to cling to and settle on. They mostly search for tree branches but have been known to accidentally cling to animals and people. The tentacles paralyze any sentient being it lands on. The good thing is that the cap and the little mushrooms on top are completely harmless to touch so if you have a buddy around, they can pull them off with no problem. You'll regain the ability to move your body a few seconds after the tentacles have been removed. The paralytic quality of these tentacles do not impact vilebloods. These mushrooms dried out and cooked are said to amplify electric abilities in coldbloods for a short moment of time. They can also be used to enchant an item with paralytic properties.

WEEPERS

These rare mushrooms can pop up just about anywhere. Only one grows every hundred feet or so and they don't get any bigger than a penny. Weepers are highly sought after since they have been known to greatly reduce corruption. Consuming a Weeper raw will immediately calm someone down, get rid of any current anxiety, wash away depression and paranoia, and clear the mind of hallucinations. Weepers can sharpen the mind and help increase focus. The effect lasts for days and sometimes even weeks. It isn't a permanent cure but it sure beats having a panic attack. Weepers can be collected and saved indefinitely. There are no other uses for them than mental relief, and they must be consumed raw. Cooking a Weeper will get rid of its healing properties - but it does add great flavor to a dish! If a mentally stable person eats them, there will be no effect.

BLUE CHEEKS

These radiant mushrooms grow in clusters on healthy trees and seem to thrive among vegetation. You might find Blue Cheeks in your own garden. They are certainly pretty, but you don't want to eat these. They will cause you to slowly suffocate - even if you don't typically need to "breathe" in the traditional way. It's an agonizing way to go. Your body will start to experience micro-seizures as it locks up, your throat slowly closing up, lungs squeezing inward. It will begin to feel like someone is sitting on your chest and there will be no relief. Your cheeks start to turn blue. Most who eat Blue Cheeks wind up dead, but if someone forcibly makes you vomit shortly after consuming a Blue Cheek, you may be able to survive. Some harvest Blue Cheeks and smash them up to coat their weapons in the jelly-like substance. This substance causes the same effect but must be used while the Blue Cheek jam is still wet. It will stay wet for an hour.

THE SLEEPER FARM

WHEN: Month of November
WHERE: Everywhere + The Sleeper Farm
CONTENT WARNINGS: Kidnapping, claustrophobia, harvesting blood/organs, imprisonment, temporary nerf of powers, blood sacrifice, brief amnesia, confusion, loss of time, breathing in blood, treatment of humanoids(?) like livestock, themes of meat markets, themes of torture, mutilated corpses, mutilating injuries.

The blood pollution is thick this month and the more a Sleeper is exposed, the more a Sleeper will find themselves falling into a strange stupor. You seem to forget what you were doing, where you are, what time it is. You will find it increasingly difficult to use your blood powers. Some may lose their new abilities entirely. It's like trying to wake up from a deep dream, everything's sluggish and hazy.

Then you blink. That's all. Maybe you went to sleep or wash your face. When you open your eyes again, you're somewhere else entirely and have no recollection of how you got there. Your body has a deep ache, you're filthy, hungry, and feel like it's somehow been days. You have nothing on you except a drab red jumpsuit. No shoes. No Omni. No weapons.

THE STALLS: 1st FLOOR

If you're lucky, you wake up in a stall with another Sleeper (or more). You can hear and feel the dull vibration of heavy machinery chugging around you; you can smell oil and something thick and musty fermenting.

You are in some way restrained upon waking, whether through shackles to the wall, one another, or some other means. Whatever put you here doesn't want you to escape. You can barely access your powers (for now), but maybe you can find help in nearby Sleepers.

Once you escape, you almost wish you had stayed in your stall. The stalls are the only thing that's farmlike about the Sleeper Farm. It's an architectural masterpiece of steel pistons gyrating, metal staircases heading in every direction, steam-powered doors that exhale open upon an approach. Oil drips continually from above, like filthy rainfall, but every now and then, so does blood of all kind. Never enough to detect the source immediately though.

Your only real option left is to...explore. And this metal palace is huge. You will find various tools for construction around: wrenches, hammers, saws, nails, anything you'd find at a hardware store. You could come across workboots, protective gloves, helmets with lights. The metal around you is boiling hot, and if you're not careful, getting burns is all too easy. You can hear something banging around above. You may even see movement through metal slots of humanoids rushing away. Then you start to find the source of the blood...

STORAGE: 2-9th Floors

Sleepers have been strung up in various locations. Maybe they are ones you recognize, maybe they are you (if you're unlucky enough to wake up like that), or maybe they are completely foreign to you, maimed beyond recognition. Many have been pinned up and mutilated in some way, whether fully skinned and bled dry, or body parts removed, skin carved into. Some have buckets beneath them to collect blood while others seem to have been decoratively destroyed. There is no saving some, but there is saving many. Some might have only just been strung up, still alive, still fully intact, and without any harm done just yet...But no matter what, most won't remember how they got there.

The further you go, the more bodies you come across. Some bodies have been rolled up into bags and tossed into empty rooms in piles. The floor is slick with blood, and the metal maze becomes increasingly complex with tighter turns and thicker blood pollution. It becomes difficult to breathe without ingesting in some kind of blood - but on the other hand...Your powers begin to work because of it. You can start to feel it coming back to you. You can feel yourself slowly start to regain your strength. Which is probably for the best, since you're not out of this hell just yet.

BLOOD HARVEST: 10th Floor

You enter a perfect, circular room built out of pure bloodstone from the different blood types, neatly flushed together in a mesmerizing display of artistry and architecture. At the center of a room is an enormous golden statue of The Tower, hands held out with palms open.

Filling the palms of the statue and surrounding the base of the Tower are hundreds of organs, perfectly intact, given to the statue in sacrifice. The miraculous thing, however, is the fact that most of the organs still seem to be functioning - or at the very least, they aren't rotting the way they should be. It isn't something one wishes to look at for too long.

More importantly, are the five doors that represent the five different blood types. Each door is made from the same gray wood, but with a single bloodstone in the center. Beyond the door is where you come to discover the true horror of where you are.

You're in a Sleeper Farm. Sleepers have been organized by blood types into a vast room. Some cannot be saved, opened up on tables, their organs already carved out and given over to the sacrifice. Others are still alive, but hooked up to tubes, their blood being pumped into vats kept in the ceiling. More disturbingly are the bodies of Sleepers that barely look like Sleepers at all anymore - they have been stripped so thoroughly of everything, left like hunks of meat on hooks. There are fires stoked towards the back, with shelves of jars with blood vials and bloodstones.

It's probably time to wonder who did this to you. Who brought you to this place?

And probably how the hell you get out.

QUICK FACTS

1. To avoid this prompt, you can simply handwave your character getting lucky or Wearing a gas mask and full facial/bodily coverage to help keep the likelihood of blood pollution impact lower.

2. If characters don't have eyes, any variation of vulnerability will count (ie; turning away from something, putting on headphones, etc).

3. Characters cannot have their Omni or any other item in this prompt except items they find along the way. They can still summon their Omens. Omens can help guide Sleepers, and provide communication. One can use Omens to transmit messages to the Network. However, characters cannot find their way to this location from outside. This is a by-chance location.

4. You can choose your character's level of restraint (muzzles/handcuffs/etc) and how easily they can escape them (maybe the shackles can be broken apart with enough strength or you need a nearby key).

5. Those whose Patron is the Tower will be able to more easily navigate the Sleeper Farm and figure out its continually moving parts. They may get a "telepathic" swaying by the Tower to go in the right direction. They will also instinctively know that they are inside the Tower's body in some way.

6. Characters can wake up in any part of the Tower and experience this prompt multiple times.

7. To get out, one must sacrifice some sort of blood or an organ directly to the Tower whether their own or someone else's. This will transport a Sleeper back into town in a random location. Alternatively: Moon Presence will be saving Sleepers by "pulling" them out of this place at random. It will feel a lot like traveling through the lamps, but Sleepers will realize it's the Moon Presence instead. She will place them back in their homes. This can be done at any time.

8. This prompt is meant to go hand-in-hand with the third prompt, but it is not required to engage with both.

BLOOD CRAZED ZEALOTS

WHEN: Month of November
WHERE: ~~????~~ Everywhere and the Sleeper Farm
CONTENT WARNINGS: Severe disorientation, psychological horror, paradoxical horror, feelings of being trapped/lost, Cenobites/beings with extreme bodily modifications, themes of mental and physical torture.

You are not alone in the Sleeper Farm, and someone powerful has brought you here. It wasn't the Tower though. It was someone obsessed with the Tower. Or...obsessed with blood.

They lurk throughout Trench, never letting themselves be known until they want to be known. They abduct Sleepers in the blink of an eye, masters of reality-bending and experts of blood abilities.

Meet the Blood-Crazed Zealots.

Or, as you will come to learn through various interactions, ancient Sleepers who have been exposed to blood pollution for far too long and who have been completely corrupt by it. These are masters of their blood magic, darkblood magicians who can snap their fingers and rip a Sleeper off the streets. Palebloods who can make you forget who you are, where you are. Vilebloods who have mastered the exact skill of extracting blood and harvesting it for bloodstones and sacrifices. Warmbloods who have gladly given their bodies up to power the Tower. Coldbloods who keep the metal machinery of the Sleeper Farm running perfectly.

These are the Sleepers who learned to survive in a different way, Sleepers who learned to cohesively blend their skills together to not only survive but excel. Most have completely disfigured themselves, claiming it to be an act of religious commitment to the "Patron Pthumerians that guide us."

The Blood Crazed Zealots believe that they must continually sacrifice Sleepers to the Tower primarily in order to keep the city of Trench strong against corruption. And the thing is...They technically aren't wrong. The Bone Season is when Trench becomes the weakest, so the Blood Crazed Zealots work overtime to get the blood pumping into the streets.

These beings are naturally sadistic, uninterested in compassion. Yet they show the potential for what Sleepers could learn, and if you're clever enough, you may even be able to get a Blood Crazed Zealot to pause and teach you a thing about your own blood type. They are ruthless and powerful, but far from irrational or stupid. Corrupt they may be, senseless they are not.

Some of you may wake up to one of these creatures torturing you or torturing a friend. You may catch them in the streets of Trench, turning a corner, and that may be your chance to follow them into the Sleeper Farm by stepping into the black holes they leave in their wake when teleporting.

The Blood Crazed Zealots can summon hooks from nowhere and snare you in their traps. They can get extremely creative and oftentimes will enjoy dragging out the agony. They know how to drain Sleepers of their blood and their powers...So how is one to even combat one of these?

Use their own game against them, of course. Blood is power and you might as well use yours. Blood Crazed Zealots are tied to their word and obey the law of the blood. If you create a blood oath with one of these Blood Crazed Zealots that's just clever enough, you may be able to protect yourself and a few others. But be careful. Blood oaths with Blood Crazed Zealots can have loopholes. Ask to be set free and they might let your body go, but keep your mind to drive you insane.

Despite their power, they are still limited in what they can do. They can't be everywhere at once, and one can hide from them. They can even be killed if a Sleeper properly regains their strength.

QUICK FACTS

1. You can create your own variation of a Blood Crazed Zealot. Their general concept is inspired by cenobites, but the general concept is a humanoid-being who looks like they have sacrificed a good deal of their body.

2. They will communicate this information openly to Sleepers who ask about it as well as tell Sleepers about other lore and facts about blood types/the Pthumerians.

3. Their powers are based on regular blood type powers (ie; a coldblood BCZ could torture people with electricity.) Some are much weaker than others.

4. They would not accept a new Sleeper who wanted to become "one of them" since they are created after decades of exposure to blood pollution.

5. People can run into these both in the Sleeper Farm and in Trench. One could convince a Blood Crazed Zealot to bring them to the Sleeper Farm in order to save others.

CODING

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It works perfectly well. Karkat was much better with fighting with weapons, and he had just willingly given up his own. There's resistance, but Kyle's bigger than he is by a landslide, and his body is pinned easily. It probably doesn't help that he doesn't fight it too hard, making a yowling noise as he goes down.

He shuffles among the roots and grass, smelling them more keenly now, even through his mask, and he stares up at Kyle with burning eyes. He goes still beneath Kyle, holding his breath. And then:

"What, is that all you've got?"

Kyle is discovering, the more time that they spend together, that he's really, really glad Karkat isn't human. A human boyfriend might be pissed when Kyle sits on Karkat's lower back, hooks his hands under his chin, and pulls, yanking his head back. His heels dig into the soft earth.

"Say you give up, asshole!"

Karkat was definitely pissed, but in a very exhilarating, addictive way that had his blood boiling in the best way. He jerks his head around and tries to bite at Kyle's hand or wrist - anything really he could get his teeth into but mournfully realizes his mask wouldn't let him. Goddamnit.

He grabs for the back of his mask and unfastens it, letting it drop to the ground below, and tries again, snapping his mouth at Kyle's wrist. He partially tries to twist around under Kyle, but he's just too damn heavy.

"As if I'd ever give up. You're just fucking big! Stupid tall ass human. You think you've won? Ha! Haha! Pathetic earth monkey!" Karkat, you literally had no upper hand here.

"Pathetic? I'm not the one about to eat dirt!" Kyle lets go of Karkat's throat and instead grabs the back of his head, shoving him face first into the damp earth as hard as he can.

"Earth monkey my ass, you fucking bitey shortass!"

"I will fuck yo-uughh!" Mouth meet dirt. He squirms under Kyle, claws ripping through the ground. Eventually, his body goes lax and he grumbles against the ground. He manages to just barely turn his head under Kyle's hand, enough to spit out dirt.

"I'm not brushing my teeth. You'll have to deal with kissing my mouth filled with mud, you goddamn animal. Get the hell off me."

Kyle, grinning, gets off of Karkat, sitting beside him on the ground. "You started it," he points out in spite of not actually being sure if that's the truth. He puts one foot against Karkat's thigh and shoves him, grinning behind his mask.

"You're not good at wrestling."

Karkat is quick to sit up, rubbing at his mouth with the back of his hand. He proceeds to spit a mouthful of dirt right in front of Kyle. Not on him, but definitely at him.

"Trolls don't wrestle because wrestling is stupid." That wasn't entirely true at all. Equius probably could take on anyone in a wrestling match and accidentally kill them in the process. "I use weapons and tact. When you're small you need to rely on totally different fighting styles. When the hell is wrestling useful anyway?"

He moves forward and kisses Kyle directly on the outside of his mask before sitting back onto his calves and picking up his own mask. "I took pity on you and relinquished my weapon so you would feel good about yourself." The mask is secured and he looks at Kyle, breathing a little harder than he had two seconds ago. He grabs his sickle and yanks it from the tree.

"We could always see how you'd do if you actually fought me with your own sickle, but I'd rather not have you trip and die because of these roots."

"You mean YOU don't do it, because you never had to. It's fine." Kyle is thinking of removing his own mask for a nasty dirt kiss, but then Karkat's refastening his. Probably just as well - do they really both want to wind up covered in spores because they decided to make out in a creepy forest?

Stupid question.

"But you're not wrong." Kyle gets to his feet and sets about putting his mushroom basket to rights - they knocked a few out. He regards his sickle thoughtfully. "C'mon, we can find a clear space and you can show me. I gotta learn."

"Most of the threats in my life haven't exactly stopped to wrestle me first," Karkat defends himself somewhat unnecessarily. Maybe Kyle could teach him how to wrestle better, but then that would first involve Karkat having to admit that wrestling mostly just got him in some kind of mood. Making out in a creepy forest was probably a bad idea. Probably.

"Now?" He glances at the basket, pushing the goggles up into his hair. "I didn't mean to detract attention from our original goal. Do you want to finish trying to collect mushrooms?" A beat. And then:

"In my defense, you're really distracting and if you didn't want me goading you, you shouldn't really talk to me in the first place. Or look at me. Or stand within touching range."

Kyle thinks about it, then sets his mushroom basket down. He takes a step - he has very long legs, a step is all it takes - and drapes his arms over Karkat's shoulders.

"I'm within touching range," he points out. The smirk in his voice is evident.

Wow.

The absolute fucking audacity.

"I hate you." His voice is saturated with emotion and he is so overwhelmed by this bastard's complete nerve. In three seconds flat his entire body is on fire and he can barely contain himself from pouncing on Kyle and screeching like a hellcat. If Kyle gave him lovesick puppy eyes earlier, the look Karkat was giving him was something of a similar breed.

He grabs a fistful of Kyle's jacket and shoves him right up against the nearest tree and proceeds to shove his mask down and off his face before reaching out to do the same to Kyle's. He slams their mouths together because who gave a shit about spores anyway.

Edited (oops html) 2021-11-14 05:44 (UTC)

Kyle doesn't actually have time to formulate a witty response because he's busy trying to jam his tongue into Karkat's mouth and hook a leg over his hip. Due to the height difference, he winds up wrapping his leg high up around Karkat's waist, but whatever, either way it means he can forcibly pull him closer.

There are literally killer mushrooms in the forest and all Kyle can think about is how hot near murderous rage is. He runs his hands through Karkat's hair and finally pulls his mouth away to tell him, "I hate you, too." His lips are a little bruised.

Oh, yeah, that was nice. Karkat lowers a hand and slips it just under Kyle's thigh, squeezing, silently appreciative of how he was wrapped around him. But it's Kyle's verbal response that gets the most reaction from Karkat. He stares back at him, his eyes blown wide, and then he moves with deliberate aggression and a pointed strength.

He plants his feet firmly in the ground, tips his hips forward to act as a point of balance, and abruptly hikes Kyle's other leg up so Karkat was just holding him up against the tree completely. Karkat was small, but he was far from weak, and he doesn't break a sweat at the momentum, especially not with the help of the tree taking most of Kyle's weight.

He kisses Kyle cheek, then his jawline, and then his neck, his grip under his thighs unrelenting and steady. Whatever. Karkat was practically a masterclass in making out in dangerous situations by now.

The only thing to do when someone a foot shorter than you picks you up like you weigh about the same as a feather pillow is to tighten your legs and arms so that you become a horny koala. Or at least, that's what Kyle figures.

He tips his head back against the tree, head protected from the bark by his stupid hat, feeling deliriously happy. Ever since he'd died and come back, he'd found himself meditating on his body in a way he hadn't in years, noticing physical sensations far more keenly. He was alive and whole and focusing on that was so much better than thinking about anything else.

His hips rock slightly and a high pitched whine escapes his throat. "Dude," he says, arms tightening. "I'm like, getting a half chub here, is this smart?"

It was exactly what one was supposed to do under these dire circumstances. Karkat was all too pleased with himself, feeling like he finally got the upper hand. He's just starting to actually bite Kyle's neck when Kyle speaks up. He doesn't stop while Kyle's talking, and seems to bite a little harder after, humming.

Eventually, though he huffs through his teeth, like a dog fed up with everything, and reluctantly unlatches. He gingerly lowers Kyle's legs back down, leaning off of him just slightly.

"Probably not," he admits begrudgingly, but then he smirks up at Kyle. "This time you started it. And that's exactly what you deserved for such a heavy-handed come-on. Don't dish out what you can't slurp up, baby."

There's something viscerally sharp about how he speaks, completely fueled by the interaction in a way that made him feel like he could have fought off an Imperial Drone army if he had to. He swipes his tongue across his lower lip before slipping his mask back on.

"If you don't want to end it in the woods, then we should probably stick to the far-less charged activity of harvesting dick. Mushrooms, I mean."

Kyle looks dazed, pupils huge and skin flushed. "I did," he agrees, and before Karkat can get too far away he tugs him close to kiss his forehead. "I'd slurp up everything you leaked if we weren't surrounded by potentially lethal fungi," he says. He fixes his own mask, taking a moment to smooth out his clothes. Not out of any desire to look presentable, but because he wants a moment to cool down.

He picks his basket and sickle again. "Let's give ourselves another hour, okay?" he suggests. "Then we'll take whatever we found back to my place and we can watch a movie. Or fight. Whichever."

Karkat wants to pat himself on the back. He can't stop smirking now, especially after the forehead kiss and little adjustment. God, he loved human men. He could shamelessly admit it at this point in his life. There was just something about them that was so fucking endearing and attractive.

"That's foul," Karkat says, his nose crinkling up in silent, hidden delight. "And a promise you'll have to keep now that you've said it."

Later though. He turns spritely about on his heel and begins to lead the way, feeling completely better after his hallucination-scare. This was the real power of a healthy and well-established kismesis. Right here. This exact feeling of immortality and feeling capable of beating anything that got in your way. Fear? He didn't know her.

"Or fight," he teases, peering back over at Kyle, his whole body humming. "Fight, he says, so casually."

He laughs, looking carefully now among the roots and tree branches for those Weepers.

Kyle, for his part, might wonder if repeated encounters with aliens as a child might have been good for preparing him for inhuman biology. Not a fetish creation, just an open mindedness. Karkat's a hell of a lot cuter than Marklars.

"You love foul, have the shit that you type is like, a hundred times more disgusting than anything I say." Kyle follows Karkat, apparently more than happy to let him lead.

"Fight," Kyle confirms, smiling. "I have a yard! I can punch you in my yard!"

Walking helps calm his body further. He finds some oyster mushrooms growing on some of the trees and carefully slices them off and drops them into his basket. "You know, even if we don't find any we're going to at least have lots to eat. So it's not like, a pointless expedition no matter what." He pauses to watch Karkatt's butt as he roots amongst the roots of an impressively huge tree.

It probably helped. Karkat was far from an overly complicated alien - at least at a glance. He winds up resting a hand against his choice, mocking offense.

“I have never said a foul thing in my relatively chaste and pure lifespan,” he says, “I am practically a goddamn celibate with the purest, most innocent thoughts ever.”

As if he even knew what an innocent thought looked like.

“Do you really want to be debauched in your yard?”

Karkat doesn’t notice right away, digging his hands among the dirt to cut away some mushrooms. “I expect dinner later then.”

He turns his head over his shoulder and catches Kyle looking, his eyes brightening. “Keep looking and we won’t get through the hour.”

That's too much to bear and Kyle snorts so hard it almost hurts.

"We won't fuck in the yard, we can go inside for that part," he says. "And of course I'll make you dinner. I like making you dinner, actually. I feel like somewhere my mom approves of that fact." Maybe not so much the alien fucking, but then again it was hard to tell - his parents had a very creative sex life, something he wished he didn't know.

Kyle rolls his eyes and turns back to his oyster mushrooms. "Please. I'M the one with the self control, here."

“Oh, so glad you are so civilized.”

The fact that Kyle liked to cook him dinner gave Karkat an unusual feeling. He wasn’t familiar at all with domesticity. It was baffling and Karkat was trying to categorize the exact emotion it made him feel.

“I think I really like you making me dinner. It makes me feel weird, but not in a bad way.” He would examine that more closely later.

He moves over to pick mushrooms next to Kyle. “It is actually super adorable you think that. You realize my body can be a total vice trap right?”

Kyle beams. "Well, I'm glad. Equius told me human food tastes like shit, so I'm glad you're not just choking it down to be nice to me. And I'm doubly glad that I remember some of my mom's recipes."

He glances over at Karkat, eyebrows raised. "The fuck does that mean?"

“Full offense but do I actually seem like someone who would lie just to be sweet?” Yes, actually. Karkat was arguably one of the more sensitive trolls. “Anyway, Equius is a snobby highblood. It barely shocks me he sneers at human food. That bulgemuncher probably hasn’t had good human food ever.”

He looks back at Kyle and gestures to himself. “My body is a fortress. It is a fucking temple. I don’t even need sexual gratification the way your horny little race does. I could go eons without getting off.”

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cw: violence

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cw: flirty violence

cw: flirtiest violence

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1/3

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cw: sloppy interspecies makeouts

Re: cw: sloppy interspecies makeouts

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Cw: mildly nsfw but also so is most of this thread probably