deercountry | out of the fire, into the frying pan

[ she, too, is grateful it wasn't nadia or her mother. she had expected that if she was going to see any dead bodies, it would be those who are closest to her.

she shrugs again. ] I haven't seen Pearl in years.

[ it's a non-answer, she knows. seeing pearl strung up had been a surprise. she missees her and she feels guilty about betraying her, but katherine will always look out for katherine.

she states factually and without emotion, ] She didn't look like how she was supposed to. A vampire who was staked shouldn't look so… like how they are.

[ that's how she knows it's not real. ]

Katherine, that didn't answer my question. Don't do this.

( she gives a very clinical, factual answer but there's no emotion in it. despite her knowing that it wasn't pearl that doesn't mean she wasn't affected at first. )

Are you all right?

[ all she feels is gratitude that it's not her mother or nadia on the post. pearl had been a good friend—one of the best she had in a long time—but her death hadn't entirely been on katherine's shoulders. the time pearl lost with anna is.

she smiles at him and brushes her hand against his forearm. ]

I'll be fine. It's not the first time I've seen a dead body.

[ she sits straight and turns to look at the tip of the canoe. ]

If you look straight ahead, you can almost convince yourself it's a normal canoe ride.

( she's being too casual about this but he recognizes what she's doing and that she's not going to open up to him even if he wants her too. he sighs and rubs a hand over his face, looking down.

when he looks up again, he finds his gaze drawn to someone who looks just like the woman beside him but who he knows is not.

but it is someone he's close with it, has loved and lost and still loved against. he swallows and shudders. )

[ katherine isn't particularly startled when she sees herself up against a post. the converse shoes and straight hair is enough for her to know that it's not her. she would never be caught dead in those shoes unless she was playing a particular role.

she watches him from the corner of her eye for a moment before she reaches out to press her hand against his thigh. while she would love to have put elena up on a post herself... it's never really been a part of the plan.

gently, ] It's not real.

I know, Katherine. I know. I just...don't like seeing it.

( he doesn't even know how he'd deal with seeing katherine herself up there. he covers his face with his eyes so he doesn't have to look at elena's blank, hollow eyes as they pass.

his mind provides the image though and he makes a noise of pain before shaking his head. )

If I see you up there, I'm done.

But I'm right here.

[ lifting her hands, she cups his face over his own and gently tilts his head towards her. katherine's here, right beside him in the dingy canoe. she's not wearing the right shoes for this ride, but she's happy to wear them all the same because she's pretty sure if he looks down at their feet, he'll see that she's still here in her very insensible heels. ]

I personally don't understand why you're not looking at me. I'm the hottest person here.

Yes, I know you're right here. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't be any less...horrible if I see you up there.

( can she honestly say that she'd be unaffected if she saw him up there? it would be jarring, at least. )

I'm not looking at you because if I see something behind you and it's you, I'm just...I don't know.

( better to not see at all. )

[ she understands that, but katherine's not going to sit in this canoe with her eyes wide open while he hides behind his hands. the dead bodies will stop having such an effect on him if he doesn't let them.

easier said than done, she knows. it helps that she's had so long to learn how to numb herself to these things. ]

So, rather than look at me, you're choosing not to look at me and are missing out on the fact that I look hot as hell right now?

[ she makes a noise in the back of her throat and shrugs. ]

Your loss.

Katherine.

( he doesn't sound upset by her assertions but he also doesn't want to be caught off guard by something he might see if she does look. he shakes his head before pulling his hands away from his face. )

Can we please just focus on getting out of this lake or river or whatever and away? I can't deal with it.

( he doesn't know why but he just can't. )

[ it's a little hard focusing on anything else when they're stuck in a canoe. katherine doesn't trust jumping out. if that was so simple, she thinks many people would've come drenched from the river with a tattered raven feather in their grip. there's a reason why word of mouth hasn't made a peep about this ride. ]

And what if we can't leave the canoe until you look at someone without peering away?

[ knowing deerington—or deer country, really—she wouldn't be surprised if that's the case. ]

I looked at Damon.

( didn't she remember him trying to climb out of the canoe and get to him? he'd looked at damon until they'd gone past and now he doesn't want to look anymore. )

I didn't look at Elena. I don't want to look in case it's you or someone else. I know it's not real. It doesn't matter.

[ katherine looks straight ahead, frustrated. she's not entirely sure what she's meant to do now. jumping out of the canoe isn't an option—who knows what's swimming down beneath the water or what the water is made of—and trying to make it go faster seems impossible without any equipment.

what works for her is looking straight ahead, but clearly, that isn't a workable option for stefan. ]

Then what do you want to do, Stefan?

I didn't say you had to do anything.

( he rubs his hands over his face and then pulls them away, shaking his head. )

Why are you getting angry at me that I don't want to look? I don't want to look at dead people, Katherine. It's a lot.

( he was very used to bodies but the bodies his friends, his loved ones was something different. )

And I told you to look at me instead.

[ katherine crosses her arms against her chest and sits back in the canoe. looking straight ahead, she ignores the posts and the bodies she can see from her peripherals. all she's tried to do is help. it's all she has tried to do, even when she doesn't have the right answers for it. ]

I was only trying to help.

I know.

( stefan sighs and looks up and at her. he doesn't know how to explain what he doesn't want to happen to her. )

Katherine, I'm just — I'm deathly afraid that I'm going to see you even out of the corner of my eye. I know you're trying to help, I appreciate it. I just won't be able to deal with it if I see you.

( he'd be out of the canoe and moving towards the body as quickly as he could. )

[ to think that someone would be upset at seeing her strapped to a post is different. it's where klaus thinks she belongs... she's certain elijah thinks it, too. everyone does. anyone who has crossed paths with her thinks that fate is well-deserved even though katherine's beginning to realise it's not.

there's no real way to fix being in the canoe. she doesn't trust dipping into the waters—the water of deerington had been different, safe and rather boring, but with how things had transpired in deer country since the beginning... ]

Close your eyes.

[ she rests a hand against his thigh as she watches him. ]

You can think of me naked if you want.

Are you not afraid of what you might see, Katherine?

( or maybe afraid isn't the right word. maybe he's worried that she'll see something and it'll jar her but she'll dismiss it because she always pushes things down like that. )

You can't say you're not affected.

( especially if she saw her mother or her daughter or even him, he guesses. but he knows the first two would really shake her. )

[ she opens her mouth and considers lying. she's not afraid of what she can see. she can bear anything... but he'll see right through her.

reluctantly, ] I am.

[ she rubs his thigh anxiously as if it's her own. sitting up straight and tall against the back of the canoe, she looks down to the tip of the canoe and not beyond it. ]

But I have been afraid of seeing specific things all my life. You just have to remember it's not real.

[ easier said than done, she knows. ]

I know. But that's easier said than done.

( because this place has a way of making it look so real and so terrible. he keeps his eyes covered and shakes his head. )

And I know there's certain people that would even affect you.

( she doesn't let many people in but when she does, she let's them in deep. )

[ and they don't really need to discuss that, do they? because once they do, katherine knows they'll appear. she doesn't want to see nadia or her mother or even luca. she's very much happy to not see anyone at all. really drive home how she has no one but the boy sitting beside her.

she shifts where she sits. sitting up a little taller, she quietly defies deer country. ] That's why I'm not looking.

[ she turs her head to look at stefan. that's who she's choosing to look at. ]

Okay.

( stefan takes a breath and then pulls his hands away from his face so he can look at her and only her. )

I'll look at you.

( he doesn't want her to be alone. )

[ after a brief moment, she narrows her eyes and wiggles her eyebrows in an attempt to make him laugh. staring at someone isn't something she's overly comfortable with. she feels as though someone can see the true her—and that's not something she's ever wanted.

but given the circumstances, staring at one another can be a little awkward… so katherine wishes to do something else: her plan is to make them focus on something that isn't the canoe. ]

You have nice eyes.

Stop it.

( the wiggling thing she's doing with her eyes. he makes a face and looks away, trying to hide a laugh before he looks back at her. )

You have a nice face.

( a nice everything. )

Do I?

[ this is perhaps the part where she asks him if it's the better version of her face she's seen, but katherine doesn't want to open that can of worms up for herself or for him. she's here, it's her face he's talking about, and she's not so insecure as to bring it up.

so, instead, she scrunches up her nose as if she's about to sneeze. ]

What about now?

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