clashing tens and hundreds of times / a light from tens and hundreds of years ago

[monoceroscaeli]

Who: Childe and Lumine
What: Lumine chooses violence this month and Childe happily obliges while dealing with Moon Presence stuff
When: December!
Where: The Gate

Content Warnings: they're just fighting and yelling at each other so idk if something comes up we'll put it in the subject line



[Trudging through the snow, Childe makes his way over to The Gate, his favorite place in all of Trench. He's easily found there, frequenting it whenever he can when he's not doing his odd jobs. Today the seats are empty, as there's no grand show of Hunters that take on monsters today, leaving it open for people to train. He's hoping someone who's particularly strong is available for sparring today, having finally had a good night's rest from the monstrosities that occurred during the previous month.

As he arrives, he beelines to where he can usually meet an unsuspecting Hunter to try to spar with him. But to his surprise, he sees a familiar face waiting for him instead. He tilts his head, before approaching her.]

Well well, I certainly wasn't expecting to find you here. Were you waiting for me?

[It's...a bit strange, it's not like her to show up here and wait for him. She's never done that before.]

Comments

[traversal]

Is it?

[ really something they can plan for, she wonders. everything has been so ... unpredictable in this world, even by her standards. almost every month, something slams into them like an unexpected storm and they're forced to weather through it. it's annoying and stressful and exasperating, especially when her brother is also experiencing the same thing.

lumine can feel her temper simmering once more but she swallows it down, tries to rein it in. how does aether do it, anyway? ]

How do you even plan for it? It's not like something that's announced by the gods of this world.

[monoceroscaeli]

[He looks back to her, his eyes suddenly taking on a look of exhaustion- not one that's a result of their fighting, of waking up early and having the tar beat out of him- but rather, an exhaustion that has rooted in him from the constant unexpected problems that have arisen for coming up close to a year for him now. One after another.

And no one has any control over it. Like they were just toys to be played with by the Pthumerians.]

I've come to brace myself for the worst, living every day with the expectation that I'll be taken somewhere against my will with no opportunity for resistance, or for my own mind to be manipulated in a way that I have no control over. You get used to it, after a while.

[He knows that's not a good answer. He hates it, but they haven't figured out how to stop it yet. If they even can.]

[traversal]

[ there. there it is.

that, she's somewhat expecting as a reply from him. and she's more than certain that that's what causing her blood to simmer beneath her skin, her temper to rise. because why does that sound like giving up, in a way? allowing themselves to be dragged by the current created by the deities of this world? ]

But what if I don't want to get used to it? [ lumine quietly mutters, closing her hands into fists on her knees. ] Are you really satisfied with that?

[monoceroscaeli]

[He doesn't say it out loud of course, but she sounds like Manabu to him- this is the exact conversation they'd had, long ago.]

When the dream shattered, we were given a choice to return home, or to continue on to the Waking World, where we are now.

[He looks down at his own lap, closing his eyes- there was a lot of bad memories that led him to this point, but they were the same reasons why he was sitting next to her now.]

We chose to come here, Lumine. Because neither myself nor Diluc were satisfied. Not with what we'd learned. I can't begin to express how difficult of a decision that was.

[traversal]

[ her expression sours at that admission, even more so he's supposed "reasoning" behind it. and she can't help the bitterness that suddenly floods her mouth and coats her tongue, because who would willingly choose to go to this world and make it their new home? and all to satisfy their curiosity?

lumine closes her eyes and shakes her head, not trusting herself to sound composed if she decides to respond to that. once again, she wonders how her brother keeps a tight rein on his emotions this month when she can barely do so. ]

Aether and I traveled worlds to find a new home for us. [ teyvat was a possibility back then, until khaenri'ah exploded. she holds back the bite in her voice, sighing. ] This isn't the home that I imagined for us, Childe, and leaving this terrible world with my brother will be an easy choice for me to make if given that option.

[ but she's not because she's seemingly coaxed to treat it as their home, her mind settled to consider it as one. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[He can tell that she wasn't happy with his answer. He continues to look down at his own lap, finding himself unable to lift his head for the time being. It makes sense for her, and he doesn't blame her reasoning. Had he been in her position, he'd feel the same way. Leaving and going somewhere that didn't torture them day in and out in some way would be more than agreeable for him.

But life didn't send him down that path; his hands begin to clench and his fingers dig into his own gloves as he recalls why he'd come here in the first place. A horrible image that he'll never be able to cut out from his memories- one that burned in his deepest nightmares bubbles to the surface.]

I wish...that it was that simple. [Then, almost breathlessly, with a sorrowful tremble to his voice:] You couldn't believe how badly I wish it could be that simple.

[It can't be helped; hot tears well up in his eyes, not daring to look at Lumine for fear that she might see, though all she'd have to do is glance over herself to see that he'd begun to cry. He presses his lips together as hard as he possibly can, to keep from any saddened sobs to escape, that image of Teucer withering away in his arms now at the forefront of his mind.]

[traversal]

[ it's difficult to miss the crack in his voice. and despite her impatience seething under the surface, a part of her can't ignore what's obviously a wretched tone—and coming from childe, of all people. he's the last person she'd ever expect this tone from, having known him for some time.

she bites her lower lip, letting her nails dig into her palm. she only pauses when her omen, as if seemingly sensing the reopening of her wound, nudges her cheek. ]

When you and Master Diluc chose to come here— [ and truth be told, her mind is still boggled by that choice. who wouldn't choose to return to teyvat, to the world where their family is? ] Did you think it would be simpler?

[ honest question, but at the same time, it's laced with incredulity at the edges. if their experiences from the dream world had been harrowing as it is, did they think it would be much better in the waking world? ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[It's only now that he manages to glance over at her. Of course he hadn't thought that at all, he knew it would be difficult. But if he had the simple choice of being able to take his brother and leave, he would- but he can't. And now, that version of Teucer is gone, and he couldn't protect him.

The knife that turns in his chest makes his temper rise. He can hear that incredulity in her voice. Logically, he knows that it's a result of whatever this world was doing to them. But at the same time, it feels beyond insensitive. Like she hadn't even considered what would be so large, so overwhelming that both he and Diluc would choose to take this road thinking it would be easy.]

I don't think you understand anything at all about what happened to us.

[His irritation gives him the strength to lift his head and turn to her fully, ignoring the stream of tears that continue to fall down his face. The pain of losing someone he loves so dearly, Diluc too, and she just...]

What we lost. And why we're here now.

[traversal]

[ she's not here for this conversation, her own brand of irritation and impatience slowly rising to the surface after seething for so long. it prickles at her, exhausts her even more. there's the temptation to simply get up and walk away, cool her head in case she says something she wouldn't say.

but it comes out anyway before she can stop herself, her nails digging into her palm once more. ]

No, I don't. I wasn't there when it happened, after all.

[ loss is something she's hardened herself towards already; it's inevitable when one travels across worlds, leaving one for another. it hurts for a while, but it eventually numbs and she's forced to move on.

the only loss she won't be able to accept is aether. ]

How do you expect me to understand, then?

[monoceroscaeli]

Perhaps I made a mistake.

[It's not answering her question, but he already is cursing himself for letting his emotions get the better of him and leaving himself in this vulnerable position. He unzips the top of his jacket, only to use the soft fur of the inside to wipe his tears away, sniffing a few times. His nose is plugged now, and it won't clear up until he goes somewhere warm and has enough time to compose himself. Is the disregard from her really just the world's fault? His paranoia asks that question, and he doesn't dismiss it. He's too upset now.]

I'm not sure anymore that you'd care to understand given the circumstances. Please accept my apology, I hadn't meant to push this on you.

[His voice is empty and distant now. It's his own fault. He'd let himself get to this point, and now he remembers why he'd shut himself off to others outside of his family back at home. Why no one's opinion mattered to him, and that he'd move forward with his own ambitions while their words rolled off his back like water on a duck's feathers.

He was Fatui, after all. No one cared for or trusted the Fatui. He's used to that.]

I should go.

[traversal]

[ she'll regret those words, she knows she will.

maybe not now, when her judgment is clouded by a mix of emotions she's barely able to curb and constrain. but once she eventually sobers up and this world hands her back the reins to her own instincts, then she'll no doubt return to the words she's spoken for the entire month and sigh over much of them.

for now, she lets her nails dig deeper into her palm, the wound that's starting to heal reopening. blood drips onto the snow, bright red against stark white. lumine gets up from her seat, wiping the blood away on her skirt. ]

Maybe I would if the circumstances are known to me. And here I thought it was only polite not to pry into people's problems.

[ perhaps she should've asked more questions, then she would've learned more. but those are should have, would have, could have. there's no going back to that now.

she walks straight towards the exit of the gate, not at all looking back. ]