deercountry | December Catch-All

Ahhh, just what the old bones needed...

[Vyng — hair piled into a large, messy bun — sinks into the hot springs, eyes closing like a contented cat. While his default is to visit the hot springs alone, these days he's been more inclined to ask for company. Most of his friends, he suspects, don't take enough "me-time" out of the day. And now that Billie has washed up onto Trench's shores, Vyng's extra socializing has gradually given way to important parental duties like cooking and making sure his kid bathes and sleeps regularly.

That's why he's joined by Wu this cold morning. As Vyng speaks, breath vapor mixes with the steam curling up from the healing waters.]

I don't know why, but my joints have been kinda stiff lately. What about you?

[ Wu, for his part, doesn't mind doing things like this alone. He spends most mornings alone steaming in his sauna, but having a friend always makes for a more interesting experience. There's only so much being alone that Wu can take, especially recently when Mako has been so... strange.

He sighs, sinking into the water up to his chest, arms stretched out along the rocks. ]

Your joints? Is that... an old person thing? [ He realizes he actually has no idea how old Vyng is. His 22 year old body feels fine, really. ]

Ugh, not those. But running a theater is such hard work! I don't think I've ever been on my feet this month. These poor little guys. [ He sinks back so his toes bob above the water line. He wiggles them emphatically ] You don't deserve this.

It can be. Not always, though. Sometimes it's a busted-up person thing.

[Neither of which are words he'd use to describe Wu. It's strange, though...Sleepers are supposed to be more resilient because of their blood magic. Where's this weird bout of arthritis coming from?

Eh. Probably nothing.]

Oh, yeah. Theater work? [He leans back, gaze drawn to Wu's lil brown toes. Vyng's mouth quirks into a half smile.] ...Brutal. Especially if you get sick or tired. No matter what, the show's still gotta go on.

[Is he speaking from personal experience? Absolutely. It makes him all the more sympathetic to Wu's situation.]

What made you decide to open up the Raccoon Room, anyway? I'm curious.

Well, at least you're taking care of yourself. There's nothing like a good soak to work out the muscles.

[ He smiles at that, and sways his feet lazily in the water. ]

The show does have to go on! Honestly, rehearsing for the Rocky Horror Picture Show is a lot, especially while I'm still running shows all weekend! My plan was to only work the weekends, and have the rest of the week to myself, but then Bolin wanted to do this, and how could I say no!?

[ He couldn't, really. Bolin is like a puppy dog, and also Wu still feels like he has to keep on Bolin's good side ]

Oh? Ah, the Raccoon Room? Honestly... we found it. Mako and I, when we first showed up here. Fritter brought us to the space and I just, I could see it, you know? I could see the whole thing, the stage, the drapery, the bar, it was like it was all in my mind and I just had to make it exist!

And it doesn't hurt that the loft is perfect for us.

In a place like this, you've gotta. Otherwise, you might just wake up with an empty fuck-bucket, and then you'll have none left to give. That's what burning the candle from both ends can do to a person, man.

[Not everyone agrees, of course. And even when they do agree, people often think they're the exception to the rule. As if the consequences of "all work, no play" won't ever catch up with them.]

Oh, yeah...a whole-ass play, huh. [Vyng originally wanted to audition for a part, but...a slew of rehearsals and performances is just too much of a commitment right now.] That's quite the undertaking. I'm sure your and Bolin's hard work will pay off, though.

[He gives a quiet "aww" at that story. Pretty adorable! Fritter's always been a smart cookie.]

Were you always into theaters? Or is this a finding-yourself type thing?

[Considering's Wu's royal upbringing, Vyng could see it going either way.]

But it's Bolin! [ If that means anything to Vyng, but-- he's right, isn't he? Wu will need to think about that ] ...what's a fuck-bucket?

[ Vyng is a trusted source. He taught Wu what being high means, after all. ]

Into the theater, yes! I love plays, books, music. Anything really, but a narrative brings it all together for me. I always thought I would become a singer after I gave up the throne, and maybe I still will! My good friend, Ryan, he's in a band. [ He says it with such pride, like it's the most impressive thing in the world ] But maybe I'm finding myself! I don't know. Have I found myself?

[ He contemplates that for a moment, lands on no answer, and shrugs his shoulders. ]

Have you? Found yourself?

Fuck-bucket? Uhhh... [A hint of laughter colors his words.] Depends on the context. Ever heard the phrase "I don't give a fuck"?

[Between their cultural differences and Wu's sheltered social background, he should probably establish whatever common ground he can.

Many people in Wu's shoes would likely be overwhelmed with the sheer amount of choice in front of them. But it sounds like he's got a solid grab bag of interests to pull from, a handful of good friends watching his back, and an unwavering zest for life. He's got plenty going for him, more than Vyng did in the years following his own exile. It's enviable, in a way.

At that last question, he leans back and looks up at the gloomy sky. Unlike Wu, however, he already has his answer.]

I'm always finding myself. We all change. The "you" you found yesterday isn't going to be the same "you" forever. But that's what being alive is all about. You know? [With a lazy grin, he flippantly adds:] Besides. I can barely find my keys half the time.

Ah, yes. Chuck taught me that one.

[ Even if he still can't say it out loud. Honestly, it's a miracle he said "fuck" at all, but it was in context, and he didn't really think about it! But now? He flushes hot, knowing what he just said.

He nods sagely at Vyng's explanation, though ]

That makes sense! It would be pretty boring if I was the same Wu forever. I've changed so much just in the year I've been away from my world! I can't imagine what more time will do.

But, have you found yourself, today? Ah, and your keys. Did you find those?

Okay. [If Vyng notices Wu blushing, he doesn't comment on it.] I was just talking about the metaphorical container people use to store their fucks before it gets empty, and then they have no more fucks left to give. It's not a literal fuck-bucket. Fucks are just a finite resource, and burning yourself out burns through your fucks faster. Get it?

[If the hot springs were more crowded, Vyng might at least have the courtesy to simply mouth "fuck" when chaining that many in a row. But since Wu asked for an explanation, he might as well be thorough about it.]

Not yet. Still looking, though.

[Even with his family in one place, Vyng knows he's got a long road of self-discovery ahead of him. That ghastly vision — and the horrifying manifestation of his own self-loathing staring back at him — he unearthed in Cellar Door is proof of that. But this isn't the time or place for dwelling on his own baggage. There will be plenty of time for that later...probably. So instead, he regards Wu with a curious expression.]

How about you? How's post-prince life treating you? It must be pretty strange, right? Or are you relieved to put the royal life behind you?

[ Wu listens with rapt attention, even if the sheer number of "fucks" is poking at his royal-upbringing ]

I think that makes sense.

[ He pauses for a moment, face screwing up as he tries to process that ]

But a, um. Fuck. It's just a metaphor, right?

[ The word feels so unnatural in his mouth, but Vyng is someone who it's safe to talk about this with. He doesn't seem to get annoyed at anything, except the whole ear thing. And Wu learned his lesson, there. ]

Oh. [ He didn't really expect Vyng to bring that up, but it makes sense, now. Finding himself, working on the Raccoon Room, it is all different from being the King ] Honestly? The last one. You know, I was never meant to be the King. No, I was just fine being a prince! That was pretty fun. But being the King? No, thank you. It was so stressful! And it's forever. You know that? Forever! I couldn't just quit and get a new job, no sir, I would be the king until I die or until I pass on the throne, but I can't have kids! Or, I don't want to. And I would never have been able to date Mako back home, not easily, at least.

[ That all sure did spill out of his mouth. He shakes his head ]

I know that Trench and Deerington, so much terrible stuff happens to us here, but there's also so much freedom here. I don't have to do anything, not really. No one expects anything from me. It's... really nice.

How, ah, how are you finding it? I know you didn't really have to do the royal thing, but is it still nice? To have those expectations gone?

It's a metaphor. For all the fucks we find and lose along the way. And also priorities.

[That makes no goddamn sense, Vyng.

In any case, he listens to Wu's wordy answer, nodding in silent commiseration over how exhausting the whole job sounded. Who wants to run a whole-ass country? An asshole, probably.]

I'll bet you two still would've made things work between you. [It's the optimist in Vyng talking. Of course, he knows he has no reason to actually believe that. But he'd like to, so that's where he lands.] Who you date doesn't affect whether you're King or not, right?

[The throne sure as shit didn't stop his dad from taking lots of lovers, Vyng thinks to himself. But fuck that guy. Metaphorically.

As for how Vyng himself has been faring...well. Hm. He folds his arms over his chest and thinks for a second.]

It's nice, I guess. Now that I don't have to worry about anybody breathing down my neck over it.

[Vyng was hoping it'd be more of a relief than it actually was. In the end, many of his personal demons crossed the Pthumerian Ocean with him. And he still reflexively gets irritated when people point out his elven heritage, as Wu already knows.]

But I'm still making peace with stuff that happened in my old life. Turns out you can't take any shortcuts with that kind of inner-work. Who knew, huh?

I wish I could think that. [ He sighs heavily, sinking deeper in the water until it's up to his chin. He doesn't think he and Mako could make it work at home, or at least not for a long time. They didn't even live in the same city anymore, after all.

He looks up at Vyng them, contemplating him quietly ]

I suppose being removed from something is sometimes the only way to really understand it. What have you learned, about yourself?

[ It's kind of a heavy question, but for once, Wu doesn't couch it. He isn't feeling up for the usual song and dance of social niceties this month ]

Well. It all worked out, eh? [Vyng gives Wu a friendly nudge.] You and Mako get to call the shots now. Like you said, you're free. And you know what? I'm proud of you, bud.

[Even if it meant walking away from responsibilities Wu never wanted, he still had to make that choice. To step through the door and drift into the Waking World. Nobody knew what waited for them on the other side, but he took that risk. Not everyone has the stomach for that.

He doesn't expect that question, though. Now it's Vyng's turn to grow quiet, and he exhales slowly through his mouth before answering.]

Now that I look back, I see all the times I tried to cut myself off from the past. To move on, to leave my stuff behind me. But it's like I wanted it too bad, you know? And by wanting it so bad, and cutting myself off from parts of me, it's like...I'm really just giving more power to the people who hurt me.

[ Wu's face flushes, and he doesn't quite look at Vyng, then. ] ...thank you. You don't think that it's, ah, bad? To be so happy to not have that responsibility anymore? I feel like I'm letting down my people, sometimes.

[ He nods, listening quietly ]

That makes a lot of sense. Like, even if it isn't a great memory, it's still a memory that made you who you are. That's, that's hard, to deal with. It's hard to accept that the people who hurt you are also the ones who shaped you.

Letting your people down? What do you mean?

[It's an honest question. Vyng recalls Wu saying he went back home to tie up loose ends, to make sure his country had the best chance for success after his departure. So it's not like he left them high and dry. Right?

At the assertion that his father "shaped" him, though, he can't help but grimace. Vyng's stomach turns at the thought. He isn't anywhere close to being able to just...say that. But he lets out a breath. Lets it go. And moves on.]

That's...one way to look at it, I guess. It's hard to explain. [He pauses for a moment.] Have you ever done something out of spite before? Or because you felt like you just had to prove a point?

It, my country's been a monarchy for so long, hundreds, thousands of years. It's going to be hard to work toward a democracy, and it would have taken way longer than I thought-- but I'm not there to do it. Maybe I am? But not me-me, you know?

[ Does he know? He doesn't know how far this theory has gone, that there's another them at home living their lives ]

I don't want to do it! I don't want to do all that work, but if I was at home? I would. I committed to it. I was going to see it through, and now I just-- just get to have my own life, with Mako and my friends and the Raccoon Room and Fritter.

[ He lets out a breath and refocuses on Vyng ]

I-- yes. I used to, a lot. I, I didn't think anyone would like me for me, so I just, just tried really hard to prove that I was worth it.

But that's not quite what you mean, is it?

[Vyng nods, following along with the theory pretty well due to his own experiences. In his case, the decision to leave had already been made for him. He'd changed too much to stay. That people like Wu consciously made the choice to split off from their timeline, to carve out a new path for themselves...it's admirable. And not so far-fetched. There were some Druids who focused on tapping into hypothetical versions of themselves — the person they could have been, if things had been different.]

Sounds to me like you were offered a gift, and you decided to take it once you knew your people wouldn't be worse off for it. I don't think that's being selfish. I think you wanted to be...you know, a self-realized person. Your best you.

[Let the other Wu handle royal responsibilities. Treading the same path, just for the sake of it, would just lock their Wu from any meaningful personal discovery. And what's life, if not growth and change?

Wu's admission about needing to put on airs is refreshingly honest. Giving a sympathetic nod, Vyng takes his time in collecting his thoughts before speaking again.]

You're not too far off the mark. [He leans an elbow against the edge of the hot springs and looks up at the grey sky.] I was trying to prove to myself that I'd moved past what my father did to our family. That I was...I dunno, over it. That it didn't affect my actions anymore, because I'd risen above it.

[ Hearing Vyng say that is like a breath of fresh air. Even if others have said something similar, hearing it like that, that it isn't selfish, that his people are still well served, that Wu deserves to be well served too-- it helps. A lot. He watches Vyng with a soft expression, nodding his head ]

I do want that. I want to, I want to be able to really be me, and I can be, here.

[ At home, it was so much harder. He was always coming up against who he was supposed to be, who people wanted him to be, who he couldn't be. ]

But you, you're not. [ Clearly ] I get that. I pretended like what happened to my family, that it didn't really bother me, because I was supposed to be able to move on. Moving on, it's hard, isn't it?

Exactly. And you've been working hard at it, too. I'm happy for you, man. Running a theater and throwing parties...it really suits you, you know?

[Maybe it's because Wu's got "the high-class host who used to be a theater kid" vibe down pat. Maybe it's because the guy is genuinely interested in the people around him, and a place like The Raccoon Room is bound to attract all sorts of folks. At any rate, he's glad Mako's got a guy who can (hopefully) help him have some fun every now and then. And that Wu's got somebody with street smarts to help him navigate the world.]

It can be, yeah. [Letting go of those attachments. Of the way you expected life to be, so you can fully accept reality and live in the present. It's a constant practice, not some one-and-done achievement. Vyng lets out a quiet breath and looks over at Wu.] ...Do you feel like your family stuff followed you here?

Thank you. I am, too. It feels nice, to be actually doing something that matters, that people enjoy.

[ It means a lot to have Vyng validate his choices. Vyng, while he doesn't have all his shit together, has a perspective on life, a self-awareness that Wu values. ]

...sometimes? My Auntie showed up in Deerington, as a Waste. I really wasn't expecting her. And I've seen her a lot, in memories. I wish, I wish it still didn't scare me, to see her. I've had to relive the day, um. They were all killed. Several times.

[Vyng gives a fond, approving grin at that.]

Sounds like you've found a purpose. That's great.

[Maybe Wu will stick with it. Or maybe he'll change course. That's the beauty of finding yourself. There's plenty more to discover, even when you think you've got it figured out.

But at that last admission, Vyng can't help but give a wince and a pained "oof."

His question hadn't been literal, but he can see how it could be taken that way...especially in a dreamscape like Deerington. In some ways, he's lucky he's managed to avoid seeing his father since getting brought to the Dream. At the same time, Vyng's own trauma can and continues to influence him in some pretty self-destructive ways — sometimes without him even realizing it. Not until well after the damage has already been done.

Still, reliving a distressing memory like that can't be easy. He can only imagine how brutal it'd be to re-experience his own mother's murder.

Gently, Vyng asks:]

...You saw it happen?

Oh-- not, not personally. But I was there, in the Upper Ring, ah. That's the part of the city where it all happened. I was at school, which is the only reason I didn't, that I wasn't-- [ Killed.

It shouldn't still be hard to talk about. A few years ago, he was joking about it, but he thinks that was just his way of dealing with it. Now, he's really looking that pain in the face, and seeing how it messed him up.

He takes a deep breath, looking back up at Vyng. ]

She wasn't a very nice person. My Auntie. But she was still my family. It's, it's hard to reconcile that. I didn't like her, but it still hurts, the way she went.

You didn't like her...but you didn't want anyone to hurt her either. [Because that's the kind of person Wu is.] And then your whole world got pulled out from under your feet. From one second to the next.

[Life is transient like that. As fleeting and impermanent as the steam rising from the hot water permeating their bones. At the same time, a single moment in time can be as far-reaching as the ripples created by a single movement of an arm, or a shift in posture.]

But instead of getting space to grieve, you had to do King stuff instead. That stuff's traumatic. It'd be traumatic for anybody.

December Catch-All

Royal Pain [Achelliac - Closed to Wu]

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