deercountry | it's the solstice

Who: Mako, Wu, & close CR
What: They might be in a different world, but the solstice is the solstice, and that means it's time to feed everyone you care about, if you're Mako
When: Night of December 21st
Where: Mako and Wu's loft above the Raccoon Room

Content warnings: Sadness from potential memory-share stuff, homesickness, mentions of Mako and Bo's dead parents

© TESSISAMESS

If you have close CR with Mako or Wu, in the days leading up to the Winter Solstice—December 21st—you may have gotten a small text invite in your inbox. A few simple lines inviting you to the Raccoon Room on the night of the 21st for dinner "because it's the solstice." Normally the Raccoon Room is closed early in the week, but on the 21st they've opened it up.

They're actually having people over in the loft above the Raccoon Room, and their living space is decked out in lanterns and candles to keep out the long darkness. Snow falls quietly outside, but in here it's warm and it smells like ginger and pepper. Wu's put on a few scratchy records in the background. Here and there, Winter Mournings are hung, not quite out of reach. It's very easy to accidentally or purposefully touch one.

If anyone comes in early enough, Mako is still at the counter with his sleeves rolled up, rolling dumplings, covered in rice flour. Maybe help him cook? He's looking better than he was early in the month: his skin is the correct pallor without that odd gray cast, and there's no smoke rolling off his body, so that... has to be good!

For the later arrivals, Mako's made dinner, which means hot tangyuan in gingery broth, an entire bowl of mushroom noodles for sharing, and a simmering pot of broth for people to cook things in, as well as a lot of a tangy sauce that Mako gets kind of cagey about when people try. Sit down, enjoy some hot pot! It's a time to be together, after all.

[ ooc: tag around, top-level, have a good time! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It's Mako's own party but being that social for that long, especially fresh off this bout of what turned out to be corruption. Mako feels sort of brittle still, a little tentative, like saying the wrong thing will knock him right back down into the flames.

So, after the whole night, he is hiding a little bit, tucked away in a corner while Wu entertains a few of their remaining guests with his hands curled around a hot cup of tea. He straightens up just a little when he sees Shiro, something in his shoulders going tight. The last month was... hard, and weird, and Mako definitely owes Shiro an apology, no matter how much that smarts. He swallows, waving him over. ]

Shiro. Hey. You get enough food?

[Something in Shiro suddenly tenses up, too, just on seeing Mako. He feels wary, all of the sudden. Like he's going to say the wrong thing, like he's going to slip up. He stops short. Keeping more distance between them than he would have liked to. But - but it's for the best. This way he won't drop more trouble into Mako's lap, right?]

Yeah. I'm good.

[He tries for a smile. Tries valiantly.]

I... just wanted to check in. Make sure you were doing all right.

[ It's hard not to notice that tension. Guilt twinges through him all at once like a bolt, slithering into his belly. Mako's face works for a second, silent, but he doesn't push any closer. This is his fault, and he knows that. Wu made that very clear (Wu, who is on the other end of the room, still angry with him. Mako knows that's his fault, too.)

He has to bite down on his instinctive response (a familiar and dismissive "I'm fine" because Shiro doesn't deserve that, not after the last time. ]

I, uh.

Wasn't.

But I'm... it's okay. Now. It will be.

[The last thing he wants to do here is cause a problem. But the words Mako grinds out almost makes it sound like he is. He should go. He should just nod and walk away.]

[Instead, he shoves his hands into his pockets.]

That's. Good to hear. Glad to hear it.

[Well, maybe they're both tripping over their words. He wants to apologize again, to say he hadn't meant to bring everything crashing down on Mako and Bolin.]

I'll... get out of your way, then.

[ Mako practically lunges for him. It's half-panic: Mako has had the consequences of his actions crash coldly over him one too many times, and he knows very well the acid burn of guilt and shame curdling his stomach. This is Shiro, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else because Mako was an idiot and snapped at him, and so Mako reaches out to snag his wrist, looking sort of desperate. ]

No—Shiro.

[ Because it was a knee-jerk reaction to get him not to leave, Mako doesn't actually have a follow-up plan. He stands there for a few silent seconds, his heart pounding in his own ears. ]

I was—last month was bad.

[He wouldn't startle around Mako any other day. Any other time. But not today. Not with the way this place is screwing around with his blood. With the way it had in the past. He should go - he needs to go - he can't start something with Mako - ]

[The hand on his wrist takes everything in his power not to rip himself away from. His heart hammering, skipping a beat. He's sure Mako can hear it. Or, at least, see it in his face.]

I - It's - it's fine, Mako.

[ Make him stay says a voice in Mako, and instead of letting go he tightens his fingers, trying to meet Shiro's eyes. He just has to make him understand, that's all. ]

It's not. Nothing's fine, and I shouldn't have snapped at you, and I'm—

I'm sorry. I need you to know that.

[Don't panic. Do not panic. Breathe and stay calm. There's a reason Mako is squeezing his arm like that - there has to be a reason. And it's not because he wants to hurt him. It's not because Mako can sense the stiffness in his joints.]

[That's... some kind of paranoia. Breathe.]

You - you didn't do anything wrong.

[It comes out steadier than he expected it to.]

I'm not angry.

You should be.

[ There's a stiffness there, and after a belated moment Mako realizes what he's doing and lets go to back up a little, regret clear on his face. He doesn't look great. His eyes are shadowed and his hair is a mess but he's less gray than the last time Shiro saw him, so that has to be... good? ]

You were trying to help. At the safehouses.

[He shakes his head. Once, sharply. You should- is never a phrase he's been fond of. It puts his back up, but, again, he forces himself to calm down.]

I'm not. I'm not angry, Mako.

[His eyes study the other's face. The expression and the darkness.]

... Something was wrong, wasn't it?

[ It's a painful thing to admit. That he wasn't okay, that everything wasn't fine, that in the end he couldn't handle himself like he thought he could, but Mako forces the words from between his teeth. ]

Yeah. It was. Corruption. ...pretty bad, actually.

[He stands up a bit straighter. His weight shifts - not away. Not to pull back. But toward Mako. He can't help it. The flare of concern is too sharp, too sudden, for him not to.]

Are you - are you okay?

[Is he okay now? Is there anything Shiro can do?]

Fine.

[ Again. Mako winces at the word. It's starting to sound like a curse, and Wu snapped at him for using it and that voice is still in his head. ]

Uh—I mean, I am. Better. Last night was... Wu snapped me out of it, though. After the solstice I'm going to start looking into how to keep it from happening. Can't be just me.

[ There is an odd thrum to his words, a sort of desperation to use future action to paper over what happened. It's okay as long as he's doing something about it. It's okay because he's working on it. ]

[Mako says it. Shiro pulls away again. Like he's overstepped. He wouldn't have - under normal circumstances. Under normal circumstances, though, he wouldn't have felt so uneasy around Mako to begin with.]

Sorry -

[He folds his arms over his chest. Like he's attempting to pull himself into his coat.]

I'll... see what I can find, if you want. [The "unless you don't want" is built in, is unspoken.]

I'm working on it.

[ Another defense, another brick in the wall. Mako swallows. ]

But I, uh.

I could use some help, yeah.

All right.

[He figures he should leave it at that. They should maybe leave it there before he oversteps, before he falls into another argument or crosses a line. Mako doesn't need him hovering. Doesn't need someone looking out for his every need, every step.]

[we don't need you anymore]

[Why does that keep being more and more true?]

I can - I'll ask around. See what I can find.

...thanks, Shiro. I, uh.

I owe you.

[ And he does. Later, he's going to need to track Shiro down, show up with food or something and... tell him he's sorry. When things are normal, when there isn't blood putting up a fight between them. When he's sure it's not going to happen again.

For now, he lets Shiro go. ]

it's the solstice

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