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Deer Country Mod ([personal profile] reddosmod) wrote in [community profile] deercountry2021-09-08 06:20 pm
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All men must die, but first he must live.

SEPTEMBER 2021 EVENT
IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE

Prompt One
[Image One: Woman holding skull in bag. ]
[Image Two: Plants sprouting out of earth.]

Prompt Two
[Image One: Woman rocking back and forth in dark.]
[Image Two: Woman rowing down river with corpses on stakes on horizon.]

Prompt Three
[Image One: Beef cake man breaking arrows off of shield with a sword.]
[Image Two: Beefy man slamming axe into troll-like creature, spraying blood.]

GROWING PAINS
WHEN: September
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Minor blood ritual.


September, for many in Trench, is considered a month of personal sacrifice. It is the month of self-actualization and promise. To grow your future, you must first be willing to sacrifice your past. You cannot walk forwards while walking backward. All throughout Trench, natives can be seen in yards and on plots of land digging small holes and planting a variety of items. Some plant seeds, some drop in a ring, others bury small parts of a body. But the ritual is simple: bury something that represents your past and seal it with a promise for your future.

You can write yourself a note or cut off a lock of your own hair. The ways in which people do this are limitless since it's a largely personal experience. Find a small patch of soil and dig yourself a shallow hole. Bury the item inside, say goodbye to who you used to be, and cover the item up with dirt. Once you are done, you must shed at least one drop of blood onto the sacrifice. It must be your own blood willingly given. Once the blood hits the soil, a small flower will miraculously grow out of the earth within seconds.

A single, powerless flower, but this flower will be completely immortal. You can either keep it on the patch of land or dig it up and bring it home. The flower will be a representation of your progress in Trench: if its petals wilt, you are lingering too much in the past. If it is in full bloom and vibrant, you're on the right path to a better future. If the flower starts to rot, you're heading down a dangerous path.

The flower may not be able to sway you one way or another, but it may serve as a valuable reminder of the kind of life you wish to lead. Some people abandon the flowers entirely and never bother with them. After all, there are no real consequences if you let the flower rot. If a character is dropped, their flower will fleck away like dust. Many believe that the flowers are made of the same stuff omens are made of.

You can dig up other people's flowers and watch their progress (make sure to get player permission) instead. After all, not everyone will care enough about their own flowers to really observe them closely. The flowers can come in any species or size, even fictional flowers, but they will only be replicas. Meaning if your character's flower is typically used for healing, there will be no healing properties in this replica. The flowers cannot be destroyed.

Many natives in Trench will repeat this ritual a few times every couple of years since the ritual is for letting go of the past. After all, the promises you make to yourself now won't be the same promises you make to yourself ten years from now. People change and so too will their flowers. What the characters bury is largely open to interpretation.

RIVER OF REGRET
WHEN: September
WHERE: Some obscure location within Gaze
CONTENT WARNINGS: Mangled corpses of loved ones, birds eating corpses, themes of regret.


You will find raven feathers all over Trench. They may drift through the air, lightly touch you, or you might decide to pick one up. The moment you come into physical contact with a feather, a conspiracy of ravens tears through the air and scoops you up into a whirlwind of feathers and caws. It only lasts a few seconds before you're deposited into a canoe drifting along a still river. Another Sleeper is in the boat with you. You pass beneath massive stone walls carved into the likeness of Never Mind and his ravens.

The world is silent around you. There is no rain here. Instead, sunlight pours through breaks in the clouds. Sunlight dapples across the water and golden-red leaves of nearby trees. It's more serene than most places in Trench.

You turn a corner and smell it before you see it. The picturesque summer day is dampened by the stench of rot. Then you come upon them: corpses. Corpses tied up to posts with barbed wire, corpses put through spikes and suspended in the air. Ravens flutter to and fro, picking at strips of meat. It isn't until you're close enough that you realize you recognize the corpses.

They are the corpses of people you have hurt. And that doesn't just mean people you killed or physically harmed. These are the bodies of people you have deep regrets towards: a lover you wronged, a best friend you lied to, an enemy you wish you had forgiven. Not everything is as black and white as murder, after all, and this grisly graveyard of mangled bodies says as much. Sometimes our regrets haunt us like the dead, and it seems like yours have followed you to Trench. You might even see your own body up on a post or the body of your canoe companions.

You have one of two choices: ignore your regret or face it.

Choosing to ignore your regrets doesn't seem to have any ill consequences at first. You pass by the corpses and continue on your river voyage. But the water grows thicker, and you come across the same corpses only in a worse state. The situation gets progressively worse each time you ignore it, and the river gradually becomes a river of blood and gore. The stench becomes insufferable and you will become increasingly corrupt. Some may even turn into beasts right there on the river.

Facing your regrets means talking about them, even mildly, to your canoe companions. You simply need to acknowledge the corpses, acknowledge the slightest truth to your feelings towards those regrets. When everyone in your canoe has acknowledged their regrets, the ravens will come for you once more. You will be brought back to Trench and awaken in the School of Mutter. Those who faced their regrets will discover that they have been gifted a white gold compass. The compass's needle will always point in the direction of the nearest Lamp Friend no matter the chaos going on in the world. But the compass only works once you have calmed down and focused.

QUICK FACTS

1. Each boat can hold up to 4 people. There can be multiple canoes in the same area.

2. If you try to leave the boat, you will drown in the River of Regret.

3. This does not have to encompass every regret someone's had. It can only represent one or two things. The regret should have to do with another individual or one's self. Something like "I regret not going to college" wouldn't necessarily work within the parameters of the prompt.

4. The river can only be accessed by touching a fallen raven feather. Touching a raven feather attached to the bird or a quill does not count.

5. Characters can engage with this prompt as many times as they touch a raven feather.

6. Characters with no regrets will not see corpses, but they will still be able to interact with characters who do have regrets.
BLOODSPORT
WHEN: During the Blood Moon
WHERE: Everywhere but specifically, The Gate
CONTENT WARNINGS: Violence, fighting, forced aggression/violence, forced fighting.


The Blood Moon invokes religious reverence among Trenchies. September and October are the ultimate months of sacrifice to pay tribute to the gods and the blood that rules this world. An energy begins to swell among Trenchies and you keep hearing the same word whispered excitedly around the city: "Bloodsport."

As the Blood Moon floods the streets in red, you begin to feel antsy, like you don't know what to do with yourself. You're not necessarily angry, you just have an abundance of energy. You don't need to be told what it is: your blood is reacting to the moon. The Blood Moon enhances blood powers significantly and you're simply not used to that yet. You don't feel in control of your own power or maybe even your own mind. At least until you exert some power, some force. Slam a door shut or swing a sword, shoot some electricity or spit some poison and you'll feel at peace with yourself. That nervous energy will ease out.

Only to come back twice as strong. It starts to put you in a real fighting mood and you start to realize why the locals call this Bloodsport. Hunting down beasts and monsters might seem like the fun thing to do right now, but the real attraction for Bloodsport takes place at The Gate. You can hear the roaring crowd blocks away. Hundreds of Trenchies have settled in to watch Sleepers duke it out with each other or with locked-up monsters. Maybe join in the fight. At least you know the other Sleepers there want to be there...Right?

Unfortunately not. Those who resist Bloodsport will find themselves passing out more and more frequently. Eventually, they will be taken by Mysterious Forces to The Gate to be pitted against other Sleepers and monsters. Some Sleepers will be forced into a gladiator-style fight that they either must win or die trying. Most fights at the Gate do end in death, but there are some circumstances where someone surrenders. Of course, that never stops their opponent from killing them anyway...Hopefully, you're fighting someone who is still relatively reasonable. Both parties can be resistant to fighting, but they will feel obligated to fight each other. If they don't, monsters will be unleashed into the arena and your situation will get a whole lot worse.

Bloodsport can greatly enhance a Sleeper's ability and many believe it is a gift from the Pthumerian gods. It is generally considered an advantage to Sleepers during the Season of Blood to prepare them and train them to hone their skills for the Season of Bone. Many believe it is wisest to submit to Bloodsport and let yourself get used to the motions of violence in order to survive the remainder of the year.

QUICK FACTS

1. Casual physical training will alleviate Bloodsport feelings. You could get through the month just by jogging around a lot.

2. Characters forced to the Gate will not remember how or when they arrived - they will just wake up and be thrown into the Gate by some shadowy force.

3. Characters who willingly participate in violence/fighting will feel temporary relief from Bloodsport only for the feeling to increase.

4. Effects of Bloodsport last as long as the Blood Moon shines through September and October.

5. You can treat symptoms of Bloodsport with calming techniques such as aromatherapy, meditation, medications, etc. Can be based on what would ICly help calm your character but it should require a lot of it.

6. You can invent the monsters/beasts that are at the Gate. They should be killable creatures and easily captured for the purpose of the Gate.
CODING
droptheious: (Now I know I don't need you to tell me)

just a whole corpse party in here

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-09-19 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[Varian doesn't even acknowledge what she's doing. No quiet study, no rolled eyes at all the magic, nothing. He just stays, stock still, staring at the bodies of the people he cares about- people he's hurt, viciously and without a care, and he can feel his panic settling deep in his chest. It grips him tight like claws in his lungs. He doesn't even hear the command- the urgency doesn't slip in past his terror.

It's only when she grabs his shoulder and shakes him that he snaps out of it, jumping and turning to stare at her. His gaze drops to the spoon, the huge spoon that's obviously supposed to be a raft and blinks owlishly at it.
]

R-right. Sorry.

[He's definitely not doing okay, his movements are mechanical as he takes the spoon, dipping it into the water- his knuckles white from the death-grip he has on the thing. He tries to keep his gaze focused on a spot of water just beyond the boat- something to head to- and starts paddling. They move on past the corpses- past the bend in the river when the smell comes anew, stronger.

He can already guess they're looping back on the corpses, but he doesn't want to look, he wants to check out of this entire situation desperately.
]
Edited 2021-09-19 17:28 (UTC)
creidim: commission, dnt (☾ 089)

having such a nice time; cw: more corpse descriptions, mild emetophobia

[personal profile] creidim 2021-09-22 08:35 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's hard work. For someone who can do a great deal with magic, physical labour is definitely one of her weaker points. Still, she tries as hard as she can; rowing downstream and trying to get the corpses behind them. Maybe there's somewhere they can get to and climb ashore, something. Anything.

But as the river bends once more, the sight comes up on them again. And while Varian doesn't look, Luna does — eyes wide in horror. The same bodies, more or less. Still in the same positions as last. Only this time, there's more ravens picking at them — more ferocious than last time. The bodies lie with a sicklier hue, bloated and purpling under the warm sun.

It smells worse than before, enough to make her wretch a little. But she swallows down the nausea, doesn't dare breathe too deeply as she pants from the exertion. They have to try something else. ]


Maybe... maybe we can try turning around — go back the way we came. [ She directs him to start helping her turn the boat. ] Turn away from them, we'll go back.
droptheious: (On the same old dumb champagn)

the best of days! cw: corpses for days

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-09-24 07:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[Varian is just staring at the water- he does argue with Luna- there's no bite, no resistance to what she has to say. He can hear the ravens cawing, he can smell the bodies. He knows what's there and he doesn't want to look at it. He doesn't want to be here. Something is tugging at the edges of his consciousness- the anxiety he'd been feeling all month pulling even harder.

He doesn't speak to her when she instructs him to turn around. He nods mutely, to show he understood what she said, and then turns- still staring at the water, to try and paddle backwards. He's not convinced this will work, the looming dread is screaming in the back of his skull. This is bad, and they can't get out of it.
]
creidim: (☾ 033)

[personal profile] creidim 2021-09-30 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's difficult, especially when one isn't completely sure what they're doing. She's never rowed a boat before; trying to redirect the boat, turn it around — it's a mess of a job. And at times, they seem to be managing, steering themselves around, the boat's bow tilting — only for the river to push back against them, correcting the boat forwards once more.

They try again and again, but try as they might, the boat will not turn. It seems determined to stay on its course, and won't be pulled from it — they only thing they can do it seems is drive the boat faster, draw them faster towards the scene over and over.

Luna sits down in disbelief, panting and exhausted. It's a kind of magic they can't fight against. Not in this way, anyway. The stench in the air nauseating enough that she has to duck her head between her knees for a moment to catch her breath. ]


It.. it won't work. It's keeping us on the boat— keeping us onwards. [ She doesn't know what else to do. ]</small I don't know how to Apparate— we... we have to stay.
droptheious: (She'll say it's not your fault)

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-09-30 09:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[Varian grew up around boats. Corona is a coastal kingdom and the river joining Old Corona to the sea near the capital was always the main trade route. But unfortunately, his memories and experience aren't giving him much of a boost right now. He's focusing all of his mental energy on not having a complete breakdown in front of someone he doesn't even like all that much.

He only vaguely realises they're not going anywhere- that they really are stuck. When she says it out loud, his shoulders sag. Finally, he pulls himself out of the nosedive he was going through to look at her- realising she...really doesn't look great. He exhales slowly, moving like he's about to touch her shoulder to offer some comfort, before pulling his hand back. No. That...probably won't help.
]

Okay. [He's struggling to keep his voice even, to keep his gaze on her and not the bodies.] So there's something else we have to do to get out of here. There's... there's a trick or something. That's how Deerington worked, why not this place?
creidim: (☾ 056)

[personal profile] creidim 2021-10-06 09:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[ She'll be fine, she just needs to catch her breath. For someone who can deal out a great deal of damage magically, she has little in ways of physical body strength. She didn't even bother with gym class at the high school in Deerington. That with the over-powering smell of rot — it's not a good mix. But the last thing she wants to do is keel over or throw up while she's stuck with him.

Fighting back the nausea, she takes a long deep breath and closes her eyes. She listens and nods slowly. It's a plausible idea, they have to play along with this. Deerington was certainly full of its games, Trench being the same is very much possible. ]


Then the question is— [ Her eyes shift to the shoreline before moving back to him as she slowly composes herself. ] Who are these people to you?

[ They're not here for her, after all. ]

Why are they here? Why would they be... like that, for you to see?
droptheious: (Best leave the rest unspoken)

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-10-07 09:35 pm (UTC)(link)
[Varian hugs his arms around himself. He still wants to check out, but he's feeling worse and worse and it's clear they're not getting out of here without him talking about this. Luna is the last person he wants to know this. He keeps his cards close to his chest and he only ever wants people he trusts to know his past. Being in Deerington and Trench has afforded him anonymity he doesn't get back home.

But sometimes, things like this happen and it gets forced out of him, like it or not. He finally looks at their bodies on the shore, his face twisting in pain and guilt.
]

They're people I care about back home. People I hurt.
creidim: (☾ 005)

[personal profile] creidim 2021-10-14 12:09 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's not something she wants to know either. She's been happy enough to keep him at arm's length. She might have agreed that she wouldn't fight him anymore for Fern's sake but that doesn't mean she has to like him, doesn't mean she has to be his friend. But these people are here for him, and whether they like it or not they're going to have to play this game or face being stuck in this boat indefinitely with him.

In some ways, she's not surprised. He hurt Fern, after all. Someone he cares about. But it's still surprising because there's so many; these are people from home. Luna looks at him for a moment, a silent 'oh' at her lips. And she's left with plenty of questions, some she doesn't want to ask. It's not as if they're going to be pleasant answers. ]


I know this isn't going to be a pleasant conversation, but we're going to have to have it despite the fact that neither of us want to. [ So she has to keep him talking, keep him focused on it — then they can get out of this place. She... actually pities him for having his hand forced. ]

Tell me what happened back home. What did you do?
droptheious: (She was a lot like you)

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-10-14 05:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[He wants to snap at her. He wants to raise all his defensive walls up as high as they will go and not speak to her again. Preferably until the heat death of the universe. His jaw clenches for a moment, hating every living second of this but knowing she's right. ]

Fine... just fine.

[At least neither of them want this. He can take comfort in that. ]

In my world, there were two magical forces called the Sundrop and the Moonstone. The Moonstone created these indestructible rocks. The Sundrop landed in a flower that could heal- that was used by our king when the queen was sick and pregnant. [He nods over at the corpse with the exceptionally long golden hair- not like he last saw here, but how she was when he did his damage to her.] Their daughter, Rapunzel, was born with magical hair. Eventually, the Moonstone rocks crossed the world to find her. That's just... background.

[Because nothing will make sense otherwise- it already doesn't, but at least Luna comes from a world where Magical Bullshit happens on the regular. It's probably an easier pill for her to swallow. When he speaks, it's quiet, guilty. It's not the tone looking for nor expecting sympathy - there's a detached sort of horror to the whole ordeal. ]

Those rocks were destroying my village- people- people were losing their homes, their fields, everything. Rapunzel had promised to help me, but I wanted to see what I could do. So I created a chemical compound to try and dissolve them. It... it created an unbreakable amber, it nearly caught me up in it, but my dad showed up at the right time and pushed me out of the way. He got stuck in it himself, it was slowly encasing him, so I ran to the palace. To get help. When I got there, there was a blizzard threatening everything and everyone. Rapunzel couldn't help me...and when I begged her anyway, the guards tossed me out into the snow. By the time I got back home again, it was too late, the amber had already completely encased my father.
creidim: commission, dnt (☾ 114)

[personal profile] creidim 2021-10-20 10:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[ No, neither of them want this. They'd both rather go their separate ways. Curse the ravens for bringing them here together. But still— she listens as he begins to offer an explanation: these two forces, how one of them was born into a girl — her eyes drift over to the girl, the long, long hair tattered and coiled at the foot of the spike.

And then the other force came, destroying everything in sight. Luna's brow furrows as she continues to listen. She... quietly feels sympathy for both parties, really. A difficult situation: the blizzard and Varian's father slow encased in amber. What was anyone to do? ]


You blamed her. She promised to help and she couldn't. That's why you don't like magic, isn't it—? Her, and the Moonstone force. [ One took away his father, damaged his village, his home. The other did nothing to help, which in... some ways is just as bad, even worse. Magic did nothing for him. ]

What did you do—?
droptheious: (Best leave the rest unspoken)

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-10-21 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Hmm. [It's a soft, quiet little noise of assent. There's more that made him really not like magic as the story goes on- but that's the catalyst. ] The blizzard was magical, too. A demon, actually, taking on a different form. She's...a whole other thing, but it was the start of her playing us like chess pieces to get us where she wanted us.

[Zhan Tiri doesn't factor any more in his story for what matters here- but it's important to say while he's at it anyway. Showing his distrust of demons didn't spring from nothing. ]

But I did blame her. I thought perhaps I could use any magic left in the flower - to try and use it to break the amber. So I drugged the guards with truth serum to find out where it was hidden. Then I convinced Rapunzel to help me steal it- we... we both knew it was treason to take it, but I told her I wanted to help everyone. Once she'd helped me steal it and the guards caught us, I left her to take to fall.

[He'd well and truly stabbed her in the back, and he's never going to forget the look of hurt that crossed her face when he told her he'd used her. He scoffs gently, angry at himself. ]

It didn't matter anyway. The flower was dead, it didn't have any magic left in it. I knew then it was all in her, in Rapunzel. Her hair was the only option I had left to save my dad.
creidim: dnt (☾ 046)

[personal profile] creidim 2021-11-02 10:55 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The mention of a demon pricks her attention, her eyes flicking over to the boy for a short moment. A demon in the form of a magical storm. One beginning to play them them all in some kind of game. It's a piece of information she puts away for another time, her lips pursing thoughtfully. ]

You betrayed her. [ It sounds awful, voiced like that. And Luna can't help but feel a little anger in that, a little bit horrified. But... it is what it is, isn't it? ] It wasn't as if she wouldn't help you, in the first place. She just couldn't. And yet you betrayed her all the same.

[ She can... oddly understand some of the reasoning, though. She knows fine well she's acted in desperation. Her bond with Paimon was an act of desperation, of love.

Varian just... wanted to save his father. Luna just wanted to save Peter. ]


But I suppose when people are quite desperate enough, they'll do anything.

[ She inhales softly. ]

So you wanted to use Rapunzel herself—?
droptheious: (You're destined to destroy)

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-11-03 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[The demon thing is definitely a whole other story. Zhan Tiri did so, so much worse than that- but that comes after Varian's story. The storm was just the first step for her. ]

I did. I was stupid and angry and yes, desperate. [He stares at the bottom of the boat, brow furrowed.] Trust me, I'm not here to defend myself. I was an idiot.

[He's spent a long time hating himself over this, and while the self-loathing has lessened with time, he's damn aware he's not the hero of his story. Not even close. ]

I did, but I thought she wouldn't just come to me- that I had to force her to come. I used Ruddiger to make a distraction with the guards and I kidnapped her mother, the queen. I knew she'd come for her mom, and she did. I captured her and her dad as they tried to sneak into my lab Then I opened up a vial of the amber solution next to the queen, basically forced Rapunzel into helping me even if it might kill her. It was that or lose her mom.

[He exhales sharply.]

Didn't work. Her hair didn't do anything to the amber. Her parents got free and I just- [he clenches his hands into fists, the memory sharp as it had been four years ago.] I just snapped. It wasn't even about saving my dad at that point. I just wanted her to hurt.
creidim: commission, dnt (☾ 089)

cw mild panic attack symptoms, ptsd

[personal profile] creidim 2021-11-09 09:01 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's... hard to hear. All of this. The things he did. It makes her chest hurt in a strange, familiar way — a low sort of panic because it feels all to similar. They kidnapped her to force her father to stop supporting Harry, to stop writing things in the Quibbler to support him. They hurt her for it, hurt her because she was Harry's friend. Varian would have hurt Rapunzel's mother, forced her hand. Much like her father's hand had been forced; she wasn't even sure if he knew the things that were done to her.

It makes her chest hurt, feel small. Her heart seems to beat too fast. She leans over a little, grips at the fabric of her jeans, fingers furling and unfurling. With the stench in the air it's even harder to breathe, and she struggles to take in air. It's not the same, it's not the same — as much as it sickens her.

Varian is not the Death Eaters, but he's not a good person. Or he wasn't one, back then. She's quiet for a long time, just trying to calm herself down — trying to soothe herself. If they're to get out of this boat, she needs to listen. ]


You definitely were an idiot. [ There's not even any maliciousness in it, she's just worn from the panic. Worn out from trying to keep herself together, her voice strained. ] You don't hurt people like that. You hurt her enough.

But you know that already, don't you? [ She dares to look up at him. ] What changed?
droptheious: (One of the friendlier machines)

cw: suicidal ideation themes

[personal profile] droptheious 2021-11-10 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[Varian's not blind. He's not so deep into his own guilt and sadness that he can't see how this is hurting her. Something about this has disturbed something older and deeper than he knows about- that much is evident. He's quiet, clearly unsettled by her reaction.]

...We can stop if it's really bothering you.

[They can't. They both know that, but he needs to make the offer anyway. He exhales sharply at her question.]

I knew it then, too, I just didn't care at that point. [He'd lost everything and he wanted her to know what that felt like.]

I attacked her with my robots, tried to kill her mother and her best friend. Told her I wanted her to suffer. She figured out her connection to the rocks before I could actually kill someone, thankfully, and I went to jail.

[Where he met Andrew and made some terrible choices- but he doesn't even tell people he trusts about Andrew. It took him well over a year to tell Fern about Andrew. He's not telling her. ]

I broke out with a...group of dissidents. Took over the kingdom with them. By then, I knew I'd messed up, but I didn't know how to fix it. So I had the fantastic idea of wiping everyone's memories. Literally, make them forget everything I'd done. [His tone is very self-deprecating, there's no pride here. ] The king and queen's memories were wiped with magic, and I controlled the kingdom through them- trying to create a compound to do the same en-masse. Until Rapunzel came back from the trip she was on. It was then I found the group I'd allied myself with planned to use the memory formula to raze the kingdom to the ground instead.

[They'd used him. Andrew had found him at his weakest and he'd fallen into line like a desperate, stupid puppy. ]

Murdering literally everyone wasn't a line I could cross anymore. So I helped Rapunzel deal with them. I...[he fiddles with his hands] tried to...do something to save everyone that would have killed me. It was...I needed to fix my own mistakes and that was a way I could do it. But she wouldn't let me. She figured out a way to save everyone. And I spent the rest of my time doing everything I could to make up for the damage I'd done. Helping them with whatever I could, whenever I could. Just to try and...even it out.