deercountry | the balance of complete and incomplete [open]

Entry tags:

the balance of complete and incomplete [open]

Who: Anna Amarande and you!
What: January event catchall
When: January
Where: The Snake Den and around Trench

Content Warnings: Eye trauma, blood, swearing, artful robot nudity, will add as they come in

a. i will trust the artist molding me [the snake den]

Anna doesn't really need much help right now cutting loose at the Snake Den. Madam G has been on her list of Pthumerians to check out for a while, and even if there had been some kind of reluctance to begin with, now that she's here mingling in a borrowed suit she feels downright comfortable. It's like she's ten years younger, and though her voice is still smoky and she's still missing an eye as far as physical age goes, socially she's just. Free, right now. It's nice.

It's nice enough that, when she's not striking up conversation with other people, she decides to indulge herself in the open mic. Borrowing an electric bass from backstage, she walks up, sits down, plugs in, and grabs the mic. "This is one from back home," she says, "By a band called Silversun Pickups. It's about finding freedom and acceptance and love in the places and with the people that everyone else tells you to stay away from. They'll say that the only way to be who you are is to file yourself off. That you need to hold yourself back to make other people comfortable without ever worrying if you're comfortable." She's talking very passionately for someone who doesn't think of herself as a motivational speaker. With a confident look, she finally leads into the song. "Let's bury that lie, Trench. This is called 'The Pit'."

And she starts playing, and she starts singing. And when she doesn't need to be playing and her hands are free, even she's not really sure how she does it, but she finds a way to channel her androidinous self to modify her own voice—just for a little bit, just to test it out. Just to see what happens, before she snaps back into the final lines of the song. And regardless of how it's received, once she's done, she puts the bass down and gently thanks the crowd. Her heart-simulacrum is pulsing faster than it should be as she gets off the stage, and she waits there in the wings in case she happened to inspire anyone with that performance.

b. the echo of what is and what will be [the shedding ceremony]

This is... not a good month for Anna outside of that, so far. For her time at the Snake Den, yes, she's still resonating with A2, and she's still who she thinks she is. But it never really takes long for her to start shedding her own skin again, and damn her brain but she can't stop fucking picking at it long enough to avoid the transformation.

The first time it happens, Anna emerges in a pure white dress that she's wasting no time in staining red. Her hair is longer, cleaner, and in lieu of a katana she's brandishing a blood-red shortsword in her battles with these beasts at the edge of the city. Taking zero precautions against pollution or corruption, she swings her blade right at the neck and lets the blood spray wash over her. When it stops, she hunches forward and shrieks out a strangely melodic note while the beast falls over dead. Her back straightens, and it's clear even from whatever distance anyone may be watching at that she's no longer entirely who people might know. The flower blossoming from her right eye is a good early warning sign, but you'd better act fast, because her good eye is a blazing red and she's rushing towards her spectator with that bloodblade at the ready.

The second time is much less interesting by comparison, but it's not doing her much good. Because the second time, she's just... a normal 29 year old. Both her eyes are fine, she's fully organic, and she doesn't know how to use a sword. In fact, she's taking her time and walking slowly through the streets of a town that she's starting to get to know better, wondering what her life even is anymore. Her Omni helps her keep connected with back home, sure, but nobody can get in touch with her no matter how hard she tries. And she woke up, for lack of a better word, with this katana that she's got on her back, and the first friendly-looking person she sees, she just asks outright, "Hey, uh. You have any idea why I would have a sword if I don't remember ever actually owning a sword?"

c. i am creation both haunted and holy [wildcard]

((got anything else you want to do? hit me up here or at

roseward!! also: source for the suit image and lyrics for the cover.))

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"Oh, uh. No, not really," she says, but it kind of makes sense that she wouldn't know yet. "I mean, is it, like..." She flares out her hand in front of her and makes a whooshing sound like a torch turning on. When nothing happens, she glances over to Yuri and keeps her arm extended.

"Do I have to say some magic words? Sim sim sala bim?" Her fingers strain again as she tries it. Nope, doesn't look like anything's gonna happen. "I got nothin'. I don't think I can do elements. Unless I'm doing something wrong?"

"Weird. The you I knew is pretty damn good at them. Showed me a thing or two." He holds up his hand, flicks it a little to make fire play over his fingers, then he turns his hand over at the whole things covers in ice. But that's cold, and he curses, shaking it off, dropping shards of ice to the ground.

"But, hey, maybe you need to get the hang out it. I couldn't do much when I first woke up, either."

He leads her out of the walls of Trench to the forest outside of it, a place he's spent quite a bit of time with her. It feels kind of weird, showing her it, because they explored it together.

"You're really good at lightning. Maybe that's the one you need to try."

And that's the thing about it, is that it feels familiar. They've been here before, or she has, or something like that. It's that same dreamy feeling that she pulled Yuri's name from, and it sets her head on a tilt as she gets out there with him—when she's not idly snapping her fingers like she expects a spark to come out of them or something.

"All right, uh. Hoo boy," she says, exhaling and adjusting her stance. Her legs brace for a moment, and then all at once, she stomps the ground twice and reaches a loosely-curled fist into the air like she's trying to pluck a lightning bolt from the sky. "Thun-der!" When nothing happens, and almost perfectly in time with an internal tempo, she repeats, "Thun-der!!"

And when attempting to channel AC/DC does her no good, she lowers her hand and hooks her thumb into her pocket. "I don't know, dude. I don't think it's my thing. I mean, that's the most badass song about lightning that I can think of and it's not doing anything, so I'm out of ideas." See, she's got jokes. That's kind of the thing here, is that she's a lot... happier, right now. Almost in wonder at being out here in nature, outside of Recollé even if she still doesn't understand how Trench works.

"So, like. All right. I'm still here for however long," she says, and this is the point where she seems less happy but she's still able to push past it, "So let's skip the elements and go with the basics, right? Maybe it's all tied together." She tries, very hard, to twirl her sword like the movies do. It falls out of her hand, and she almost scrabbles for it before remembering that it's sharp and that she shouldn't touch it.

Once it settles, she bends down to grab it with a sheepish look on her face.

All of these antics have a grin on Yuri's face. It's not that he's judging her, not really, he's just amused. This is Anna, but it really is Anna without everything the world's done to her, Anna like she could be. It's nice, really nice, to get to meet her like this, and he laughs out loud when she drops the sword.

"Yeah, definitely the basics. Hell, you probably shouldn't start with lightning anyway, or sword tricks," but, well, he does a sword trick to show off, tossing his high in the air. It twirls a few times before he seamlessly catches it again. "You ever held one of those things before?"

"Holy shit," she says under her breath, her eyes watching the sword twirl until he catches it effortlessly. "I mean. I've swung one around at the Renn Faire before, but I spent most of my time, uh. Watching people like you do stuff like that," she says honestly, not really seeing a need to lie about being a nerd.

"I don't even think I'd know where to start." She raises her sword, turning herself 90 degrees from him so he can get a profile and she doesn't have to worry about stabbing him. Both hands are on the hilt, because that seems right, right?, and she just. Raises it over her head and swings the blade straight down in front of her. You know, like in movies? Like how there's samurai movies. "Is this. Close?"

It's a good thing, maybe, that he has no idea what a Renn Faire is. But he nods along, by now he's used to not getting everything people say about their worlds.

He laughs again as she does that move, nodding. "I mean, sure, if you want to behead someone, but I'm guessing that isn't gonna be most of what you do."

He tosses his sword from hand to hand before it lands back in his left hand and he holds it out in a ready position. "More like this. You really never used one before? I swear the Anna I know can't be that much older than you, and she's crazy good."

Except, maybe she is? Is she older than 30?! He's friends with someone older than 30?! Help him, please. He might be having an existential crisis.

"For real, never touched one before," she confirms, trying to mirror his motions with her own dominant right hand. It's not just his hands that she's trying to copy; her stance changes, too, both as a swordfighter and in a more general sense. He knows what he's doing and this mysterious other Anna clearly trusts him, so it can't be too bad of an idea to match him this much.

"Maybe her prosthetics are the things that have all the sword skills," she offers, mostly as a joke. That's, coincidentally, actually the case, but it's not something this Anna would know. "Do I really look that young? I mean, I feel old. Maybe she just never got clean or something?"

"You must be a quick study, then. Honestly, I got no idea how all her... your prosthetics work. There's something about an android? I think you become half android," is he supposed to tell her about her future? He doesn't really know. He doesn't know how much this counts. He goes through a few move, a thrust, a parry, moving fast at first to show the move, then slower so she can more easily follow along.

Yuri considers that last question, watching her as she practices. "I dunno about that. You just look... happier," which maybe isn't what someone wants to hear about their future self, but you know.

"Half-android..." She repeats it like it's totally out of nowhere for her, and the idea almost makes her stance falter. And then he says that she looks happier like this, and she frowns just a little.

"Does she not like being an android?" she asks, still trying to follow the moves and carefully, slowly match him. "Or does she not really talk about it?" comes the knowing follow-up. Anna can't be too different across different universes.

Yuri snorts a short laugh. At least she knows herself. "Yeah, that one. I'm pretty amazed you--she? told me about it at all. I dunno if it's about liking it or not. She's just been through some shit. I dunno how that works, me telling you about this. Hey--"

He taps her sword with his own, to get her to pay attention to it. "Got hot steel in your hand. Could cut off an arm if you're not careful."

"Oh, sh—right." Okay, no, head in the game, Anna. Come on, you've got this. She strengthens her grip on the sword and doesn't say anything for a moment so she can instead focus on the moves and getting her form down.

But that doesn't last as long as she'd like. It doesn't take more than a few minutes before she's back trying to probe for information about this other version of herself. "It probably means she trusts you," she says. "I've always been the kind of person who keeps it all inside her until she finds someone who can actually put up with it. So either she trusts you a lot, or you do a real good job pretending to give a damn."

She dings her blade against his and gives him a friendly, confident look. "Pretty sure it's the first one. So you definitely matter to her. She'd probably move the world to keep you safe."

"Really? And here the Anna I know is an open book," he says it with a grin. He's joking, because Anna is the same as him, trusting rarely and sparingly, but trustworthy when you have it. Normally, he isn't quite this forthcoming, but something about meeting Anna all over again makes it easier:

"I do give a damn," he says it because it's true. It's an easy thing to say, with a little quirk of smile at her, pushing her blade back lightly. "Nice one. Yeah, we... she helped me out, of a tight spot, when we first showed up here. Guess that solidified it, huh? Well, I trust her, and you, too."

"And I guess that means I should trust you back, right?" She does already, of course. It's not just the idea of this other self trusts him so she needs to; it's that he has a sword and he hasn't used it to try to kill her yet, and that counts a lot for trust where Anna's sitting.

"So maybe I can ask you something." She clashes her blade again; she's picking it up, but the blows are still nowhere near as skilled as she probably could be. "You gonna ask her about me? You know, once I disappear and head back into... wherever it is that you think I'm gonna go."

It's a good question, and Yuri meets her blows easily, concentrating on putting in just enough force to challenge her, but not enough to put either of them in danger, not just yet.

"I might, yeah. It's not every day you meet a friend again. But, hell, you know how you are. You'll tell me what you want to tell me," and he doesn't have any problem with that. She can keep all her secrets she wants, as long as they keep going hunting together. "But, who knows. You could be here to stay. Never know with this place."

But after a second: "If I was gonna ask her, if she comes back, what d'you would freak you out the most?"

That's a hell of a question, asking what would be the most unsettling thing for the other her to answer, but... despite that, she thinks she knows what it would be.

"She would probably know why I'm happier than her," she says carefully, trying to think about the best way to say it. "I think... if she knew there was a world out there where she could be happier than how she is, she wouldn't be surprised, but she'd still want to know what changed." Of course, that much is obvious from everything they've talked about so far. Hot steel in her hand. Don't get caught up in it just yet.

She forms her thoughts while she practices, instead, and then her stance relaxes so she can actually get it out. "I don't think it's just that she's an android and I'm not. I think it's more than that, but I don't know enough about what it could be to even start guessing. Maybe it starts with whatever turned her into that in the first place."

He nods, watching her form and correcting when her footing slips into something dangerous. "Yeah, I... I might've seen that. I dunno, we're not really asking-each-other-stuff friends, y'know? We're fight-monsters-in-silence friends."

But, maybe, there could be more than that. But he remembers trying to share more, and Anna shutting it down, the pair of them focusing on the monster. She wasn't ready yet, he gets that. He doesn't want to push her. "I don't really want to freak you or her out. Except when it's funny."

She looks up at him and thinks about that answer and grins just the tiniest bit, teeth showing. "Rose said stuff like that too. Dude, you keep doing a bunch of stuff that's just telling me over and over why she'd trust you." And she doesn't even question a world existing without Rose in it, so it doesn't cross her mind to ask about that.

"She likes having talk-about-stuff friends. I just don't think that she likes saying it out loud, you know?" Her sparring is getting a little less intense, but it's the correction that Yuri gives her that kind of snaps her back into form. "Totally fine if you're not like that, but, like. She probably thinks you're worth it. 'Cause I think you're worth it, and I'm her. She probably wants to hang out and talk about music and stuff together. Stay up late at night talking about bullshit together. You know."

"No, that... sounds kinda nice," he gets a little distracted then, too, because he had those friends, and he misses them something awful. He shakes his head. "Hey, I think you're doing pretty good. You wanna keep going?"

Or, go get a drink with him, because this Anna is being open and kind and telling him nice things about himself and he isn't good at handling that. "Uh, and thanks. I'll remember that. You're a good friend."

That's kind of hard to say, but he's glad he did. She's his best friend here (aside from Flynn), and even if he can't say it to the version of her that he's close to, it's still... it still matters.

It definitely still matters. She damn near beams at being told that she's doing pretty well, which is an expression that fits weird on her face, but she just hasn't had the chance to hear that very often. Sincerely, at least, from someone she can actually believe. By way of pulling that back in, she tries to let her face fall to something more neutral and actually answers the question with, well. What she thinks is a pretty good read of the situation.

"Nah, I think I picked up a lot. You wanna head down to the bar or something instead?" She hadn't been in a while, but drinking together was always better than the alternative. "Good way to unwind after a hard day's work."

That gets a smile out of him, too. He only realizes then how little Anna smiles. Maybe that's something he can figure out a way to change. Maybe.

"Hell yeah. They got weird liquor here. Weird mushroom shit," he laughs, and goes to find his sheath, tossed somewhere to the side of their impromptu practice ring. "You hafta try it."

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the balance of complete and incomplete [open]

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