[003] And the walls kept tumbling down

[themuseabandonsyou]

Who: Orpheus (themuseabandonsyou)
What: January Catch-all
When: January
Where: Crenshaw, The Red, one of Trench's parks

Warnings: burns, discussion of organ theft, forced honesty effects, memory loss/loss of sense of self, disorientation, possibly more as marked in thread headers



I. Gray clouds roll over the hills bringing darkness from above ( cw: burns, discussion of organ theft ) ( closed to Eurydice )

Orpheus comes stumbling in the front door a little over an hour after he ran out. It had been abrupt and frantic when he went, snatching up one of his spare sets of guitar strings and wordlessly sprinting down the street towards a plume of smoke in the distance - whether Eurydice had been there to see him go, he'd been too distracted to tell, too focused on the problem at hand. But she's here, now, as he returns, smelling of burning cloth and worse.

One of his pant legs is seared off up to the knee, still smoldering slightly, and the exposed skin of his calf is - not looking good. He was still able to put weight on it long enough to get home, which is promising, but as he makes it through the threshhold he collapses sideways, leaning heavily against the wall and sliding down it awkwardly into a crumpled heap on the floor.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it." He repeats it to himself quietly, over and over again. His shoulders shake as he puts his face in his hands, breathing hard between the pain and apparent distress.

II. But if you close your eyes ( cw: forced honesty effects, possible further warnings in thread headers ) ( OTA )

It's not the first time Orpheus has seen the gigantic gemstone octopus that decorates the Red's entrance - he spent a great deal of time there on his first day, even, trying to figure out how to find Eurydice, and even after that he passes by it regularly on his way to find work in Cellar Door. But there is a certain sense of awe that comes with actually walking through the betentacled doors, having been invited in. Something about it feels like a massive weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and he blinks in wide-eyed surprise at the luxury of the club that lies within. It's like nothing he's ever seen before, save for in photos, and he stands there for a long moment just taking it all in until someone jostles him out of the way.

II-A. Watching
Despite Orpheus being, well, himself, it actually doesn't occur to him to get on stage at first. He watches the other acts with enthusiastic attention, whistling and clapping for his friends and strangers alike, but whenever the call goes up for the next performer, he looks... torn. Fidgeting with the strap of the guitar on his back, he frowns, glancing around him, then back at the stage with almost an almost hungry look. He wants to go. He doesn't want to go. Even feeling more relaxed here than he has in days, all the ostentation around him, the high-class of the setting and his own feeling out of place in it combine into the sort of pressure to do well that he's rarely felt before. Usually all he does is play for friends, but this? Even if the audience is mostly other Sleepers, this feels different.
II-B. Playing
Sooner or later, though, someone convinces Orpheus to take the stage, to swallow his reservations and just go, and ultimately he's grateful for it. He strides up to the spotlight and slides his guitar around in front of him, taking a deep breath, and begins to play a lively, rousing song, the crackling glow of campfire-light cast all around him as he sings.

"It's only for need to pay the bills
That a man goes to work in the mine, in the mill
For what does he trade the sunshine?
For a couple of nickels and dimes
But up on top a man can breathe
When he's livin' it, livin' it up
With friends and family to meet his needs
Livin' it up on top
Won't make anyone a millionaire
We're livin' it, livin' it up
But what we have, we have to share

Give me a lyre and a campfire
And an open field at night
Give me the sky that you can't buy
Or sell at any price
And I'll give you a song for free
'Cause that's how life ought to be

So that's how I'm livin' it
Livin' it, livin' it up
Livin' it up on top"
II-C. Mingling
And when he comes back down, it's like all his worries have washed away. He practically bounds off the stage, face flushed and grinning, making a beeline for the first person he recognizes or maybe just whoever catches his eye.

"How was that?" he asks, earnest, eyes shining. "I've been - I couldn't fix things with my music before, so I was worried I was losing it, but that - it sounded all right, didn't it?"

There's a beat, then his brow furrows slightly, a look of confusion on his face. What did he just say?

III. Does it almost feel nothing's changed at all ( cw: memory loss/loss of sense of self, disorientation ) ( OTA )

The man standing out in the middle of one of Trench's few, scattered parks looks a lot like Orpheus. He's older, though - it's hard to tell how much, but clearly well past his 20s, and looking even older than he probably is for the stress lines on his face, speckled with old, faded little scars from stray sparks kicked up while welding. He seems exhausted, too, like every movement he's forcing himself not to just collapse on the spot. None of Orpheus's puppy-like exuberance shines through in this man, bundled against the cold like he's even less accustomed to it than usual in layers upon layers and just silently putting one foot in front of the other, except -

The sun starts to peek through the clouds, a lone shaft of sunlight falling on one of the trees, and he raises his head from where he'd been staring at the ground to look - and his eyes grow wide with childlike wonder. He doesn't move towards it. He doesn't dare breathe, for fear that any slight change could take this sight away from him. A tear runs down his face all the same. It's been so long.

Comments

[themuseabandonsyou]

"That's good," says Orpheus, nodding. Progress is good! But something still weighs on him, and slips out of his mouth before he can catch himself. "I just... feel bad that we let you get that bad in the first place. We should've been there for you. I'm glad everyone was able to pull you out of it after it came to a head? But..."

He shakes his head, grimacing. What kind of friends are they? They all saw the warning signs, and went running off in different directions looking for cures instead of staying close and talking it out. It's especially hard not to kick himself over it. Isn't helping with morale the one thing he's good for?

"We'll do better. For you and for everyone else. Next time, we'll take care of each other, and stop this before anyone gets hurt."

[droptheious]

Varian should have expected it, but it still makes him wince when he hears it all the same. It's something he's heard more than a few times this past week and it doesn't get any easier each time.

"Don't blame yourself...that's- a lot of my friends are doing that and-" he frowns. "You can only help so much, y'know? I... I needed to ask for help and I didn't. I was too stubborn and stupid and worried about putting too much weight on people I cared about and-"

He waves his hand vaguely. That happened.

"I need to do better too. I need to...just to be able to let you guys know when I need help. I can't expect you to help me if I never actually ask for help in the first place, k'know?"

[themuseabandonsyou]

There's an urge to argue, to try to take the pressure off Varian and put it on himself again, but Orpheus realizes that shuffling blame around doesn't make anyone feel better, in the end. He nods.

"Right," he says. "I'm still sorry, but - you're right. It's easier to help when the people around you know what you need. So we should all try to be better about letting people know about what's happening with us, too."

And at that, he casts a guilty look Eurydice's way across the room. She's talking to Kassandra, by the looks of things, and not currently paying attention to him, which is probably for the best.

"I haven't been very good about doing that, either," he admits.

[droptheious]

That's where Varian's at. He can distribute the blame or he can admit what he did wrong and work on being better. He's already a pro at the latter, and the former's only given him grief in the past.

"I appreciate that you do. And yeah...I think this is a lesson in...I don't know, realising just how bad this can all get if we're not careful?"

Because any of them could get corrupted. Varian's learned just how horribly easy it is for everything to come crashing down so very quickly. He follows Orpheus' gaze, frowning softly.

"Then...it's something for you to work on too. Like...we can all work on that together. Togetherness sure helped me, in the end. That support brought me back, and I'm sure you were a part of that, too."

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus smiles, weakly but genuine.

"I'm glad I could help in any way," he says. Even if it doesn't feel like enough, it was still something. "And it's good to know, that we really can overcome this kind of thing together."

His smile fades a little, despite the optimism of what he just said, and he looks down at his hands.

"It's just... funny. I've always believed in that? That being together, and talking things out solves so many problems. But I keep... trying to keep things from people? Because I'm worried it'll hurt them, or they'll worry about me when they don't need to. And, um. I think I might've really upset Eurydice by doing that."

He sighs.

"So, it really is something I need to be better about, too. It's just hard, realizing that that might not be the best thing to do for people or yourself, sometimes."

[droptheious]

"It really is! If nothing else, we've acquired critical data about how corruption and monsterhood can be stopped!"

Of course, he's going to look at his own corruption like a science experiment. It's easier than thinking how badly he fell off the deep end.

"...I can understand that," that's exactly what he's been doing, after all. "I think for a fact talking things out is what we need to do- keeping stuff inside is what caused so much trouble back home, and here too. But yeah...I get that feeling. Not wanting to worry people."

He rubs the back of his neck.

"It's something I'm working on. Understanding that...sometimes you need to put that weight on people and they care about you and they'd want that weight rather than...than leave you bear it alone?" he chuckles wryly. "If you figure out a good way to do that, let me know."

[themuseabandonsyou]

It definitely feels weird how Varian says that, and Orpheus isn't sure he likes it, but if framing it that way helps then he guesses he shouldn't complain? He's not bothered enough to comment on it, at least, and the conversation moves on.

"It's just hard, knowing what things you can shoulder on your own, and what things you think you can shoulder on your own, but can't."

Orpheus is not someone who particularly cares about being seen as weak, emotionally or physically. He's fine with wearing his heart on his sleeve, being as expressive as comes naturally to him. But sometimes it's a question of whether something is big enough to bother someone else with, or whether he has the right to be upset in the first place.

"I will," he says, a little distantly, thoughtful and melancholy and sort of missing that it was intended as a joke. "Unless you figure it out first? But I think there's never going to be a real straightforward answer, for this kind of thing."

[droptheious]

Most normal people deal with their horrific trauma by actually emotionally tackling it and talking about it. Varian frames it like science. Science makes so much more sense to him than complicated emotions do. Though he could definitely use with doing a little more of the former, truth be told.

"Exactly! Like...how are you supposed to know the difference until you've already broken over it?"

He guesses that's something you learn from...experience? He's not sure. The scientific brain also means he's used to testing things to destruction which is not healthy when the thing you're testing is your own emotional wellbeing. Perhaps Orpheus had the right idea and run with the heart-on-the-sleeve approach. He's not sure.

"Hah, okay, it's a deal. Whichever one figures it out first lets the other know."

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus nods again, still solemn and distant. "Until you break or someone else does," he says, quietly. Nothing like getting so wrapped up in your own problems that you forget about everyone else's. But he really doesn't want to elaborate on that, and hurries to change the subject.

"But, it seems like there's a lot of writing about corruption around the city, at least? This isn't a new problem. So, maybe there's more ways to deal with it. Like methods of talking yourself down, or helping others, or medicines that might make things easier."

Reading and research are not Orpheus's strong suits, but at the very least he can ask around and look into it on a cursory level. It feels like the least he can do.

"I've heard people talk about, um. A bar, where the Pthumerian owner can help people control themselves while they're becoming beasts. I didn't think to ask about it at the time, but maybe they know something?"

[droptheious]

"...Yeah. That, I guess."

His smile drops, rubbing his arm absently. After all, he broke. Badly. And the people he cares about paid the price of it. Guilt gnaws in his chest as he focuses on what Orpheus is saying. This is good, this is the sort of language he speaks- the sort of thing he can deal with. Careful research, numbers and figures, trial and error. This is very much more his area.

"That's- that's good- that's really good thinking, Orpheus, that's exactly what we should focus on," some encouraging praise is needed right now, he feels. "I think I've heard about that place. I haven't been there- not really my scene - but it would be a pretty good place to test it. If beasthood can be contained and controlled, we might be able to study it. "

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus does smile at the praise, spirits lifted just a bit by the affirmation that his idea was a good one.

"I'm not much good at researching things in books," he says. Staying on task long enough to sit down and read anything longer or more involved than a pulp novel is a little hit or miss for him. He's a little distractable unless the book is the thing distracting him, in which case you'll never get him to put it down. "You're probably better at that than I am? But I can go to, um. I think it was called Earworm? And talk to the people there."

He's much better at gathering information that way, after all. And Varian's right, it really does not sound like his scene.

[droptheious]

"Well, that's okay, I'm definitely good at the book thing, but you're better at the people thing."

Orpheus is so much more personable than him, it's true. Much more likely to get an answer to any questions he might have, just from him asking nicely. Orpheus has a charm about him that Varian almost envies. This also means Varian can avoid the entire nightclub and just reap the benefit from it.

"And I definitely trust your judgement on what people are saying out there, and I can use the data you collect and figure something out, hopefully! It's the perfect partnership!"

[themuseabandonsyou]

"Right!" says Orpheus, enthusiastic and glad that Varian seems to think he's on the right track with this. He puts a lot of faith in Varian's judgment, generally speaking - though as he thinks about it now he realizes that that may have been part of the problem, putting too much faith in him, and not being able to see when he was struggling. Hmm.

Well, here at least he's just glad to have someone usually smarter than him confirm that his idea is a good one.

"I'll probably ask a couple of people if they want to come with me? Just to make sure it's safe. But I'll be sure to tell you and the others everything we find that might be useful!"

He's already considering just who to bring along. Eurydice, probably - she's smart and practical and he also really needs to stop leaving her out of things. Maybe Vyng? He's wise and already knows how to change forms safely, so he might have some insight. If he's honest with himself, this actually is starting to sound kind of fun.

[droptheious]

That was definitely part of the problem the Disaster House faced. Varian tends to just charge on ahead, regardless of if he's in the right mental state to do so or not. It gives the illusion he's far more together than he actually is at any given time. But he really does like Orpheus' idea and wants to encourage his friend.

"Great, thanks, this'll be really helpful," he offers a smile. "And hey, you never know, you might have a good time, too. Hear some new music- see if it inspires you any."

Because study is all well and good but enjoying it is an extra bonus!

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus's expression lights up at the notion - that hadn't occurred to him, but now that Varian mentions it...

"Oh, maybe!" he says. "There's a lot of different kinds of music people play in the clubs and bars in Cellar Door. Most of it sounds more like the stuff Cynthia played as Allison during that concert right after I showed up in Deerington, than anything I'd ever heard before? But there's some stuff that's totally unlike that, too. All heavy percussion and instruments I can't identify."

He's determined to figure it out sooner or later, though.

"I wonder what they'd play in a place like Earworm, though. It sounds pretty different than here, or any of the other places I've been playing recently. I guess I'll just have to find out."

[droptheious]

"Exactly! A lot of it is music I haven't really heard before...though that's true for a lot of it, I'm in the same boat as you there," it's hard being from a time before radio existed, okay. "But you're good with music. If anyone can make sense of all of that noise, it's you."

He has such faith in you, Orpheus!

"I'm pretty sure that...Lady Bop will play just about anything from what I've heard. Definitely worth checking out."

[themuseabandonsyou]

Even being from the radio age doesn't help much, really. Orpheus beams, though, a little sheepish at but glad for the compliment.

"Thanks! I'd really like to figure out what's going on with some of the stranger songs I've heard. Someone back in Deerington showed me something called a 'drum machine,' which was an electric device that could produce all sorts of different sounds, depending on the buttons you pressed or dials you turned? I think that might have something to do with a lot of them."

He really wishes he'd had a chance to talk to Baby more, about music and in general. But that's true of a lot of people that have come and gone, really. Nothing for it but to move on and occasionally think of what could've been.

"But, right, she's the owner, isn't she? Maybe she has something to do with the performers being able to control themselves. Maybe I could even see about talking to her, eventually."

[droptheious]

"Oh wow, that's cool. Have you spoken to Ryan? His friend could play something... I think it was called a syth? It was like a piano but without any keys. It sounded pretty weird. Guess that's the future for you."

Weird fuckin' instruments that make no sense and yet somehow are pretty damn cool regardless.

"Far as I know, yeah. She'd probably be the best person to ask- assuming she'll talk to you at all. I think it's kind of a crapshoot with Pthumerians if they're chatty or not."

[themuseabandonsyou]

"Oh! No, I haven't, but someone did tell me about synthesizers. I think one of the ghosts on stage with Cynthia at the festival was playing one? I wonder if it'd be possible to find one here. Though I guess if it were, they'd probably be powered by blood instead of being electric?"

And that's... kind of a weird notion. Hmm. Orpheus isn't sure he likes that, but it sounds like something that might be worth looking into when there aren't so many pressing problems on the table.

"Anyway," he says. "I'll see what I can do! From the sound of it there's no way we won't find at least something of interest while we're there, even if they aren't exactly the answers we're looking for."

[droptheious]

"Maybe they could be powered by a lunar orb?" it's a possibility he's happy to look into. "I'm still trying to figure out how they work- but they seem about the most reliable power source here."

Varian has about six thousand issues surrounding The Moon, but he knows what works. He can swallow his pride.

"Exactly! We'll find something out, if nothing else, and that always makes the venture worth it!"

[themuseabandonsyou]

"Oh, right, I keep forgetting about those?"

Despite having one sitting on his nightstand back home. They're subtle presences - it's really easy to forget about them in the wake of all the much flashier blood stuff.

"Anyway," he says. "I should probably go see how Eurydice's doing, unless you have anything else you want to talk about?"

For her part she seems to be busy trying as hard as possible to blend into the backdrop in one of the corners, and Orpheus has every intention of dragging her out for a dance at some point tonight. But that's not particularly urgent. If Varian thinks of anything else to say he's open to it.

[droptheious]

"I think that's easy to do. They're everywhere."

They really do fade into the background. Varian only really notices them from an engineering standpoint- wanting to take them apart and understand how they work.

"No, no. I'm good! Go and check on her, say hi from me. Have a good time."

He appreciates Orpheus doing this and also if it means he gets to have fun with this wife, that's a GREAT bonus.