deercountry | don't know who I am right now [open]

Entry tags:

don't know who I am right now [open]

Who: Yuri Lowell, but as a child, & you!
What: Yuri attempting to train with a sword and stealing some jerky
When: January 12-19
Where: Crenshaw, Willful Machine, the beach

Content Warnings: N/A

A. Training
[ When Yuri first woke up here, he woke up in a room with a lot of weapons in it. At least three swords, two shields, and more knives than he could count. He immediately took one of those swords. He doesn't have one yet at home, but it's a dream, a dream to have a sword and become a knight and change the Empire for the better.

With stolen sword in hand, a ten-year-old Yuri is out in some barren area of Trench, whatever greenery was there killed by the cold and snow. The sword is too big and too heavy for him, more than half his height in length, and his arms are shaking from the exertion, but he needs to learn. He needs to fight. He was told that this place is dangerous, and he needs to be able to fight, to defend himself, and defend those who can't defend themselves. That's what he's going to do. That's part of the oath he swore with Flynn: to make the world a better place for everyone.

He slashes down with a grunt, but with too much force, and the tip of the sword lodges itself in the ground ]

Stupid-- sword--!

[ He grumbles and tries his best to get it out, but the ground is frozen and hard around it ]

B. Haggling
No, that's too expensive.

[ Maybe it isn't that strange of a sight in Trench to see a child haggling for food. Here is a ten-year-old, bundled up in a coat that is too big for him, sleeves bunched up on his arms, the shoulders hanging off his thin frame. He's trying to buy some jerky, something that seems practical and filling and he's ten and doesn't know how to cook yet.

The Trenchie doesn't look very enthused by this kid who only has a few stones to his name, and rejects his offer. Yuri's little hands ball into fists ]

Fine.

[ He turns on his heel and stalks away, making a show of it, only to twist on his toes a few yards later, and lurches back toward the stand to grab some of the jerky, making off with it before the Trenchie can grab him. Who knows if this is even illegal in Trench?

Yuri dodges through the crowd, clutching the jerky close. Do you stop him? ]

C. Wildcard
[ Want to run into tiny Yuri somewhere else? He can be found around Crenshaw, Willful Machine, and by the beach. Hit me! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Yuri's immediate worry is something of a relief. Flynn nudges one of the logs into order, letting it catch as well, and leans back on his heels with a small frown. He's been trying to keep his own worry at bay, telling himself he can get around it like he always has, but it's more than simply losing his artes. It's losing his way of fighting, it's a change on top of a change. Flynn feels different. Weaker in a way that he hates. ]

That's the only way I can explain it. It's only the combat artes. I can manage First Aid just fine, and a few of the more arcane artes, but... it's like I don't have the power behind the combat ones anymore. It just doesn't happen. I've tried everything.

[ Well, Yuri can deal with that weird gross skin later. He drops down next to Flynn to offer him what solidarity and comfort he can, sitting side by side with him. ]

Well... First Aid is damn useful. Out of everything, I'd keep that one. I know I'd be dead ten times over if you and Estelle didn't know it.

[ He doesn't think he's the best as reassuring people, but Flynn is clearly messed up about this, so he tries. He tries, and tentatively offers Flynn a hand, placing it over his. ]

We can figure it out. If I don't have fire or ice anymore, I'm gonna have to relearn some stuff, too.

[ It's that very solidarity that Flynn missed over the last week, Yuri's preternatural calm and his certainty that they'll figure things out. He hadn't realized precisely how much he leaned on steady, sure Yuri until all of that was gone and he was left to puzzle through dreams and feelings and visions on his own.

Without thinking too hard about it, for once, he leans against Yuri's shoulder and flips his hand over to tangle their fingers together. ]

And it isn't as if I can't fight. We fought for a long time without artes, and I was already re-learning how to fight without a blastia before Rita and her team introduced mana-casting. We'll be fine.

[ The fire is really catching now, crackling brightly along the new logs, smokeless and cheerful. It casts even more of a pinkish glow than the sunrise outside, warming them both.

Flynn blinks. Squeezes Yuri's hand. ]

You're warm.

...yeah. Guess I am.

[ He knew the cold was a blood thing, and so far signs pointed toward his blood being different, but this just solidifies it. He squeezes Flynn's hand back, feeling a little self-conscious about it, but also, the only other person here is Blue, and Blue knows about their relationship. He knows more than they probably want him to. ]

It's weird. All of this is weird. [ His eyes skip to the skin again with a grimace ] I think we should burn it, just in case.

[ It's weird, but at least it's weird for both of them. Shouldn't Flynn be stronger than this? Why is he feeling so seen, like they're doing something—

Oh. Oh, that's what Yuri is feeling, that odd self-consciousness, that hint of strangeness.

He should really tell Yuri about all the changes. ]

What if you change back again? I'm not a very good babysitter, Yuri.

Yeah, but... I'm not back to normal.

[ Obviously. Even if he hated being cold, it's weird to be different all of a sudden.

He's worried that he's too different now. He's worried that something inherently changed in him with this change of his blood. Is weird and invasive, to have your blood just change in an instant. ]

Did you burn yours? My other one? I remember... seeing it.

I burned mine, and yours is buried in the backyard. I didn't feel right burning it with you gone.

[ Yuri's worry is a palpable thing, echoing through their little bit of contact. Flynn shouldn't really be this relieved that he can feel that, can he? But it's nice to know he's not alone in being uncomfortable with it, nice that... it isn't just him. That they're in this together again. Flynn lets out a quiet breath, watching the flames. ]

There's something else you should know, Yuri.

[ His own nerves are likely evident to Yuri, too, twisting in his belly like they are. ]

[ Then he can burn them both, so there isn't some weird skin version of him in the dirt ]

...okay.

[ That's not a good thing to hear. Yuri looks sidelong at him. He can feel those nerves, somehow. Maybe Flynn's just at nervous. He does know Flynn pretty damn well, after all. ]

Tell me.

[ Goddess, how does he say this aloud? He hasn't talked about it to anyone but Blue and Paul, not really. Flynn's thumb drags over the back of Yuri's hand. They're a nervous mess, the two of them.

First things first, no matter uncomfortable he is. Flynn has always been good at charging on ahead in the face of fear, and he's determined to do the same now. ]

Since my blood changed, every time I've touched someone, I've been able to feel some of what they can feel. It's happening now. I'm also having strange dreams, and there are—well. Blue said something about visions. Of the future, or possible futures. They're quite unclear, and I can't control them at all.

[ That was one of the four options, wasn't it? Flynn's blood changed, and he can't make fire, so that's down to three. This isn't the worst one, not by far. He isn't even all that worried about it, the brush of Flynn's thumb soothing his nerves a little. ]

Like you need to sleep less. What kind of stuff have you seen?

[ He can think about Flynn feeling his feelings, right at this moment, later. Right now, he needs to be here for Flynn. ]

[ Flynn was anticipating a spike of worry, or for Yuri to immediately pull away so Flynn couldn't touch him anymore. He's lucky his mind didn't try to show him the potential outcomes, now that he thinks about it, but his body was already braced and now there's— ]

You're not worried?

[ He should answer, but the words fall from him in a surprised sort of rush. ]

[ That startles a laugh out of Yuri, and he smiles at Flynn, shaking his head. ]

About what? You knowing how I feel? You don't really need weird blood magic to do that.

[ Flynn can read him better than almost anyone else, except maybe Judy. That woman has the perception of a hawk ]

You don't like it when—

[ Flynn starts, but he's stopped by Blue's quiet voice in his own head. See the man he is, stop filling in the spaces. If Yuri says he doesn't mind, then Flynn needs to trust that he's telling the truth, trust the little laugh and his easy, steady smile.

He sucks in a little breath, nerves leaking out of him like water. ]

...well. Good, because honestly I have no idea how to control it and it is worse when I'm touching someone and I don't exactly plan to stop touching you now that you're back, so.

[ Goddess, well that-- that makes him flush, and now, it's hot and pink in his cheeks, and he looks away from Flynn because, well. Yeah. He wants that. He likes touching Flynn. He likes the closeness they have. He likes that he doesn't have to explain things to Flynn, not all that often. Flynn gets him. ]

Yeah, can't do that.

[ Okay, well, now it's too much. He's feeling too much. Love and want and that same self-consciousness, and he shifts to stand up, letting go of Flynn's hand if Flynn lets him. ]

We'll figure out what to do about your visions. But, help me with this skin. It's gross.

[ The love isn't a surprise, precisely, but it does make Flynn's chest swell with a matching warmth that Yuri has to be able to feel in the brief seconds before Flynn lets him go. He is so grateful for Yuri's steady presence, the fact that—apparently—he wants the same thing, that he doesn't want to stop exploring these new boundaries just because Flynn has changed. A worry he hadn't quite put into words settles, fades, and Flynn lets Yuri's fingers slip free with a self-conscious smile of his own. He loves this man so much. It's a problem sometimes. ]

At least this one is small! The first one was the size of you.

[ Flynn wrinkles his nose as he pushes himself to his feet. ]

We'll have to burn them manually like I did mine. It would be helpful if I could see the potential outcomes of that, but, well, so far I've seen very mundane things, and... the possible futures that came from telling you as a child about your own future.

[ That momentary burst of love catches him off guard, and he hesitates. It fills him up, easing over some of the more persistent worries in his gut, but then it's gone, and he can't think about it, not yet. ]

...did it change things?

[ He doesn't feel different, but... what if he was? What if who he thinks he is is different than the Yuri Flynn remembers?

That worry is fleeting, though. What-ifs have never been his strong suit. He picks up the skin from the ground with a shudder. It's just so... human. And it's him. The same black hair, the same skin color, but translucent. That was him until last night, wasn't it? ]

I guess we have to make the fire by hand. Bring the matches and some wood, would you?

I don't think it did. Which is... sort of pointless, then, isn't it?

[ He's already moving to pick up the matches, intent on helping Yuri with this grisly task as much as possible. It should be a clean burn, which means using wood from the pile by the fireplace rather than the curing shed he and Yuri built out back. Pocketing the matches, Flynn drops to pick up an armful of wood, hefting it up easily. Even if his artes are gone, at least his strength is still there. That's something. ]

At first, I thought I was simply experiencing a lot of deja vu. It was only after something very detailed that I had dreamt happened that I figured out something had changed. It's strange to think that we can just... change like that, isn't it? Of course, we already did. Maybe it shouldn't be that weird.

Yeah, it... is. Weird. I don't even know if I want to be the way I was, before, but it's still weird that I'm different. That I don't have the... fire thing.

[ Yuri pushes open the door, shuddering in the cold. Maybe he should have thought this through more, but hey, they're here now. At least he remembered to put on boots. He jerks his head toward an open patch that has less snow on it, probably from Flynn training or something. ]

Either way, we'll see what happens.

This is a pretty important thing to leave up to chance.

[ Flynn didn't bring kindling, but he's made a fire with worse materials, and this wood is dry. His own feet aren't even laced into his boots and his pajamas certainly aren't thick enough to ward off the early-morning cold.

He builds a neat little stack with enough space to tuck the whole shed skin into the center. It takes a few strikes and some maintenance to get it to catch, but it does, sparking up hot and fast like the one inside. Flynn looks up at Yuri, lined in the quiet gold of the sunrise, his breath misting in front of him.

It's so good to have him back. Flynn hopes this doesn't mess anything up. ]

I hope you know it's going to smell awful. Mine did.

Yeah.

[ He grimaces, and drops the skin into the middle of the pyre. He hasn't done this before, but he's spelt enough burnt monsters and people in battle to know some of what to expect.

He falls back next to Flynn, suppressing a shiver and trying to lean into Flynn's bodyheat. At least he isn't stupidly cold anymore ]

Hey, you think I'm a warmblood now?

[ Automatically, Flynn shifts closer. The wind picks up, thankfully blowing the greasy smoke already crackling up away from them. It also goes right through his clothes. ]

Actually, I have a theory, although that depends on whether your blood changed again or not. I think, when you were a child, you had darkblood.

Huh. Yeah, with the... disappearing. [ Disappearing people, and things. His memory of it is still fuzzy, but he remembers some of it. He frowns ] Did I... teleport us?

[ Flynn shifts a little closer still, until his hand is nudging against Yuri's and their shoulders are bumping together. ]

You did. I'm fairly sure you did. It's possible, I suppose, that your blood didn't change back. I wish there were an easier way to test.

There's one way to check.

[ But he doesn't move yet, watching the last of the skin burn away. When it's gone, he grabs the shovel leaning against the house and dumps some snow to douse the rest of the fire. His hand brushes Flynn's arm as he heads back inside, stomping the snow off his boots as he shudders. He doesn't want Flynn to tell him not to, so he keeps moving, taking the stairs two at a time up to their room to rifle around in his stuff to find one of his knives. By the time Flynn catches up, he's nicked his pinky. The blood looks totally normal and red at first, but as it wells up, it dissolved into dark, shimmering smoke. He holds it up to show Flynn. ]

Well, there you go.

[ It's too late to protest and Yuri damn well knows it, which is of course probably why he hustled to get ahead of Flynn. Yuri's gotten hurt worse, and at Flynn's hands, but still.

He watches the blood sparkle up into nothing, steps forward to pull Yuri's hand closer to himself. ]

That certainly explains it. How... strange.

don't know who I am right now [open]

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