deercountry | I NEED SOMEONE TO REMEMBER MY NAME

It often is. [They consider her words. It's something of an acknowledgement, but they don't think that Sayo fully understands why they were angry.] I was not asking for condemnation or pity or even sympathy from you when I said my crimes were greater.

I was stating a fact. I've had about enough of people reducing me to a tragic victim for the sake of their own peace of mind and denying what I want.

[For Chara, their status as the Demon That Comes When You Call It's Name is a way of having agency over their own circumstances. They know, deep down, they were never free. It was never their choice to plundge the world into the abyss.

It was their choice to keep it there, though. It's the only achievement they can fully say was theirs with no strings being pulled and no corruption in the back of their mind. And yes. They will permit themself to be called a villain rather than a victim for that feat.]

...all I wanted was the same thing. Acknowledgment. Or agency. Or... whatever. [Sayo still isn't looking directly at Chara; her gaze is fixed on the gameboard in front of her as she vaguely gesticulates.] When I made the choice to kill everybody on Rokkenjima... it was the first decision in my entire life that I truly made for myself and committed to.

Until then, every move I made was decided by someone else. Each time I thought I found a way to escape my fate, I was really just wrapping myself up tighter in my own web. At the end, all I wanted was to burn the threads and the tree that they hung on to the ground.

[What had started as a way to vent her worries without having to disrupt her routine as Shannon became another seed of love blossoming in her heart. What had started as an escape from reality, a way to comfort another lonely girl, became an unbearable, horrific legacy.]

I don't know whether I regret my decision or not. [She laughs darkly.] Perhaps if Eva hadn't derailed my plans, my feelings would clearer. But I have to take pride in making a choice in the first place, since it was mine to make. The only one I've ever made.

If somebody tried to tell me rigging the entire island to blow and plotting a series of elaborate murders wasn't my fault or that I was just a victim, I suppose I might react in the same way that you did when I talked down to you at the Snake Den. So... I'm sorry. It was cruel of me especially to do that, when I should've been able to "see" you clearly.

[A pause, then Sayo laughs again. There's slightly more humor in it this time.]

...I admit, even with your abilities on display in the hotel, I had a hard time believing that someone who looked as young as you could commit so many sins. Trench has illustrated how thoroughly stupid I was being in that moment. I also apologize for that.

Edited 2022-02-17 19:05 (UTC)

[Hmm. So, she does understand, to the extent that she can within the confines of her own story. Perhaps all that's different is that she couldn't reach the same level of control that Chara could.

They're silent for a little while, and their expression is pretty unreadable.]

You don't have to keep apologizing.

...I spoke to a boy here, on this beach. He said that death is the only way to be free. I suspect that to be a lie too. You are immortalized by your legacy, that of a static tragedy. You do not get a choice of the role you'll play as your story is twisted.

There is nobody left but me to tell mine now. Frisk believes they know but they never reached the ending that I did. The true ending of our story, one where there is nobody left to tell it, and nobody left for it to be told to.

I didn't destroy an island, I didn't slaughter a family, I didn't settle for those I once loved.

I erased my pointless world and everything in it. Forever.

...

I lost count of how many message bottles I sent out to sea.

[There's a distant look in Sayo's eyes as she remembers her feverish scrawlings in the Golden Land, burning the midnight oil until it set her desk aflame as she wrote, wrote, wrote.

For a few, precious moments back then, she felt like she wasn't furniture anymore. That she was a witch, great and powerful, weaving infinite fragments with her stories.]

All of them were lies, of course. All discarded drafts for the mysteries I was planning to enshroud Rokkenjima in. I wanted to create a scandal so fantastic that it wouldn't let any of us rest in peace. That I could stay the Golden Witch, Beatrice, forever.

...I also wanted to be solved. For someone to really see me, even if it was long after I was dead. Stupid, I know. [She laughs harshly.] But since this me doesn't have the power to erase and destroy entire worlds, it was all I could do to control my own narrative after the tragedy was over and done with.

[Sighing, Sayo finally turns to look at Chara in the eye.] Still, in that respect, we are... very different. I'm not going to pretend I understand what led you here, Chara. I think that would be the gravest insult I could deliver; comparing my amateur writing to the gravity of what you did, what you chose to do. I can barely comprehend the scope of what you describe, if I'm being honest.

...but we both made ourselves into horror stories of our own volition, although you made sure yours would never be told and I made sure mine would spread forever. [She smiles wanly.] And I personally think that tea is best enjoyed in the company of fellow monsters.

[Countless versions of one story to enshroud an island in mystery... It's hard for Chara to understand what it's like to create a story built on lies after living in a story built on lies.]

All stories are lies. It's in their very nature that they be built on deception and illusions. [UNDERTALE more so than many others.] Tea sounds excellent. Though, frankly, I wouldn't call myself a monster. My family were monsters, as were all the people I killed.

I always preferred what they called me on the surface. A demon.

Would you prefer it, then, if I were to call you Beatrice?

...I would appreciate that, I believe.

[The seed of Mariage Sorciere planted once again. Although without a single trace of innocence this time.]

A witch and a demon, eh? Quite a pair! [Despite the melancholy subject matter, Beatrice throws back her head and cackles. A deep, throaty witch's cackle, one that she has not released in one time. Acknowledgment, something close to understanding. Even without the spark of idealism...

It feels... nostalgic.

Sayo may have needed this.]

[Maybe when they were younger, when embracing their role as a demon was just a childish fantasy, but now... it's all become real. For better and for worse. They used to be scared and fragile and angry, and now they're something cold and merciless and apathetic.

Chara doesn't cackle, it's not their style, but their lip does curl into a smirk. They much prefer this side to Sayo - or Beatrice, rather - to the meek persona she puts forward.]

Something to be feared, certainly. [And to cover their bases...] I think it goes without saying that if you keep my secrets, I'll keep yours.

We can even make it an infernal pact of sorts.

Kyahaha! Mariage Sorciere reborn and a demonic contract rolled into one? Why, I thought Halloween wasn't due for months yet! [Grinning, Beatrice extends her hand to shake Chara's.

Beatrice isn't Sayo completely, of course. But it's a familiar, comfortable mask to wear, taking her farther and farther from the pitiful doormat Shannon than her own raw, shabby self could ever be.]

I NEED SOMEONE TO REMEMBER MY NAME | Febuary Catch-All

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cw for suicidal ideation

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wrap?