I love you and that's all I really know

[reddosmod]

FEBRUARY 2022 EVENT

IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: Bloody fingers hovering over chalice of blood.]
[Image Two: Semi-nude people dancing in circle with joined hands.]

Prompt Two
[Image One: Hauntingly large man coming up behind young girl while other girl screams.]
[Image Two: Old woman walking towards a panicked young woman.]

Prompt Three
[Image One: Obscure, nude bodies twisted together in a circle. Non-graphic.]
[Image Two: Nun holding holy book while red liquid pours from unseen face.]

Prompt Four
[Image One: Chocolates.]
[Image Two: Chocolate.]

[NAVIGATION]

Prompt 1 • Prompt 2 • Prompt 3 • Prompt 4 • Plotting • Newsletter

[JUMP TO COMMENTS]

BONDING PACTS

WHEN: Anytime
WHERE: Anywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood ceremony, bodily ceremony, telepathic/empathetic connections, possible forced/coerced relationships.

---

[From BEGINNERS GUIDE FOR BLOOD PACTS. Found in the Archives:]

"There are a variety of blood pacts one can make, but the most popular are Bonding Pacts. Bonding Pacts should never be made on a whim: they are a serious commitment.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
We can thank the Doorway for Bonding Pacts. Everyone knows the story: the Reckoning was made to go fight the impossible battle against blood pollution, corruption, and beasthood. The Doorway vowed to wait for the Reckoning to return and has never moved since. This is ultimately believed to be the first Bonding Pact ever made in Trench and it is considered to have opened up Bonding Pacts as a possibility in general.

The most common misconception about Bonding Pacts is that they must be exclusively for romantic partners. This is not true The majority of Bonding Pacts, as a matter of fact, are actually familial and platonic in nature. Most romantic pairs decide that marriage is a safer option just in case someone gets a case of cold feet. On the other hand, this also means that the Bonding Pact can be the ultimate sign of devotion in a romantic relationship. We aren't interested in telling you what is right for your relationship, but the history is worth considering before taking that step.

So what is a Bonding Pact and how do you do it? Despite being one of the strongest pacts in this world, it is also one of the simplest to perform! Here's what you'll need:

1x Vial of blood per participant wishing to enter the pact
1x Small essence* of each participant
1x Live red rose
2x Live white roses
1x Pouch of ashes
1x Silver cup/container of some sort

*It was once believed that "essence" translated to organ, but we have since learned that this can be a single strand of hair, nail clipping, eyelash, teardrop, spit...You get the gist. It has to be something that came directly from your body that isn't blood.

You need to leave the silver cup out under the moonlight for at least one full night. You must complete this ceremony the evening after and only in the evening. Bonding Pacts cannot be made during the day. When you plan to begin the ceremony, you will need to perform it in a doorway or under any type of arch. This is to allow the Doorway to bless your pact and strengthen it permanently.

You will combine all the ingredients into the cup and thoroughly stir with a fragment of bone/antler. This concoction will thicken into a pastelike consistency and it should be black in color. If it smells like fresh roses, you did it right. If it smells like rancid food, you messed it up and will have to completely redo the ceremony.

Finally, each participant will cover one hand with the paste. To seal the bond, you will need to place your hand upon the one you wish to bond with. Where you place it matters and will determine the nature of your Bonding Pact. Each will have a drastically different consequence/benefit.

ROMANTIC BONDS: Place the hand somewhere on the face. This indicates a public relationship that is to be respected by all involved. This bond will create a telepathic connection between all participants. This telepathy cannot be heard by anyone else nor can it be interfered with from distance or chaos. It is possible to bring your romantic partner back from beasthood through this connection. Extreme cases of this bond have allowed romantic partners to take over one another's minds in severe situations. It can be difficult to shelter your thoughts from your Romantic Bond partner, but it is possible. They will know when you are keeping thoughts from them. Some partners have learned to respect each other's privacy while others have gone insane from the connection.

PLATONIC BONDS: Place the hand somewhere on the chest/shoulder area. This bond will create an This bond will create a physical connection. between all participants. This physical bond will allow participants to pick up on each other's physical pain or pleasure. You will be able to know when your friend is in physical harm. This creates a "phantom pain" of sorts. This can either weaken you substantially or give you an enormous boost during a fight. Best friends have been known to harness this ability well and use each other's pain to literally get stronger during a fight with monsters. On the other hand, a strained relationship can just cause you to feel the same debilitating pain as your friend. This cannot be used to bring someone back from beasthood.

FAMILIAL BONDS: Place the hand somewhere on an appendage whether arm, leg, tail or otherwise. This bond will create an empathetic connection between all participants. This empathetic bond will allow participants to naturally know what the other is feeling and may be able to sway one another's emotions through this connection. Like the romantic bond, it cannot be ruined by distance or chaos and has been used to bring people back from beasthood. Extreme situations have allowed partners to take total emotional control. You will always know when your Familial Bond partner is in emotional distress. You can send your Familial Bond emotional support when you can feel their stress, even at a distance. While this may not always work, many have reported it can greatly alleviate corruption and can even be used to recognize corruption patterns in order to prevent it.

HOSTILE BONDS: Place this bond exclusively on the neck or on anywhere on the back. While it may seem farfetched to make a bond with your enemy, there is some merit to the madness. This will create a unique power connection between all participants. This bond will allow one another to feel the ebb and flow of one another's powers. It is said the most well-forged Hostile Bonds may even allow characters to share abilities between one another. Hostile Bonds are known to drastically increase aggression and competitive behavior between participants. This has caused hostility to stir and may even lead to hatred. However, a successful Hostile Bond that is worked on with steady communication and agreement can be enormously successful and horrifically powerful.

Once you have left your handprint on your partner's skin, the spell will take hold. The handprint will glow and everyone will briefly have a vision of the Doorway standing before them. Don't be alarmed: they are only here to solidify the connection. You will feel great warmth and then the connection will be made. The handprint will stain your skin permanetly so choose wisely. The stain may be extremely light, barely visible. For others, it may be much darker. It is unknown what causes the variation.

This pact can be performed any time of year but is strongest when performed during or near the Egg Moon. While it is not required to have an audience for this ceremony, it is believed that an audience greatly strengthens the bond. It has become customary for people to make vows in combination with the ceremony for an additional layer of power.

As a further point of caution...These bonds can be forced on an individual."

FAQ
1. These bonds cannot be broken except by extreme magical interference such as through some sort of game event, a character being dropped from the game, or something like the Blade of Agency. Death will not disturb the bond.

2. There is no "limit" to the number of participants for the ceremony. Romantic bonds can be made between multiple people. The connection will only exist between those who partook in the ceremony at the same time.

3. People can be added into a Bonding Pact at any time.

4. Gender/species has no impact on the bond.

5. People can create different bonds with the same person.

6. These bonds are open-ended and can be translated to better fit your character.

IMPENDING INTIMACY

WHEN: February
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Intimacy-based monster, intense themes of stalking, jealousy, possession, guilt, shame, physically violent deaths, possible themes of adultery/cheating, some negative ideaology towards promiscuity.

---

[From History of Blood Crazed Zealots: Chapter 15 Caution About Curses found in the Lumenarium:]

"Do not be fooled by this seemingly passive curse. There are few things more potent than a Blood Crazed Zealot's magic, and few emotions are stronger than that of jealousy. The story goes that one Blood Crazed Zealot was in love with another and entered a sacred blood pact to unite their blood and souls. However, the other Blood Crazed Zealot's love was not as pure, and soon they strayed in body and in mind. Of course, no secrets can be kept in a blood pact, and one thing led to the other.

The jealous and betrayed Blood Crazed Zealot created a vicious curse that still plagues the world to this day. We know of no cures, no remedies, no way to beat it. We only know how to keep it at bay. But It is always around, It is always near, and It will always follow. We have not yet determined the exact way It is transmitted from one person to the next, but we believe it has to do with exchanging some form of intimacy. Whether that be with sex, words of love, or even just saying a loved one's name, the curse will follow.

It appears as a person walking directly towards you. At first, you might not even pick it out from the crowd, until it gets closer. Then you see oddities. Water spills from its body, or its arm looks broken, or many walk along completely naked. There is something off about the creature, and worse yet, no one sees It but you and anyone previously cursed by It. It moves slowly, and it would be easy to assume that it can't really hurt you. After all, if you shoot it with a gun or tear it down with powers, it breaks apart as easily as a human body...

But then It gets up. It reforms. It is impossible to kill. It doesn't react to pain. It doesn't react to words. It changes appearances when you lose sight of it, making it almost impossible to keep your guard up against it. The last time you saw it, it might have been a little girl, but now it looks like a six foot tall man. You might buy yourself some time, might be able to distance yourself by taking a swim or a fly...But It will find you. It will always find you. It can break through doors and windows. There are no wards against it.

When it finds you, it will kill you. It matters not what your powers are, what your blood is. This creature existed with the single purpose to destroy and it has perfected the art. Once it has a hold of you, you are powerless. You first lose all abilities, and then rapidly, your life follows in one crushing moment of paralyzing fear and agonizing pain. It throws its victims to the ground and breaks their bodies apart. No one wants to find the bodies of those it has consumed. It takes only seconds to kill you. Don't let it touch you. Don't let it get close enough to touch you. It will win.

When it has finished, it begins to stalk to the person that had passed it off. It's a never-ending cycle. Person A has it then gives it to Person B who gives it to Person C. Person C dies, so it goes back to Person B until person B can find someone new to give it to. Be wary of giving affection this month. You tenderly saying your beloved's name or engaging in sex or flirtation might just pass the curse along."

FAQ
1. The curse is meant to be severely undermined. The creature appears as an ordinary, unsettling-looking person with no obvious abilities. It can kill anyone regardless of their abilities or species.

2. The curse can be passed by saying a loved one's name (platonic/romantic/familial), sex, kissing, loving touches. To break the curse, one can sleep with a Trenchie or say the name of a loved one not present in Trench.

MOTHER'S MERCY

WHEN: The hex only appears during February
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Religious based trauma/forced guilt/shame, extreme themes of self-mutilation and possible sucidial ideations, hexes, altered mental state, forced confessions.

---

[A sermon by Mother Mercy as recorded by an unnamed Disciple, followed by an attached document titled MOTHER'S FORGIVENESS. A misspelling or unusual wording throughout the sermon is intentional. Disciples debate whether the document was intended as support of Mother Mercy's hex or as a way to help people avoid it. The sermon and Mother's Forgiveness are written in different handwriting. The documents can be found at the Pale Sanctuary:]

THE SERMON
"It was in the midst of Febuawry that the Doorway suummoned me for council,
They had fallen in love with the Reckoning and desird to create an eternal bond,
They wanted to have me present at the seremony to [provide] blessings,
Yet it was with regret I [had to] deny them their wish and instead provide cawsion,
But you see, that is the role of a Mother. We tell our spawn what they do not want to hear but muust.
It is a Mother's Mercy to pass on wisdom, to show compassion and care.

I told the Doorway that we live in a cruuel world, a cruuel world that can rawt a gewd heart,
I told the Doorway that it would be kindr to leave bonds uuntethered,
That it would be a kindness to both to let their love lingr and fade,
Than to let it be subjected to the atrocities of this world's bluud lost.
For what is a strongr emotion than jealousy? I ask of you.
What is a strongr emotion than loneliness? I ask of you.
What is a strongr emotion than longing? I ask of you.
What drives people to insanity quickr than being denied their heart's desires?
No, I told them, they should let go, for a Pthumerian owes this world selflessness,
And a Pthumerian's love can permanently stain this world in a way no one else can.
It would be a kindness to all.

But the Doorway did not want to listen. The Doorway defied [my] advice and created bonds,
The Doorway opened an eternal connection to the Reckoning, The Doorway stained this earth with the consequence of love, of relationships.
Do not be fewled by the luuxury of these words.
There is suuch a thing as selfless love, and this was not it, And so the time came for me to regrettably be proven right.

The corruuption of our cruuel world festered as people created bonds,
For the bonds made the agony of loss so much greater.
With the Doorway's curse*1, people who lost their family, their spouses, their friends also lost themselves.
Loss is painful no matter how you enduure, but the Doorway's curse ensuured it would ruun*2 deep into your soul.
It would corrupt. It would ruun*2.
This was not merciful. This was not love.

And so I counseled the Reckoning to go and keep the corruption at bay,
The Reckoning will not return to the Doorway for corruption will never end,
For beasthewd will never end.
The Reckoning keeps her sword high, and the Doorway will wait for eternity for a lover who will never return.
This is a mother's mercy. Perhaps one day, the Doorway will dissolve their curse.

Now let us bow our heads and pray. And remember, my Disciples, abstain from the curse.
Regulate your desires. This is not to cast shame, but to cast cawsion."

*1: The "curse" refers to the Bonding Pacts that are now popular in Trench. There may be some logic to Mother Mercy's rhetoric given the intensity of corruption experienced post-Bonding Pact. However, one could argue there is an equally high chance of counter-corruption due to deepening relationships through blood magic.

*2: It would appear that the word "ruin" and "run" were spelled the same at this time.

[Footnotes are in the Wayward Watcher's handwriting and clearly added at a much later date than the original sermon was recorded due to the darker quality of the ink. The following document "Mother's Forgiveness" is in the Wayward Watcher's handwriting as well.]

MOTHER'S FORGIVENESS
"Thus shortly after the sermon, a hex began to spread throughout Trench. The source of which seemed to be people who were actively resisting personal desire in some shape. People who tried to resist lust or love or other basic desires began to experience convulsions of pain. The internal agony would rapidly escalate the more they resisted "temptation" and eventually, people found one of the only ways to alleviate this pain was to mutilate themselves. A small cut would bring some relief, but the more harm they brought themselves, the more relief they felt.

I have theorized that this may be the first incident of Sleepers transforming themselves into the Blood Crazed Zealots. This was the first time I began to experience Sleepers who had permanently modified their physical bodies in drastic ways. Many would seem content with the modifications but their personalities were distorted by exacerbated corruption. Those who avoided harming themselves would fall into beasthood in alarming numbers. For a while, the only solution the Hunters and I believed in was to mercifully put these creatures out of their misery.

I quickly learned that many people, especially Sleepers, had burrowed down so many desires that it became an outright plague of corruption throughout the city. We needed to do more than just hunting down those who fell to it. The bodies were piling in numbers and the blood pollution was creating more beasts than we were killing. I sought out Mother Mercy and demanded a solution. I reasoned with her that while she may want to avoid the Doorway's blood magic, it was unfair to allow Sleepers to go punished so severely for a Pthumerian's choices.

Eventually, we came to an agreement. She would purify those who came to the Pale Sanctuary and asked for her forgiveness. They must confess their desires to lift the hex. Mother Mercy will, fittingly, take mercy on those who wish to redeem themselves. Be careful of your desires, Sleeper, for if you keep them locked up, they may just be your ruin. Confessions to Mother Mercy should be a last resort. To avoid the hex, consider honesty.

Good Luck,
The Wayward Watcher."

FAQ
1. The "desires" do not need to be romantic or sexual. They can be someone who desires to resolve an issue, someone who wants to have more friends, the desire to be successful/powerful/famous etc. The "desires" should be prominent. Small desires like wanting a donut for breakfast will not cause harm.

2. Crippling feelings of guilt over desire will consume and corrupt. Characters can avoid the hex by admitting their desires to someone. It does not have to be to Mother Mercy.

3. Those who confess to others or Mother Mercy will feel immediate relief of the hex. People can experience the hex multiple times if they go back to hiding their desires.

4. Confessions can be given to anyone. If you're in love with someone, you can just confess it to a friend rather than the person you are in love with. Of course, it's not like Sleepers would know that...It would be easy to think you have to be forced to confess to your loved one.

5. Characters do not need to self-mutilate for this prompt. Many can just go through their usual corruption stages/beasthood that you would have planned for your characters ahead of time. This is intended to be a bit of history for the Blood Crazed Zealots. You can be flexible on how your character goes to extremes to alleviate their pain. This may include substance abuse, irrational behavior, etc.

THE CHOCOLATIER: BONUS PROMPT

WHEN: February (Chocolates can be saved for the future via freezing.) The drive to find the Chocolatier only lasts during February.
WHERE: All throughout Trench and surrounding areas.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Themes of temptation (non-sexual and/or sexual), addiction, blood sacrifice, severely warped personality/reality including temporary amnesia, inability to use body, paranoia, vomiting organs, homicidal feelings, mild body horror.

---

"What is the weight of your pleasure?"

You hear the gravely, sexless voice greet you somewhere in the streets of Trench. You knew the creature had not been there just a minute ago, but now you are no longer alone. A creature roughly the size of an elephant sits beside you, a chalice hovering in the air between its outstretched hands.

The scent of chocolate wafts from the creature. But this isn't just the smell of chocolate. It is the experience of pleasure itself. You can feel the warm melt of chocolate over your tongue, your body wrapped up in inexplicable warmth and silky softness, something whispering across your skin. Your scalp tingles as if someone were playing with your hair or you just heard the best song in your life. It's like sinking into your own bed after getting home from a long trip away.

It's nearly impossible to resist the stupor the creature puts you in. The Chocolatier gazes at you calmly. This is an infamous beast, rare to show its face, but known among locals as one of the most dangerous...For no one can bring themselves to slay it. They dare not even write about it in fear of this creature being capable of taking pleasure away from Trench altogether. Corruption has thoroughly consumed this soul, any sense of self lost, but is this truly the kind of beast that Hunters wish to bring down? It pacifies all those that meet it, even the most violent of souls. The desire to fight, to be hostile will be greatly diminished in its presence. Surely...Surely it cannot be bad.

"I only ask for a token of your blood. For that, I will give everything...Your pleasure, your desire...It is yours. In one single bite...Or perhaps...You may think to give one of my chocolates to someone you admire...For surely...Who could resist such a gift...?" It offers its chalice. "Just a drop will do, my friend..." It seems like such a reasonable request for such a grand gift. Common sense would normally be kicking in right about now, but the Chocolatier drives common sense from the mind and replaces it with sheer want. Someone with mental protection abilities, enchantments or blessed items may be able to resist the temptation and step away. Most people however will likely give over a drop (or more) of blood. The more blood you give, the more chocolates you receive...

And oh! Even if you dislike chocolate or typically can't eat it, you know that you can eat this piece. You know that you will like this chocolate. It's perfect in every way. It was made exactly for you...Or perhaps, even, a special someone in your life. A chocolate for your friend, your lover, your sibling, or...maybe even your enemy. Once you have been given the chocolate, the Chocolatier vanishes. You don't have to eat the chocolate right away, but the longer you resist, the greater the temptation will become. God forbid you lose the chocolate. Some have gone completely insane by the loss. Maybe you should just eat it or get it to your buddy!

There are a wide variety of chocolates you may be blessed with and each one has a different effect. The Chocolatier may seek you out multiple times, but it seems impossible to intentionally summon the Chocolatier.

All effects last a few hours to a few days. Consuming paleblood or darkblood will help alleviate symptoms. All chocolates may lead to corruption and beasthood if they get out of control. Resisting the symptoms worsens effects. While these chocolates are intended to set up new connections, the effects will be doubled if the effect is layering on a pre-existing situation (ie; if you eat a dark chocolate around the person you're sleeping with, you'll find them even more irresistible. If you eat a milk chocolate around your significant other, you'll feel even more in love). You can eat multiple chocolates at once to experience multiple effects at once.

Milk Chocolate: This will inspire extreme romantic attraction to the first person you interact with after eating this chocolate regardless of if you know them. Melted and consumed with other food, it will provide additional feelings of being loved.

Dark Chocolate: This will inspire extreme sexual attraction to the first person you interact with of your preferred gender(s) after consuming. This has been used as a powerful aphrodisiac. Melted and put directly on the skin, it can cause extreme pleasure.

White Chocolate: You desperately want to befriend the first person you interact with after consuming. Melted and consumed with other food, it will provide additional feelings of security in your relationships.

Caramel: You will feel deeply indebted to the first person you interact with after consuming. You will want to do anything they ask, be anything they ask, and follow every order or command they give you.

Almond: You will be extremely compelled to communicate exclusively through song to other people. You will also be compelled to randomly sing your inner monologue and overshare via a spontaneous, musical number.

Raspberry: This will cause you to start vomiting a variety of organs. They aren't your organs. Some of the organs may still be functioning when they come up.

Orange: You will begin to completely confuse people for each other. Their faces and names will swap around in your mind. You might mistake your best friend for your partner. You will have difficulty remembering who is who.

Strawberry: Your emotions will be projected from you without your control through an aura. This aura can provide visual cues (such as a golden light around you when you are happy or a blue when you are sad) as well as smells and possibly even sounds.

Cherry: This will make you extremely flirty and cheerful. You will find it difficult to be in a bad mood and wind up hitting on people regardless of your personal attraction to them.

Coconut: This will cause temporary amnesia either long-term or short-term. Some people may have false memories put in their heads by this chocolate, many of which will be better than the lives they originally lived.

Coffee: This will cause extremely erratic, irrational behavior. You will become reckless and arrogant, making moves in situations you normally never would. It can boast confidence and ego. The crash from this chocolate is terrible and feels worse than a hangover.

Hazelnut: Some physical marker will appear on your body to show that you are romantically and/or sexually compatible with someone. This may be their name appearing on your skin, the first words they ever said to you, or your eye color changing to theirs. This does not force sexual/romantic attraction but rather lets you know who you might make a good match with!

Peanutbutter: You now have animal features of some sort. Dog ears, wings, new eyes. This has been known to provide temporary abilities similar to the animal you have been combined with. Some have even been known to be able to transform completely into the animal at this time!

Peacan: You will drastically lose function over certain body parts. This can cause feelings like your arm is no longer there or under your control. It may cause a complete surrender of your bodily functions in general.

Truffle: You will feel a crushing sense of paranoia that something is controlling you, watching you, and dictating the experiences around you. You will become increasingly suspicious of interactions and start theorizing about little things.

Vanilla: You will become obsessed with specific individuals and begin to actively plot their murder and likely attempt to commit it. This isn't just bloodlust: it's plotting violence. It's about wanting to get away with murder as much as committing murder.

CODING

Comments

[hearthebell]

[L glances up at the young woman, dark eyes haunted and red-rimmed.

People don't usually approach him; they don't like him enough to approach him. He looks creepy, he looks damaged in the messy and difficult ways that don't wrap up neatly with closure and congratulations.

People who are too kind for their own good are the ones he thinks should stay away from him the most; they deserve to be happier than that. He also selfishly craves their proximity, knowing that they're the only ones who will draw near, engage him, treat him like a person and not a concept for a little while.

Having eaten a white chocolate and a caramel, he can really only think like this. He holds out the whole box, offering them with a pleading look in his eyes.]

A couple. You're so nice...

[He sounds humbled, quietly astonished.]

You don't have to be, and you still are.

[unphase]

[the guy looks like he hasn't slept well for ages and her heart goes out to him. her mother would tell her that she's way too empathetic for her own good and maybe she is. but she figures that her way is better than her mother's.

she'd be upset with those who treated him as a concept. no one should be treated that way. she knows that from experience, given that her foremothers were the bluest of blue bloods back home. when one is a concept rather than a person, they tend to be held to impossible standards.

she's a bit confused when he offers her the whole box and takes it almost reflexively]

Thank you. It's very kind of you to say so.

[she blushes a bit at his expression. he looks almost awed]

Well, I want to be. It's a choice I made a long time ago that it's far better to be nice than to be cruel. So many people are cruel when they don't have to be, it's like they enjoy the power trip.

[hearthebell]

[It's true; he hasn't slept well for ages, or possible ever, and there's something of a hungry puppy about him. He's never known his mother, or if he has, she's a wraith and a nightmare, not a warm and comforting presence.

They all turn children into who they become, though. Through their absence or presence, love or revulsion, human beings are created by their mothers, covered in kisses or scars or myriad more ambiguous markings.

He clings impulsively when she starts to take the whole box; it's his love, after all, and offering a little piece shouldn't mean bleeding himself quite literally to the point where his heart is skipping. He lets her, looking fretful, but realizing that, really, he owes her. He wants to be her friend, and that means earning it.]

They do enjoy the power trip.

[He says so almost without hesitating. He knows; hell, he's been there.]

It's also just easier, to not care. Caring makes you culpable.

[He pauses.]

What was a long time ago? The time when you made the choice, I mean.

[unphase]

[were they closer to where she's established as her home, she would offer to take him there and let him sleep. for as long or as short as he wanted to. and afterwards, there would be vegetable soup waiting.

Tinya fights like the Void to not be like her mother--cruel, capricious, unable to see anyone as individuals but instead of chess pieces to be manipulated on her board. even her own daughter.

she lets him cling. he can do whatever makes him feel most comfortable. she's always been an extremely tactile person and if her presence makes him feel better, then she thanks the Mistress for it]

They always do. On this world or the other.

[she's been there, too. she'd been torn away from what she was building as a happy life at the Paris Opera Ballet, back into the diplomatic corps]

It may be easier, but how does it feel? Caring makes me feel far better than not caring.

[she watches tenderly]

...when I was thirteen. I saw my mother exploiting the other diplomats, their weaknesses, in jockeying for a higher place for herself. I didn't want to do that. Not at all. Not ever.

[hearthebell]

[If there's ever one question L never knows how to answer, it's how does it feel? His empathy is lacking; however he derives a very logical prediction about how others may act based on quantities of passion or motivation, he doesn't usually know, in the core of his being, what that's really like.

He nods, relieved that she's provided an approximation of what one might expect in that situation. Better to care, and he has a mental note and a foothold on this strange concept.

Reliably, he is grateful, almost pitifully so. His debt to her just continues to mount.]

The early teens are formative years.

[During which L exploited a lot of weaker people. He hopes that she's not a telepath, like he can be if the wavelength and mood is right. It isn't, today; it's like someone has knocked that radio's dial off-course and he's searching for the proper station long after his favorite song ended.]

You say "exploited", but... to make that impression on you, someone must have been hurt.

[Maybe even killed? He's a detective; a pryer by nature. He can't help his questions.]

[unphase]

[and if there's a question she'll always ask, it's how does it feel. because she cares. because she wants the people she's with to feel as comfortable around her as she does around them. she has an open heart, no matter how many times it's been damaged.

it's always better to care. even when it hurts. because caring is better than the alternative, indifference to suffering.

she scoots just a tiny bit closer, wanting to comfort him, but not sure how]

Yes. [and she breathes a soft sigh] They are. Mother wanted me to be one thing, I wanted me to be another, and neither one of us got what we wanted. Not really.

[one year, one single year she'd had the privilege of the lead of the Paris Opera Ballet. Swan Lake, Romeo & Juliet, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, all of those roles had been hers, all of the accolades, too. but a ballerina wasn't what the Wazzo line called for, a politician was. so her idyll ended abruptly. and she may not be a telepath, but she tries to be empathetic]

I suppose so? Most of those men--and they were always men--had partners. Children. People who depended on them. I just kind of...slipped between the plates of their armor and made myself a home there. I'm---I'm not proud of that.

[no one was killed. but she knows of at least one marriage ruined by her and her machinations. she felt terrible about it when she heard, but she could have always refused her mother's orders. right?

right?]

[hearthebell]

[If she scoots closer, at least the chocolates are also closer. It comforts him a lot to be near them, but more so, he thinks, when they're held by another person. Especially one who doesn't have to care, but tries, anyway.

He doesn't really understand that type of person, after years of trying.

The implication, he believes, is clear, and he goes with his first instinct. He's investigated his share of infidelity cases, after all, what he cut his teeth back home, what he's already done a bit of here in Trench simply because he can't stay away from solving cases for very long at all, whether or not he's doing so professionally.]

In cases like that... a choice was made by two people. The responsibility isn't all yours to bear, whatever your motives.

[unphase]

[he hadn't condemned her for her actions, so she does scoot in closer. she's naturally a very friendly person. her mother saw that and tried to make it her own daughter's undoing. and maybe she doesn't have to care, but she does anyway.

and she doesn't understand the kind of person who would use others for their advancement. even less the kind of person who used others for their own amusement.

she never allowed anything past what Terrans called "second base." she wanted to at least tell herself that she was holding back. but she knows of at least one marriage that fell apart after her, something which gnaws at her conscience when she lets herself think about it]

...you think so? Really? [most people she's told reacted with revulsion]

[hearthebell]

It's not my place to judge you.

[If one of the wives or children hired him, though, it would be his place to expose her. It's an odd way to exist in the world, but he doesn't know any other, and it's not for lack of trying.

Disastrously, he was a nightwalker for a time. That hadn't lasted long.]

I've spoken to enough people to know that there are many reasons to do something, and no one makes a choice believe that nothing about it is good at all. It's heavy on your mind, though, isn't it?

[That much is clear. A friend, who is indebted to her, would surely be willing to listen if she wants to get something off her chest.]

[unphase]

...thank you.

[she wouldn't try to make excuses for herself. she knew that what her mother wanted to do was wrong and awful. but she was too afraid of her mother to say no.

she's likely going to go into that profession and wonders what it says about her that she'd gravitate towards that]

It is. I don't like to talk about it much. Or even let myself think about it. I'm usually the one people go to with their problems, not the other way around.

[hearthebell]

Of course...

[He's probably doing a better job at this than he ever did as a nightwalker, just listening to people without interjecting with the obvious solution, what they should have done.

It turns out that when one is very grateful for the other's presence, it's much easier to listen.]

Doesn't that mean that people grow to trust you quickly?

[unphase]

...I haven't told anyone about any of it. Not back home, not in the other place.

[even the most empathetic and strong people need a listening ear and someone to care, even if it's only for that moment. back home and in the other place, people had brought their worries to her and it had been exhausting.

but enduring was better than the alternative.

and she's very grateful for his willingness to listen to her. so few people do]

Yes. Very quickly. [a shaky smile] What can I say, I'm friendly and outgoing and I genuinely like people. [and her mother weaponized that goes unsaid] But. Other than the...stuff for my mother, I don't tell other people's secrets.

[hearthebell]

[He watches her; he's aware of the weight of this, if not the value, like he's been handed a heavy wrapped parcel with the shape and features obscured.

Because he doesn't entirely understand what he's holding in this moment, he remains silent, letting her sit, also, in the realization before she continues.]

You don't strike me as the sort who would need to rely on gossip to make an impression. To carry that much trust, you must have a discreet reputation.

[unphase]

[her shoulders are trembling, just a little. enough to betray that she was tempted to cry. but what did crying ever do? gain maybe a little bit of sympathy at what cost to her self-respect.

better not to cry. better not to feel, at least according to Mother. but not feeling is anathema to Tinya, so she'll care. even when it hurts to do so and she has to hide that hurt]

I don't. Need to gossip, that is. Everybody knows it, too, which is why they come to me in the first place.

And it all depends on what they want, anyway. Some people want to hear possible solutions to their problems. Others only want to be heard. And I have to judge in the moment which one they'd prefer.

[hearthebell]

[He doesn't want to be cruel to her. This is still his legacy, in so many ways, a man who sometimes cares (and sometimes doesn't) about cruelty, and often manages it in some manner of speaking.

If she cried, he would not know how to manage it. He's grateful, cravenly, that she does not. He can't even reach out to touch her arm gently, an indication of another human present and capable of caring; just stares, with those wide eyes that take up so much of his awkward face, absorbing like a silent and stupid sponge.]

I got fired, but... you'd be good at it, you know. My old job. You actually sound like the ideal candidate.

[unphase]

[she'd have been grateful to hear that he didn't want to be cruel. she'd had her fill of cruelty and then some in the other world. but even there, she'd done her best to retain kindness, if only because doing so was against the rule of that other place.

her mother would send her to bed without supper if she cried. so that trained it out of her for the most part. she'd still cry while influenced by otherworldly forces (or when she'd think about her son. or her husband back home) but she didn't show weakness easily. she wishes she wasn't quite so "strong," sometimes]

Me? Ideal? [a low, watery chuckle] I'm not sure I've ever been the ideal anything.

[hearthebell]

[Maybe some of the sentiment, at least, comes through in his liquid-dark eyes, saucer-wide so as to take up a ridiculous amount of space on his fine-featured face.

What he doesn't understand, it's true enough that he's always listened to.]

Do you know about nightwalkers? I was one, briefly.

[And poor at it; that much is implicit.]

[unphase]

[oddly, it occurs to her that he's handsome, with his dark hair, dark eyes, and delicate features. but perhaps she was being ridiculous. even the times she'd been loved, she'd never had been convinced she deserved it.

perhaps that despite the pale skin and big, dark eyes that he carried the mien of one who should be listened to?]

I...I understand that they use what they can to comfort and soothe others. Sometimes it's sex, sure, but just as often it's a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Should I be accepted as a Night Walker, I'd want to spend as much time in Sapphora as anywhere else because of course female Hunters would need my services as much as anyone. And might be ill-thought in being led to believe they didn't.

[hearthebell]

[If he knew what she was thinking, he'd probably will himself to disappear from shame and the sheer impudence of existence. There is a grace that is too heavy to even ask for, no matter how pitiful one might happen to appear.

The debts mount. She is too kind; what will he do to repay her?]

Sapphora? I've never been there.

[He says so, quite unnecessarily. L, in spite of not being traditionally masculine, is certainly and obviously male.]

They're generous with sleepers, here. Whatever assignment you'd request would probably be given priority. Just don't ask for my recommendation... it would probably be an inverse relationship, between how highly I spoke of you and how preferable your assignment was.

[unphase]

[she's good at concealing her feelings. for the most part. but her bright blue eyes have a tinge of warmth that they hadn't had at first.

be himself? that's all she'd ask of anyone, certainly all she'd ask of him]

Well...it's kind of a ladies' club in the Hunters' district. I'm not really attracted to women, but I figure they may still need someone to talk to and might not be willing to go to Cellar Door.

[yes, absolutely]

Really? Me, given priority? [despite the fact that she and her mother are both major celebrities back home, she doesn't think she'll ever get used to preferential treatment] And you'd speak highly of me? [she blushes a delicate hue of blue] That really means a lot to me.

[hearthebell]

I would, just based on your interaction here with me, but... like I said, I wasn't highly regarded, or skilled. My opinion on the matter would probably be disregarded entirely.

[He pauses.]

It's unfair, because I'm right. You would be good in the position, and I hope you realized as much before I said anything.

[unphase]

Well...you seemed to need a friend. And I guess that so did I. I've...not told anyone about the incidents back home. But for some reason, I feel like I can trust you.

[she smiles gently and places her hand between them]

I--I had. I knew I didn't have the personality for any of the other jobs, but when I read what Night Walkers did, I felt drawn to it.

[hearthebell]

I hear that, sometimes... that I look like I need a friend.

[He doesn't. No one really says it out loud; it's just something he can feel in the averted glances, the mixture of disgust and pity in the way people put distance between them.]

Not so much, that I might be trustworthy. I'll do my best to earn that assessment; the first move I make will be to warn you against Vermillia's House. Become a Night Walker anywhere else, and take away her business.

(CW: prostitution)

[unphase]

I don't know if I'd say that. But if you do want a friend, I'm here. I promise.

[and she doesn't make promises she doesn't intend to keep. there's something about him which draws her to him. but Tinya's always worn her heart on her sleeve, at least since she got away from her mother]

I know you will. And I know you'll succeed. [a little moue of confusion] I've never heard of Vermillia's House. Is hers...more of a brothel than anything?

cw: prostitution

[hearthebell]

[L trusts no promises, not even from those he's come to trust most; at least, that was true before he came to Trench. Since arriving, there's something growing back green and tender where there was only a haggard and broken-off stump before. It could grow strong in time, or be crushed and broken easily, but it's being granted a chance he never would have had, if he'd just died, and rotted, and become a part of Nothing.

That was, of course, his original fate.]

I'll remember. And... somewhat, but I never slept with a client. It was rare for them to even want to, and seemed wrong or dangerous when they did ask.

[Like they wanted to punish him for looking the way he does, perhaps, strange and angular and awkward. He thinks this loudly, but doesn't say it. He has no proof, after all.]

For the most part, people come to share things they can't otherwise. Ask for advice, feel the contact and company of a human being. The reputation you've heard of isn't for nothing, but it's also not expected, and might not even be the norm, at least among the Sleepers I've spoken to.