I love you and that's all I really know

[reddosmod]

FEBRUARY 2022 EVENT

IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: Bloody fingers hovering over chalice of blood.]
[Image Two: Semi-nude people dancing in circle with joined hands.]

Prompt Two
[Image One: Hauntingly large man coming up behind young girl while other girl screams.]
[Image Two: Old woman walking towards a panicked young woman.]

Prompt Three
[Image One: Obscure, nude bodies twisted together in a circle. Non-graphic.]
[Image Two: Nun holding holy book while red liquid pours from unseen face.]

Prompt Four
[Image One: Chocolates.]
[Image Two: Chocolate.]

[NAVIGATION]

Prompt 1 • Prompt 2 • Prompt 3 • Prompt 4 • Plotting • Newsletter

[JUMP TO COMMENTS]

BONDING PACTS

WHEN: Anytime
WHERE: Anywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood ceremony, bodily ceremony, telepathic/empathetic connections, possible forced/coerced relationships.

---

[From BEGINNERS GUIDE FOR BLOOD PACTS. Found in the Archives:]

"There are a variety of blood pacts one can make, but the most popular are Bonding Pacts. Bonding Pacts should never be made on a whim: they are a serious commitment.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
We can thank the Doorway for Bonding Pacts. Everyone knows the story: the Reckoning was made to go fight the impossible battle against blood pollution, corruption, and beasthood. The Doorway vowed to wait for the Reckoning to return and has never moved since. This is ultimately believed to be the first Bonding Pact ever made in Trench and it is considered to have opened up Bonding Pacts as a possibility in general.

The most common misconception about Bonding Pacts is that they must be exclusively for romantic partners. This is not true The majority of Bonding Pacts, as a matter of fact, are actually familial and platonic in nature. Most romantic pairs decide that marriage is a safer option just in case someone gets a case of cold feet. On the other hand, this also means that the Bonding Pact can be the ultimate sign of devotion in a romantic relationship. We aren't interested in telling you what is right for your relationship, but the history is worth considering before taking that step.

So what is a Bonding Pact and how do you do it? Despite being one of the strongest pacts in this world, it is also one of the simplest to perform! Here's what you'll need:

1x Vial of blood per participant wishing to enter the pact
1x Small essence* of each participant
1x Live red rose
2x Live white roses
1x Pouch of ashes
1x Silver cup/container of some sort

*It was once believed that "essence" translated to organ, but we have since learned that this can be a single strand of hair, nail clipping, eyelash, teardrop, spit...You get the gist. It has to be something that came directly from your body that isn't blood.

You need to leave the silver cup out under the moonlight for at least one full night. You must complete this ceremony the evening after and only in the evening. Bonding Pacts cannot be made during the day. When you plan to begin the ceremony, you will need to perform it in a doorway or under any type of arch. This is to allow the Doorway to bless your pact and strengthen it permanently.

You will combine all the ingredients into the cup and thoroughly stir with a fragment of bone/antler. This concoction will thicken into a pastelike consistency and it should be black in color. If it smells like fresh roses, you did it right. If it smells like rancid food, you messed it up and will have to completely redo the ceremony.

Finally, each participant will cover one hand with the paste. To seal the bond, you will need to place your hand upon the one you wish to bond with. Where you place it matters and will determine the nature of your Bonding Pact. Each will have a drastically different consequence/benefit.

ROMANTIC BONDS: Place the hand somewhere on the face. This indicates a public relationship that is to be respected by all involved. This bond will create a telepathic connection between all participants. This telepathy cannot be heard by anyone else nor can it be interfered with from distance or chaos. It is possible to bring your romantic partner back from beasthood through this connection. Extreme cases of this bond have allowed romantic partners to take over one another's minds in severe situations. It can be difficult to shelter your thoughts from your Romantic Bond partner, but it is possible. They will know when you are keeping thoughts from them. Some partners have learned to respect each other's privacy while others have gone insane from the connection.

PLATONIC BONDS: Place the hand somewhere on the chest/shoulder area. This bond will create an This bond will create a physical connection. between all participants. This physical bond will allow participants to pick up on each other's physical pain or pleasure. You will be able to know when your friend is in physical harm. This creates a "phantom pain" of sorts. This can either weaken you substantially or give you an enormous boost during a fight. Best friends have been known to harness this ability well and use each other's pain to literally get stronger during a fight with monsters. On the other hand, a strained relationship can just cause you to feel the same debilitating pain as your friend. This cannot be used to bring someone back from beasthood.

FAMILIAL BONDS: Place the hand somewhere on an appendage whether arm, leg, tail or otherwise. This bond will create an empathetic connection between all participants. This empathetic bond will allow participants to naturally know what the other is feeling and may be able to sway one another's emotions through this connection. Like the romantic bond, it cannot be ruined by distance or chaos and has been used to bring people back from beasthood. Extreme situations have allowed partners to take total emotional control. You will always know when your Familial Bond partner is in emotional distress. You can send your Familial Bond emotional support when you can feel their stress, even at a distance. While this may not always work, many have reported it can greatly alleviate corruption and can even be used to recognize corruption patterns in order to prevent it.

HOSTILE BONDS: Place this bond exclusively on the neck or on anywhere on the back. While it may seem farfetched to make a bond with your enemy, there is some merit to the madness. This will create a unique power connection between all participants. This bond will allow one another to feel the ebb and flow of one another's powers. It is said the most well-forged Hostile Bonds may even allow characters to share abilities between one another. Hostile Bonds are known to drastically increase aggression and competitive behavior between participants. This has caused hostility to stir and may even lead to hatred. However, a successful Hostile Bond that is worked on with steady communication and agreement can be enormously successful and horrifically powerful.

Once you have left your handprint on your partner's skin, the spell will take hold. The handprint will glow and everyone will briefly have a vision of the Doorway standing before them. Don't be alarmed: they are only here to solidify the connection. You will feel great warmth and then the connection will be made. The handprint will stain your skin permanetly so choose wisely. The stain may be extremely light, barely visible. For others, it may be much darker. It is unknown what causes the variation.

This pact can be performed any time of year but is strongest when performed during or near the Egg Moon. While it is not required to have an audience for this ceremony, it is believed that an audience greatly strengthens the bond. It has become customary for people to make vows in combination with the ceremony for an additional layer of power.

As a further point of caution...These bonds can be forced on an individual."

FAQ
1. These bonds cannot be broken except by extreme magical interference such as through some sort of game event, a character being dropped from the game, or something like the Blade of Agency. Death will not disturb the bond.

2. There is no "limit" to the number of participants for the ceremony. Romantic bonds can be made between multiple people. The connection will only exist between those who partook in the ceremony at the same time.

3. People can be added into a Bonding Pact at any time.

4. Gender/species has no impact on the bond.

5. People can create different bonds with the same person.

6. These bonds are open-ended and can be translated to better fit your character.

IMPENDING INTIMACY

WHEN: February
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Intimacy-based monster, intense themes of stalking, jealousy, possession, guilt, shame, physically violent deaths, possible themes of adultery/cheating, some negative ideaology towards promiscuity.

---

[From History of Blood Crazed Zealots: Chapter 15 Caution About Curses found in the Lumenarium:]

"Do not be fooled by this seemingly passive curse. There are few things more potent than a Blood Crazed Zealot's magic, and few emotions are stronger than that of jealousy. The story goes that one Blood Crazed Zealot was in love with another and entered a sacred blood pact to unite their blood and souls. However, the other Blood Crazed Zealot's love was not as pure, and soon they strayed in body and in mind. Of course, no secrets can be kept in a blood pact, and one thing led to the other.

The jealous and betrayed Blood Crazed Zealot created a vicious curse that still plagues the world to this day. We know of no cures, no remedies, no way to beat it. We only know how to keep it at bay. But It is always around, It is always near, and It will always follow. We have not yet determined the exact way It is transmitted from one person to the next, but we believe it has to do with exchanging some form of intimacy. Whether that be with sex, words of love, or even just saying a loved one's name, the curse will follow.

It appears as a person walking directly towards you. At first, you might not even pick it out from the crowd, until it gets closer. Then you see oddities. Water spills from its body, or its arm looks broken, or many walk along completely naked. There is something off about the creature, and worse yet, no one sees It but you and anyone previously cursed by It. It moves slowly, and it would be easy to assume that it can't really hurt you. After all, if you shoot it with a gun or tear it down with powers, it breaks apart as easily as a human body...

But then It gets up. It reforms. It is impossible to kill. It doesn't react to pain. It doesn't react to words. It changes appearances when you lose sight of it, making it almost impossible to keep your guard up against it. The last time you saw it, it might have been a little girl, but now it looks like a six foot tall man. You might buy yourself some time, might be able to distance yourself by taking a swim or a fly...But It will find you. It will always find you. It can break through doors and windows. There are no wards against it.

When it finds you, it will kill you. It matters not what your powers are, what your blood is. This creature existed with the single purpose to destroy and it has perfected the art. Once it has a hold of you, you are powerless. You first lose all abilities, and then rapidly, your life follows in one crushing moment of paralyzing fear and agonizing pain. It throws its victims to the ground and breaks their bodies apart. No one wants to find the bodies of those it has consumed. It takes only seconds to kill you. Don't let it touch you. Don't let it get close enough to touch you. It will win.

When it has finished, it begins to stalk to the person that had passed it off. It's a never-ending cycle. Person A has it then gives it to Person B who gives it to Person C. Person C dies, so it goes back to Person B until person B can find someone new to give it to. Be wary of giving affection this month. You tenderly saying your beloved's name or engaging in sex or flirtation might just pass the curse along."

FAQ
1. The curse is meant to be severely undermined. The creature appears as an ordinary, unsettling-looking person with no obvious abilities. It can kill anyone regardless of their abilities or species.

2. The curse can be passed by saying a loved one's name (platonic/romantic/familial), sex, kissing, loving touches. To break the curse, one can sleep with a Trenchie or say the name of a loved one not present in Trench.

MOTHER'S MERCY

WHEN: The hex only appears during February
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Religious based trauma/forced guilt/shame, extreme themes of self-mutilation and possible sucidial ideations, hexes, altered mental state, forced confessions.

---

[A sermon by Mother Mercy as recorded by an unnamed Disciple, followed by an attached document titled MOTHER'S FORGIVENESS. A misspelling or unusual wording throughout the sermon is intentional. Disciples debate whether the document was intended as support of Mother Mercy's hex or as a way to help people avoid it. The sermon and Mother's Forgiveness are written in different handwriting. The documents can be found at the Pale Sanctuary:]

THE SERMON
"It was in the midst of Febuawry that the Doorway suummoned me for council,
They had fallen in love with the Reckoning and desird to create an eternal bond,
They wanted to have me present at the seremony to [provide] blessings,
Yet it was with regret I [had to] deny them their wish and instead provide cawsion,
But you see, that is the role of a Mother. We tell our spawn what they do not want to hear but muust.
It is a Mother's Mercy to pass on wisdom, to show compassion and care.

I told the Doorway that we live in a cruuel world, a cruuel world that can rawt a gewd heart,
I told the Doorway that it would be kindr to leave bonds uuntethered,
That it would be a kindness to both to let their love lingr and fade,
Than to let it be subjected to the atrocities of this world's bluud lost.
For what is a strongr emotion than jealousy? I ask of you.
What is a strongr emotion than loneliness? I ask of you.
What is a strongr emotion than longing? I ask of you.
What drives people to insanity quickr than being denied their heart's desires?
No, I told them, they should let go, for a Pthumerian owes this world selflessness,
And a Pthumerian's love can permanently stain this world in a way no one else can.
It would be a kindness to all.

But the Doorway did not want to listen. The Doorway defied [my] advice and created bonds,
The Doorway opened an eternal connection to the Reckoning, The Doorway stained this earth with the consequence of love, of relationships.
Do not be fewled by the luuxury of these words.
There is suuch a thing as selfless love, and this was not it, And so the time came for me to regrettably be proven right.

The corruuption of our cruuel world festered as people created bonds,
For the bonds made the agony of loss so much greater.
With the Doorway's curse*1, people who lost their family, their spouses, their friends also lost themselves.
Loss is painful no matter how you enduure, but the Doorway's curse ensuured it would ruun*2 deep into your soul.
It would corrupt. It would ruun*2.
This was not merciful. This was not love.

And so I counseled the Reckoning to go and keep the corruption at bay,
The Reckoning will not return to the Doorway for corruption will never end,
For beasthewd will never end.
The Reckoning keeps her sword high, and the Doorway will wait for eternity for a lover who will never return.
This is a mother's mercy. Perhaps one day, the Doorway will dissolve their curse.

Now let us bow our heads and pray. And remember, my Disciples, abstain from the curse.
Regulate your desires. This is not to cast shame, but to cast cawsion."

*1: The "curse" refers to the Bonding Pacts that are now popular in Trench. There may be some logic to Mother Mercy's rhetoric given the intensity of corruption experienced post-Bonding Pact. However, one could argue there is an equally high chance of counter-corruption due to deepening relationships through blood magic.

*2: It would appear that the word "ruin" and "run" were spelled the same at this time.

[Footnotes are in the Wayward Watcher's handwriting and clearly added at a much later date than the original sermon was recorded due to the darker quality of the ink. The following document "Mother's Forgiveness" is in the Wayward Watcher's handwriting as well.]

MOTHER'S FORGIVENESS
"Thus shortly after the sermon, a hex began to spread throughout Trench. The source of which seemed to be people who were actively resisting personal desire in some shape. People who tried to resist lust or love or other basic desires began to experience convulsions of pain. The internal agony would rapidly escalate the more they resisted "temptation" and eventually, people found one of the only ways to alleviate this pain was to mutilate themselves. A small cut would bring some relief, but the more harm they brought themselves, the more relief they felt.

I have theorized that this may be the first incident of Sleepers transforming themselves into the Blood Crazed Zealots. This was the first time I began to experience Sleepers who had permanently modified their physical bodies in drastic ways. Many would seem content with the modifications but their personalities were distorted by exacerbated corruption. Those who avoided harming themselves would fall into beasthood in alarming numbers. For a while, the only solution the Hunters and I believed in was to mercifully put these creatures out of their misery.

I quickly learned that many people, especially Sleepers, had burrowed down so many desires that it became an outright plague of corruption throughout the city. We needed to do more than just hunting down those who fell to it. The bodies were piling in numbers and the blood pollution was creating more beasts than we were killing. I sought out Mother Mercy and demanded a solution. I reasoned with her that while she may want to avoid the Doorway's blood magic, it was unfair to allow Sleepers to go punished so severely for a Pthumerian's choices.

Eventually, we came to an agreement. She would purify those who came to the Pale Sanctuary and asked for her forgiveness. They must confess their desires to lift the hex. Mother Mercy will, fittingly, take mercy on those who wish to redeem themselves. Be careful of your desires, Sleeper, for if you keep them locked up, they may just be your ruin. Confessions to Mother Mercy should be a last resort. To avoid the hex, consider honesty.

Good Luck,
The Wayward Watcher."

FAQ
1. The "desires" do not need to be romantic or sexual. They can be someone who desires to resolve an issue, someone who wants to have more friends, the desire to be successful/powerful/famous etc. The "desires" should be prominent. Small desires like wanting a donut for breakfast will not cause harm.

2. Crippling feelings of guilt over desire will consume and corrupt. Characters can avoid the hex by admitting their desires to someone. It does not have to be to Mother Mercy.

3. Those who confess to others or Mother Mercy will feel immediate relief of the hex. People can experience the hex multiple times if they go back to hiding their desires.

4. Confessions can be given to anyone. If you're in love with someone, you can just confess it to a friend rather than the person you are in love with. Of course, it's not like Sleepers would know that...It would be easy to think you have to be forced to confess to your loved one.

5. Characters do not need to self-mutilate for this prompt. Many can just go through their usual corruption stages/beasthood that you would have planned for your characters ahead of time. This is intended to be a bit of history for the Blood Crazed Zealots. You can be flexible on how your character goes to extremes to alleviate their pain. This may include substance abuse, irrational behavior, etc.

THE CHOCOLATIER: BONUS PROMPT

WHEN: February (Chocolates can be saved for the future via freezing.) The drive to find the Chocolatier only lasts during February.
WHERE: All throughout Trench and surrounding areas.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Themes of temptation (non-sexual and/or sexual), addiction, blood sacrifice, severely warped personality/reality including temporary amnesia, inability to use body, paranoia, vomiting organs, homicidal feelings, mild body horror.

---

"What is the weight of your pleasure?"

You hear the gravely, sexless voice greet you somewhere in the streets of Trench. You knew the creature had not been there just a minute ago, but now you are no longer alone. A creature roughly the size of an elephant sits beside you, a chalice hovering in the air between its outstretched hands.

The scent of chocolate wafts from the creature. But this isn't just the smell of chocolate. It is the experience of pleasure itself. You can feel the warm melt of chocolate over your tongue, your body wrapped up in inexplicable warmth and silky softness, something whispering across your skin. Your scalp tingles as if someone were playing with your hair or you just heard the best song in your life. It's like sinking into your own bed after getting home from a long trip away.

It's nearly impossible to resist the stupor the creature puts you in. The Chocolatier gazes at you calmly. This is an infamous beast, rare to show its face, but known among locals as one of the most dangerous...For no one can bring themselves to slay it. They dare not even write about it in fear of this creature being capable of taking pleasure away from Trench altogether. Corruption has thoroughly consumed this soul, any sense of self lost, but is this truly the kind of beast that Hunters wish to bring down? It pacifies all those that meet it, even the most violent of souls. The desire to fight, to be hostile will be greatly diminished in its presence. Surely...Surely it cannot be bad.

"I only ask for a token of your blood. For that, I will give everything...Your pleasure, your desire...It is yours. In one single bite...Or perhaps...You may think to give one of my chocolates to someone you admire...For surely...Who could resist such a gift...?" It offers its chalice. "Just a drop will do, my friend..." It seems like such a reasonable request for such a grand gift. Common sense would normally be kicking in right about now, but the Chocolatier drives common sense from the mind and replaces it with sheer want. Someone with mental protection abilities, enchantments or blessed items may be able to resist the temptation and step away. Most people however will likely give over a drop (or more) of blood. The more blood you give, the more chocolates you receive...

And oh! Even if you dislike chocolate or typically can't eat it, you know that you can eat this piece. You know that you will like this chocolate. It's perfect in every way. It was made exactly for you...Or perhaps, even, a special someone in your life. A chocolate for your friend, your lover, your sibling, or...maybe even your enemy. Once you have been given the chocolate, the Chocolatier vanishes. You don't have to eat the chocolate right away, but the longer you resist, the greater the temptation will become. God forbid you lose the chocolate. Some have gone completely insane by the loss. Maybe you should just eat it or get it to your buddy!

There are a wide variety of chocolates you may be blessed with and each one has a different effect. The Chocolatier may seek you out multiple times, but it seems impossible to intentionally summon the Chocolatier.

All effects last a few hours to a few days. Consuming paleblood or darkblood will help alleviate symptoms. All chocolates may lead to corruption and beasthood if they get out of control. Resisting the symptoms worsens effects. While these chocolates are intended to set up new connections, the effects will be doubled if the effect is layering on a pre-existing situation (ie; if you eat a dark chocolate around the person you're sleeping with, you'll find them even more irresistible. If you eat a milk chocolate around your significant other, you'll feel even more in love). You can eat multiple chocolates at once to experience multiple effects at once.

Milk Chocolate: This will inspire extreme romantic attraction to the first person you interact with after eating this chocolate regardless of if you know them. Melted and consumed with other food, it will provide additional feelings of being loved.

Dark Chocolate: This will inspire extreme sexual attraction to the first person you interact with of your preferred gender(s) after consuming. This has been used as a powerful aphrodisiac. Melted and put directly on the skin, it can cause extreme pleasure.

White Chocolate: You desperately want to befriend the first person you interact with after consuming. Melted and consumed with other food, it will provide additional feelings of security in your relationships.

Caramel: You will feel deeply indebted to the first person you interact with after consuming. You will want to do anything they ask, be anything they ask, and follow every order or command they give you.

Almond: You will be extremely compelled to communicate exclusively through song to other people. You will also be compelled to randomly sing your inner monologue and overshare via a spontaneous, musical number.

Raspberry: This will cause you to start vomiting a variety of organs. They aren't your organs. Some of the organs may still be functioning when they come up.

Orange: You will begin to completely confuse people for each other. Their faces and names will swap around in your mind. You might mistake your best friend for your partner. You will have difficulty remembering who is who.

Strawberry: Your emotions will be projected from you without your control through an aura. This aura can provide visual cues (such as a golden light around you when you are happy or a blue when you are sad) as well as smells and possibly even sounds.

Cherry: This will make you extremely flirty and cheerful. You will find it difficult to be in a bad mood and wind up hitting on people regardless of your personal attraction to them.

Coconut: This will cause temporary amnesia either long-term or short-term. Some people may have false memories put in their heads by this chocolate, many of which will be better than the lives they originally lived.

Coffee: This will cause extremely erratic, irrational behavior. You will become reckless and arrogant, making moves in situations you normally never would. It can boast confidence and ego. The crash from this chocolate is terrible and feels worse than a hangover.

Hazelnut: Some physical marker will appear on your body to show that you are romantically and/or sexually compatible with someone. This may be their name appearing on your skin, the first words they ever said to you, or your eye color changing to theirs. This does not force sexual/romantic attraction but rather lets you know who you might make a good match with!

Peanutbutter: You now have animal features of some sort. Dog ears, wings, new eyes. This has been known to provide temporary abilities similar to the animal you have been combined with. Some have even been known to be able to transform completely into the animal at this time!

Peacan: You will drastically lose function over certain body parts. This can cause feelings like your arm is no longer there or under your control. It may cause a complete surrender of your bodily functions in general.

Truffle: You will feel a crushing sense of paranoia that something is controlling you, watching you, and dictating the experiences around you. You will become increasingly suspicious of interactions and start theorizing about little things.

Vanilla: You will become obsessed with specific individuals and begin to actively plot their murder and likely attempt to commit it. This isn't just bloodlust: it's plotting violence. It's about wanting to get away with murder as much as committing murder.

CODING

Comments

[onekindsoul]

[Oh she grins brightly when she gets Anna to join in with her.]

I am full of surprises- I don't usually do a lot of singing or rapping but I don't something just kind of came over me you know?

[She gives a point to Anna's hat though.]

You're looking super piratey though. What's with that?
Plus you gotta tell me more about this boat- Because you might have that but-

-I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and ship, yeah!
The dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet. Oh!
But this ain't Seaworld, this as real as it gets, yeah, yeah!

[And then she points back to Anna to take it.]

[hauntedsavior]

[oh, okay, so they're doing this. well. listen. she only wants to get to the good part. (the whole song is good part. but she also has a mechanical voicebox and can make herself sound autotuned.)]

Well, never thought I'd be here in Trench with this wind-swept saltwater stench. Oh, Clarence, look at me! [she's not even high on chocolate, she's just having fun with it. dammit. rubes got her.] Don't you know we'll save the day with some bones and boats and Ru-bay? And once we all get home safe, I'll kiss my roommaaaaaa—oh, shit.

[oh, she wasn't supposed to say that part.]

[onekindsoul]

[At first it seems like Anna might have got off clear. Ruby immediately starts going into the chorus.]

I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me because I'm sailing on a-

[And then it clicks and she immediately turns to Anna and takes a hold of her shoulders.]

Tell me everything!

[hauntedsavior]

[ah, christ.]

Okay, listen, Ru—[she takes a second, composes herself, and switches off the auto-tune setting in her mechanical voicebox.]—listen. Okay. You can't tell anyone this. But I have a new roommate and she's really fucking hot and I want to kiss her real bad.

[and do other stuff, and it's mostly the other stuff, but ruby is innocent. anna tries to ignore how good it feels to get that confession off her chest.]

[onekindsoul]

[Ruby snorts as the auto-tune turns off. That was amazing. She had to ask Penny if she could do that too.]

Okay. Okay. I wont tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me?

But have you told her? Do you need any advice on how to approach her? I wouldn't say I'm an expert or anything but I have managed to be with my girlfriend for a year now. That's pretty impressive, right?

[hauntedsavior]

It's complicated, dude. You don't know... [exhale.] You don't know the half of it. It's so messed up.

[she wants to say it outright to ruby, all the different things that are making this a much harder decision than anything else in the world, but, like. it would require a powerpoint presentation and at least 45 minutes of ruby's day.]

I don't even think I'm here for a relationship. I think I just want to do stuff with her. Still don't know how good I am at relationships in the first place.

[onekindsoul]

[Ruby may not know the half of it. But she gives an understanding nod anyways.]

I get complicated at the very least. I've seen that more than once. But... Complicated can work out if you're honest about it.

[She wont force her to explain exactly what she means. Anna's business was first and foremost her own and she wouldn't force her way in.]

I wasn't really good at relationships when I got started up either-

I think I make it work but I'm still no expert that's for sure.

But... I do know a thing or two about making yourself unavailable because you think you're serving some sort of purpose.

And let me tell you that starts to eat away at you. Especially in a place like this where you can't always be there to do that job or protect everyone.

Leave a little bit of room for you in there too. It helps a lot.

[hauntedsavior]

[she laughs with only a tiny amount of bitterness and ruffles ruby's hair.]

Chill out, kid, I'm not saving myself until after my sacred duty is complete or anything.

[she has. so many things that she could follow that up with. none of them are particularly happy. which one should she go with? there's an itch in the back of her head to admit at least one of them, though. she can't ignore it.]

Haven't really been with anyone since I started turning into an android, is all. Or at least, that's, like, the least complicated part of it. I'll spare the details, but, like, I'm still... uh, equipped for that kind of stuff. It's just that I don't know if anyone else is...

[she looks away. this is embarrassing. being seen like this is bad enough, but volunteering the information?]

Like, when you lost your eye, I'm sure it felt weird for a while when other people looked at you and thought that there was something wrong with you. Imagine that feeling, but all over. Just for being who you are. Now pretend you're dealing with that and trying to get with people.

[onekindsoul]

[Ruby takes the hair ruffle like a champ but gives Anna a playful little glare.]

Hey- Don't diss the sacred duty thing. ...Well those end up just being really complicated. I got caught up in that and it felt like I just didn't have the time for anything else.

Took me awhile to get past that here. And well- I feel way better for it.

[She's surprised that Anna is offering up the information. It helps her understand a bit more what she's going through.]

I think I get that... But when the eye thing happened... That's around the time I started to realize what was going on between me and Ange. There was a lot of pain- a lot of adjusting and a ton of baggage going on in my life at the time. I didn't even have the robot eye yet- Just a hole covered up with an eye patch. It was awful-

But well... She didn't care and she helped me get through it. Made me feel more comfortable in my skin despite the changes.

And honestly if your roommate is the kind of awesome person that you deserve then that shouldn't matter too much for her.

...And like I don't want to jump the gun here but like I think as long as you aren't equipped with like spinning blades- or like acid pockets or weird corkscrews then I think anyone should be equipped to handle that.

...You don't have any of those do you? Because seriously that would be kind of awesome.

[hauntedsavior]

[anna is ready for ruby rose to miss the point of it again. it's not clear whether sexual intimacy is her thing, but it sure as hell doesn't seem to be something she gives off vibes of wanting to discuss. but picture this android surprised when ruby says something just about as insightful as anna had secretly been hoping for.]

[she tilts her head, then smiles with half her mouth very slowly.]

You think it's something she's not gonna care about, huh? [odds are high on that already, even with the conversations she'd had with kainé about androids in the past.] If Ange and I are halfway the same, then... I don't know. That would be nice.

You never worried about being someone that Ange would... like looking at, or anything? On top of everything else. [she looks away again.] No, never mind, that's stupid. [sigh.] I'll just. Try to take your word for it that she's gonna be okay with taking me as I am. Even if I don't know how okay I am with how I am.

[onekindsoul]

[Sexual intimacy isn't really her thing but having mechanical and non human friends is. She's pretty sure she could see herself having a conversation like this with Penny at some point and she'd say the same to her best friend.]

I think if she really cares about you then caring about you will be way more important.

[She gives a little shrug.]

I can't say I haven't ever felt that at all. But like it's less about feeling that way and more about how you deal with feeling that way. Ange has always made me feel accepted and special. Even when I'm bothering the heck out of her. And that's what I like to focus on over any feelings that get me down.

[hauntedsavior]

[she takes all that in for a moment. it's all... very, very nice to think about. she wants it to be true. she wants to believe that kainé is that kind of person, deep down. because that's the kind of person that anna tries to be, too, and the two of them aren't so different, so why should this be any different?]

I don't think I know Kainé well enough yet to feel exactly like that towards her, but... it's not far off, you know? We trust each other, or at least I'm pretty sure we do. And I guess I just have to keep trusting her. [even if it's a frightening direction to trust someone from.] It sounds like you got a really good education on stuff like this. Glad Remnant is teaching you a few real life skills.

[onekindsoul]

[She takes a moment then moves to put a hand on Anna's shoulder and give her a more confident smile.]

It's okay to not be sure about it either. You both are probably both still figuring that out- And sometimes it takes time to get there. But if it makes you feel any better I think you're handling it pretty darn good.

[She rubs the back of her head a little with her free hand.]

Honestly I think I learned more of it here than I ever did back there. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it back at home.

[hauntedsavior]

[god, she really is touch-starved. this reassurance feels incredible even if it's just ruby's hand on her shoulder. all of this kind of does. she doesn't know what's going on, but it's good to get the idea that things might actually be turning around. ruby must be the kind of hero type who hasn't been totally worn down by everything yet, to still be able to instill this kind of feeling in others.]

Yeah, that's the vibe I'm getting from talking to everyone from Remnant. Well, hey, it's working out. And you're doing a hell of a job with... everything. I really appreciate it, Ruby. And, like, I don't know. Hope you're getting enough time for yourself.

[onekindsoul]

[There was a time not too long ago where Ruby had struggled with being worn down by the life she led and the events pressuring her in one way or another. It wasn't perfect but she had found a good sense of balance since coming to Trench and that light was quickly rekindling into something strong.]

It's not exactly the nicest place in the world. That's not say you can't lead a good life there. But a lot of the people that ended up here are caught up in some fierce drama.

But you're welcome. It's been great to help out where I can.

...And I think I am. It's been a trip but I think I've finally kind of got a handle on stuff like that. Or I'm learning how to do it better.

[hauntedsavior]

[anna nods slowly. she's glad. she truly is. kids don't deserve that hell, no matter how grown ruby might actually be.]

Hey, that's all it is, right? I remember when I was your age and I didn't have half as good a support network. Might as well live through the best second chance most of us are gonna get while you're surrounded by loved ones.

[god. she really didn't have anyone like this when she was ruby's age. she will not be bringing that mood down; if rubes wants to know, she can ask her uncle.]

You're teaching me something too, you know? Helping me learn that maybe I'm tired of pretending I'm invulnerable. Even if the only reason I'm talking about this is 'cause I fucked up a T-Pain verse.

[onekindsoul]

[Ruby is an adult. The most adulty adult around. Clearly.]

I guess so. It's... Well it took awhile to really build up the group of people I have here. I had a good one at home too but everything we were dealing with so much. But I think you have the right idea there.

We have to make the best of his chance. The both of us.

[She will not ask her uncle.]

I'm just doing what I can- sharing what I've had to learn here. It's kind of weird how much stronger you feel when you let down that wall though.

Hey. Any reason is a good reason in my opinion.

[hauntedsavior]

Yeah... when you finally sit down and tell yourself "hey, it's okay to not handle all of this on your own"... it's not bad, you know? It's not bad at all.

[she could say who she picked that up from, but she's pretty sure they both already know it was ange. she hooks her thumbs into her pockets.]

And hey, I know it's not rap, but. [she takes one hand and rubs her knuckles on her chest. it might be cheating a little bit, what with the robot lungs, but she still wants to have a little fun in the middle of this serious conversation. she breathes in deep.] So desperately I sing to thee of love, sure, but also of rage and hate and pain and fear of self, and I can't keep these feelings on the shelf! I've tried!—well, no, in fact, I lied; could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside to hide or slide. I'll do as I decide and let it ride until I've died and only then shall I abide this tide of catchy little tunes, of hip three-minute ditties. I wanna bust all your balloons, I wanna burn all of your cities to the ground!! I've found I will not mess around unless I play—then hey, I will go on all day. Hear what I say: I have a prayer to pray; that's really all this was, and when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck I don't rely on luck because—

[she stops, looks at ruby, and smiles triumphantly, dramatically trying to catch her breath. she speaks normally and tries very, very hard not to be smug about it.]

The hook brings you back. I ain't tellin' you no lie.