Mother stands for comfort

[imaglyphwitch]

Who: Luz and you (and specifically with Luca)
What: Luz tries to resist the hex, and not mutate herself until she finally falls to beast hood
When: Middle of February (sorry Luz, no birthday for you)
Where: All around Trench

She'd read the sermon and was sure that was when the trouble began. Luz had thought, after getting others who'd been sympathetic and lent an ear to her troubles, that she might be able to ride out the crazy of this month, that she'd get to her birthday in relative peace. Unfortunately, things didn't get better: instead, Luz found herself plagues by the past: her father leaving, the scorn of being that "weird" kid in her class, and the things that came with her Deerington and new Trench memories.

After Varian, Luz had been meticulous about trying to keep such thoughts from consuming her, trying to talk to others when she could, listening to advice and meditating more than she probably had any month. But the thoughts kept coming, and no matter what Luz did, she found she was feeling more depressed by the day, even though she interacted with people and did her best to keep her smile up.

And then one day, she found it was starting to feel worse than usual, enough that she even resorted to turning to her bird form if only to escape those memories. Now they were starting to compound, and images of the cave men and the Blood Cultists and their attacks on her began to plague her nightmares. It got so bad that she woke up feeling the cuts in her skin as clearly as she had back then, and she would be breathing hard and be so anxious she stayed in bed.

She had no idea how to stop this, and moments where she started to consider self-harm surfaced, shocking her so badly she took a cold bath, shivering and in tears, wondering what would happen next.

Comments

[imaglyphwitch]

[It was very hard to track this prey: for one thing, she moved very differently from other prey, and the music that accompanied her made it hard to think. For another, the creature was now forced to examine its intentions, which had been fairly centered on attacking and feeding and moving on.

In the soul of its thoughts, deep down there, was the girl the creature was, scared and frustrated and still trapped in the loop of avoiding her own struggles. It didn't help that she was getting the impression that, somehow, she'd failed again].

H...heart. Not. Strong. Must be strong. Blood. Make strong.

[danserai]

[ tutu shakes her head gently as she tiptoes closer. ]

There is nothing wrong in being weak. Or needing to cry. You are a human girl. Your emotions are precious. You are allowed to feel them.

[imaglyphwitch]

D...don't understand. Can...not..weak. I...is...strongest. I...'m...trying...to...beat...

[She trailed off, because it isn't the creature that's trying to run and attack, but the girl that is the creature, the one trapped by its impulses that's trying to talk. Between the music and Tutu's simply query, the creature is getting to the root of their problem].

...to beat...sadness. I want to fight...the monster...that is me.

[danserai]

[ ah. she gently wraps her arms around the snout of the creature. ]

You cannot banish such sadness. You must let yourself feel it. Only then can you overcome it.

[imaglyphwitch]

How...you would know? Do you know sadness? You know grief? Pain? Loss?

[The creature growled, but it sounded less guttural and more like a girl now, the one that was still struggling with what she was, what she felt she became].

You can't know. Just...baller...balleri...dancer.

[danserai]

. . . I know them well.

[ her hand goes to her pendant. ]

I am fated to disappear if I ever confess my true love. And I am not allowed to be with the people I care about. Soon I will simply vanish and will be forgotten.

[imaglyphwitch]

[Well that definitely got through to the creature. Of course the music had slowly been working on her, that's what was intended, but the last thing it expected was to feel sorry for prey that was trying to fight her. The creature, after all, was still a warped version of Luz Noceda, and hearing that the person who'd appeared to her twice before, seemed to clear its mind a little bit].

B-but. Why?

[danserai]

That is my fate.

[ she smiles faintly. ]

But even I cannot bear it with a smile all the time. And neither should you.

[imaglyphwitch]

Sad fate.

[And the creature can't think about this and focus on its basest instincts: at its core, there was still the part of her that could see through the mess of emotions, that even in her grief and her pain, there was still a hand reaching out to hold onto hers. Slowly, very slowly, that fur atop its head began to give way to the messy brown hair that Luz maintained, and her strong forearms reverting to the once "weak nerd arms" she'd always had].

It's hard. To smile all the time. Every day sometimes feels like it hurts.

[danserai]

[ she combs through luz's hair gently. the music sways softly as soft light casts a beam upon them. ]

Hurt is a difficult thing to bear. But it is a part of you as much as anything else.

[imaglyphwitch]

[The gesture was...soft. Weak, in the creatures' estimation, but the creature was not dominating that brain space so easily now. In fact, it felt itself starting to leave a little bit now, and Luz, despite being someone that would have prided herself on her strength, was clinging to Princess Tutu, tears in her eyes as the last of her corrupted state started to subside. There was still darkness in her pupils, the last bit of beast remaining, but even that was starting to dissapate].

Is it...ok, that I regret the decision to come here? To leave my world behind? ¿My...mi familia?

[danserai]

Yes.

[ she smiles once more. her fingers reach to trace the tears that must be there, unseen. ]

You are allowed your regrets.

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz lowered her head, letting out a soft whimper. She had to be honest with herself: the past few months, while she'd found a new family and been happier, had also reminded her there were things she left behind. There was no way she could forget Eda, who had been there for her in the Boiling Isles and in Deerington, who held her hand and had kept her from breaking down when she was close to death. She even dreamed seeing her HERE, come out fresh from the water, only to wake up and find it a dream. There was Margot, who she knew would never be as she was. There was her friends, Gus and Willow, who she missed desperately, and King, the first basic sibling she ever had. There was Amity, who Luz definitely did not think about more than she should, wondering what would have happened between them if she'd gone back.

And there was her mother, her own flesh and blood, who she missed every single day, no matter what she told herself. No matter what happened, she still kept her picture, still thought of her voice and it kept her going].

I miss them. I miss. All of them. And I know its selfish, but I can still see them in my dreams, going on. Without me.

[danserai]

Missing someone isn't selfish.

Sometimes it is all we want. To be remembered. To be known.

[ ahiru knows that is her wish. it is also her achilles' heel. for the moment her feelings become true, she would vanish. ]

[imaglyphwitch]

There are a lot of some ones. So many, actually. But I also love all of the people here. I know that there are people who don't get to have what I have. Is it right to be surrounded by people and still miss the ones who aren't around, even though I'm sure that Cynthia's greatest wish was that we'd be happy here.

[It wasn't something she still was a hundred percent about, and there was still she wanted to know more, but that wasn't the point here].

I remember you. I remember you every time you appear to me. But I've never seen you just around town. Are you someone I know?

[danserai]

Your feelings are your own. There is no shame in them.

[ ahiru sometimes struggles with that. she also is never quite sure if she's making the right decisions. if she even has the right to live as girl. but she knows her feelings are her own. not the story's, not drosselmeyer's. hers. and they matter. ]

And I am closer than you think.

[imaglyphwitch]

[She was right. Understanding that, her mind was clearer, and Luz found herself walking upright again, free of the bloodlust in her mind, starting to fall back into her senses. There was almost no trace of the creature now].

I should face them as well as I can, and make sure not to forget there are people who will help me face them.

I guess you won't tell me what that means, will you?

[danserai]

[ princess tutu merely smiles before she stands up. she offers luz a petite bow before leaving off-stage. ]

[imaglyphwitch]

[Mysterious as always. Still, Luz had taken heed with what she said about being forgotten. She didn't want to think of that happening to someone as nice as that.

Luz, meanwhile, is coming to grips with her body again. She was still shaking, taking deep breaths, her heart beating crazily and her head feeling like it was being struck with a hammer repeatedly].

"I regret everything," she groaned, and now her omen appeared, anxiously fussing over.
"No Tempest NO, stop, it hurts, I know you missed me but it HURTS..."