deercountry | Mother stands for comfort

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Mother stands for comfort

Who: Luz and you (and specifically with Luca)
What: Luz tries to resist the hex, and not mutate herself until she finally falls to beast hood
When: Middle of February (sorry Luz, no birthday for you)
Where: All around Trench

She'd read the sermon and was sure that was when the trouble began. Luz had thought, after getting others who'd been sympathetic and lent an ear to her troubles, that she might be able to ride out the crazy of this month, that she'd get to her birthday in relative peace. Unfortunately, things didn't get better: instead, Luz found herself plagues by the past: her father leaving, the scorn of being that "weird" kid in her class, and the things that came with her Deerington and new Trench memories.

After Varian, Luz had been meticulous about trying to keep such thoughts from consuming her, trying to talk to others when she could, listening to advice and meditating more than she probably had any month. But the thoughts kept coming, and no matter what Luz did, she found she was feeling more depressed by the day, even though she interacted with people and did her best to keep her smile up.

And then one day, she found it was starting to feel worse than usual, enough that she even resorted to turning to her bird form if only to escape those memories. Now they were starting to compound, and images of the cave men and the Blood Cultists and their attacks on her began to plague her nightmares. It got so bad that she woke up feeling the cuts in her skin as clearly as she had back then, and she would be breathing hard and be so anxious she stayed in bed.

She had no idea how to stop this, and moments where she started to consider self-harm surfaced, shocking her so badly she took a cold bath, shivering and in tears, wondering what would happen next.

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"I also had the misfortune of investigating her madness pretty deeply at points. It bred a bit of unwise sympathy that she ultimately flung back in my face," she muttered, shaking her head. "But that familiarity did breed contempt in turn. Still, she has far less power at least and I believe the Pthumerians have no interest in seeing her in power any longer, so there is that."

"Maybe it's because you're much older than me that you can say you tried to help her. I just know about all the pain she inflicted on the people I care about in Deerington. I'm still pretty mad that she gets to continue to do anything, even if it is limited."

Luz hadn't forgotten the nightmares of being in that haunted house formerly belonging the girl that DID die.

"I think... what it is that I remember a time when she still loved that girl, when at the very end, her rage was born out of the fact that Julia had died. She was responsible, unknowingly, but she reacted to her pain and loss with rage, wanting to destroy anything, to have something to blame. Hence us." A sigh. "I wanted to help her... because I finally saw there was something pitiable in her."

"But that part of her died over time too."

"I felt a little of that too. I didn't know Julia like a lot of you did, but I knew she'd been a kid like me, and I wanted to try and do something for her. I think a lot of us did, that didn't think she was specifically trying to punish us. But Mother Superior's hate for us kinda drowned out any sympathy I would have had for her."

Certainly seeing that "AU" version of herself had been enough to make Luz scared that she would eventually become as jaded as Superior had seemed to be herself.

"Well, I wonder sometimes if we truly knew her at all, but I think you understand what I mean, yes." She nodded firmly. "And her grandmother's loathing truly damaged almost anyone's ability to sympathize. The few moments I picked up her regret were ultimately just drowned out in how unbelievably petty she could be at times, though I think part of that was because she didn't think of us as real."

"Probably not. Who really understands anyone until you actually go into their head? It would be really frustrating to wonder what the heck she thought we were, and if we weren't real, what she thought we actually were. I'm just glad we're not under her watch anymore."

"I've literally been inside her head. It was a less than pleasant experience, and even then I'm not sure that I truly understood her." A sigh and she smiled. "But let's just make sure the other Pthumerians stay in charge at the very least. It could always be worse."

Luz's eyes widened, but she nodded her head. "Right, I think it's probably best that no one ever really understands anyone quite like that anyway. Going into people's heads sounds like a primary way to just give yourself nightmares for a long time."

Vira had honestly been through so much. She was glad Deerington was at least a little bit of a bad memory instead of the reality and horror to live through again.

"You think it's better this way?"

Luz wasn't judging, but she was curious.

"Especially her head." Yeah, the two times she'd been inside Mother Superior's mind and memories had been insanity inducing, really. But that was hopefully done at the ery least.

"Trench, than Deerington?" She sighed and looked out over the city. "It is not a dying world, and its people are real and very much alive. The Pthumerians' influence is not a healthy thing, not with how alien their minds are to ours, but they're better now than before."

"But... it could be better."

Luz nodded. She'd been in more than one person's memory to know that it was NOT always a pleasant experience.

"I kinda got that vibe too. Everything in Deerington kinda gave off the vibe that it was only a matter of time before things would get dark and scary. But it is at least better than Deerington, and bigger."

Luz gave a weak laugh. "It could. It really could."

"Here, there's always a low hum of the dark and sinister, but there's patches of safety, and preparations are easier to manage. It's a known factor, rather than an unknown one that you expect at any time." A grunt. "But the way to make it better comes with the knowledge that it can be predicted, and thus studied and worked to control. That just takes time and we're at the ground up."

"We get a lot of the unknown stuff too though, but I agree with you. Most of the time, you get the idea that you can deal with this stuff a little better than normal."

Luz nodded but looked troubled. "Think we'll slowly be able to deal with more of this mess, the more alert and studious that we are?"

"I think... that we're already doing better, though it may not always feel like it. We're aware of what's going on, and aware that we need to watch. Every time it happens? We seem to be better able to handle it. It may take a time to really master that, but we're improving even now." She was pretty sure of that at least.

"Then I guess that'll have to do for now," Luz said, though she didn't look completely thrilled at the idea. "The problem is that any any point, something new gets thrown in that we aren't sure about. I think at those times, you can't really do much about it but adapt."

Luckily, Luz was very familiar with how that process worked.

"It'll do for now, but we can continue to work at it, and with any luck? The adaptation process will become more natural and regular. That's something that I am hoping for very sincerely." She smiled and kept her arm over Luz's shoulder, hugging her close. "And we have each other too. That helps everything."

Luz nodded, taking that hug from Vira. She was sure even with some of the worse bumps in her path, she was fortunate enough to have people who would help her through it.

"Having you around has saved me more times than you know. I just hope I have the chance to do the same for you, when it gets really bad."

"You've already helped me at least once in ways nobody else could, and you help me just by being yourself, Luz. Don't you worry about that. Just keep being you," she said, reminding her gently of the help she'd given before when she had lost her mind. "You'll always be precious to me."

It was funny: while Luz was very grateful when she had help, she would sometimes forget that she was just as helpful to other people in those kinds of situations. She just thought that if she could manage the help, she would and should try.

"T-thanks! I mean, it's good to hear that!"

One thing that did help Luz was hearing that her attempt to help didn't fall on deaf ears: it tended to be the way that this was exactly what Luz feared would happen.

It could be easy to forget just how much impact one had, when they were on the receiving end of the help. Vira-Lorr grinned over at her and nodded. "Knowing that you're here is a bolster to me, and it gives me more reason to strive to stay helpful myself. That, and you're always very good at uplifting spirits. It's kind of a gift of yours, really."

Luz was used to being on the receiving end a lot, so it really would help her to remember she actually could help other people, even if she wasn't always successful.

"I just think I'm being myself, or as much as I can anyway. But I'm glad that helps too! If that's something that helps, I'll try to do that whenever I can!"

"See, that's I think some of the most important things we can do. Just be ourselves, because we are the people who became friends and care about each other. Just be who you are, and you'll naturally be there for your friends." She grinned and motioned in from the beach. "Why don't we get something to eat though? It's a little hot out here."

"That's about all we can do anyway, right?" Luz managed a smile here. "We are all still Sleepers, trying to eke a life for ourselves here. It's helped us along so far, so why wouldn't it help us here?"

They had to hope that was enough for them. It had to be, right?

"I'm with you. I'm pretty famished now myself!"

"Exactly. But come, let's go get some food," she said, motioning for her to follow as she started to lead her away from the beach. She didn't actually say it, but all along, she'd been working the whole conversation up enough to get her to just follow her to somewhere more pleasant, away from the depressing sensations.

"And not even something with mushrooms!"

(OOC: Hehe, I feel like this is actually a good fade-to-black moment as they grab food. But if you want to continue, go for it!)

[OOC: Yep, totally fine to end here! Hoping to do more with Vira in the next month!]

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Mother stands for comfort

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