[no. no, this can't be what's happening. she can't be staring down kainé like this, and that damned sob cuts through her chest and pierces the black box inside her like it's trying to cause a nuclear reaction. a black feather falls from her back, flutters to the ground as the anguish wells up inside her. this isn't what she wanted. this isn't how this was supposed to go.]

[it's her fault, as always. she can't let go of the past. she can't let go of when things were better for her, before her life changed forever. before rose walked out of her life, before her body turned into this. this machine that barely feels like she owns it on her worst days. it's her fault that kainé is looking like this. it's welling up inside her. she has to confess. she has to confess what her roommate already knows. hasn't she already hurt herself enough? her fist clenches.]

Don't you dare fucking say that! I didn't even see her in you until you already said yes! [this isn't helping. why isn't it helping. why can't she find the right words to make this better? why don't they exist? why is she the one who's going to start crying soon?] Believe whatever the fuck you want, but I asked you to live here because I care about you, Kainé.

[not for any other reason. not for any other reason. it can't go back to the beginning like this. she has to be right. she has to be a good person. she can't lose this, too. her words are sort of coming back to her. she's on the defensive now and it scares her worse than any battle ever has.]

'Cause when I asked you to move in with me, it wasn't because of her. I saw myself in you.