deercountry | open & closed prompts

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open & closed prompts

Who: Atsushi Nakajima & Makoto | + Open Prompts

What: Lovers forming a romantic pact together | Atsushi reading lore in the achive

When: Mid-February

Where: Pink Monstrosity House | Archives

Content Warnings: Talk of PTSD in the thread w/ Makoto

(open) Reading in the Archives

[At first, Atsushi regards the pacts with suspicion. Sensing each other's emotions? Telepathy? He initially thinks that the whole concept sounds like a way to be controlled and hurt. But there's a lingering part of him that does think it's a good idea with certain people. So rather than throw out the idea entirely, he decides to put some effort into researching it.

When entering the archives, Atsushi greets the other curious minded with a smile and wave. He knows to keep his voice down, but he still makes an effort to be friendly.]

[If he can, Atsushi will prioritize helping others find books. Though, he's also mindful to mention his own research;]

(closed) w/ Makoto

[It hadn't been the first time that they talked about blood pacts. Atsushi had mentioned his research to Makoto previously and voiced his own train of thought: It seemed like something that would be useful for controlling the Tiger, but he wasn't sure it was fair for him to make one.

The conversation had died awkwardly a few times as a result of Atsushi's inability to be honest. But after a few days, he did realize that he was being difficult. He was always being difficult and running away, and that needed to stop. So, one day after work, he'd sent Makoto a message to ask if she would meet at the house to talk about pacts again. There, he had collected most of the necessary ingredients on the kitchen table. If his words failed him, he hoped that some action might speak up on his behalf.]

[His gaze falls from her face to the silver cups he had purchased for a potential pact. Atsushi is quick to feel awkward;]

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[Makoto trusts Atsushi completely, so she had no hesitation about the connection that would be created. In him having a small bit of control, it simply meant that if she were to fall under the control of someone or something else he'd be able to stop her before she was forced to hurt someone she loved. For her it wasn't about the control, it was the promise that it stood for.

However, she knew that he wasn't entirely certain and she wasn't going to press it. If he wasn't entirely certain she was fine with keeping things where they were. So when he'd messaged her about it, Makoto had been a little surprised. Most of the day was spent thinking about it, and distracting her a bit. But she still managed to make it through without any incidents.

Walking in, she'd brought a few things that customers had traded in as payment. A lasagna, some drinks, a scarf.]

I'm home.

Ah, it was good. There's a lot of people that are looking for flowers because of what's coming up.

[Setting it down she walked over and took his hands, offering a small peck on the cheek.]

No, it's fine. We can talk now.

[He hadn't realized just how nervous he was until he felt her kiss on his cheeks. It's amazing how grounding these seemingly simple gestures can be. Atsushi turns his head to kiss her cheek back, wishing that he can be as comforting to her.

Then he sighs. Becoming more aware of how much tension he had been hiding as he chuckles lightly.]

I'm sorry if it seems pushy... I bought the stuff, just in case. [But he doesn't want the ingredients on the table to pressure her either. Makoto had expressed that she was fine with the pact, but Atsushi realizes that his confession might change that.]

I've been difficult about it, huh..? But... If it's okay, I'd like to, uh. Try being more honest... about why I'm hesitating..?

[Continuously framing this as a question, because he isn't sure if his thoughts are allowed.]

It's not really being pushy, we've been talking about it and you're just getting things together so that we have what we need if we're going to.

[It wasn't like they couldn't use the materials for other things too if they decided against it. She was a little worried when he started talking about being honest and why he had been hesitating. Makoto wondered if she'd been too pushy or bossy about it now, or if there was someone else that he'd rather be with. He had mentioned a girl several times when they first met.

Not really sure what to say she nodded. Eyes focused on him as she leaned back against the counter.]

Go ahead.

[He missed having her close already. Atsushi had become quite accustomed to surviving on his own prior to the deer-themed nightmare of six months ago, but he'd been changing. Slowly but surely, Makoto had shown him that trusting wasn't just 'okay,' but that it was something he'd been missing in his life. So even if it was difficult to discuss, he understood this was the right choice.]

I was reading about these blood pacts and all of the text I've read says that we'll share thoughts or emotions. And I don't really... [His voice trails off with uncertainty.

Atsushi doesn't fully understand what's 'wrong' with him. It's become so normal and he never had anyone to question the way his mind would slip into the past. So he hesitates again, but only to gather his thoughts.]

... I don't have a good grasp on mine sometimes. It feels like the headmaster is still here, living in my head, constantly watching me, and reminding me, and I just- [Catching himself, Atsushi stops.

He doesn't want to think too much about it. Instead, he makes eye contact with Makoto in order to ground his thoughts.] -- I don't think it's fair to you... I don't want you to ever experience these things, Makoto-chan.

[Makoto sat there and listened. She knew that his past wasn't something that was easy to discuss, she'd seen bits and pieces through the shared memories that had been revealed in Deerington, and the few times they'd spoken about it. She understood completely how something like that could haunt him, but it didn't change how she felt.]

I know, but if I do, then I might be able to understand and I might be able to you more. I know that it's scary and that a lot of things that have happened can be painful and sometimes they come back up.

[Occasionally they did for her as well, just not to the extent and nothing as traumatic as Atsushi's.]

But even with the scary things that we feel and experience, there will be good things too. We'll learn more about each other and understand each other better so that we can always be there and can support one another.

[Makoto kept her eyes on Atsushi, not looking away or wavering for a moment.]

[He's silent. Despite his best efforts, he struggles to hold her gaze. Even now, after all that they've been together and how close they've gotten, Atsushi still feels the instinctive tug of self-hatred. Funny how now, right as he talks about it and acknowledges it can't be real, he still feels the headmaster's judging gaze on the back of his head.

Slowly, as if in defiance of that feeling, he reconnects his gaze to hers.]

Are you sure..? I'm scared... [He swallows nervously, just as afraid to admit it;] I don't want for you to regret it. I know it'll keep happening, but...

[Well. He can't lie about this part. After all, he's laid out all of the ingredients on the kitchen table. Atsushi had might as well lay out his heart too, huh?]

... I want to be closer to you. I want to understand you, too.

[Standing up from where she'd been leaning, Makoto took a step back forward as her hands wrapped around Atsushi's as she took a breath. Leaning in she kissed his forehead before she touched her own to it, she was certain about this as she could be, and it seemed like he was now as well. With a small squeeze of his hands she smiled a little.]

I'm sure. Even if you're scared, I'm not. I won't regret a moment of it, not if it's you and me and we'll get to be closer. Even if it still happens, and those thoughts come up again and again, we'll fight them back down together and we'll show them that things are better now. That we're together and have worked hard for what we have.

I love you, so of course I'm sure.

Makoto...

[He's not focused enough on the outside world, or maybe he'd have realized his mistake: Atsushi didn't add an honorific this time. But between the warmth of her kiss, her hands, and the words between them, Atsushi can't find a reason to put up barriers. He gently takes her hands back, but there's some honest hesitance in the way he threads their fingers together.]

I don't always understand it. "How can you love someone like me?" I'm so bad at living and yet... [He squeezes her hands lightly to communicate his trust. They have a bond and, like the way he holds her hands now, he doesn't want to be so weak that he loses her.] Thank you. I love you too.

[Makoto remembered those thoughts, the pervasive ones that constantly said 'No one will ever love you. The ones that had told her that there was something wrong with her, something that would keep anyone else from loving her. But her friends had helped her to see through that, and while she was still very much self-conscious about her body Makoto was willing to accept that others could still love her. She wanted to be able to do the same for Atsushi.]

We all have things that we fight inside, and things that we're not good at. But you don't give up, you're strong, selfless, brave, and caring. I don't think you're bad at living, you've just had a lot of setbacks and haven't had the chances a lot of others have.

When those thoughts come up, I'll help you push them away. Because they're wrong, you deserve to be loved, and I'll remind you of that ever chance I get.

[Is he any of those things? Atsushi realized on that day aboard the airship that he wasn't selfless. He was seeking forgiveness for his past with every action he took. It's a habit that he's still trying to shed.

But he smiles softly in response, leaning in to kiss her forehead.]

Mm. You too. I want to use this bond to remind you of that too, Makoto-chan. So... if you'll have me..? [He's ready to start the preparations.]

[The kiss still brought color to her cheeks, but Makoto couldn't help but smile as she felt her heart pounding.]

Yes, absolutely. I'd be really happy to.

[She wrapped her arms around him in a hug. It was like a dream, she was happy enough that tears started to form in her eyes.]

I absolutely will, if you'll have me.

I will.

[He returns the hug without hesitation. It feels nice enough to be able to confidently hold her in his arms and protect her physically like this. Maybe someday, he hopes, he can protect her happiness through the bond too.

Atsushi isn't quick to break the hug though, instead lowering his voice to a whisper.]

We'll have to let it sit overnight, right? Then we can figure out the markings tomorrow..?

We'll have to put everything in tonight and wait yes. Do you think we should stay up and watch it, to make sure that everything goes alright?

[She wouldn't mind staying like this at all, wrapped in his arms felt like a dream where Makoto was safe, warm, and above all she felt loved and desired. They could even figure out where they would but the bonds and how.]

We test a few different ones tonight to see what it would look like if you want.

You have a business to run. Can you be staying up?

[Though, he’s not opposed to staying up with her. So long as she gets some rest in there too.]

Mm… We could test where to put it. They have to go on our faces, right?

One night will be alright. If it's for us, I won't mind at all.

[Luckily she wasn't exactly alone in running things, and if she needed to could catch a nap while Snow was there.]

Yes. I don't think it has to cover it though so maybe.

[Makoto took Atsushi's hand and placed his hand on her cheek, near the jaw. Far enough back his fingers brushed her ear and she was able to kiss his wrist lightly.]

[There's colour in his own cheeks at the kiss. This is already an intimate way to touch her. He can't imagine what it'll feel like later to see a mark on her cheek where he touched her. It'll be more physical proof that this isn't a dream or a trick.

He leans forward to tap his forehead to hers, lowering his voice appropriately.]

Everyone will see. Maybe we should make them match?

I don't mind if they can. But you want them to match that's great.

[She smiled as let her fingers brush against the back of his hand and then reached out to place her hand on his cheek, taking her thumb and lightly brushing it as she did so. He was so special to her, and accepting. Every moment was like a dream with him, and yet she was sure that it was more. There had been obstacles they'd had to overcome, but now all that they had been through was worth it. This was her wish come true.]

[Before, Atsushi would have been more timid and asked permission. But today, he leans in to give Makoto a quick kiss as a show of his returned affection. The bond is a big deal. It's something that he wouldn't have imagined asking for a year ago and only proves to him how far they've come.]

Then let's match. I want everyone to know who I made this bond with.

I do too.

[And Makoto pulled him for another kiss, being a little more direct and bold in the moment. They had confirmed how they felt for each other and this was another step that showed just how serious they were. She was so proud of Atsushi for the progress he'd made, and was so happy that he wanted to form such a bond with her.]

[ Considering the sheer amount of time that Ange spends in the Archives reading up on everything about this place, it's not too much of a surprise that she's there when Atsushi also finds himself in that place.

.. though Ange does think it's a little more surprising on her end to see Atsushi there. She glances over at him, a certain amount of surprise in her eyes, though it doesn't spread to the rest of her expression.

It only starts to make sense when he asks that question.

Or rather - it definitely makes a few things click together in Ange's mind. She closes the book that was lying on the table in front of her, glancing over at the guy. ]

You're reading up about blood pacts?

[ That can really only mean one thing, huh. ]

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