witch inside and out

[miiraculous]

Who: Rika Furude & Satoko Houjoh

What: Confessing to being a looper

When: End of February

Where: Private home

Content Warnings: Mentions of Death, Murder, Child Abuse. Will update as needed.

[For the past month, Rika had been struggling with a specific urge. It was something that used to rise to her throat back home too; An emotional burden that begged to be spoken about, but that Rika swallowed down every time. If she gave in, then everyone would know about her secret. They would know that she wasn't the same sweet and innocent girl that they'd adored the day before, but a witch who had replaced her. They would hear about the horrible things they had done in past lives and Rika feared that the emotional strain would trigger their paranoia.

But she wanted to say it. Now more than ever:

She had died. Over and over, Furude Rika died and was seemingly revived.


The strain of that secret had been heavy on Rika's heart and mind. It had pushed her to corruption, which manifested first as feverish chills. Now, later in the month, Rika saw her fingers curve into claws and felt fangs poking her lower lip. And atop the horrific changes to her appearance, she felt the desire to confess her secret burning more strongly than ever. Wrapping herself in blankets and hiding in her room, Rika had tried to fight her own heart and stay silent.

Until finally, she gave in. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't rid her mind of the thought of Satoko. She remembered how they had held onto each other despite the danger earlier that month and how they had always been together.

You mustn't stress Satoko! She doesn't have her medicine here. What if you trigger the Hinamizawa Syndrome? Rika tried to scold herself mentally, but her feet physically dragged her out of the room. She stood in front of Satoko's bedroom door, trembling from corruption both physical and mental. ]

Satoko..?

[She needed to tell Satoko. The secret was eating her up...

And Satoko would understand, right?

Satoko would want to know, right?

Like the flame and the candle, Satoko would hold onto their bond.

Rika lifted a hand to knock on the door, but instead found claws scratching the wood lightly.]

Satoko... Sa, Satokoo..? A, Are you there?

Comments

[loopsbian]

[ satoko is...

well. she's perfectly fine, is the strange thing. she's found friends, here - friends from home, yes, and then new acquaintances as well. anna. chara. sayo. strange bedfellows, to be sure, but people she can talk to at the very least. (some of them honestly, even.) and every time problems have arisen, she's found her own ways to handle them. she needs to help anna, and so she does. she needs to hold rika through the pain, and so she does. she needs to tell someone her truths, and so she tells rena.

she's growing, she thinks. slowly, but surely, she is improving herself. and with all the time she has, the speed matters much less than that certainty.

a knock- no, a scratch. how pitiful. even without rika's words, she could already guess who it might be, and when she hears that tone she's quite confident she already knows what it is rika wants. company. friendship. someone to guide her at night so it won't be so frightening.

she sighs, gathering her cards up from her practice and and returning them to their deck. ]

Of course I am. I said I'd tell you whenever I left, did I not? [ it's not said unfondly. this rika is... younger. less certain. less willing to leave her behind for whatever it is she's looking for, something that satoko certainly doesn't mind. ] Come in. The door isn't locked.

[miiraculous]

[The sight of her own clawed hand on the door briefly gave Rika pause. It's a visible reminder of how she is not the 'Furude Rika' that Satoko knows. She's an imposter who took her place and tainted her existence. 'A witch,' is what that Ange girl had said.

She almost runs because of it. If Satoko sees Rika with clawed hands and fangs, she might run too. Rika would rather hide under her blankets and cry alone than be rejected by Satoko. If not for the growing fire in her chest then Rika would likely have done just that. Instead, her claws clumsily turn the door knob and she peeks her head in.

Much to Rika's surprise, she's crying. Even trembling with fear as the reality of her physical condition is made more apparent not just to herself, but to Satoko. She can't stay composed. Like the child hidden under one hundred years of torture, Rika whimpers. Covering her face with her hands isn't helpful right now, but perhaps betrays Rika's greater fear: Showing Satoko her grief is worse than showing her a literal monstrous appearance. ]

Sa, Satoko... Satoko, something's wrong with me...

[loopsbian]

[ rika crying, shaking... it's not surprising. there are a hundred memories she could point to of exactly that. what is surprising is just how conflicted it makes her feel. there's a sadness in her, seeing her most important person hurting like this, and there's a satisfaction in equal measure. but that sadness makes some part of her feel irritated, and the satisfaction makes another part feel horrified.

she wants rika to be reassured, but she wants her to doubt herself.
she wants rika to be happy, but she wants her to hurt.
she hates rika, but she loves her.

she hates rika because she loves her so. what a strange, confusing feeling. ]

Rika... [ her voice certainly doesn't do a good job of hiding her conflict - though it betrays nothing of its true nature. ] You poor dear. Look at you, all torn up over this.

[ the words are said kindly. are they meant to mock or to mend? she honestly isn't sure herself. she scoots back from the desk, leaving the deck alone as she moves to the western-styled bed and pats beside her. ]

Come, sit with me. We'll work this out together, okay?

[ it's what friends do. it's what she should do. ]

[miiraculous]

Satoko...

[Rika knows deep down that she needs to be with Satoko. The only place in any world that consistently feels "safe" is the space next to her best friend. As long as she can see Satoko smile, Rika can relive June of 1983 over and over.

But she's never been honest with her friend. There's never been a Satoko that Rika told her deepest secret. Satoko has always reached out to comfort her, but Satoko was always reaching out to "Furude Rika." She never knew that there was a witch in her friend's place, soaking up Satoko's warmth in the place of her innocent friend.

She takes the next few steps cautiously. If she sits with Satoko, maybe this ugliness inside of her really can go away.]

Satoko... I-

I haven't been fair to you. [Yet, she can't bring herself to sit with Satoko yet. Because even if the physical ugliness goes away, Rika knows that it will still exist inside of her. She'll still be a witch.] I... I'm not. Wh, who you think I am, Satoko.

[loopsbian]

[ "i'm not who you think i am."

there's no way that rika means that, of course. she stayed silent for a hundred years already, didn't she? rika is quiet. rika is passive. rika lies and lies and lies, and satoko cares for her all the same. ]

Don't be ridiculous, Rika. [ her voice is fond and soft. after all, that affection isn't a lie. ] How long have we known each other for? No matter what this place might do to you, I'd dare say I know you inside and out.

[ rika is scared of the influence this place has. rika is beginning to grow corrupt, and is terrified of what that might mean. that's what rika means.

so satoko just needs to reassure her that she'll be fine. the same as always. the same as it used to be. ]

[miiraculous]

[How does she address this bubbling guilt?

Rika does wonder if Satoko is correct. Perhaps the Rika that survived passed June of 1983 is not a witch. She might very well be Furude Rika, through and through, without any secrets hidden behind her smile. In which case, isn't this witch of a girl even worse? She's not at all who Satoko expects. She is a witch, who killed Furude Rika's innocence when she wandered into a new world.

The tears won't stop. Rika can't think of how to explain herself, so the words begin to fall out nonsensically.]

I am not Furude Rika anymore. I- I'm not sure who I am... but I am lying and I-

[Ah. It feels so strange to say it. The magic of this month makes it almost refreshing to say the words that Rika is otherwise terrified to admit. The monstrous fangs and claws are already receding.]

I am sorry, Satoko. I wanted to protect you.

[loopsbian]

[ she is prepared to tell rika whatever lie it is she needs to hear. she is prepared to do what is simplest, both so rika can be happy and so they can move on with whatever this month has to bring. and then, rika says it:

"i am not furude rika anymore."

there's a feeling welling up in satoko, strange and conflicting and tantalizing, and it takes her a moment to place it: it's surprise. an unexpected party in her name; a gift from a close friend, given with care. a complete and total impossibility, shaped and occurring right in front of her very eyes. satoko's shoulders shake, and for a brief moment she wonders if it's tears that are about to overtake this body of hers- ]

You actually said it.

[ -and then she laughs. not her high and imperious cackle, but real laughter, uncontrollable and shocked and genuinely delighted.

she said it. she really, truly said it! all this time, all these centuries, and she simply told her! how different would things have been, like this? how much easier would things have gone? ]

Rika... My devious, desperate Rika. Don't be absurd. [ she only manages the words after a few moments, once she's managed to get her breath back under control. ] You've been this way for as long as I can remember. Every lie you've told, every voice you've put on for a hundred years... I know them all.

[ the rules of the game have changed, haven't they? rika would never have told her on her own. not in a million million years.

fine. satoko will meet rika's new offense with aplomb. ]

Since you're being honest for a change, I suppose I'll follow suit. If you are the witch named Furude Rika, then I am the witch named Hojo Satoko. And I am the only one in our world that truly understands you. [ she reaches over, patting the spot next to her on the bed once more. there's no comfort in the action, this time, no soft pity in her eyes - but strangely, there's no real threat. ] Come, sit down. We have a lot to catch up on, wouldn't you agree?