[March Catch-All Log]

[hijinxer]

Who: Jinx (hijinxer) and YOU
What: Arrival, March TDM Prompts, Exploring, Bloodhound Training & April TDM Prompts
When: Throughout March & Early April
Where: Around Darcmouth, Cellar Door

Content warnings: Typical cw’s that follow Jinx are mental illness with symptoms of psychosis, potential for violence, drug mentions. More specific warnings have been added to each individual prompt.


I. Father Shores

[ while jinx has shed her squid form long enough to have acquired most of her belongings back from the trenchies who stole ‘em, the unsettling feeling she’s had in the pit ofh er stomach hasn’t given her a moment of peace. everything about this place feels like it’s meant to be home, but that has to be a lie, right?

all around her, people talk about starting a new life, building a community, finding family and it’s rubbed jinx’s nerves raw. she winds up back at the beach where everything started with pow-pow and fishbones laid down besides her as she narrows her eyes and glares at what appears to be a shining blue marble pinched between her thumb and index.

they tell her the ocean water isn’t safe, and somehow that only reminds her of the poisoned sludge that runs through the undercity. it’s reassuring in a way that it shouldn’t be. in some fucked up way, she thinks silco would have liked this place and its on the nose glorification of drowning and rebirth.

she tosses the blue sphere up into the grey sky, and catches it, closing her fingers around it and yells.

have you had enough?

jinx slams her fist down hard into the warm sand, breathing hard. ]

Do you really think we can just start over?

[ is it that easy? what if she doesn’t want to start over? who she’s speaking to is unclear. it could be the ringing shadow of murmuring voices in her head, one of many new squids starting to acquire a new physical form. it could even be you. ]

II. Moss King’s House

A. Burial - cw: claustrophobia, buried alive
[ there’s absolutely such a thing as exercising better judgment and not doing questionable shit like swallowing random magical pills that appear next to you for seemingly no reason. but no risk, no glory.

unfortunately for jinx though, she happens to have rolled a ‘one’ and no sooner than the screaming agony of being immolated consumes her whole, she finds herself stuck inside a dark, confined space. it’s pitch black and even the tiniest movements of her limbs has her brushing against the walls of her new cage. ]

HEY! [ she yells instinctively, giving the space above her a solid kick. the lid of the coffin barely budges, but it doesn’t stop her from kicking and screaming repeatedly. ] Hey, get me outta here!

B. Discovery
[ now that she’s escaped her premature burial, jinx is out and about and poking around every corner of the moss king’s summer home. she eyes all the various stolen nicknacks from around the multiverse, eyes bright and alive with curiosity. currently holding her interest is a cute scepter with a shiny gem on top that catches the light and refracts it into a multitude of rainbows. if she knew what magical girls were, then she’d know what this is... but alas. she gives it a wave, and it casts pink light like a sparkler and jinx positively coos in delight. ]

Aren’t you a pretty thing ... [ she laughs, twirling the scepter in her hands and laughs as she’s showered in pink shimmering sparks. ]

But what would some stuffy guy calling himself the Moss King want with you, huh?

III. Earworm

A. Party - cw: alcohol
[ of all the places jinx has seen so far, it’s the cellar door area that happens to remind her most strongly of zaun. the high spirits, the loud music, the bars, the seediness of it all manages to take just a little of the edge that’s been boiling away internally.


wanting to forget every troubling thought in her head if only for one night, jinx sits herself down at the bar and downs whatever they have on brew. again, again and again. despite her waif like appearance, the girl’s got sky high tolerance. catch her at the bar where she’ll greet you merrily with: ]

You look way too sober. Drink.

[ or alternatively, catch her on the dancefloor, raving and waving her arms wildly in time to the music. when this song comes on, jinx squeals and grabs the nearest person with an excited: ]

That’s my jam!

B. Afterparty - cw: intoxication, assault, violence
[ it’s late at night by the time jinx leaves the club and she isn’t exactly looking to be the most stable on her feet. she sways from side the side as she walks down the streets, hiccupping and giggling to herself. she’s a small girl, and one that apparently looks like an easy target for a local trenchie to try and pickpocket for valuables.

it is... perhaps not their luckiest day.

jinx’s head may be swimming, but she’s lived in the undercity long enough to know to keep her wits and personal belongings about her and this trenchie is about to be the focal point for her rage. the trenchie shoves her against a wall, holding a knife to her throat.

jinx looks positively feral as her face splits into a wide, toothy grin. ]

Wanna try me?

[ in the next couple of moments, the air is thick with the trenchie’s screaming and the scent of fresh blood as jinx beats the man’s face over and over with the butt of a pistol. she laughs, practically giddy with delight as she straightens up and wipes the blood spatter off her face. the trenchie meanwhile lies barely conscious on the ground. ]

Well, well, well. Think you learned your lesson about stealing from poor, innocent girls? [ she stomps hard on his chest. ] Speak up! i can’t hear ya.

[ another stomp. thoroughly engrossed in this bit of catharsis, jinx doesn't even notice someone else arriving on the scene. when she does? she merely smiles sweet over her shoulder. ]

Whatcha lookin' at there?

IV. Spoils of War - cw: blood blisters, possible blood consumption by blodhounds

[ god, it's been... how many times that she ended up being dragged around in survival mode in either the jungle of the catacombs? don't ask. it'll instantly put her in a bad mood.

instead of being unceremoniously sucked underground, jinx can be seen walking around with a bloodhound on a leash. notably, said bloodhound has got one of its antlers sprayed blue, the other pink. it is also currently sniffing at a very ugly blood blister, licking it and very much being a monster about its next meal.

the way jinx coos to it though? seems more like she's talking to a baby. ]

Sheesh, you eat a lot, Horny. Is that normal for you?

[ because the unfortunately named doggo can obviously answer? as jinx spots you pass by, she waves: ]

Hey, you got any experience with these things?

V. Blessed Are the Curious

A. Rose Tinted Glasses - cw: mind alteration, hallucinations
[ jinx is, in a word, enraptured. the golden moths have transformed dreary old trench into the most beautiful place she's ever seen. the fact that it kind of reminds her of piltover leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, but how exactly is she meant to stay in a foul mood when there are songbirds flittering around the trees?

she croons as she skips down a golden path (in reality nothing more than a dirt road) and proceeds to hold out her hand to see if one of the brightly colored birds wants to land in her hand. there are, of course, no birds, only the golden moths. one does make the mistake of sitting on her palm and jinx immediately aims a fingergun at it and mimes shooting at it. ]

Boom.

[ she laughs, as the "bird" flies away and continues to skip down the road. ]

Heh the life of a real princes, huh?

B. Undoing the Past - cw: deeaging, death, depictions of death by impalement and crush injuries in linked video
[ eventually jinx reaches the archway marked with the "▲" symbol and anyone who happens to be following will find themselves transported to an old factory. it's late at night with only the full moon to illuminate the inside of the worn down cannery.

but all is not quiet. it's this moment. the night of jinx's biggest mistake and the foundations of the cannery are practically shaking with the force of the fighting going on at the other side of the door.

jinx gasps, eyes round as she stands there frozen in place. has she learned anything? is i can fix this truly any better than i can help?, she looks down at the monkeybomb held tight in her hands with the glowing blue orb clasped between the cymbals of the clockwork monkey.

she doesn't even register right away that her perspective is changing by the second. everything around her is getting taller -- or more accurately, she's getting shorter as the years lift away and she begins the process of being unmade.

with an almost manic shriek, she yanks the unrefined hexgem out of the clockwork monkey and takes several deep breaths. on the other side of that door though, vi, clagger, mylo and vander are all in huge trouble and there's a hulking beast high on shimmer and... the man who would eventually take her in as his daughter. heart pounding, she slumps against the door, hyperventilating. ]

I don't know what to do! I have to save them!

Comments

[fattyhands]

[ despite her best efforts, that gets under her skin. ]

I didn’t forget anything. [ she’s not a fool. she didn’t automatically trust caitlyn just because she got vi on the outside. vi made the mistake of letting an enforcer get the drop on her once and she paid with seven years of her life. fuck no does a nice smile and a seemingly sweet disposition erase every ruined feeling vi’s harbored nearly all her life.

… there are tiny cracks in that hate though. ]

I would’ve never let her take me back to that shithole and if she’d tried… [ she hesitates and then presses her palms to her thighs as she pushes up to her feet. what would she have done? thrown her in the river like powder said? yes? maybe? no. caitlyn saved her life; vi isn’t so dishonorable to ignore that. annoyed, vi turns and kicks at some rubbish, stomping a few feet away from the table. ]

Why are we even talking about it like it’s a possibility? We’re in Trench now. Not a single enforcer in sight.

[hijinxer]

[ jinx watches, unflinching as vi gets to her feet.

So what, you really are doing the whole... start over with a new life thing?

[ not holding a single grudge, a single bad memory, abandoning everything about the past?
somehow that agitates her. what exactly binds them together as sisters if they aren't even acknowledging the past? why wouldn't they just be perfect strangers if nothing about their former lives matter? ]

[fattyhands]

[ she pauses, back to powder, and slowly lets the tension drain with a slump of her shoulders. ]

That’s not what I’m saying.

[ she tips a glance over her shoulder and then swings around, backtracking the way she just came. she goes further though and rather than plopping into that chair, she heaves herself up onto the table, sitting down next to powder. ]

What I mean is… I want to focus on us. [ she doesn’t want to fight about an association that doesn’t necessarily hold any bearing on her anymore. in her mind, vi compromised herself in order to get to powder; she would’ve worked with just about anyone if it meant getting the chance to find her sister.

carefully, she places her hand on powder’s shoulder and leans in a little closer. ] You’re who is important to me… I want to start over with you.

[hijinxer]

[ jinx goes quiet when vi settles next to her, chin resting on one knee. the words are all right in that they hit the notes that jinx wants to hear, but at the same time... they're dismissing a whole history that jinx can't actually forgive or forget. ]

Fine.

[ it's not fine. ]

I'll drop the enforcer thing but you have to promise that if she ever shows up here that you're not going to talk to her. I hate her. I want her to go away.

[fattyhands]

[ fine is such a low bar, simplistic answer, but vi is encouraged nonetheless, especially when powder doesn’t pull away. she’s likely pressing her luck; vi realizes this, but she tries anyway, to tentatively slide her arm around to powder’s other shoulder. clasping there, she hugs her baby sister into her side.

no one gets away with bossing vi around. no one dictates to her what she can and can’t do. but that soft spot vi’s always held for powder hasn’t been tapped into for years. it’s grown with distance, rather than withered, and at the tiniest hint of need from powder, that affection cancels out any ill-feeling, leaving vi all too willing to say whatever is necessary to reforge their relationship.

when it comes down to it, powder is who matters most. ]

If it matters that much to you… [ why does it matter that much? because she’s an enforcer? vi thinks she understands. seven years ago she was the one bustin’ vander’s chops for having dealings with an enforcer. vi hadn’t been right then and powder isn’t right here either, but…

vi pushes down the regret and silently bids farewell. ]

Okay. I’ll stay away from her.

[hijinxer]

[ jinx tenses up at the start of the phrase if it means -- already defensive, already gearing up for a round of having to argue her goddamn position rather than being listened to. she frowns, but unlike when they were at the beach, jinx doesn't push vi away.

there's no pushback from her sister and it honestly surprises her after that show of placating the goddamn enforcer when the three of them were at the lookout point.

if. she mulls it over again, disliking the hypothetical. ]

It means a lot to me, Vi.

[ was she even listening? or does vi sincerely assume she would throw a stink over something that really wasn't important to her? ]

You promise, right?

[ for whatever promises are worth. ]

[fattyhands]

[ fuck. vi needs a manual on how to talk to powder. one wrong word, one wrong inflection of a syllable… walking on eggshells, that’s what it feels like. vi doesn’t like it. mostly because it brings into sharp focus how far she’s fallen out of sync with her sister. and lesser? vi’s never done especially well with being made to feel like she’s in the wrong.

she’s willing to tolerate it though. for now, at least. she can swallow her pride and rearrange herself accordingly, to make things work between them again. but if she has to do this indefinitely…

she needs powder to meet her halfway and so far, vi feels like she’s the one exclusively taking the beating. rightly earned, she reminds herself, and sobering up to her years of neglect, it makes it easier for her to keep playing by powder’s rules. ]

I promise. [ a beat, clearly hesitating before: ] You can trust me. [ – please. ]

[hijinxer]

[ indecision skitters across her features like the spider on the ceiling darting from end of its web to the other. can jinx really truly trust anyone? everyone betrays us. heh. even in saying so, silco had lied to her. tried to hide the truth of vi's existence from her.

to protect you.

like she's just some scared fucking child running from her nightmares. jinx grits her teeth, head swimming, then flooding over with the same voices she can't get away from.

you really think vi's gonna want to keep you around when she realizes how crazy you are?

jinx closes her eyes, one hand covering her face.

only us.

nails digging into her cheej, jinx mumbles: ]

Shut up. I don't wanna hear it.

[ she looks up again, eyes frantic as she fixes her focus onto vi. ]

Tell me something real. Tell me what you think what things between us should be like.

[fattyhands]

[ powder, no, please, don’t hurt yourself. vi lifts her free hand, wanting to pull those painted nails away but then there’s a mumble and then two pink irises snapped her way. shut up, i’m in no mood. it isn’t what powder says this time, but it’s what vi remembers. is powder talking to her this time? uncertain, vi’s expression goes wounded in the matter of one second and even when powder’s tone changes, vi is slow to regain her composure.

she doesn’t know what to say. she’s actually at a loss. like before is on the tip of her tongue, but that’s not right. as hopeful as vi is that she can unearth powder from the trauma of this jinx persona, she recognizes that there is no going back. she’ll never quite see that same unjaded, innocence of her little sister again.

… but that’s okay. powder is and will always be powder. vi still loves her. so how does she want them to be? she thinks of how their family broke apart. ]

We should be a team. [ you’re not ready. i told you to stay away. vi chews on the inside of her bottom lip in the pause. maybe if she’d treated powder as an essential part of the team back then, maybe everything wouldn’t have gone… that way. maybe this time – ] You depend on me, I depend on you, we trust each other, support each other and not keep secrets…

[ arm still wrapped around powder’s shoulders, vi holds tight, scared that if she lets up even a little, powder will slip away. ]

This is a fresh start for us, Pow-pow. [ new city, level playing field, no one knows who or what they are. they can do this. ] And this time, we’re gonna have better. No one is gonna push us around or split us up. It’s you and me… okay?

[hijinxer]

[ jinx says nothing, but drops eye contact as soon as something lodges in her chest and spreads outwards. how long has it been since she heard that nickname? it's not even her name anymore, it's the name of her gun now. vi hasn't been part of her life in so long, not meaningfully -- not in a way that jinx could ever interact with beyond the wisps of old comforting words and paralyzing flashes that'd bring back memoreis of fire and a throbbing cheek. ]

Oh, Vi....

[ the words are barely audible through the clog in her throat, but the gentle trembling of her shoulders betray where her mood has gone all the same. she's always depended on her sister, but the reverse? never. it aches to think about, and tears well in her eyes.

frankly, she doesn't know what's scarier: the prospect of always being left behind or the prospect of vi actually relying on her, even with all her shit luck and history. she sniffles, shoulders still tense under vi's fingers. ]

... Can we really make it better? The two of us? Even though.... [ even though i'm like this? ]

[fattyhands]

[ vi’s off to a great start. this is the second time she’s made her sister cry in less than an hour. this time, it isn’t fueled by disappointment and rage, at least. does that make vi feel any better? not necessarily, because the color is still off in those brimming tears, highlighting what is already so concerning about powder’s eyes. vi tries not to focus on it. she can’t afford to. not when powder is still tense against her side, everything about her baby sister projecting hesitation. powder doesn’t believe her, does she?

it becomes clear she doesn’t with the following words and by the time powder trails off, vi is ready to nip this in the bud. so she’s quick to shelve her own reservations on eyes and accusations and the fact that they’re two different people now, to instead fill that pause with a firm: ]

Yes.

[ she turns further into powder’s space, still anchoring her in with one arm while the other tucks that thick bang behind powder’s ear to expose the whole of her face. vi smiles gently, affection clear in her expression. ]

Even though whatever doubt you have in your head. [ she thinks she knows. things changed when you left, i changed. however, she doesn’t breathe a word into that insecurity; she pulls powder in instead. first to press a kiss to her hairline and second, to get her other arm around her to squeeze her for a proper – though awkwardly angled – hug. ]

We’re gonna be fine.

[hijinxer]

[ the angle of the hug isn't comfortable, no, but it brings jinx back to simpler times anyway. back when they were younger, still sharing a tiny bed and playing make believe games about imaginary monsters. after a while, her imagination would get the better of her and vi would have to hug her tight to let her know that even if there were monsters, she would be there to keep them safe.

it'd been easier to believe back then.

the monsters did come. in the form of the first of the undercity's uprisings. enforcers armed with weapons that torched everything they knew and loved to the ground. their parents had died in those fires, but somehow vi had kept her word and the two of them walked out of the flames.

vander was there. and not long after, they were joined by mylo and clagger. life had changed for them s they settled into their new frankensteined family of orphans, and suddenly the gap between her and vi had widened even further. vander taught vi to fight ad vi became the prodigy while clumsy little powder was just a liability.

vi had never let her feel that too badly though. always stuck up for her, adored her, told she was more than enough.

jinx sniffles, and after a moment relaxes enough to angle her body towards her older sister. enough to wrap both her skinny arms around her back and hook her chin over one shoulder with a sniffle.

years have passed since then. maybe vi will never make her feel like she's enough again. maybe she doesn't deserve to. maybe the ghosts of mylo and clagger deserve to exist in her head. she sniffles and falls silent for a long moment, just taking in the enormity of what does and doesn't exist anymore.

but finally, without unhooking her arms, she speaks up in a quiet voice. ]

You still haven't told me what happened to you in Stillwater. Why'd you put Vi on your face?

[fattyhands]

[ vi isn’t loving those sniffles. so she’ll be tightening the hug in some fragile hope to muffle that urge to cry. it’s okay, it’s okay, promise; vi is here, just – curl closer and smother the sadness by burying in against her, okay? it feels nice, this connection. vi isn’t about to start crying over the misfortune of her own life, but she can admit, at least silently to herself, that she needs this as much as powder does. nothing’s felt right since that night that fucked their lives. sitting in some concrete cell, feeling absolutely alone in a world that no longer had her patchwork family in it…

it was a lot. a whole fucking lot.

she thinks that’s part of the reasoning behind the brand on her face. hilarious, right? pathetic too, that she can’t fully articulate why it’s there. there’s not a whole lot to do while rotting away in a cell. when you can’t fuck up other people, you fuck up yourself, and vi did it daily by slamming her fists into stone while spinning torments in her head. on the rare occasion, a tattoo found its way into her skin too. ]

Because.

[ she searches for the words but comes up shallow, mouth quirking on humor that doesn’t have her laughing. ]

They gave me a number. [ fuckers. everyone gets them. there’s nothing unique about her 516. but it rubbed her wrong, to be even less than before. undercity rats like her are already the bottom of the barrel, but at least she had a name and an identity. there, she wasn’t worth anything, not even remembrance. and really, her losses were too many: mylo, claggor, vander, powder…

she couldn’t lose herself too.

she rests her head against the side of powder’s, fingers idly playing with the woven strands of one of her braids. ]

Wasn’t gonna let them erase my name. It was all I had left.

[hijinxer]

[ jinx stays quiet. focusing on little more than breathing and the visceral sensation of having her sister close. nostalgia clashes hard with reality, very much like that dumb line about immovable objects meeting unstoppable forces.

everything keeps reminding jinx of all the ways they've become different over the course of their split lives. vi, rotting away in her cell in stillwater, clutching at the rags of who she used to be and etching it into her face paints a dismal image all on its own. maybe they aren't so different in some sense. after all, she'd picked up clagger's bloodied goggles from the ashes of the cannery, went back for vander's old pipe and made grotesque dolls of spare parts in their likeness.

it never really filled the void, but it helped thinking they were there and not just talking to her in her head.

but that's a generous interpretation of where their similarities lie. truthfully, jinx had been more than eager to trash everything about the name powder. she thinks back to the day silco brought her out to the polluted waters where he'd nearly drowned.

you have to let powder die.

funny. that's who they are now. vi emblazoning her name on her damn face while jinx ritualistically drowns the weak little girl inside.

and that's why shell never understand you.

only us.

jinx breathes through the turmoil for several silent beats. when she finally finds her voice, it's hollow. ]

Funny. I couldn't wait to stop being Powder.

[fattyhands]

[ what is she supposed to say to that? vi truly doesn’t understand her. their coping mechanism are at odds. vi might have been the one dragged off to stillwater to be forgotten by the outside world, but powder is the one who shut down and hid, disassociating herself with who she used to be. who she still is; vi refuses to accept that powder succeeded and that she’s actually this new identity. jinx, yeah right, vi is never calling her that.

never again.

nonetheless, even with this stubborn vow circling her thoughts, she realizes it’s far more complicated than that. vi is in no position to decide for powder and unlike before, vi doubts her sister will tolerate it as she used to.

she smooths her fingers over the braid and then stills the placement of that hand, staring off across the room. her voice comes out carefully constructed: neutral without expectation, only the slightest hint of wariness catching on the syllables. ]

Do you… want to be Powder again?

[ in vi’s opinion, she always will be powder, but… she hopes powder feels much the same. afterall, turning her back on powder is turning her back on everything and everyone that had ties to powder, vi included. how are they meant to be sisters if powder wants to erase powder? ]

[hijinxer]

[ again, jinx stays silent turning the question over and over in her head. identity is a headache to think about and leaving the name powder behind had been as much about leaving the weak little girl who'd been abandoned, screaming and crying, at the cannery to rot in pieces. what does wanting to be powder again even entail?

vi keeps saying the foundation of her premises are wrong. that she'd never meant those hurtful words or to leave jinx behind. she swallows, not quite teary eyed this time but there's a similar distant look about her as she sets her focus across the room. ]

What does me being Powder mean to you?

[ there's nothing accusatory behind the question, not even a semblance of rage or expectation. she sounds... exhausted and only that. ]

Because Powder's a girl who got left behind. Made stupid gadgets that never worked ... and then when they did work, made everyone hate her.

[ she laughs, and again there's nothing accusatory about it. she leans a little more heavily against vi's shoulder, arms wrapping tighter. ]

I can hear them, y'know. Mylo. Clagger. In my head. Talking to me, laughing when I mess up. Evne now, all these years later.

idky this is so long

[fattyhands]

[ they’re years and years past powder fiddling away in her bunk, pouting over a gadget that never works while vi does her best to undo the damage done by a certain someone. looking back, it’s terrible, isn’t it? vi always played the part of powder’s biggest fan. always saying that powder will get it right one day and that whiskers or monkey bomb or whatever other cutesy name bequeathed on a fuck you, enforcers gadget, would work. so to go from encouraging her, to then punching her, minutes after her first success…? yeah, terrible is a word for it.

terrible too, that that success came at the cost of vander, claggor and mylo.

don’t. she can’t go there. seven years and counting to come to terms with powder’s mistake and vi thought she’d made peace with it. she has… mostly. but maybe that’s something they share in common. even now all these years later. they both have their own demons, all in various degrees of guilt, anger, regret.

words fail her in the immediate and she merely holds powder through it, bearing her weight and bearing her squeeze without complaint. neither of them are in any rush to let go it seems and that suits vi just fine, her own grip a stable, unbudging thing. besides, with powder tucked in and leaning heavily into her shoulder, vi doesn’t have to keep a brave face. looking miserable and feeling it just as much, vi swallows and tries to think, because there’s a question at the start of this and vi needs an answer.

what is her answer? does she even know? ]

It means… [ two words in and she falters. fuck. it’s crystal-clear in her head. powder being powder means… purpose. redemption. peace. protect the family. vi failed on that. take care of powder. she refuses to fail on that front too, even though she already has for seven long years. vi’s never going to be able to stop being angry at the whole fucking world if she doesn’t get powder back…

… so wait. does she wants powder to be powder for powder’s well-being, or for her own? powder’s, she thinks and then quickly dismisses the thought, finally stringing words together. ]

It means – you’re not afraid. [ a beat; slightly stronger: ] That you don’t want to run and hide. [ momentum building, the words come a touch faster, a touch more confident. ] You think that’s what Jinx means but it’s not. Taking on a new identity is easy – [ wince; amending: ] – easier.

[ fuck you, silco. ]

Being who you are… that’s tough, Pow-pow. [ at least that came out softer, more understanding. see, the possibility of disappearing to the title 516 was attractive in some ways too. she gets it. ] I made mistakes too. Mylo, Claggor, Vander… pretty sure they hate me too… [ for leading them there. for taking ekko’s tip and putting together the piltover job to begin with. ] But I’m still Vi. I still want to be Vi, because being Vi means being your sister and that’s all… that’s all I want.

because it's you.

[hijinxer]

[ there's no other word to describe the things her sister is saying other than clusterfuck. it's affirming and accusing simultaneously, jinx is all too easily pulled in two different directions. she thinks you're weak on one hand and no, that's not what she's saying on the other. but that is what she's saying between the lines, isn't it? jinx lets go abruptly, scooting back to get off the table and start pacing to work out her agitation. ]

Why? How is it better to be the same weak, pathetic little girl who couldn't get anything right?

[ she balls her hands into tight fists then kicks the chair over with a frustrated growl. ]

I'm stronger now. I'm not just some stupid fuck up. And we're still sisters, even if I'm different! You just -- you don't... [ covering her face with her hands, she takes a deep breath. ]

... I only survived as long as I did because I remembered you telling me all those years ago that I'm stronger than I know. And now that I know what I'm capable of, you just ... want me to be weak again.

i really do have some sort of problem.

[fattyhands]

[ vi hates letting her go, but she does. powder had been clinging so tight a second ago and then all of a sudden, that hold slacks. it’s jarring. it’s disheartening. but vi lets go at that first pull back, not budging from her seat upon the table as powder begins to pace. which is worse, she wonders. the violent outburst or the repulsion that has her sister hiding behind her hands?

she stares at the chair knocked over on its side and frowns, waffling back and forth between sorrow and – frustration. yeah. that’s what that hot, agitated feeling is in her chest. she’s trying, honest to god she’s trying to be delicate, to be understanding, to be the solid rock she knows powder needs her to be, but…

it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep her cool when anything she says is misconstrued. ]

I didn’t say anything about wanting you to be weak.

[ she grips the edge of the table and leans forward, shoulders hunching as she stares at the dangle of her boots. painstakingly, she keeps the annoyance from bleeding so obviously into her voice, although she can’t quite mask the discontent. ]

Why do you do that? Why do you keep assuming I want the worst for you?