[closed]

[torpour]

Who: Nehan and Diluc
What: Chatting about those they have lost, and Diluc's impending beasthood.
When: Early April
Where: Their usual field for training and punching each others' lights out.

Content Warnings: Beasthood talk, loss, an offer for mercykilling. Others TBA.

---

[the look on diluc's face is all nehan needs to know about how he feels, then the erune sighs, and sits down on the fallen log he's been favoring as a seat every time they have a meeting out here, then pats the spot next to him for diluc to sit as well. his omen, zuo, flops down underneath nehan's feet like a large, warm footstool for the erune.]

You're still feeling the weight of losing Flynn and Yuri, aren't you?

It's all right to take a break every once in a while. [even if that's not nehan's philosophy. he prefers to work, because there's very rarely a time that he actually has emotions or deep, painful thoughts to get in the way of anything. that's... that's a recent addition to his repertoire, but he could pause in his spiraling to have his student lean on him.]

Comments

[searingwing]

[He sits down and the faint aura of darkness that’s been starting to be present off and on fades. He opens his mouth to speak but no sound comes out. He sighs.

Smoke gathers around him and pours out into the horse sized shape of Dellingr. The dragon looks different. His head is more arrow shaped. Feathers cover his wings over the scales. He looks far more like Dvalin of Mondstadt than he ever has. Diluc tries to speak again.] Yes. To both of those things.

And a lot of people I know have needed killing. [Killings he has carried out. He scrubs his face. His hair is marked with streaks of black among the red. Black metal owl feathers run through his hair as if tied there and yet there is no such thing.

With all of that. Wearing Kaeya’s clothes is a bit of a comfort. Who knew. Dellingr croons softly.] The last one I felt them die inside my mind. He threw everything at me he could to prevent me from freeing him from his corrupted state.

[torpour]

Perhaps you should stop, then. You've made it clear that you don't like doing it when I was the one in need, and yet you continue to do so... [the erune shakes his head. diluc is an idiot, to be sure, but one he's trying to beat more brains into.]

Find another Hunter, or just someone else willing to do the work. This is eating you up inside.

[though a person dedicated to putting down beasts that others have become could be useful in trench, whether or not they're a hunter.]

[searingwing]

Killing isn’t the issue. It’s who. I care about you. I care about everyone I’ve had to kill. And another friend of mine…he is going to fall in the future.

And he has to go down. The level of power he has. If he goes beast he has to be put down. [Dellingr gets larger and wraps around the back of the fallen log. His wing wraps around Diluc as he shakes his head.] I don’t know who will fall first. Kaeya and I. Or Lance.

[But. He pauses, and looks up.] I will stop. Just…I couldn’t turn away if he falls. And to be honest with you I see the flaws in this bond. Kaeya is falling. It seeps into me regardless.

I don’t know how long until we do. But, we’re holding each other up for now. And I went to see someone with a bloodhound. It helped. But it’s a bandage on a wound.

[torpour]

[nehan reaches out, and pinches diluc's ear. this contact makes him weaker by the second, rather than the vague tiredness he has just being in diluc's proximity. there's something wrong here, outside of diluc's progressing change.]

And you told me after I came back that you couldn't do it again. Here you are, doing it again. [bahamut save him from idiots. there are so many of them.

he cant even help but think that diluc's bond was a mistake-- they wanted to have something to show for what they had with each other, but at what price? they could have done something other than go along with the doorway's bullshit.]

Find. Someone. Else. Or else I will do it myself. I will stab you two myself, and believe me, I want to smash a bottle on your head right now.

[searingwing]

[He lets out a surprised noise but doesn’t move away. Until he notices the weakness and starts to move away. Yet the words hit something in him.]

If you’re offering, I accept.

[He watches him carefully for a moment as he adds,] Are you getting weaker because of being around me?

[torpour]

I am. [nehan snorts, and tugs on diluc's ear, refusing to let go even when his hand has become lethargic.]

What, why are you so surprised? I told you that I'm the weakest person in Karm-- and I'm already crippled.

[though, even to his ears, those words are wrong. already nehan thinks this is more akin to the weakness he has when he's in a place steeped in dark magic.]

[searingwing]

[The darkness swells like a bird fluffing their feathers and ebs. Diluc is a smart man most of the time and when someone he cares about is in the way…

His lips move.] It’s the darkness. Since I started to fall sometimes darkness magic masks all noise around me. But I feel it surging and fading as it flows from within.

I haven’t felt any emotional changes yet but that was the first thing I sensed when Kaeya and I got home that night.

[torpour]

[nehan has to shake his head, and release diluc's ear. co-dependent idiots, especially when they've now switched clothing. awful.]

Of course it's the darkness. I'm of the light element, which is naturally weak to the dark, and vice versa. But my light is clearly much weaker. [it's a lot light being back in karm, the land itself being dark. the people themselves touched by the dark. he's seen some with other elements, but dark was always, always there.]

[searingwing]

[He thinks back to how hard Nehan’s blows have been in the past. He really wouldn’t agree it’s weaker. He says quietly,]

But wasn’t everything touched by darkness there? I would have struggled if everything around me was water magic. And I felt it. The light flowing out of you doesn’t feel weak.

[torpour]

[nehan snorts, sounding more like a wolf than an erune.]

Don't attempt to flatter me. I'm weak, Diluc Ragnvindr, and no amount of training will help when I'm well past my peak and my body will never change from this.

It's just a fact of life that I was born weak to dark magic.

[searingwing]

I don’t flatter people. It’s a waste of time. It was an observation.

[But he lets it go. He settles back and closes his eyes.] But thank you, for accepting. I told Yuri I would fight to the end. I get the feeling he would have put me down even though I told him not to.

He hates killing as much as I do. [He had met a kindred spirit in Yuri. For just a time he felt really understood.]

[torpour]

You're all soft in the heart. [then he sighs.] Or it's because you have a heart.

I am an assassin, so this work is suited to me.

[because he doesn't have one? it's a possibility, but also because he hasn't been using it. killing is fine with him, because he's just like this.]

[searingwing]

I don't know if it has to do with having a heart or not. [He says without opening his eyes. Some things are difficult to admit and Nehan isn't the most gentle of people. But he promised him honesty and this is part of that. No matter what is said next, he was honest.]

If it's another warrior on an opposing side. I can kill and only feel a regret that loss of life was the outcome. But if it's a friend. Someone I care for.

It hurts. I barely knew Blue. But I knew that killing him would bring pain. For those around me who cared. I did what they couldn't because...

[He sighs and opens his eyes, covering his mouth partly with his hand for a moment. His gaze is distant. He has a subtle exhaustion about him.] Deep down after killing father because he told me to. I can't believe in endless, blissful peace. Someone always pays for peace. So I couldn't fall entirely under his corrupted song.

I chose to go so I could save Kaeya and the others. I knew what the outcome was going to be. I expected he would do everything to make me not kill him. But I felt his fear and centuries of being feared. I didn't waver. It needed done. But his fears and all the centuries of life he showed me...it lingers. It mixes with the things I've done and seen.

[torpour]

It's having a heart, Diluc Ragnvindr. All of this comes from sentiment, even killing people you barely know. The attachments to other people... [it weakens you and them, more if they're closer to you.] Their fears become your own, and it's impossible to stay objective.

Having a heart makes you care.

So send people to someone who doesn't care, or is capable of stopping in order to do what's needed.

[that's nehan, he means.]

[searingwing]

That was not an option this time. I struck when he was distracted by outside assaults to get in. [Like an assassin. Something he could be. The idea of handing over something he felt needed done to spare his own heart doesn’t feel right.

He stares into the distance again. Is he a fool? Is he just repeating his father’s footsteps? His lips move.] Should there be time to think of another option, I will consider it. If Kaeya and I fall into beasthood together. We will likely attack together.

We grew up together. We trained to be knights together. We were best friends who supported each other until we didn’t. I can’t tell what he will become. I suspected I would become a dragon. Now I’m not so sure.

For all I know, I might become a Phoenix like those my father painted. This darkness could be just a prelude to the flames. It wouldn’t be the first time that has occurred in my life.

[torpour]

So I may have both of you to contend with-- of course, like I'm not weak enough already, like my life is not complicated enough as it is. [doorway's ritual bond really has screwed them over, hasn't it? blithering idiots.

nehan sneers at diluc, before digging into his feathers without even asking. of course, he does pay for it when the feathers prick him and he's in pain and unable to heal himself due to his weakness.]

You're an owl, fool. The ends of your feathers are rounded. [trust the nerd to know.]

[searingwing]

[He doesn’t make a noise at the man handling and touching him gets a bit of darkness on Nehan himself. Like an oily residue. It fades quickly on the fingers as Diluc says,]. This first step.

Yes, but none of the texts say that the corruption effects indicate exactly what someone becomes as a beast. It could be something different. That is why I’m not sure. It is highly likely I will be an owl. But, we’ll see.

[torpour]

[nehan makes a sound of disgust when he withdraws his fingers and the darkness lingers. it does start to slough off of him, but he pushes light magic into his hands to burn it away even faster and help him get some feeling back into them, the sunshine-yellow of his elemental affinity glowing under his skin for a few seconds.

after all, while he's weak to dark, the dark is weak to him in turn.]

Oh, yes, ignore me, who knows birds and has already become a beast. [grumble, grumble.]

[searingwing]

[Diluc shakes his head. Ever the lord who is trying to consider all angles. And he has that thoughtful look on his face he always gets when charting a path forward.] I’m not ignoring you. I’m worried we only have so much information. The shedding threw so much off.

…and I once took up a tool of darkness. The shadows were a prelude to dark flames. I don’t know how much of it still exists as scars on my soul.

[torpour]

[why is that the most... out-there thing he's ever heard.]

You could be a thespian, with the amount of drama you're putting on right now. Dark flames... really. [but it's not like he isn't listening and incapable of reading between the lines. diluc's just revealed a good deal about himself right then, and the erune just knows that it's related to the block on him that they had to clear a while ago.

nehan reaches for diluc's feathers again, hands glowing with light magic, and his touch may just sting like antiseptic on open wounds when he rummages through the human's feathers. but nehan is feeling the same thing, they're even.]

[searingwing]

…and true. [Whatever else he was going to stay is cut off with a low hiss as the sting becomes his focus. The feathers are darkness.

But hidden in the depths of that darkness in every feather is a flame that burns hot and bright. As if one might indeed hide the other. The shape of the other feather hidden within is more like an eagle’s feather.]

[torpour]

[nehan spots one feather that doesn't fit in with the rest, and snags it with his gloved hand, knowing it would likely mangle the ungloved one. his skin already feels like it's being placed against something too hot after all.

and then he starts to tug it out.]

This is a different one--

[searingwing]

[Diluc digs his fingers into his own thighs and hisses. As Nehan tugs, beneath the coating of black metal and darkness each feather flares with heat. Not enough to burn but it does up the temperature around Diluc.

But the feather does come free with a bit of blood. Diluc claps his hand over the spot to keep the blue blood at bay.]

[torpour]

[normally, nehan would have used magic to heal the wound. but given he's light, and diluc is sliding towards the dark rather than fire and ice, best not to do something stupid like hurt him-- or worse, accidentally poison him.

so instead, he plucks a vial from his belt and uncorks it with his teeth.]

Move your hand, I have a healing potion. Your damn darkness attribute, I swear... [his hands sting, thank you very much.]

[searingwing]

If I could control it. I would. [Diluc breathes as he moves his hand away. He’s like a wounded bird, watching the one who did it with sharp eyes. There is no hostility in him, just a focused stare.]

[torpour]

No, of course you cant. [a soft snort, as he pours the potion onto the wound, bit by bot.] You barely know how to control your own body, or wandering thoughts.

[a pause to check the wound, and then he empties the whole vial.]

[searingwing]

It is acting on its own and slowly consuming the magic within me. [Diluc says as he holds still. His hands clench on his legs and unclench to distract himself from the sting where the feather was.]

I feel it like poison in a wound. Any trying to grasp it is like holding smoke.

[torpour]

Overdramatic.

[still, nehan keeps it in mind, but the potion is working-- good thing potions have no elemental affinity.]

I'll hold onto this feather as long as I can stand it. When I'm done studying it, I'll either send it back to you, or burn it out in the forest.

[(but he'll certainly be getting rid of it before he moves in with venti--)]

[searingwing]

Alright. Should anything else occur with further corruption between meetings. I’ll let you know.

[He sighs as he starts to get up. He still feels awful. All the things that occurred. He adds quietly,]

Again, thank you. It eases my heart to know I will taken care of should I lose this battle.

[torpour]

There's no should in it, Diluc Ragnvindr. It's just a matter of time.

[time that none of them have, because nehan is going to have to cram in years of training in just a few months. perhaps weeks, even. or worse, days. especially with his leg and arm... he can go a few sleepless days, perhaps.]

Just... go find some Warmblood to ask help from, buy as much time as you can.

[searingwing]

I received an item from surviving the jungle. I looked into it and it will be a way to buy that time.

[Diluc says as he lifts his arm and Dellingr appears. The dragon settles with a soft sigh as the Lord Ragvindr continues to walk away.] But, I will ask for help from others. The more time bought, the better.