Allen's no stranger to stitching a smile together and putting it on even when he doesn't feel like smiling at all. Sometimes it's the only way he can keep going, and because the alternative is a deep dark pit he can't fall into again. Sure it's to try and help reassure others often, but... usually, it's for himself as well. So his smile drops a notch and he bites his lower lip for a moment, seeing that threadbare sort of desperation in the boy.
It isn't really a child in front of you. This isn't the real world. It's a hard thing to remember but he has to try to keep that in perspective. It's the man you saw before, even if this suffering is still here and real. And that's heartbreaking, honestly.
Because what can you even say when you know you can't fix any of that. He's not his father, who it seems would have made Allen's own mentor who raised him look like a saint. They'd loved each other at least, something Allen always knew even when he was being tested to his limits and near death, even when they were nothing but antagonistic. But this...
... ]
...It's okay not to smile sometimes, you know. When you don't feel like it.
[ He stays where he is, his hand curling in on itself before he withdraws it, leaning against his knees with his elbows. He can't lie, even if he wanted to. What would even be the point; this is that man's heart, isn't it? A core of it. ]
To be upset and feel pain or cry. Especially when it feels unfair and you try really, really hard but it seems like it never makes a difference. [ Different situations, but doesn't he know that so very, very painfully well. But it is why he continues speaking so very gently, soft-spoken with a very calm and bittersweet manner. ]
Those kinds of human feelings can make someone strong, too. If you don't let them consume you. [ Gentleness and suffering. Love, as terrible as it is, the horrible things it can bring about. Everything he had tried to bury before, in order to be what he was an exorcist. Every piece of a cracking heart and compromised values shoved under a rug in order to not disrupt the sense of belonging in finally finding "home" --
--and all the utter heartbreak and ruin doing that had caused for everyone, the destruction of that very "home". ]
They aren't something you should feel like you have to bury for anyone's sake.
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Allen's no stranger to stitching a smile together and putting it on even when he doesn't feel like smiling at all. Sometimes it's the only way he can keep going, and because the alternative is a deep dark pit he can't fall into again. Sure it's to try and help reassure others often, but... usually, it's for himself as well. So his smile drops a notch and he bites his lower lip for a moment, seeing that threadbare sort of desperation in the boy.
It isn't really a child in front of you. This isn't the real world. It's a hard thing to remember but he has to try to keep that in perspective. It's the man you saw before, even if this suffering is still here and real. And that's heartbreaking, honestly.
Because what can you even say when you know you can't fix any of that. He's not his father, who it seems would have made Allen's own mentor who raised him look like a saint. They'd loved each other at least, something Allen always knew even when he was being tested to his limits and near death, even when they were nothing but antagonistic. But this...
... ]
...It's okay not to smile sometimes, you know. When you don't feel like it.
[ He stays where he is, his hand curling in on itself before he withdraws it, leaning against his knees with his elbows. He can't lie, even if he wanted to. What would even be the point; this is that man's heart, isn't it? A core of it. ]
To be upset and feel pain or cry. Especially when it feels unfair and you try really, really hard but it seems like it never makes a difference. [ Different situations, but doesn't he know that so very, very painfully well. But it is why he continues speaking so very gently, soft-spoken with a very calm and bittersweet manner. ]
Those kinds of human feelings can make someone strong, too. If you don't let them consume you. [ Gentleness and suffering. Love, as terrible as it is, the horrible things it can bring about. Everything he had tried to bury before, in order to be what he was an exorcist. Every piece of a cracking heart and compromised values shoved under a rug in order to not disrupt the sense of belonging in finally finding "home" --
--and all the utter heartbreak and ruin doing that had caused for everyone, the destruction of that very "home". ]
They aren't something you should feel like you have to bury for anyone's sake.