Dabi (荼毘) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
burnitblack) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deercountry2022-04-10 02:05 pm
burnitblack) wrote in deercountry2022-04-10 02:05 pm
[Open] 🚬 April Flames
Who: Dabi & others
What: April Catch-All
When: Various
Where: April
Content Warnings: Scenes and mentions of domestic / child abuse, some body horor and monstrous transformations, violence, adult language, topics of patricide and fratricide
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's plotting post, hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
StarSeed69) / Discord (StarSeed#3572) – shoot me a PM, or drop an ooc comment down below, and we’ll hash it out. I'm down to write a unique starter for our threads if you prefer.
What: April Catch-All
When: Various
Where: April
Content Warnings: Scenes and mentions of domestic / child abuse, some body horor and monstrous transformations, violence, adult language, topics of patricide and fratricide
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's plotting post, hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (
no subject
touya blinks when allen crouches down in front of him, though there's a slight guard that comes up. cause really, this is a stranger getting up and close with him and his parents aren't around.]
I wanna be a hero who is so strong, the world notices me. The top hero who surpasses any challenge.
[he frowns at the reach towards him and takes a cautious step back. he doesn't know you. even if you are one of his dad's interns. sure he's happy and all, but he's not ignorant.]
It's... It's not been that bad? Dad's just been busy. Distracted. And... and I know I haven't been the best to him. But I'm really trying to become strong enough! I'll be better than Shouto. He'll be proud of me, I know he will! Once he sees how much I've improved, just like he wanted.
[the smile on his face is there, proud and happy again, but the kind that's plastered over something else that feels far worse.]
He told you, right? You said he told you I was working really hard, right? So I know he sees me, even if he's too busy to tell me himself.
no subject
Allen's no stranger to stitching a smile together and putting it on even when he doesn't feel like smiling at all. Sometimes it's the only way he can keep going, and because the alternative is a deep dark pit he can't fall into again. Sure it's to try and help reassure others often, but... usually, it's for himself as well. So his smile drops a notch and he bites his lower lip for a moment, seeing that threadbare sort of desperation in the boy.
It isn't really a child in front of you. This isn't the real world. It's a hard thing to remember but he has to try to keep that in perspective. It's the man you saw before, even if this suffering is still here and real. And that's heartbreaking, honestly.
Because what can you even say when you know you can't fix any of that. He's not his father, who it seems would have made Allen's own mentor who raised him look like a saint. They'd loved each other at least, something Allen always knew even when he was being tested to his limits and near death, even when they were nothing but antagonistic. But this...
... ]
...It's okay not to smile sometimes, you know. When you don't feel like it.
[ He stays where he is, his hand curling in on itself before he withdraws it, leaning against his knees with his elbows. He can't lie, even if he wanted to. What would even be the point; this is that man's heart, isn't it? A core of it. ]
To be upset and feel pain or cry. Especially when it feels unfair and you try really, really hard but it seems like it never makes a difference. [ Different situations, but doesn't he know that so very, very painfully well. But it is why he continues speaking so very gently, soft-spoken with a very calm and bittersweet manner. ]
Those kinds of human feelings can make someone strong, too. If you don't let them consume you. [ Gentleness and suffering. Love, as terrible as it is, the horrible things it can bring about. Everything he had tried to bury before, in order to be what he was an exorcist. Every piece of a cracking heart and compromised values shoved under a rug in order to not disrupt the sense of belonging in finally finding "home" --
--and all the utter heartbreak and ruin doing that had caused for everyone, the destruction of that very "home". ]
They aren't something you should feel like you have to bury for anyone's sake.
no subject
He said that, right? He told you... that I was trying hard... right? You weren't lying... were you?
[touya's voice shivers, trying to hold onto the hope that it had been true. that his father really did care even if he was too busy and distracted to say it directly. he was waiting for touya to prove himself. that's what it had to be, if he was still able to tell someone he worked with that his eldest son was trying hard.
the smile stays on his face, because if it leaves, then he knows that all of that which just transpired was done on a lie. saying it's okay not to smile... he felt like smiling because he'd been so proud... so happy, with what allen had told him!]
It... It made a difference. It made a difference! You said it did! You knew how hard I was trying! You wouldn't have known that unless he told you! [touya's voice rises in protest, almost accusing at the other man in front of him. the pain and anger surfing behind that tiny, thin net of remaining hope begins to push through the gaping holes as it snaps and swells.] He told you! Endeavor said-- my dad said I was trying hard! Tell me he said that! Tell me he told you!
[both hands grab onto the man's knees, small and tight, a shattered face staring into his as the tears began falling down the side of his face. because he already knew the truth. endeavor never told him. allen didn't learn that from his father. he was probably just saying that to be nice. it wasn't real...
it wasn't true...]
Liar...
[flames burst from touya's back, arching out in a spewing rush of uncontrolled orange and red. sweeping down his arms as the scent of burning flesh began to creep into the air. more of those orange tongues scorched at his clothes, revealing burns on his body through the blackening holes. burning himself up inside because he wanted so desperately for his father's attention, to be stronger so his father would pay attention to him, so endeavor wouldn't regret creating touya.]
Liar...
no subject
Those wide swaths of darkened, purple burnt skin on the man before -- that's what it had to be, and his eyes snap open wide with the horror of it. What kind of damage...
...could make a child do this to himself? ]
Stop! [ The heat of the flames hits him full in the face as well, hot but not physically hot like it would be in the "real" world but like being scorched by the intensity of emotion itself, but he doesn't care and lunges forward anyway. Soft white condensed light whipping in a flame-like array of feathers that take shape around his arms and down his back as he does so, the full invocation of his cloak spinning protectively to life even as he tries to pull the burning boy to him in a fierce hug.
Smothering, or trying to at least, the flames as the heavy spiritual weight of his own cloak wraps around them both and pulls in tight. ] Please stop!
[ It might burn them both alive even through the nullifying effect of his Innocence -- consume them, the other's emotions -- but he isn't letting go. These aren't their real bodies, who knows what can even happen, but he doesn't care. ]
I -- I know... I'm sorry. [ He really, truly is. ] But you mustn't do something so sad! If you do...
[ It's heartbreaking. Utterly heartbreaking, and his still-human fingers twitch for a moment, digging against the intangible fabric of his own cloak. If Touya tries to pull back, he is holding on with an absolutely iron grip, no matter how much it might hurt him. ]
If you do isn't that the same as letting someone like that control you too?! The same as letting them think they're right?! [ His voice doesn't pitch in anger or frustration, but from being distraught. Pleading, if fiercely.
Your corruption is controlling you. You can't let it. ]
You have to be stronger than that!
no subject
fire blazes up into he feathered folds of that attempted embrace, rushing through any opening it provides. it's not aimed, it's not focused, simply blazing up and out of control with the barely-contained welling emotions surging through him. he wanted so badly to believe his father had said something nice about him. for once. to praise him to someone else... but in the end, it never happened. he sees that now. this person, this stranger, lied to him. doesn't even know why. maybe he thought it was fun.
hard to smother flames when the very source of them is not fuel so much as production. even as the cloak pulls in tight around them, touya continues to fume in rage and sorrow. finally bubbling along his lower lids before falling down from the corners of his eyes and trailing over his cheeks.]
You're horrible...
[why'd he have to do that? why'd he have to say something like that... and go along with it? breaking into the memories and feelings of his soul, only to plunge that proverbial knife in and then give it a good hard twist. touya doesn't move when he's pulled, standing his ground in the soulscape of his own world. they're not real bodies, right? orange flame pours onto the ground, belching out in a curving flare above them.
I know ... he says.]
No you're not. [he's not sorry. not when he continued down that path, letting touya's hopes grow and rise before bringing them crashing back down into a wrecked pile.] You're... you're just like dad.
[no wonder he didn't bother lying under the guise of being some intern at endeavor's agency. he acted like him. giving him that fire to start off and burn bright, only to pull it out from under him and deny him. sad? of course he's sad! he really thought his father had finally noticed him! really thought that here, at last, was proof endeavor actually paid attention to his progress and growth in a positive way, instead of ignoring him or yelling at his mom for letting touya get out of the house! and now it's all been a lie?
touya doesn't try to pull back. he only burns more. flames dragging along his body, licking out from beneath the bandage and starting to flash from the inside of his mouth. the scent of smoke and cooking flesh grows stronger and the boy's eyes lock onto allen's, already growing hot enough his tears are beginning to evaporate.]
I'm not letting him control me anymore... No one controls me. [some of those dark, purple patches fade slowly into view on his body. touya's soul blackening once more into dabi's tortured and twisted spirit. the child's voice of sadness and frustration overlapping with dabi's calm fury.] He's gonna see exactly how wrong he was about me. And I'm gonna burn it into him one damn piece at a time.
[small hands clap onto either side of allen's face, touya's expression warped between his anger, sadness, pain, and now that insane glee once more.]
I am stronger. Stronger than even him. Stronger than you.
sorry for delay! I needed to flail properly over this
He does get it, or at least enough of it to put a rough picture together to see how very badly he had misjudged. How little he knew -- yet again -- and that that was the worst sort of misstep here. A father named Endeavor who was neglectful of his own child to the point where he'd burn himself alive just to be recognized by him -- to be loved by him. That's what this is, isn't it? Staring into Touya's eyes and seeing the tortured madness, the desperation and the vaporizing tears.
The strongest hate always comes first from love.
But Shouto... Shouto is so different. But also is so very deeply damaged; not just the glimpse he caught in the catacombs when he walled his feelings off so abruptly, but that deep, deep sort of buried sadness and need to connect that lonely people can recognize in each other. The reason Allen had always felt compelled to be around him, at least initially. "I'll be better than Shouto. He'll be proud of me." That's what he'd said. They were treated differently, but both of them...
Maybe he should have asked Shouto about it at that time, instead of letting that moment slip by.
He swallows. His cloak, normally impervious to anything outside the realm of the spiritual, is catching fire along its feathered edges. Holes slowly being burnt through it in patches as that's what this is, isn't it. Spiritual. With scorching intensity, agonizing searing, to the point where if Touya removed his hands he's certain his prints would be seared there like a brand. Shouldn't he be screaming? Burnt alive as well, as Touya himself is burning up from within and his cloak can't smother that? It's a dim realization, but... it's different than if it were purely physical. And even facing Touya right now and the horror of realization...
...he just feels such a deep, deep sadness. ]
...Mm. [ it's soft, when he finally speaks, with cast-over eyes and the small twist of a bittersweet smile ] I'm the worst... thinking I could say something easy and that might make a difference. I didn't know.
[ The way he says that, "I'm the worst"... is like it's from the deepest sort of depths of him. He means it so very genuinely, spoken so gently but so heavily.
Bringing up his right hand, the human one still gloved in intangible white, he rests it against the side of Touya's face. Thumb brushed lightly against the corner of his eye where the tears would normally collect. It's okay.
You can take it out on him. ]
I'm sorry.
I should have tried to understand better.
flail some more~
disappointing his father, leading endeavor to not only reject his son's (even if out of some concern for his safety) but to also scheme to replace touya entirely in order to break his spirit and force him to give up on ever becoming a hero. without the dream to be a hero, without ambition or determination to succeed, there'd be no need for him to practice with his quirk, or even use it much. gutting him, stripping out his insides, and removing the very reason for his creation.
shouto's birth effectively replaced touya's existence in the mind of his father. and in his own. with shouto being everything endeavor ever wanted, there was no room for his eldest child left in his father's world. touya desperately continued to train, convincing himself that if he could only become strong enough, unique enough, to set himself as "better" or even "equal" to shouto, that he would be once again noticed by enji.
look at me, endeavor!
nothing left inside but those raging flames of hatred, born of agony and sorrow and desire to be worth his own creation. oh he was very much different from shouto now. while one child sought to become a hero, yet desired nothing to do with his father to the point of rejecting as much of endeavor as possible, the other became a villain, obsessed with his father to the point of wanting to destroy everything the man ever held dear just to inflict as much pain and suffering on him as possible before killing him.
look at me, endeavor!
the other thing being shouto didn't burn himself to death in the middle of a mountain forest, hoping against all hope that his father would actually be curious enough to wonder what this "new thing" his unwanted child could possibly have to show him.
now, take that child and lie to him about his father actually saying such a compliment as "you've been working really hard" to his face.
touya's gaze remains the same cold, lidded gaze as dabi's from before, no longer the bright-eyed child who had looked to allen with hope before. callous and uncaring that the man in front of him is showing signs of actually being burned. that's fine with him. burn alive and blacken. burn out to nothing but ash. doesn't even bother to let go of his hands on allen's face. content to pour his flames through his palms and fingers all over the other man, his own fires burning at his clothes and his own skin. peeling flakes of lighter flesh off to reveal the gnarled, purple burn scars beneath and those metal staples holding his skin onto his flesh.
oh... he's still saying something.]
Now ya do.
[of course he didn't know. shouto wouldn't have known, too young to have realized. no one else could've told him. but if this man's so arrogant as to walk into people's minds, step into their souls, then he can learn and deal with the consequences. he's seen and heard heroes condemn themselves before, but it's the same shit as always. not really a true apology, but more moaning in self-sympathy because the thing that usually makes them feel good about themselves ended up fucking them over. complaining because they didn't get to be "right" for once. it's not an apology to others, but regret to themselves for no longer being that image they try so hard to present to other people. a whining attempt to save face before damnation.
or that's what dabi's twisted mind wants to hear.
the hand on the side of his face doesn't earn a flinch from him or a stumbling of the flaming outpour. even his apology earns nothing more than a derisive scoff as smoke drifts from the corner of his mouth.]
Like I wanna hear that from you. You're nothing to me. Stay here and die or run away and live, I don't care about your life. Now do whatever you gotta do to bring me back. That's what ya came in here to do, right? So go back to pretendin ya can give a shit.
ヘ（。□°）ヘ !! also cw: MORE severe child abuse, vaguely implied sexual assault
Aaah, this is bad... His cloak is engulfed in fire. Light itself lit up and being consumed and turned slowly to ash and ember like some kind of white phoenix. I might actually... even here...
He swallows, pale eyes kept strongly to turquoise. ]
Even if... you don't know me... [ It's a little shaky at first, but he drops a knee to the ground to plant himself a little more firmly. ] And I'm no one to you...
...I'm not running. [ He would die before that, you better believe him. But he also refuse to die. Not right here, not right now. Fading away into nothingness was something he was told would happen to him, knew in his heart would happen, but it isn't going to happen here.
He breathes in, the anguished kind of hatred behind those flames scorching his lungs in a blackening, sickening sort of way, but keeping his eyes centered on Dabi's. It's a different kind of determined light. Steadfast as before, but quieter. More wrought. I will save you, still. From the corruption that ended them both here, but not just that. Something gentler. Born from a deep sort of sorrow.
I want to help you.
There isn't any grand or noble purpose to his life, not as he sees it. Not as he's tried to explain it. He's one small man who lost everything that was important to him, who doesn't have what he would think is a noble reason -- he just doesn't like to see someone suffer. Whose heart is moved not by a noble or heroic purpose, but by the people in front of him. The people he sees. The souls he sees, long forgotten by the rest of the world and seen as monsters. They exist and they suffer, so he wants to help them. He wants to save them, because of finding that so very sad.
Even if that isn't what the world needs. Even if they're a villain.
So no, he can't look away. And he won't burn to ash. Even if you hate him and maybe even the world, part of him can never be burned.
He lifts his other hand up, the left one now black and with wickedly long and sharp, luminous white bladed claws for fingers. Not to strike -- but to delicately but quite firmly press his palm to other side of the man's face, ever-mindful of his claws and keeping them turned out and away from skin. Locking them together like that.
And even if you try to burn me up too... I'm okay with that. [ He won't burn, but he doesn't blame you either. ]
Because I think... it's easier to just assume that no one cares. To say "oh, they never loved me, so no one is capable of love." "Oh, he was a monster, so everyone is a monster." "I'll be stronger then, strong enough to show them all." [ His hands press tighter for a moment, leaning forward with an earnestness that makes his jaw tight. ]
Right? [ It's not sarcastic; it's raw. A sliver of very real and genuine anguish.
A toddler sold to the circus freak show by his parents because of his ugly left arm. A world full of people who spat on him and starved him, full of grown men he had to work with who would get drunk and pin a six year old down to laugh over and grope that left arm of his, with that man grabbing him by the face to stroke his lip and say "you're my possession"...
And ugly world that was cold and without love.
His hands twitch for a moment, and stay pressed tight. ]
Because it feels easier when you take it on alone like that, isn't it? When it's you against a world that just seems to spite you. When all you need to do is just become stronger so they can't hurt you anymore. But it isn't! [ He did that. He tried to force through his situation with brute strength. He woke up his power through sheer rage.
And he irreparably broke the only person who was ever kind to him. ]
It hurts! Caring hurts! But the answer isn't to just stop caring!
[ That is what makes you weak. What makes you lose everything. ]
And even if I'm wrong... and even if you don't believe me... there is someone who "gives a shit". Someone who I bet that even despite the horrible situation you both had, he cares and would want to be the one here right now. I'm sure of it. [ Because he's kind. You can judge Allen or even the both of them all you want for all the things about this sordid past he didn't know, but he honestly couldn't give a crap about any of that when it comes to his opinion of Shouto. He didn't need to know, even if he appreciates him more now for the knowing. But he already knew the most important thing about him without needing to know any of that.
He's kind, and even if you've gone insane and are striking out in pain, Shouto doesn't seem like someone who would ever turn his back on his own brother. ]
It'd probably be better if he was... [ it's softer with genuine regret and sentiment ] But I'm the one you've got.
But he's a kind person who cares and would be sad... [ His voice lowers in pitch and rises in strength, twisted again with a raw sort of anguish that makes his voice quaver slightly in anything but weakness; utter conviction.
Even if the flames lick across his face in a way that should consume him, that condensed sort of black emotional turmoil given power turn his flesh to embers and sear through to bone -- they don't. The tattered and flaming remains of his cloak limn in stubbornly resistant white-gold light, and his hands do too from where they're pressed to Dabi's face. Like a gentle sort of silent white flame that isn't fire at all, but the cool and almost wintery shape of his own conviction and heart and consumes him in a protective embrace. The thing that's Crown Clown, but also him. One and the same. Unyielding kindness, the kind that would feel gentle and calming to the soul, cleansing; the sort where even the most piteously twisted soul of an akuma would give a rattled sigh of relief, even as it was cut down by those claws. "Aaah...
"Somehow... I feel good."
Even if maybe it'll never reach him in this state, the intent is still there. It's always his intent. ]
He wouldn't run and leave you alone, so neither will I.
no subject
Ya statin the obvious. [dropping to his knee like that would suggest he's not running. doesn't know much about this guy, but he can tell he's stubborn. like all heroes with that 'savior' complex going on. thinking they're so strong they can save everyone. blotting over the other person's desires in the name of "salvation" like a hypocritical tyrant.
dabi doesn't want him to fade here because as far as he knows, this guy is the ticket to getting out of this damn monster predicament. his body's transformed into a monster outside all of this. he's not in control. this guy said he could help him regain his body and that's all the villain focuses on now. everything else parts around him like a river rushing around a rock in the middle.
those eyes stare into his, determined, and yet the other man gazes at him, not interested in "seeing" him so much as watching. waiting for what he's going to do. there's no a shred of care or concern in his gaze. the person inside doesn't give a shit about allen walker. his kindness, his determination, his thoughts, his gentleness, or his sadness. none of those things matter to him. none of those things are helpful in touya's insane ambition to torture and destroy his father.
if allen wants to help him, then he'd better be prepared to act according to what dabi wants. the man who abused him, neglected him, replaced him, erased him, isn't going to get off so easily. his legacy, his image, his ambitions, all of them can burn to the ground, rip him to pieces in the process, until there's nothing left of endeavor but a pathetic, powerless wretch lying in his own misery, hated and despised, abandoned by everyone and everything. then he can die.
a hand settles on the side of his face, clawed and black, but dabi neither flinches nor looks to the sides at it. focusing on allen instead like some weird game of chicken. even as pieces of his flesh continue to burn away and the scene behind him begins to go up in flames.]
Okay.
[before immediately igniting everything. pulls one hand right off allen's face, shoves it palm-first into his visage, and detonates a massive burst of fire. fully intending to incinerate him where he kneels. his other hand bats away the one on his face as touya's childish body finishes changing back into dabi's full-grown state. allen's still talking and the villain's flaming output doubles, the roar of a flamethrower threatening to drown him out.]
Got news for ya, ringmaster! I don't care!
[azure flames bloom again in his other hand and he drives that one down as the first one slings back. more flames, pouring out like water from a hose full blast. fanning out in a massive burst that scorches the ground in front of him, bright enough he can't even see the kid's shadowy form inside the attack. drowning out half his words in the process. oh there certainly are things he cares about, but none of them would be something this bleeding heart would agree with him on.]
Sure ya are. Fun fact: we already met. Only reason I didn't kill that little puppet then was cause dad passed out and wasn't awake to watch me do it! [both arms up this time, charging towering plume of flames as dabi leans forward and his entire body combusts into a raging torrent of blue flames. had enough of that white shit floating around him. before firing the entire charged blast towards the burning image.] Keep your damn nose outta our family business! It ain't got shit to do with you!
[whether he's burning allen or not doesn't matter. what matters is ending this ridiculous conversation and getting on with the reason this guy is here. and until he gets back to that reason and starts working on getting dabi back in control of his body, touya's content to sit here and burn the unburnable over and over and over. drown out those stupid words of a man who has no idea what's going on in their lives. he doesn't need some damn "hero" to come along and "save" him. right now, all allen's good for is accomplishing that goal of his: get dabi's body back.
there is no healing to his soul. no cleansing he's willing to accept. if he wants to give him some soul-bound morphine drip and then rip him apart to bring him back, go for it. he's still within arms distance, even though allen's all but face first inside an exploding bonfire of azure that keeps pumping one shot after the next. ignores kindness, forgot what that even was, gentle and calm would only come with endeavor's death, at best it'll feel like a drugged up stupor where nothing matters for a little bit. that can feel good. even venting this fire on him feels good. but dabi's too far gone to let someone like this "save" him from the path he's decided. narrow minded, tunnel vision, revenge soaked to the point of all else being worthless outside of it.]
no subject
But throwing his arms up instinctively in front of his face in a futile attempt to ward off a firestorm, it begins to erode the protective sleeve on his right arm. Turning even that willpower given form into scorched embers that get eaten away, making him feel that penetrating through even his left arm straight into what feels like his soul. Feeling the remains of his cloak, flung back behind him like wings from the force of that output, continuing to burn up and slowly be consumed. He grits his teeth with a pained grimace, certain he can taste blood through the smell of heat and char.
And the horrible smell of cooked skin. Whether it's from him or Dabi, though -- hard to tell.
But as soon as he says that -- "only reason I didn't kill that little puppet" -- Allen's eyes snap back up over the top of his crossed arms. Hard, trying to stare through that blinding kind of pummeling over and over of fire and hate (madness?) with almost concussive force to where the other man's face has to be, and he shifts. Pushes into the teeth of it and rises.
Both of his hands snap out through that fire. To lace fingers with the other man if he can, pressing his more-impervious palms flat against his and artfully managing the claws on his left hand to still avoid actually hurting him.
All to twist their hands violently about to try and throw Dabi's arms out wide and away from his face. Or to at least lock them together like that. Stop it.]
Don't say something like "oh, this is family business" while at the same time as saying you'd kill someone whose life is dear.
[ He's gone cold and steely just that fast, and it doesn't even have anything to do with trying to burn him to ash. Fuck off with that holier than thou family business nonsense, you just made it entirely his business. The whole "family business" pretense can go to hell. All of its forms he keeps running into it in are shitty. People who say stuff like that are shitty.
Seared handprints were indeed left behind on his face, and his temples have deep blackened scorch marks despite the delicate, protective radiance still enveloping him. Skin turned to fine, ash-like powder there and cracks spreading across his cheekbones like a porcelain mask should instead of flesh.
And he really doesn't care. Unlucky for you this isn't reality. ]
It has everything to do with the people whose lives you're affecting.
no subject
Hm?
[dabi's little surprised noise carries curiosity and mounting frustration. never did like someone who he couldn't burn to ash, but it's not like he hasn't come across someone who could counter, block, or tear through his flames. didn't make him happy to deal with someone like that though. even if this is some kind of mental or spiritual battle of wills. something he said just roused this guy into resisting...
only to tense up when hands suddenly catch onto his own, surprising him enough the fire actually cuts off for a second like a flamethrower splashing against a wall. fingers lacing through his own, those claws failing to skewer his hand. before strong arms abruptly twist and throw, almost wrenching his wrists in the process as his arms are flung out on either side of him. he steps back once, eyes widening slightly in irritation at allen's stubborn will to push through this.]
Ain't dear to me, idiot. Already had a death in the family and no one gave a shit! Turn a blind eye, just like every hero.
[hypocrite. telling him what to do. this wasn't his business to start with. damn hero decided to stick his nose into a place it neither belonged nor was asked to be in. that's called invasion. as for "family business" pretense, someone who never had a family in the first place doesn't have shit ground to stand on when it comes to telling others how to deal with their families. go die on a hill you actually know how to stand on. people like him are why some heroes are so damn despised, because they're desperate for some shitty validation of their own existence or power, and are willing to make use of anyone and anything, even invent problems that don't exist or invade into other's lives, in order to force a shred of "where I belong" into the world to make their life worth a fraction more. when the vast majority of people couldn't give a shit whether they lived or died.
if allen thought dabi's arms were the only place where his flames come out of... the villain abruptly ignites his own chest and blasts him straight in the face and throat with another roaring torrent of blue flames.]
Then ya better get me back in control out there, "hero", cause the longer we stay in here, the more everything and everyone out there burns!
no subject
And you just gave Allen a lot more reason to stand his ground on that point and pissed him off in the process which is why his power and will both suddenly surge, so it's on you.
Dabi's chest ignites and Allen snaps his arms back in front of himself again, claws spread wide as a shimmering shield bearing a cross appears between them. The spiritual kind that rejects flame and pretty much anything else like his cloak, and doesn't seem fazed by the full-bodied force of Dabi's flames, parting them like water around it. Even his cloak seems to be reforming, reknitting itself, and leaving him fluoresced in white energy and particles trying to reknit themselves. Something that's cool white fire and light and snow and ragged feathers like a falling angel.
You pissed him off and he and his weapon are both standing their ground on this point, so fuck off. ]
It's dear to me. Saying you'd kill him makes it my business! [ Revenge-soaked idiot. ] Saying you'd kill a good person will always make it someone else's business -- even killing a bad one will! What could he have possibly done that was so terrible anyway if he was just a child too?!
[ "The longer we stay in here, the more everything and everyone out there burns!" Yeah, he knows. It's a cold, dry worry in the back of his mind. And you aren't helping that, ass, but he isn't going to take the bait.
He leans forward, pushing closer with his shield. ]
What even does that matter in a world where none of that exists anymore anyway?! None of us are the same person, it isn't a "home" we can just return to -- they're just memories that we have! You're a new person with a new chance, so live for yourself here, stupid!
no subject
the growth in power triggers not concern or warning, but irritation that what should've burned up long ago remains standing. he's pissed off plenty of things in his wretched lifetime. they all vanish eventually, either walking off on their own or blowing their ashes away in the hot breeze.
dabi's flames burst to either side of that shield, spilling apart as a stream of water against an obstacle. leaving the grounds around them scorched and igniting another section of the house and gardens into an azure inferno. turquoise eyes narrow at the way the cloak around him seems to be repairing itself. more defense, rejuvenation, a semi-immortal monster who masquerades itself in the image of bastard between holy saint and emaciated pierrot. watching it rise and regroup, as if to show him that his attempts before were all for naught. fucking beast...
he pissed allen off. again, the response of his expression reads an uninterested "so what" as he regards the man in front of him.]
Bark bark. Preach your tyrannical heroism to someone who gives a shit.
[dabi drops both arms to his sides and fire coils in his hands, twisting like serpents set aflame as they collect into roiling orbs within his hands. crawling upward, burning onto his arms and shoulders before flaring outward in arcs. fire spews from the soles of his feet, carpeting the floor in another sea-like conflagration and crawling up his legs as his entire body goes up in immolation. hell around them roars in fury, a great and terrible hatred that refuses to be quenched by some stranger's haphazard attempt at using "kindness" as an excuse to control like a despot.]
He replaced me.
[everything twists and dabi throws both arms to the side, causing the entire furnace around them to spiral. from sweltering walls to a raging tornado of azure damnation, intending to cook this bastard alive by the sheer heat alone. once you've had your very existence wiped away to the point of questioning why you were even born, not out of a sense of vocational purpose, but out of the despairing dread that there's no more meaning to stay alive in the world because some perfect puppet was born and took every damn thing that made you "you" away from you, stripped your identity, your power, your relationship, your reason for being created...
and if you're going to tell him he should be "fine" with that, then you're no longer a human, you ceaseless void of an empty soulless husk.]
I don't recall askin for ya opinion. So do somethin useful and get the hell outta my mind.
[excuse you, but he was doing just fine in this weird ass world before he killed a butterfly. even got along just fine with shouto in their own distanced way. this is touya's emotions inside that allen's talking to, raw and unfettered, not bound by the "circumstances" either of them are in. don't bring the world inside like it's got some "place" as rationale in this fight. you wanted to look in his soul, in his hate and rage, at his revenge; well now you're staring straight into the fire.]
no subject
It's more ragged than before as it reforms and binds more protectively around him, but Crown Clown is still standing. "A semi-immortal monster who masquerades itself in the image of bastard between holy saint and emaciated pierrot..." It's so funny as you aren't wrong at all, Dabi. Even Allen would admit it, with his memories back in full, and has been told that before. It is a monster -- one of "two" inside him.
But it's a monster that lets him help people.
His expression clears slightly at that though, the answer unexpected. Replaced him? He can figure out enough of that from context earlier and the young Touya's desperate need to be a hero and impress his father, and having seen Shouto's own abilities as nature as someone even Allen admitted made him heroic when he actually kind of hates the idea of "professional" heroes, but... ]
How could he replace you when you're standing right here? [ It actually isn't glib. His tone is actually sincere, that moment of realization but also surprise making his anger subside. And he holds where he is with that shield still held up.
The cracks in his face are spreading slowly as the fire whirls up around them, like a porcelain mask that's been superheated for too long, but he isn't paying it any mind. ]
Even if you think he replaced you to someone back then... why would you want to let that be how you define yourself? You're both completely different people who can try to make something new. [ No wind-milling, no rage, even no judgement. Just that clear sort of slight surprise still, the bright blue of the flames reflecting in his own pale eyes like a mirror.
He takes a step closer. Not even a full one, because it's hard to move like this. The strength of those feels -- it makes the air heavy. But a decisive one nonetheless. ]
And I am trying to help you. What do you think corruption is? [ He leans forward, earnest. Why won't it sink into your thick skull. ]
It amplifies your own negative feelings. Even if you avoid anything that spills blood... it's just going to happen again if you keep holding onto this.
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oh allen would have a lot more hatred for those "professional" heroes in shouto's world if he could get his hands on some of the rhetoric and records the villains have levied towards their opposites. (of course, allen's smart enough to realize a lot of emotions and circumstances come into play here, as many villains from dabi and shouto's world are extremely good at blaming their problems and villainous decisions on other people and social constructs rather than accepting their personally responsibility and culpability in their actions.) it gets very twisted when the ideas of who is "good/bad" and "right/wrong" begins to turn nebulous.
the question earns another derisive noise from the burning villain in front of him. what an idiot.]
As soon as that perfect little puppet was born, Endeavor never looked at me again. Ya ever had your existence taken away from you? Ever been told ya whole life is for one purpose, and then cause ya struggle a little, have it all stripped away and given to someone else? When Shouto was born, Touya ceased to be in Endeavor's eyes. He didn't even care when I died. Nothin changed. All he did was focus on his masterpiece. What good's bein "here" if ya ain't ever seen?
[again, this fool is getting mixed up between the emotional core within dabi and the physical person living in trench. despite the rage and insanity inside, the villain's kept a relatively low profile in the outside world. even had two mostly peaceful interactions with his little brother. don't go basing his actions outside with the inner parts of his soul. he knows how to keep things compartmentalized.
as for how he defines himself... should be a very easy question to answer. touya never had a chance to define "himself"; he was defined by endeavor and his father's ambitions from the moment he was born. touya's dreams were endeavor's dreams. touya's values were endeavor's values. there's no other way he can define himself. the definition for "touya" is "endeavor" or "not endeavor" ever since the beginning. but dabi's not about to tell him those things. because he hates that damning reality.
and he's done talking about himself.]
Then I've been corrupted even before I arrived in this place.
[no other way around it. everyone has negative emotions. amplifying them is going to happen regardless, right? and dabi can no more "let go" of this than allen can drop all his guts on the floor and continue to live with an evisceration torso.]
I had this finished ages ago but never posted it sadjkaj smh, I'm sorry
If that makes him a monster, so be it. He already resigned himself to that fate in one form or another.
And that said, his distaste at the idea of a society of professional heroes -- heroes that get paid, heroes that take on that title as a literal title -- aside... He'll pass on the rhetoric, thanks. It's rhetoric and he's way too savvy for that. Besides, just from experiencing a bleak world of terror, of "villains" who sometimes seem the most human and care, and righteous "heroes" who commit atrocities in the name of trying to win a war... some things never change, no matter the world. Not when it comes to humans.
People aren't black and white. They never are. Everyone is shades of grey.
Though it is very true... he is confusing the core of the other man's feelings in here vs the outside world, that they aren't one and the same. It's his first time something like this has ever truly happened to this level, so unfortunately you're the one he's trying to figure it out with, Dabi. And this is his first time actually meeting you, so for all he knows this is exactly what you're like in the Trench as well. It's unfortunate.
Although he always wants to believe in the humanity in someone no matter what, the part that can find redemption and peace, and that he doesn't have to be so vehemently hate-filled, and so later in the "real" world would probably just ask him if he likes to play cards and never bring any of this up again. Not as long as he doesn't hurt Shouto.
That said... his expression falls slightly as Dabi reveals that, unguarded and surprised. It's -- very open of him. Very honest. And actually, more than anything... ]
... not like that, no. [ His tone is quieter, and the shield lowers slightly so he can see him better over his hands. Not contrary or frustrated. ] But when I thought someone had destroyed my power, the only thing that ever gave my life any meaning, that let me do anything... I couldn't accept that. I lost it, when they told me to give up and be something else. I kept lashing out at people I knew I shouldn't have.
Even if I had already "died", that felt worse.
[ You're probably not interested in his story. You probably don't want to hear his sympathy. He's well aware of that. But he's working through that, and maybe realizing even a little about how that had to feel.
Not that it excuses much. But he can understand it a little better, even fractionally. ]
But if there was any way you could change that, wouldn't you want to?
done that before. it sucks.
good to know allen's accepting of his monsterhood. that's something the two of them can finally agree on for once.
the ironic thing is, most people who come upon dabi don't leave in shades of grey. they get left behind charbroiled pitch black. something he'd love to do to allen right now, but each time he increases his flames, this asshole pulls out some other item from his damn magic arsenal and comes back stronger. it's tiring. dabi's not one to care about win or lose, so long as he keeps himself alive and retains his advantage or goals. right now, he's rather back off and retreat, leave allen alone because this is getting pointless and it's pissing him off the more the guy runs his damn jaw.
meeting him again in the real world should be an interesting moment. if dabi bothers to give him any time. like it or not, this idiot's invaded places in his mind that the villain doesn't like anyone going. his secrets and memories are for himself alone, to reveal at his own discretion and timing. someone barging in like this, dredging everything up and throwing it around with all those wretched emotions attached, not leaving a good first impression. as for hurting shouto, that's between the brothers.]
Then shut up.
[zero interest in allen's story. already had enough hints and inklings about the little angelic wretch's sob story of a past and couldn't give less of a shit about it. even if someone was a mirrored image of him and went through everything he did, but ultimately opted for forgiveness and kindness to whatever "endeavor" was in their lives, dabi wouldn't care about them. in short, allen's history leads him to be a hero. that's all the villain needs to know to discard the other man as a waste of his time.
having his life given meaning due to his power, to be told to give up and be something else, those are things they could relate to, but... the end result is too separated between their lives. enough dabi doesn't want to investigate further.]
Can't change shit if I'm still stuck in here.
[not that he could change shit out in trench either, since endeavor's not in this world.]
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At least, that's how Allen would see it. But then, it's easier when your existence is to fight and save people from corruption, from the supernatural, the terrors in the night and things that threaten humanity itself. Conflict between humans...
...he's bad at that. Not meant for that.
His brows twitch and knit together at that snapped remark though, not in anger but in some dismay. Another door slammed in his face, and he's rapidly running out of ideas. He's an exorcist, if there's one thing he should know it's this, how to reach a despairing soul.
But this is... absolutely nothing like anything he's dealt with before.
He takes a breath though, features become steadier and his expression setting into something more determined. Can't change shit if he's stuck in here? Fine, he can work with that.
He takes a step then, and... drops his shield, moving in a smooth forward rush like a dancer. Through the fire if he has to. It's okay if his porcelain soul cracks from the heat, from the bitterness and the hate. If it begins to burn up his cloak again. It's okay. His fingers are outstretched as he reaches out with his right hand again, to push forward and reach for Dabi's. Not to stop or turn aside his flames this time, but to grab hold. Tight, if he can, and pull him forward. He's not letting you go and will drag you out of here while he cracks apart to get you back if he has to. ]
Then stop wanting to stay mired in here. [ Can't you see that? That's what it means to be corrupted. To cling on to something like this. He can never pull you out of something you don't want to let go from. Except... he's sure going to try now.
Except it... doesn't matter.
The world feels cold suddenly. Or, no. His body feels cold suddenly. Like a wave of oncoming frost, and regardless of whatever Dabi might be doing or saying, his expression washes over with surprise. Startled, his eyes unfocusing like he's trying to see something else that isn't there with them. Like there's another him he's becoming aware of. Another set of things happening.
...another part of him breaking down.
His eyes snap back to Dabi's then. Doesn't matter what he was doing, what he may or may not have said, if he'd taken the time to push Allen back -- it doesn't matter. Eyes pale and bright, wide with sudden realization, of time running out, and for the first time now looking truly fearful. ]
I--
[ He's gone. Just like that. Shattered into shards of light, and hurled back into the waking world. ]
no subject
alas, now he is engaging in a conflict between himself and another human, monster that dabi may well be. trying to crack into his mind and soul, trying to attempt something as foolish as to "heal" the young man from the trauma and torment of his past, is a faulty gamble. it's not allen touya wants to hear anything from.
he'll continue to slam doors in his face. not his business. not his problem. shut up, shut up. he's gone far too long to be swayed by some stranger's words of "forgiveness" or "kindness" when said stranger doesn't know a single thing about his past. even the bits he's learned now are only factual. he has no emotional connection, no memories, nothing to give his words weight in touya's mind. yes, allen's reached his soul. but only been burned for his efforts. despair? no. rage and insanity running towards revenge and death? hell yes.
blue eyes widen when the man suddenly pushes into his flames. running forward against the torrent of blue fire that's all but swallowed up everything around them. the garden is completely vaporized, the house that once stood tall and powerful now nothing more than a charred skeleton amid the azure blaze. and yet this man continues towards him, reaching his hand one inch at a time before those fingers find purchase on his own. folding between them and slotting into the grooves of his knuckles.
the only reason dabi doesn't bother drawing back or resisting further is because he still expects allen to pull him out of here. since obviously touya lacks knowledge on how to do so of his own accord. but once again, the words come and his eyes narrow at the implication behind them. to "stay mired" in here? does he even know what that would mean? bullshit. he's not giving up on this! revenge is what keeps his body going, a pure unfiltered grudge of hatred that moves this flesh that should have died only a month after waking from his three-year post-immolation coma.]
You don't fucking get it-!!
[a surge of rage and annoyance flares up all over again, but that's suddenly ripped out from under him, sending the villain mentally reeling from the displacement. everything's changing, flames pulling inward, light itself seeming to flicker and fade. a rush of cold comes with the approaching darkness, and he looks up towards the 'sky' of this world. can't see naught but darkness. eyes drop back down, noticing allen's surprise, but before he can say more--
their connection's severed and all at once, his mind snaps shut as allen's invasion is sucked out. dropping in his own consciousness once more, the monster swelling up with a roar before he falls back into the waking world.]