🌙 001 - [April Catchall - Open/Closed Prompts]

[floatsaway]

Who: Ochako Uraraka floatsaway and you!!
What: Various things through April!!
When: All through April.
Where: In Trench. :|a

Content Warnings: None at this time.

[TEXT - OPEN (LOCKED FROM BAKUGOU)]

Hello everyone!!

I'm a pretty new resident to Trench, maybe here about a month now, I think, and I'm still a little confused about the lack of money thing... It's pretty hard for someone like me who's not used to trading to get things, e-especially since I really don't have much to give.

Anyway, I want to know if there's anywhere to get some decent fabric? Or maybe even some yarn!! I'd like to make something for a friend's birthday next week, but I really don't know where to get the things I need, or how. I'd prefer not to give away any of my blood if I don't have to... And unfortunately I don't have the time to devote to working it off, if I want to get it to him on time...

So I guess, if anyone has any spare? I can get you something in return after the 20th, or work for it!! I'm really good at lifting and moving! ♥♥

Thank you! (´｡• ω •｡`)♡

[TEXT - CLOSED TO IZUKU AND TODOROKI]

Deku-kun, Todoroki-kun, I don't know if you encountered those weird portals that were popping up, but...I found a few things from home that I thought to give to you guys. You can come over to my and Bakugou's place to pick them up if you want!!

And we can have dinner together, too!! (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b I'll be sure to let Bakugou know so he doesn't slam the door in your face or something, lol. Maybe not tonight, since you can probably see I'll be a little busy, but maybe tomorrow or something?? Or if you wanna have a dinner together to celebrate Bakugou's birthday?

I don't think he'd enjoy a party, so just an hour or two to eat and hang out would probably make him really happy within his comfort zone. ♥

[ACTION - CLOSED TO BAKUGOU]

[After dealing with those who responded to her message on the Omni, Ochako puts it away in favor of actually looking for her blond friend. He's been a bit absent the past few weeks, and definitely a little...off. Ochako wrote it off as more of this world's bullshit - the past month was hell for them in a variety of different ways - but as the days kept passing, it seemed to get worse. She doesn't want to pry much, Bakugou's not the talkative sort like she is, but she's a little worried. It doesn't feel great just seeing him when they need to eat and sleep... She misses her friend, and spending time with him and talking to him.

So she's quietly puttering around their apartment, looking for signs that her friend is around. He should be, his shoes are here, and this place isn't exactly large, but...hopefully he's not just here to grab something and go again. That has also been a thing he's been doing, too. And becoming a bit of an annoyance to Ochako as well.]

Bakugou-kun? Are you here?

Comments

that icon hurts my heart as much as your tag does ;A;

[detonating]

['So that was it.'

Yeah, that statement hits hard. For as quiet as Ochako says it, it feels like thunder in his ears and it makes stomach coil tightly in disgust at himself. Just as much as that sad fucking look in Ochako's eyes did, when he shut her down before getting up. Ochako isn't stupid, Katsuki doesn't think that for even a second and yet he's gone and treated her like she is. Like he's going to be able to fucking fool her--his best fucking friend, just as much as he's been trying to fool himself into thinking he's got this corruption shit under control on his own. Why is he fucking like this?! Why can't he stop being like this? Always pushing people away when they don't deserve that, when they do nothing but try to see him and accept him and help him?

He knows exactly why. It's the same pathetic bullshit he's been grappling with ever since encountering that black hole in the catacombs with Vi. Bakugou Katsuki doesn't deserve those kindnesses. Doing better, trying to be better, it doesn't fucking absolve any of the heinous shit he's done to so many people. To Deku. How the hell can he allow anything like that to happen when he hasn't even owned up to the grocery list of offenses he's stacked up over the years? What gives him the right?

It's one hell of an inner war to fight. Continuing to keep people at arms length to protect them from it--from his awful nature while he tries to unravel that tangled fucking mess and learn to be different, when he knows it actually hurts them just as much... if not more, to do so. No matter what move he makes, it's all going to wind up being fucking trash.

And feeling that way about himself? It pisses him the fuck off. It's weak. It's not getting him or anyone else he cares about anywhere, to allow himself to sink that damn low. No one wins here, and that's unacceptable to him. Winning is all he knows, all he wants. In any scenario, any fight... even ones that he has no fucking clue about, like matters of the heart.

He refuses to lose. That's why he came home. That's why he's here right now, hovering over with elbows now braced against the sink to contain the blood he's deemed pointless to wipe away since it seems like it isn't about to stop trickling from his eyes and nose for the time being. Waiting, for Ochako to come back with the incense that'll... be at least a first step in the right direction in terms of curbing some of his corruption. One of many that he intends to take tonight, to try to fucking fix the mess he's made once again. Fall down seven times, get up eight. Katsuki fucking promised her, and he doesn't make promises he doesn't intend to keep.

When he hears her footsteps return, Katsuki doesn't turn around, but he does speak.] I already know I've been acting like an asshole, but if you wanna tear me a new one for it... have at.

this one gonna hurt more, gomen. ;A;

[floatsaway]

[He does deserve kindness. Everyone does. Despite whatever terrible things Bakugou has done, things that Ochako only knows of at a surface level, those things all happened in the past. They can't be undone, or forgotten (and nore should they be), but the person he was back then is so much different from the one he is now. Ochako has watched him grow, seen how far he's come already, andthe fact that he's trying...it's everything. Other people don't ever even see anything wrong with how they are, or have the desire to change, to atone, so Bakugou is already above all of them. He's already proving he's doing things better by doing them. Bakugou has always been about action, and it shows. It shows in what he does and how.

And that effort deserves praise, and it deserves kindness and support. And Ochako excels in that department.

When she returns, lighting a match to begin burning the incense and letting the fragrant aroma start to fill the air, she sets the holder down on the table and looks up. She wants to say a lot of things. she wants to take his advice and tear him a new one for being such a goddamn fucking idiot, but her anger just isn't at the level to do so. Truly patient like a saint, she just sighs and shakes her head. Even if he can't see it with his back still facing her - which is definitely not making her feel any less upset, when he called her out on that first back in Nippon - she does it anyway and moves toward her friend.]

If you already know, then what's the point of me doing that? [It's not jeering, it;s the truth. She could scream until her lungs gave out, but he already knows what he did wrong. What he needs is to do better now.] You are still a dummy though, Bakugou, I'm not going to not say that.

[Ochako flicks his ear, the worst of her anger at him, then wraps her arms around his waist to hug him tight and press herself against his back. She wants to look at him, to ask him to turn around so she can see his face, but it'd be a lie if Ochako wasn't a little afraid of what she might see. The glassy look ofDeku's eyes, the fangs and claws on him...that scared her back then. Ochako held it together then, because she had to, because they were still fighting, but if she saw the same thing right now...she might not be able to handle it so well.]

Do you remember what you said to me back in Nippon that time? After everything happened with the kaoseki? [Ochako tightens her grip, presses her cheek to the space between his shoulder blades, and closes her eyes.] I've got you now.

SLINGS THE PAIN BACK

[detonating]

[To be fair to him, he's only kept his head forward because he's trying to contain the mess gushing out of his face... but on the other hand in regards to fairness here, Ochako doesn't know that it's gone from a nosebleed to more. He's quiet, after his offer to her. Just listening to her move. Her footsteps to the table, the sound of the match. The sound of her voice, just low and matter of fact about the damn thing.

He doesn't know how she does it, sometimes. Obviously there have been times that he's pissed her off to the point of her voice raising, or to the point of her accent coming out in full, but when it's important shit like this? No. Katsuki is ready to scream at someone for even breathing wrong in his direction, while Ochako has the capability of being fucking furious with him right now while maintaining that softer, more gentle tone even through how angry she might be... and it's kind of fucking amazing of her. She's amazing.

Not so much with the fucking ear flick, but Katsuki doesn't do anything but scowl hard and tip his head to the opposite side to avoid any further flicking. That doesn't happen of course, instead her arms are winding around his center and he can feel her cheek pressing in against his back. It's hard to decide, in his current state of mind, if the contact makes his heart hurt, or if it feels good in the comforting sense. Both is the right answer, especially on the heels of her question.

Of course he remembers. Katsuki remembers everything about that damn night. In some ways, that memory is a small piece of what had him hesitant to lay any of this at her feet in the first place. Ochako promised she wouldn't ever leave him again, wouldn't abandon him when he needed help and he knows that, but the smaller... fucking weaker part of him is scared deep down, to ever see her come to that point of despair again in watching him wade through his own bullshit. It's not even remotely fucking fair that he's nearly robbed her of the chance to keep her damn word, and she's never once done anything like that since... but they also haven't had anything bad like this come up since then. He was scared... and bracing himself for what he knows she's going to say next?

He still fucking is.

But not for abandonment, now. In this moment? He's scared of how it's going to make him feel to hear her say it to him, this time.

I've got you now.

As far as he is concerned in this moment, Ochako can never know what those words actually mean to him. At how they strike him with an immense sense of guilt for pushing her out. It's not just because he doesn't really know how to fucking have this kind of open back and forth with anyone, but because he's hiding so much more from her and has been for a while now. Has no intention of unearthing any of it, because of how much she means to him.

Can't know that hearing it out loud has his stupidly conflicted heart clenching in his chest. The hope and fucking happiness it fills him with is so warm and kind and fucking good, and then it gets followed with the sickening realization that he has to shut it the fuck down as quickly as it comes. It's a common occurrence for Katsuki these days, just to a lesser degree in the day to day. Whenever she smiles at him, or takes his fucking hand to hold it when they're alone. When he's listening to her breathing, feeling her warmth beside him while they sleep. It's not supposed to be that way. He's not supposed to fucking feel like this. He doesn't know or understand where or when it came from, why it came to be in the first place... and it just keeps getting nailed in. Harder and harder, making it more difficult to keep away. And the worst part of it is, no matter how much he tells himself that it's right to snuff it out before it gets stronger; that Ochako didn't ask for this shit, and certainly deserves better than it? There's a part of him, deep down that doesn't want it to. That traitorous part of him that refuses to be buried, that wants to feel it, more than anything.

Fuck.

Ochako is his best friend, first and foremost. He fucking promised. That comes first, before anything. Before his stupid inner fight he's having now, before ANY of the stupid fucking emotions that are causing him to have that war in the first place. Causing him to stare at the blood spattering into the sink in one of his long, teeth grinding silences. Katsuki isn't even aware of the fact that one of his hands had moved to hold one of her arms while he left her hanging like that. Again. No idea at all that he's done it, until he's snapping back out of his own head into reality and glancing down at it.]

I remember. I do. 's why I finally came home. [There's a squeeze to Ochako's arm, his silent way of saying give him a minute. Just fucking bare with him. He's working up to it.

Whatever the fuck it actually is. Katsuki doesn't know how much he is even ready to say, which has also played a huge hand in his avoidance up til now. Telling Ochako he feels like he needs to keep her in the dark just feels like it's asking to hurt her more, and that's the last fucking thing that Katsuki wants.]

ughhh this thread ;A;

[floatsaway]

[She doesn't know how bad it is, and she hates that she can't really tell, or find the courage to ask him to let her see. Because there's a part of her that knows she wouldn't be able to hold back the onslaught of raw emotions seeing another of her friends falling victim to their corruption. Deku was so bad, he was toeing the line of beasthood and she knows it, and that thought alone just...it just terrifies her. If that happened to Bakugou, too...would she even be strong enough to force her way through her own pain to help him? She'd have to, but it'd be her own kind of hell, definitely. To see another of her best friends suffering so - it'd break her heart.

It's all she can do to steel herself and focus on one emotion right now, which is how much she cares about him. How much she wants to help him. That same mantra she's been asking herself for months plays again in Ochako's head as her grip on him tightens, and she presses herself closer to his back, slotting into him as much as she can. Who's there to save Heroes when they need it most? Her friend, her fellow Hero, bearing all this on his own because he's sure he can overcome it. He can win against it, because Bakugou Katsuki doesn't lose. Not to anything.

And yet...she knows there's no way he can win this one on his own. Not everything has to be a battle fought in solitude, and she wants to be there help him through whatever he needs, to walk beside him and keep him steady if he falters. Ochako would expect the same of all her friends, too, Bakugou included. They've come through something like this already, and she made it her sole duty to never walk out on him again. He just...he just needs to let her do that. Ochako should have known it'd be hard for him, shouldn't have expected those walls to come down so fast and so easily just because it happened one time. He was vulnerable once, that doesn't mean he would be a second time, not without her probing a little. She has to be patient. Bakugou is worth the time it takes. He's always been worth it.

So, she's patient and quiet as she waits for him to speak, if he even does. The hand holding her arm is more than enough hen it occurs, and she closes her eyes and shifts just enough so she can hold his hand in hers. Another sign of their little bond of friendship, their promise to one another that they've got each other's back through anything and everything. That she will stay by his side no matter what, even if he has to keep her a few feet away until he's ready to pull her in. It's something. It's enough.

Opening her eyes when she finally hears the soft rasp of Bakugou's voice, so quiet in the solace of their little house, Ochako turns her head a little and hums to let him know she's listening, and to continue. When there's nothing immediately, she breathes out and moves her free hand - the one not holding Bakugou's - back to rub her palm over the space beside where her cheek lays. Slow, rhythmic, relaxing.]

M'glad you did. I really am... It's not the same without you here, y'know.

[He should know. They talked about it when they first arrived. How awful it was when they were separated, the fear of the possibility they'd never see each other again, or have left the other behind.]

I know it's hard, and you're doing your best Bakugou-kun. You just being here right now...is more than I could've asked for. [Her hand squeezes his.] But I need to know how I can help you sometimes. I'm not...the best at this either, y'know?

for fucking real tho ;-;

[detonating]

[Ochako's hand moves to slide into his, and he tries not to tense or give away any of what always goes through his mind when they're in moments like this. When they're about him, his stupid fucking comfort, and not hers. It's easy as hell to do now, when he knows that Ochako is the one who needs it. And far more difficult, when it's his turn cast his pride aside and to accept. Katsuki knows that if Ochako knew what he was thinking, she would probably slap him upside the head and tell him how fucking stupid that is--albeit in much kinder words and with far less force than he wants to imagine, but it's still ingrained in him to want to keep his moments of weakness to himself. Still feels like a direct blow to the aforementioned pride to let himself seek comfort, like he's some kind of fucking baby who needs their damn Mom.

It's not like that. It's not wrong of him to do. Sometimes you have to take the hand that's being offered, right? That's the shit that he said to Deku, before he pulled him out of that ice wall. When he was trying to get him to come back from the depths of his corruption. It's what his fucking promise to her is all about. He's got to stop fucking hesitating, letting his shitty line of expired ideals take over and control him. Stop letting them hurt other people.

He's done more than enough of that. That's the entire fucking problem. Knowing that, not facing it. Walking around like it doesn't exist.

Katsuki forces his hand open, threads their fingers together and listens. To every word that she says, to every drop of blood making a faint thud in the sink as it drops from his face into it. Makes himself squeeze in return when Ochako's does, to once again let her know that he's heard her, loud and clear.

Too clear. Problem is, he... doesn't know if he can give her what she needs here.

Drip... Drip... Drip...

The sound of droplets is all there is again. Yet another long silence, while the blond tries to find the best way to put it to her. Without trampling all over her fucking feelings.]

You can't-- it's not- fuck! [He can ace tests, can pick up almost any task and conquer it like it's nothing. He can fight and win and shock and awe everyone around him with almost everything he can do... so why the fuck is it can't he just say some fucking words and be done with it?! Why is it so painfully fucking difficult to get out, when he knows that she's waiting and ready to take on whatever it is that's dragging him down?

A wet sniff, with Katsuki's other hand tightening it's grip on the counter. She'll feel the tension in his back, the slow expansion of it as he sucks in a measured, steeling breath. Then he tries again.] It isn't like I forgot, when we were in Nippon. Couldn't fucking forget it if I wanted to, and I don't. Ain't a damn coward, I know what I've done and I've never tried to hide it. But it was something I had to put in the back of my mind, y'know? Couldn't do a damn thing about it then, so the progress I thought I'd made got buried with the rest of the shit. Then we came here, and now every time I turn a damn corner there's just another reminder that I still haven't fucking figured it out.

[Bad spot to choose to start at from an audience perspective, he realizes belatedly. Katsuki just sighs, frustrated with himself, and finally releases the counter to pick up his bloody rag once more. Trying again, to sop up the bloody fucking mess on his face.] I've got a lot of shit to make up for, Uraraka. You can't help me any more than you already have.

[floatsaway]

[Despite how much Bakugou tries to hide how he tenses, there's no mistaking that he does. Ochako is just too close, she's literally up against him, holding onto him, and for a moment there's a part of her that thinks maybe what she's doing isn't what he needs. He's never been good with physical contact, only really tolerating it for so long, but something in Ochako's heart tells her he needs this. He may not think, or even know he does, but he does. Everyone needs comfort sometimes, even the mightiest of Heroes. It's not weakness, and if she did hear his thoughts on it...yeah. She'd give him a bit of lip service for it.

But comforting her friend like this can only do so much, Ochako knows that. Kindness is one thing, and it helps with certain types of people, and is a balm even on her surly friend here, but it's not enough. Bakugou is different from the others in the class - from Kirishima, from Izuku, from Todoroki and Iida. He needs to be challenged to overcome something, even himself. Especially himself. You are your own greatest challenge. And Bakugou? Well...he always wins. And for him, that can be both a blessing and a curse when you're fighting yourself.

The drip of what Ochako knows his blood - she can spell the acrid odor of it this close - is unsettling, but also anchoring in a way. It digs in that she needs to up her game a little so that they can both see this through. The incense is burning, and maybe it's helping, but her efforts really need to carry them to the finish line. Her efforts and his. Once Bakugou starts to speak, tense and struggling to find the words to detail what's in his head...or perhaps his heart, actually, her free hand runs up and down his back and shoulders to soothe those hard muscles. Relax...she's not going to judge. She's not going to judge, but she is going to make a statement.]

This is about Deku, isn't it? ...How you bullied him.

[Squeezing his hand, Ochako moves so she can go to his side instead. Even if he's a mess, bleeding and fangs and whatever else...this isn't about her. She can handle it. She has to because it's her fucking duty as his best friend to pick him up right now. To let him know what's on her mind.]

Bakugou-kun, look me in the eye. [And she will wait until he does. She will hold that gaze resolutely, despite it all. That fierce, determined blaze she gets only so often.] It may not be my place, because I don't know what really happened between you two, but...whatever it is you're trying to figure out isn't going to happen right away. And from the looks of it, it's not going to be easy, either. But if it was, it wouldn't be worth it, right? If what you're trying to figure out were simple, what would you really accomplish?

Look at where you are, not where you have to go. Look behind you from time to time, and you'll see that you came a long way, and you did that. [She jabs him hard in the bicep with one finger.] You did that.

So keep doing it. [Another poke, harder this time.] Because what you find, when you do, will be worth it. And it'll be yours - no one else can claim it...but you.

[His 'absolute victory'.]

[detonating]

[Relaxing underneath that soothing hand becomes impossible, fast. In fact, Katsuki is doing the opposite of what he is silently bid to by Ochako's hand, the instant she says it.

Lays the absolute, ugly fucking truth bare between them, so easily.

It makes his blood run ice cold in his veins, the rise and fall of his chest stills entirely as every inch of his body goes rock hard--maybe even hard enough to rival that of their red-headed classmate when he uses his quirk. Katsuki is shocked, despite the fact that he shouldn't be. Ochako sees him, she sees them both and she has for a long time. Long before Nippon, back home... this is not the first time that his now best friend has shined that spotlight right on him. And one would think that this time would be less jarring for that fact, but it's not. Not even a fucking little bit. He knows her. He knows her well. Better than he's ever let himself know anyone at this point, even fucking Deku himself. But his mind is still braced. It's ready for her judgement.

She tells him to look at her, and a sharp breath is sucked in through his nose finally. The hand holding Ochako's twitches--the agitation and temptation to remove it perfectly clear with that one subtle spasm. His other? Is holding the rag in it so tightly that his knuckles are white. Katsuki's jaw works like it always does when he is this tense, when he is willing himself to say or do something that is hard or uncomfortable for him. Refusing isn't an option, and he doesn't despite the fact that his insides are coiling uncomfortably at the thought of doing so. Slowly turning to meet her eyes, his own are furious, wide and defiant. At himself, of course, and there is no doubt that Ochako will know that. How the fuck could she not? it would be ridiculous to think otherwise considering the fact that she is so fucking in tune with him that she can make him be seen like this. The smears of blood under his eyes are faint, but it doesn't matter because that unnatural copper is rolling over his cheeks all over again. Blood drips from his nose onto his shirt, onto the floor as he just holds her there in the tension.

Swallowing hard as she starts, the fucked up dark part of his mind that has run this Bakugou Katsuki show for too fucking long can't help but think:

No, it ain't your fucking place.

You don't know what happened. You don't know shit.

And he hates himself for thinking it. Fucking hates it, just as much as every other thing he's ever done to put them here, in this kitchen, talking about it. It is her place, he made it so when he promised her that they wouldn't abandon each other. That they had each other. He made it so when he fucking came home, when he chose to open up. It was her place before all of that, because first and fore-fucking-most, Ochako was Deku's friend first. A good friend, that he deserved, that would do anything for him.

Ochako isn't looking at him with judgment, she's not looking at him in disgust. There's nothing of the sort there, just fierceness as she fucking tries to build him up around the heinous fucking knowledge that she has about him. His subconscious is a piece of fucking shit historically, and now for inserting anything that biting, that fucking cold line of thinking towards her.

She isn't wrong. It wouldn't be worth it if it were that easy. It wouldn't be real, if it were. It's so much worse than she could ever imagine, and even if he ever does find the right time and the right place to apologize to Izuku for all of it, it will never be enough in his mind. He was a fucking monster to so many people, and especially to his childhood friendand saying the fucking words won't ever change that. That's the entire problem. That's where he's fucking stuck, why he hasn't done it. That's the gaping fucking wound that keeps getting dug into.

The shitty part of himself wants to argue with her. Wants to tell her that it's not enough. He hasn't come far enough, nothing will ever be enough. And maybe that part is true, but with each prod into his arm--each grounding jab... Katsuki knows, somewhere deep down, that she also isn't wrong about that.

Once upon a time, he felt no remorse for his actions. Didn't lose fucking sleep over it, didn't even blink about it because it--and Deku-- were so far beneath him that it wasn't even worth his time. He would have laughed in anyone's fucking face, if they told him where he would be in the future. That he would come to feel like the monster that he does, that he would come to believe that he was wrong. That everything he thought, everything he did was wrong.

That he would be here now, painfully struggling to pour his heart out in any capacity to anyone about it. Trying to figure out how to fucking receive words like that, from someone that he genuinely and deeply cares about. That he’d ever let anyone in at all

. Katsuki is left to swallow hard as he fucking stares at her, speechless like a complete idiot. Conflicted to the core, and it shows in his wide eyes, in the way that his jaw clenches and unclenches again and again as he tries to will himself to open up even more–to let Ochako look even further at all of the rotten pieces of himself that he’s been taking apart and trying to reshape slowly. Bit by bit over time.

Eventually, the words are found. His brows knit further if even possible, his eyes flick to the side and away from her intense gaze, then snap back fast as he inwardly scolds himself for doing such a cowardly thing for even a second. An almost boyish sort of trepidation, showing through in the way that he croaks out his question–his truth low, barely above a whisper.]

What if... [His throat feels like fucking sandpaper, and he has to swallow hard again to get the words out around it.] What if it never feels like it’s enough?

[floatsaway]

[She expected the reaction - the anger, the withdrawal, and even his lashing out and calling her some sort of really ugly name. Ochako's starting to understand it's a defense mechanism, and her friend is struggling, has been struggling for a long...long time. She doesn't know everything, and maybe she never will know Bakugou and Izuku's ugly history, but it doesn't matter. Everything she said was the truth. Bakugou isn't who he used to be - he's come so far and she's seen it. She's seen him grow. Izuku was right in saying that their blond friend is amazing, because...he is. He really, truly is.

When their eyes meet, Ochako shocks herself in that she doesn't even flinch. The sight of rusty blood smearing his face, under his nose and eyes, she doesn't so much as wince, though her heart does ache slightly for him. No, she locks her gaze with his and keeps that hand held tight in her own, refusing to let go. She will not let him go, even if he tries to pull away. He needs her right now, even if he doesn't want her. This isn't going to be easy, like she said, and Ochako sure as hell isn't going to make it easy for him, either. Bakugou is bad at talking, he avoids it at every turn, so she has to sometimes force him. An intervention and a challenge. Stay. Stay, breathe, and speak. Don't think.

Ochako says her peace, and waits patiently, though she gives her friend a brief reprieve and averts her gaze from his eyes, just long enough to look down at the rags still held in one of his hands and calmly reach for it. If he surrenders it, Ochako will run the tap gently with warm water, moisten the rag, and then bring it up to tenderly wash the blood off his face. It's almost motherly in a way, intimate and abundantly kind - something Ochako has in excess. Patient, kind, but also stern, bold, and strong. Even so, she is still just a young teen like Bakugou is, and after his question, after all of his internal turmoil rages like a desolate sandstorm, she has to pause and think about her answer.

And that answer is simple yet extremely difficult at the same time. Because, really--]

...I don't know. [It's said with a sad smile, as she presses the damp rag past his cheek.] I don't think I can really answer that for you, Bakugou.

It might not feel like it's enough. It might never feel like it's enough, yeah, but...you can't beat yourself up over something you did when you were a middle-schooler, either. I know that's easier said than done, but... [She takes a deep breath, moving closer to drag the rag down his cheek and hopefully get him to stop clenching his jaw. She hates that bad habit he picked up in Nippon...it always gives her bad memories of why and where it formed.] The fact is, you're growing up. You're changing, and if you acknowledge already what you did, and how you want to be better...then you've already taken a big step, y'know? You should be proud of that.

[I am.]

And, um...also? I-It's okay. To forgive yourself too, I mean.

[detonating]

[She isn't the only one who is surprised by her reaction when she does finally see the mess of his face; it can't be helped even if it only makes him more irate with himself. During his curse, she couldn't even look him in the eye by the end of it and his nasty subconscious is just immediately braced for more of the same. Just validating that he is the small minded piece of shit that he told Vi he was during his catacombs confession, he isn't giving her credit where credit is due. There is nothing but determination written in Ochako's face, and he truly is a fucking asshole for expecting otherwise after her promise.

Katsuki does allow her to take the rag eventually, but at first his fingers do not seem keen to let her take it from him and take over his job of cleaning himself up. The taller teen is the epitome of tense, though the glance away really does serve as a split second reprieve that allows him to relax just a hair. Enough to not try to duck away from her hand when Ochako does turn back to him, to allow her to bring the damp cloth to his face. Still, there's nothing about his expression that has softened, in fact it's only knitting harder as she speaks quietly and gently gets to work.

The honesty is appreciated, even if it isn't necessarily the answer he was looking for. Really though, what else did he fucking expect, asking Ochako a loaded question like that? Briefly, his jaw does unclench... another brief moment of allowing himself to relax just a little bit more because her smile, while sad, is still somehow soothing. But Katsuki is right back to his old tricks, the moment his middle school self is brought into the conversation. God, is that what she fucking thinks? That it was just... fuck! That darker thought from earlier wasn't wrong, Ochako really doesn't know shit about this and it's really fucking apparent right now. Clench, tighter than before, brows knitting center even harder than before as his expression darkens all over again. Still trying to resist, to not fucking pull away from his best friend... he thinks he's got it. He's gonna keep looking her in the fucking eye and stomaching talking about this shit even though every word thereafter is tainted by that alone. As much as he can see that Ochako is right; that Katsuki has come a long fucking way from the monster he used to be, he just. It's fucking hard to allow himself to accept that it's something to be proud of, but she wants him to and he's honestly trying to take that gift from her.

And then she goes and fucking says that. He made it so far into this, he did... so fucking well, and now? He's unable to stop himself from snapping.

Katsuki's hand flies up very suddenly to take her wrist into a tight, but restrained hold and he yanks it away from his face. Eyes wide and livid-- almost desperate beneath that live-wire look as his face twists and his teeth bare. Volume rising, a hint of cracking emotion in the boom of it.] Like hell it's okay! This ain't just some fucking middle school bullshit I pulled, this is--fuck! [He's got to let go of her. He's going to squeeze her wrist too hard, and hurting Ochako is the last thing he ever fucking wants to do. Katsuki pushes her arm away and lets go, tries to take a step back to put some distance between them. It's the only logical move he's got, when everything else is boiling over dangerously on the inside.] If you actually knew what the hell you were even talking about--if you had any idea of anything I did, you'd know that it'd be a fucking disservice to every effort I'm making change, and to him if I ever forgave myself for the hell I put him through! It isn't ever gonna be fucking okay!

[The breath he has to suck in after practically screaming that into her face is sobering, to say the least, and the realization that he's just lost his fucking temper on Ochako is visibly dawning on him; fury bleeding into wide eyed horror. His mouth suddenly snaps shut, his teeth grind into each other hard and Katsuki turns his head away from her as he raises his hand to wipe at his nose.

Fuck. He's such a fucking prick. He's always going to be a fucking prick. It's ingrained in him at this point, he can't get rid of it. Couldn't beat his own hair-trigger anger to save his fucking life. Wouldn't blame her in the slightest if she just said fuck it and walked out on his sorry ass, right here and now.]

[floatsaway]

[She said the wrong thing. Ochako knows the moment all the tension that was let out of him returns with a ferocity that actually startles her for a moment. The fact of the matter is that Ochako doesn't know what's happened between her two best friends. She has no fucking clue how deep this all runs, and could only infer from what she did know from Izuku and from watching the to interact. She thought it was just middle school, but...but it's more than that, isn't it? He's practically spelling it out when he says so.

Ochako isn't usually scared of Bakugou, he's her best friend, and he's usally more bark than he is bite, but when he's pushed over the edge...yeah. Yeah, he's a little scary. She can't help the look in her eye, or the way her lip trembles a bit when he grabs her, because it's her fault. Again it's her fault because she couldn't do the right thing. Couldn't say the right thing. Because she's too damn ignorant of the situation and of her best friend's hidden feelings that she's just grasping at straws to help him. But she can't. She really can't help with this at all, can she? She's only making it worse.

Ochako takes a step back, just one, then stops herself. Don't you dare her conscience screams in her ear, buzzing loudly until she steps forward to make up for it. Since when does she ever back down to anything? Since when does she ever back down to Bakugou? She made a fucking promise, to stay by his side matter what. No matter what - even if he yells at her, blows her up, or hates her for it. She's not breaking that promise. They have each other, that's what they said long ago in Nippon.

But...still...]

Then what do you want me to do, Bakugou? [Because she's at a loss.] Whatever this is, I can't help you with it. Because you're right, I don't know... I don't know, and it's not even my place to know unless you or Deku tell me.

But you're...y-you're my friend, and I made a promise - we made a promise - so...tell me what I can do. What I can do. Cuz m'not leaving. C...C-Can't make me.

[The accent. It's slipping out a little as the brunette purses her lips tight, shoulders shaking and back straight as she fights the urge to cry. Fuck that noise, she's not doing it. Ochako refuses to cry now, not when it's Bakugou who is suffering the most right now.]

[detonating]

[Ochako isn't the only one shaking; only difference is that the cause of Katsuki's tremble is pure fucking adrenaline. His body doesn't know that there is a difference between a confrontation like this and a full blown fight. The pounding of his heart is so heavy in his chest that he can hear that shit in his ears, and every inch of his body feels like it's thrumming with an unlimited supply of white hot burning energy. Trying to contain it is taking everythinghe's got, and he's holding his breath trying to accomplish that without even meaning to.

She already took a fucking step back from him, is already looking at him like she's ready to break down and start crying. Just like fucking before. This is a horrible repeat of that night in Nippon, except this time? Katsuki is certain that there isn't some sappy fucking happy ending where they hug and make stupid fucking promises like that to each other.

And he did that shit. Him and only him. Just like he knew he would, like he's going to continue to do because now they're both backed into a fucking corner here. It was unavoidable, and in this moment Katsuki is just as sure that he's the worst kind of person for letting Ochako fucking pledge herself to him in that way when he knows how twisted his head and his heart are.]

I already fucking told you, you can't help me any more than you already have! [It's hissed sharply through clenched teeth--he's using every ounce of his willpower to keep his voice at a reasonable level even though it feels like he's literally going to fucking explode if he doesn't let it out. Turning his head just enough to look at her darkly from the corner of his eye, Katsuki tries something else grounding to keep himself from spilling over again. To keep himself from taking his shit out on her any more. He stuffs one hand into his pocket and balls it into a tight fist, using the cut of his blunt nails digging in harshly to keep himself as even as he fucking can.] This, right here? [The hand not clenched like a vice in his pocket gestures to her. Ochako's entire form; trembling, upset yet defiant body language as she stares him down. Looks her right in the eyes that look like they could well up at any fucking second, and Katsuki struggles to keep his volume from rising from that hiss... but still somehow manages it below a yell, at least.] This is exactly why I didn't wanna come home. I knew that I'd be a fucking asshole no matter what I did, but at least staying away meant I wouldn't go and trample all over your feelings like this! Over shit you can't do anything about, but would try to anyway cause you're... you're so fucking good! You shouldn't be here tearing yourself up about how to help me when I don't-! [Deserve it. Have no fucking right to anything like that.

Who was helping fucking Deku, when he was being tormented? No one. No one at all. None of their peers, not a single one of their fucking teachers. No one was stopping Katsuki from acting like a fucking tyrant--because he'd have given them more of the same and it's so fucked up that he can't even wrap his mind around it sometimes. So why should he ever allow anyone to intervene on his behalf as he finally gets his own, however the universe decides he should???] These're my consequences and mine alone. The shit that's happening now has been a long time coming and I- I shouldn't've- fuck! I shouldn't have ever let you make that shitty promise to me!

[floatsaway]

[Ochako can tell, they've been through this sort of thing before in Nippon, and it was just as dark and ugly then. But just like then, they got through it. They revealed a lot of their vulnerabilities and became closer as friends. They can get through this, too, she knows it, it's just...a much deeper mire to wade through. Because this, in particular, is not something Ochako knows much about, She even said so herself - she doesn't want nor need to know the depth of what happened between Deku and Bakugou unless they want to tell her...and Bakugou seems like he'll never open that door to her, and that's fine. He doesn't have to, it doesn't change anything, really. Doesn't change the fact that he is, and forever will be her best friend.

If only he could realize that! That no matter what, promise or not, she will always try to help him. Ochako will always help anyone and everyone she can, because that's just who she is. She's a Hero, yes, but she's also...good, like he said.]

Bakugou-kun, stop worrying about me, please. Do you not think i don't know how you are? Even if we've only known each other a year or something...I know the type of person you are. [She takes a deep breath, looking him dead in the eye and she steels her resolve again. She doesn't want to be weak right now, or emotional. She has to be strong...for him.] I know, and I don't care. I like how you are normally, because despite that, you've always been a good person deep down. Don't you remember? I said how much I've admired you back in Nippon... All those bad things you focus on...they've never really taken away from the good traits you have.

I'm not here because I'm good, or kind, or whatever. I'm here because I want to be. Because you're my best friend and you are worth every effort I put in. [She takes a step forward again, getting more in his face because he has to realize just how...how precious he is to the people around him. Those that choose to be close to him do just that. They choose to be. Despite everything...he's a part of them now.] ...If you go, I'll chase after you. Just like with Deku. I'm not letting another one of my friends go through what he did. You're just as important as anyone else, so...so let me walk beside you!!

I made that promise because I wanted to, not because you let me!! It was my choice, Bakugou, and you can't take that away. [She grits her teeth, eyes glassy, fists also clenched at her sides.] I already failed to help you once...I won't do it again. Even if it's just staying by your side...holding your hand...I-I'll do...d-do what I c-c-can...

BECAUSE YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME, YOU STUPID IDIOT!!