deercountry | I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage

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I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage

Who: Ezra and Anakin's Skywalker closest CR
What: A family meeting
When: A day or so after the bond between Anakin and Maul is severed/late April
Where: Anakin Solo's house in Willful Machine

Content Warnings: Discussions of a forced bond, discussion of possible mental and emotional self harm

After the bond between Anakin Skywalker and Maul is gone, Ezra's relief is undercut by trepidation. He reads over the text conversation he had with Anakin again, and decides that may be 'immediate emergency over and better' may not be good enough. Then after a little more thinking and planning, he sends out messages, each slightly individually tweaked, to the list of people he knows cares about the elder Anakin's wellbeing, asking if they can meet up.

Once a quorum of sorts shows up, Ezra looks around.

"I'm probably about to be offensively blunt." He makes a rueful face. "Or maybe just dramatically so. So here goes. I spent a few minutes the other day, wondering if, by trying to help Anakin Skywalker, I was going to end up handing him the weapon he'd use to destroy large parts of his own mind and spirit with. I ended up taking him at his word that he was just going to use it to cut the blood bond with Maul. And thankfully that seems to have not been a mistake"

He spreads his hands. "But I figured that maybe I shouldn't sit on what struck me as the proverbial cry for help, you know? Get his support network on the same page.".

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There are bits and pieces that Padmé has managed to pick up on her own, although the overall picture of what has transpired here, and back at home, is still murky. She tries not to press Anakin too hard, knowing that coaxing and time are what her husband usually required, but it doesn't make it easier when others clearly expect Anakin to share what has happened. He hasn't.

It is why Padmé does regard the message for quite some time. She does like Ezra, and that's not the issue, but it seems she is still missing some parts. She does come though, that silent presence, trying to put things together, although as Ezra speaks, it is quite clear that Padmé is woefully not informed. The weapon? Bond? It likely flickers around her, for while that outward calm remains, there is that inner confusion that has her letting a small breath out. "And what, exactly, is the same page?"

"Well." He looks around at the rest of the little group.

"I think we have to figure that out together? But - I can explain what I meant about hurting himself. In February, whose of us who have Doorway as our Patron Pthumerian - which includes me - were given a sword. Took me a while to figure out some of the ways it can be used. The short version is it does psychic and spiritual damage, not physical. When I explained how it worked to Anakin, that he's need to focus on Maul to cut the bond-"

He pauses. "He was asking what would happen if he focused on someone else. And when I explained he'd probably be cutting away his own emotions about them, and memories about them, he said that it'd be-"

He sighs. "Worth it. He didn't specify who was thinking about." He spreads his hands. "But does it matter?"

Others seem to think that Anakin would be filling Padmé in on some of the matters that had happened here. It isn't really the case. Strangers, actually, had done more for that. She's been waiting, not pressing him too hard, wanting him to come to her own his own accord. Their marriage had never been simple, nor could it be. A senator and a Jedi? And not only sleeping together, but married.

But one thing at a time.

"No. No it doesn't." Because it sounds like it is something that shouldn't be done lightly. She could hazard a guess as to who it is that Anakin had been thinking about, based on the information that she has managed to piece together, but it would only be a guess.

Luke had been hesitant to say anything thus far. Ezra said that this would be a Skywalker family meeting, but it hadn't quite clicked in his head that he seriously meant that. He was trying so hard not to be suspicious, to make it seem like he was here because he knew Anakin, not sure how to explain that he was actually his son in front of the woman that would give birth to him.

Not to mention all of this about a bond with Maul? What was even going on with his father? And seriously, why was his family like this?

A sigh escaped from him, peering over at Padmé for a moment, before he leaned forward, clasping his hands over his lap.

"I... think we need to go back further, Ezra," he began. "I didn't even know about this 'bond' you're talking about."

Ezra slumps a little in relief that he is, at least for the moment, being taking seriously.

Back up. Ok. He can do that.

"Ok. One of the forms of blood magic here is forming bonds between people. They can be a little bit like the connections Force sensitives can deliberately form or can spontaneously...happen," he says, mostly to Luke. Whether Luke is consciously aware of having formed such connections, Ezra couldn't guess. But it sounded to him like Luke had one with his twin.

"I haven't entered any form of the blood bloods, here, so I can only tell you what I've read or heard second hand. There's rituals for different subtypes - sharing physical sensation, sharing feelings, sharing full formed thoughts. Sharing...power. And they're usually done consensually by both people, but they can be, um, forced."

More to Padmé to says, "A little before you got here, Padmé, Anakin sent out a message to the network. Obviously really distressed. Asking how to break a bond. I never asked how exactly Maul managed to get the upper hand with him to do something that complicated, but he forced Anakin into a blood bond to steal his strength in the Force. And I don't know if it feels like that to every one, or because they're both powerful in the Force, or the personal animosity between them...but I gather from Anakin's perspective it was like a constant storm of dark emotion."

His guess is that was at partly self-inflicted, in the sense it was Anakin's fear and anger at the violation, but really, it doesn't matter. The whole thing should have never happened.

"I promised Anakin I would help him find a way to break it, if it could be done." His shoulders slump more. "Took me longer than I'd hoped."

Luke stared at that explanation, having had no idea that was even possible. He swallowed hard, looking away as Ezra continued for his mother's benefit, resting his elbows on his knees and threading his fingers together, leaning forward until his face was pressed against them. As terrible as that sounded, and as disappointed as he was for not telling him, he understood why Maul felt the need to go to such an extreme.

He dropped his hands once Ezra stopped speaking, a sad look on his face.

"I... know why Maul did what he did," he said softly.

There was insight that Padmé might be able to give, although much of it would be from her own perspective and wouldn't touch on things that had transpired here. She may well approach Ariadne one day, as she had spoken of some events when Padmé had first arrived that had made little sense. Not that things made more sense now.

But Luke asked the question that Padmé had been working towards. Bond? Her gaze may linger for a moment on Luke, but it was back to Ezra as she goes as he speaks. She listens, still learning of the ins and outs here. It is a little surprising, although not overly so, that such things can happen. It's not like Padmé is unfamiliar with the Force, having a bit more insight into it through Anakin.

It doesn't stop her brow from furrowing as he continues. She honestly has no idea why Anakin would, or how Maul could do so. Anakin is no less stubborn than she, given certain circumstances. Trickery? It seems a little more plausible than any other answer that Padmé could come up with. She knows Anakin, and knows how he can feel, although she doesn't allow her mind to turn to Tatooine.

While her features may turn a little troubled, she does blink in Luke's direction with surprise. "Why...?" Or was it just power.

Ezra presses his lips together unhappily.

"I ended up having a pretty long talk with Maul about it. I said some pretty harsh things, but they seemed to get through to him, and I honestly think he regrets the whole thing at this point. Although he was pretty resistant to the idea of giving Anakin a direct apology," he says, with a flash of tired annoyance.

"But I'm definitely biased where Maul is concerned, so if you have insight, go for it," he adds, gesturing towards Luke.

For a moment, it didn't seem like Luke really heard Ezra. His eyes were on Padmé, his expression full of sadness and regret, and... well, something he couldn't even really describe himself. Longing, maybe? A fervent wish to understand just what happened to his family that it fell apart so badly? He could tell just by her reaction how much she cared about his father -- obviously enough to have children with him, but actually seeing the expressions on her face really put it into perspective.

He let out a breath finally, coming back into the moment as he bowed his head, not looking at either of them.

"I... Senator, when we spoke on your arrival, I think I mentioned I was from a different point in time," he began. "I'm from a little over twenty years after the fall of the Old Republic and... well, I know 'Anakin' differently from what he is here."

A stressed noise escaped from him as he leaned back in his seat. This was not going to be a happy explanation.

"I know him as a Sith Lord: as Darth Vader," he continued quietly. "And when I arrived here, I... still treated 'Anakin' similarly. When he asked about what would happen, I bluntly told him the truth."

A bitter frown came to his face at that happy memory. He wasn't even going to delve into the fact that his own father nearly left him to drown because he didn't believe his family name was "Skywalker".

"I was newly arrived; I didn't know what blood corruption was, or that he was at the edge of tipping into insanity because of it," he continued. "All I knew at the time was the truth of what would happen plunged him into the Dark Side, and without the connection that we had in my point in time, I couldn't get through to him to stop him."

He finally turned his gaze to Padmé again, the regret back in his eyes.

"Maul said he could help; he didn't offer details and I didn't ask," he admitted. "It's likely he forced the bond to bring 'Anakin' back, to stop 'Vader' from rampaging around Trench and killing everyone in sight. Whatever the reason, it had worked, but..."

Luke cast a helpless gaze toward Ezra; apparently the bond had done its fair share of damage as well.

Anakin has listened in silence so far. Nobody has said anything he didn't already know-- until now. Anger and hurt well up in him, sharp and hot in the Force.

He's defending Maul. How could he? How could he? Anakin stares at his uncle like he's seeing a stranger. He grips the arms of his chair so hard his knuckles turn white.

"That's the biggest load of poodoo I've heard in my life. Sith care about power. He saw an opportunity and took it. He tortured your father and you're defending him!"

What would stop him from allowing Maul to do the same thing to his own nephew?

He's angry. He needs to walk away before he says more. Anakin stands, intent on leaving.

Luke flinched when Anakin used the word "father," trying desperately not to look at Padmé. He had been working toward that, thank you, nephew. He wanted to snap back at him, to remind him to mind his own emotions, but he held it back; he wasn't his teacher yet, even if it was tempting to just fall into that role, and he knew he was reacting as a hurt family member instead of a Jedi.

"Would you be saying the same thing if it were your grandfather forcing the same thing on me?" he asked quietly, pointedly, before he let out a breath, clasping his hands together before him again. "Don't misunderstand me, Anakin: I don't approve of what Maul did, but I understand why he did it."

He paused a moment, his gaze drifting momentarily to his mother, regret over all of this getting dumped on her like this clear in his eyes. His focus shifted back to his nephew almost immediately, trying to urge a sense of patience and understanding toward him.

"I've been interacting and working with Maul almost since the moment I arrived," he explained, before nodding toward Ezra. "I'm not going to deny the fact that he was once a terrible person, nor will I deny the experiences others have had with him in the past, but if there is anyone here that can understand the pain and manipulation the Emperor put people through, it's him."

He paused, letting that sink in, and hopping that Anakin Solo's skull wasn't as thick as his father's.

Edited (Stupid phone) 2022-05-19 12:37 (UTC)

Ezra has been watching, hand raised to his mouth, as the others bounce back and forth. Finally, he deliberately speaks over them a little, hoping to reel things tempers in a little, before the youngest of this meeting entirely bolts.

"Ok. Ok. Luke, Anakin - I don't think either of you are entirely wrong. Maul's a complicated guy with a lot of trauma, - a whole lot it stemming from being raised by Sidious." After a beat, he adds to clarify, "Palpatine. Whatever you want to call him."

Then he pushes on. "But I don't think you're right about the motivations behind the bond, Luke. The timing doesn't work, because I'm pretty sure your father's mostly been keeping to himself since I got here. And it doesn't...track from when I talked to Maul about it. I asked him if I thought Sidious would be proud of him for, for inflicting cruelty in exchange for some power, and his reaction was, hmmm, maybe not exactly guilt. Horror at the comparison?" he hazards.

"And he didn't defend himself. Didn't offer other motivations. He asked me how he could make amends."

He turns to try to catch Anakin Solo's eye and offered him a wry half smile. "Now, Maul immediately turned around and gave me all kinds of justifications on why he couldn't follow my recommendations. All kinds of contradictory pseudo-philosophical garbage that boiled down to, as far as I can tell - he's scared of letting go of the Dark and he doesn't want to put the work into getting past that."

She had had interactions with Maul here although she had not run into any issues with him in this place. An argument could be made for what transpired on Naboo, but Padmé had not had any personal interactions with him then either, or thereafter. She couldn't say she lamented the fact.

But, she also was not pleased with the information for any number of reasons, from Anakin's early years as a slave and not having power over his life, to the very essence of what Maul had done. Then again, Padmé also had an inkling that any formal apology might not be met with a kindred spirit.

She did nod, as Padmé had become more aware now just how odd this place could be, aside from all the obvious factors. Time was not linear, but a chord that was knotted and tangled, that which should not be or exist, doing just that. Yet what Luke said... Her mind stopped there, and it was a look of dubious disbelief that crossed her features.

Anakin, a Sith Lord? And Padmé was a Gungan. It made as much sense as- Padmé paused, thoughts turning inward. Anakin was good. She knew that. From that boy she had met on Tatooine who had offered aid with no thought of benefit to himself, helping Padmé and those with her to return to Naboo. It had been pure and genuine, and one of the many reasons as to why Padmé had been attracted to him. He had never looked at her like a piece to be used, but as the female beneath all the titles.

She couldn't say that she was truly paying attention, only a partial ear listening as she withdrew upon herself. She'd call him a liar, although that wasn't what Padmé did. Rather, she tried to understand why Luke would say that. To hurt her? Yet to what end. Padmé wasn't even certain if there was a way to verify it, but her instinct said it wasn't that. Yet Anakin, a Sith Lord? Her mind turned, wavering, to Palpatine, who apparently was a Sith as well. Anakin had spoken of dreams that he had had, of her death. ... what would be do to stop it?

She was snapped out of those inner thoughts with the younger Anakin's raised voice, puzzling over that. Maul had hurt someone that Luke knew as well? There was much that Padmé didn't know that the others clearly did, and she was trying to wrap her head around it all. Her eyes idled from Anakin to Luke, before turning back to Ezra. And froze. "... his father?" And now her gaze did come to rest completely on Luke. "You mean...?"

Anakin hesitates briefly but noticeably before sitting down again. Luke's attempts at calm and understanding are ignored. In fact, he closes himself off from the Force, leaving only a cold void behind. He knows he's being immature, but he doesn't care.

He's still trying to relax and let go of his anger when Padmé speaks. Anakin blanches. As upset as he is with his uncle, Luke deserved to tell Padmé on his own terms. But Anakin has run roughshod over all of that. He can't help but feel ashamed. He curls in on himself slightly, staring at his hands rather than looking at anyone in the room.

Luke or Ezra will have to answer Padmé.

For a moment, just a moment, Ezra tore Luke's attention away from Padmé, looking offended and upset for Maul's sake. He couldn't even begin to adequately describe just how painful it had to have been for Maul to be asked a question like that, knowing just how the former Sith bonded with people, knowing now how traumatized he was by the very mention of him. To have that thrown in his face by someone he already had complicated feelings about... Force help him, it was a wonder all of Trench hadn't exploded with Maul's pain and rage.

He had his mouth open to shoot back a retort at Ezra, only to be abruptly cut off by Padmé... by his mother. The fact that this was all being dumped on her in the least gentle way possible made him flinch, and not for the first time did he wish Leia were here to try and smooth out this whole debacle; even though he had calmed and become reflective as he came to better understanding of the Force and his place in it, she was still far better with words than he was.

For a moment, he looked away, guilt on his face for not telling her sooner, for how much this blew up and how the conversation had lost control, but more than that... he was guilty for being such a coward when it came to her. He finally dragged his eyes back to her, blue eyes that he knew he shared with his father begging for her forgiveness.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I... I didn't know how to tell you."

Ezra clocks that look from Luke, and frowns a little. Going back over his own words a moment ago - ok, maybe that came off glib and cruel. He'd certainly been cold and sharp enough, when explaining to Maul how he viewed the choice to force a bond on Anakin, for it to be taken as a cruelty.

But he'd tried very hard to hold to compassion, once Maul had admitted the mistake. He thinks he mostly managed. Maybe he'll go over it all with Luke, later.

For the moment, he interjects, "I didn't think it was my place." More ruefully. "Although I've certainly dropped information on people in pretty awkward and painful ways. I don't mind...answering questions and helping put pieces together, if it helps."

Then he shuts up.

The only reason she knew anything was due to the kerfuffle between Anakin and her at her arrival. Having expected a pregnant wife, he had gotten his shackles raised when it had been clear that Padmé was not. Of course there was nothing nefarious to it, save the simple alteration of timelines as this place seemed to like to do. But she hadn't expected... There was a million little thoughts racing within, as even with her initial conversation with Anakin, it was true that Padmé had always wanted a family. Had thought about starting one after her queenship had ended, but as soon as she had heard about the offer to be Naboo's Senator, she had known that was where her path lay. It had always seemed like there would be enough time down the road, but she knew now that what you think might transpire and what actually did can be completely juxtaposed.

She allowed her gaze to shift once more, over those there in the room. Their reactions were telling enough as it was not shock or surprise that worked across their faces. ... had Anakin known? Her brow furrowed, face tightening for a moment, yet between one breath and the next, that calmness returned. It was rather like a senate meeting, where one topic might be up for debate, but another matter seemingly worked it's way into it. In reality, she wasn't entirely certain even how to react to a fully grown man who was apparently her son. A myriad of emotions, from joy and curiosity, to sorrow. She gave a shake of her head. "You've nothing to apologize for, Luke."

Which was sincere. She couldn't blame him for that, as it was through word of mouth alone that Padmé had even been aware that she would apparently become pregnant. But her brown eyes were back on him, taking him in, and while outwardly that calm remained, beneath the surface those emotions fluttered about. Anakin's colouring, yet there was something softer to his features, which he might well have gotten from her. The height, indeed, would be all Padmé. "I- I would speak to you later, if I may?"

When she remained calm, instead of having a reaction more like Anakin would, Luke visibly relaxed. A small, sheepish smile came to his face, as he he should have known she wouldn't react like that, before nodded.

"Of course," he agreed softly, before glancing around her, to Anakin. For a moment, he almost pulled the same thing on him, almost said that her grandson should talk to her too, but he held his tongue. Now was not the time for responding to his nephew's shenanigans like he was Han; still the look on his face was probably enough to convey how much restraint his uncle was showing right now.

"I'll talk to Maul," he finally continued their previous discussion, tearing his eyes away from his family members. "The two of us have... an understanding, as two people that have survived the worst that the Emperor can inflict on a person. He'll listen to me, and I'll be able to decipher his reasonings."

He let out a breath. "As for father..." he began, before he let out a helpless noise. "I... don't know how to help him. I feel like half the time he doesn't even know how to process my existence, not that I can blame him."

Being the same age as your son had to be as strange for Anakin as it was for Luke to be the same age as his father. Still, without that connection... he hated to say it, but it was almost easier for him to deal with Vader than it was for him to deal with his pre-Sith father. But he wasn't the only one in this family here anymore, and he found his gaze going back to his mother, almost hopeful.

Anakin doesn't look up and still doesn't respond. If he got any sense of frustration or irritation from his uncle, it doesn't show. He's perfectly willing to tell Padme about himself, but the conversation moves on before he can. He's loathe to divert it again, knowing how important it is.

The only indication that he's still listening is that his jaw tightens ever-so-slightly when Luke mentions Maul.

It was noted, how the tension seemed to leave his body, which had Padmé wondering. There was no denying that in certain circumstances, she might get a little fired up, but she also knew that escalating things didn't tend to lead to any solid results. She wouldn't rant or scream, as no doubt it was hard for Luke. From what Padmé had learned of her fate so far, there wouldn't be much longer, and how did one approach a parent that was of similar age and had no idea of their existence?

She gave him a reassuring smile, eyes still lingering, but slowly drew away. Maul. He was... Padmé didn't know what to make of him. He had actually spoken with her a few times, and aside from getting a sense that he was on alert and wary, he hadn't done anything to her. Yet all of this... Truthfully, she didn't know what to do with her husband either. Whether he had forgotten to tell her, was simply trying to shield her, or it honestly hadn't crossed his mind, Padmé didn't know. Theirs had never been a straightforward relationship, but it did feel odd to hear him called father.

"But this... weapon will sever, and will not cause harm? And what is Maul tries it again? Or do we think not?" Glancing back towards Luke, who seemed to understand him more than she did.

"He won't," Luke replied firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. He would absolutely make sure that Maul knew what he did was not okay by any stretch of the imagination, no matter how much he didn't get along with his father, nor how dangerous the man was in his future. Trench was different from their galaxy; they all knew it, and they all had a chance to be something more here. Both his father and Maul deserved the opportunity to explore that, without harming each other in the process.

"I am worried about this weapon causing more harm than good as well," he added after a moment. "I'm worried that in my father's current state, he's more focused on the immediate effects, and not what could happen to him in the long term."

And... he was worried that whatever happened, it would end up affecting the rest of them more than it would Anakin, but he wasn't about to say that out loud right now.

Ezra quietly watches watches that interplay. In many ways, he is an outsider. But an outsider with a lot of information. It's not a comfortable situation to be in.

"The bond is broken, and I believe Anakin kept to his word that he didn't try to carve more out of himself when he used the sword to break it. I also believe Maul was horrified enough at himself that he won't try that again on...anyone, not without consent. But that doesn't mean Anakin couldn't track down one of the several other Swords of Agency around, if he decides using it on himself more is going to fix his problems."

He sighs. "I mean...I might not be as alarmed if I didn't-" He shoots Luke a helpless look. "I only directly interacted with, um, the future version of him, twice. The second time was when Ahsoka confronted him. He told her: 'Anakin Skywalker was weak. I destroyed him.' Everything I know about Sith philosophy says that's - um. Not every Sith Lord would talk about their past that way, I don't think. I guess what I'm saying is - if he decides he can kill off parts of himself to kill Vader, somehow. The result might not be the same sort of bad, but...still could be very bad for him."

And emotionally unstable Force users are never great for anyone else to be around, either.

Anakin listens to the back and forth, eventually looking up again. He finally takes the shame and frustration and sadness and bottles it away to deal with later.

Anakin Skywalker needs help. Compassion. He can manage that.

But he can admit he understands the temptation to cut the Dark out of yourself. When he was younger, on his bad days, he would be tempted too. And he wasn't even told he'd turn into a Sith lord in the future.

"He's afraid. I don't know how much we can do to allay that fear. We can try to help, but he has to be willing to accept it."

And that's the rub.

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I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage

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