deercountry | We could go down in flames (but we'll melt the world away)

Entry tags:

We could go down in flames (but we'll melt the world away)

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki
What: Allen comes back after dying while purifying beast-Dabi, cue pain (:
When: Early May
Where: Farther Shores

Content Warnings: Mentions of character death, character panic over disabling injury/body failure

[ Timcanpy has been waiting very patiently.

For over a week, Timcanpy has been waiting very patiently. While new Sleepers washed ashore and remembered their features and spring began and was celebrated on the boardwalk. After they had stopped appearing and the ocean once settled into its normal rhythm, grey and foreboding, without anyone further being brought in by the tide. Sunrise to sunset and throughout the night and moonrise, he stays up in the boughs of a lone flowering cherry tree along the black sand and watches the waves.

Sometimes having company, and sometimes not. Sometimes being the one keeping company. He comes down and stays with them, letting himself be sad then and clinging on.

But he's a good omen. He'll wait as long as it takes.

It's the first night of the full moon when he stirs suddenly, rousing from where he had been not-quite dozing, like someone disturbed from their sleep by a distant sound. Staring out into the waves so quietly, so intently, like he's straining to see... before he explodes into motion. Rocketing up, zig-zagging back and forth, before abruptly taking off towards the water—

—and then coming straight back, slamming into the nearby, camped out Todoroki's head and bouncing off like a squishy sort of softball. He's right back up and fluttering around in front of his face a moment later though. _{Get up, get up! Now! Nownownow!!} ]

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[ He plucks him off the ledge and straightens to his full height without a word exchanged. Water runs off Allen's deadened legs and back into the bath not that Shouto waits for the stream to finish before he turns with his ward in tow, and starts walking straight for the door while water drips on the stone flooring but he's barefooted and his toes grip the stone without issue. ]

If you were against it, I wouldn't be carrying you.

[ And through the door and down the hall they go until they reach a pair of elegant shogi screens. ]

[ Haah, you don't have to point that out. Taking the air right out of his sails. ]

Yes, yes...

[ He gives that small sort of ineffectual huff but yes, is actually rather relaxed (more relaxed by the exchange?) and offers no protest; tone comfortable and warm. His eyes flick back up to catch the profile of Shouto's face thoughtfully a moment later as well, watching him for a moment with an unreadable sort of expression until they come to the shoji doors, and they snag his attention in turn.

Tim drifts after them, of course, after taking a moment to shake himself dry like a dog, and hovers just over Shouto's shoulder like he usually does with Allen. He spirals ahead to them, as if curious about opening them himself. ]

[ He readjusts his grip and holds him to his chest one-armed without issue - he weighs so very little - and catches the edge of the wood with his hand. He slides the doors open revealing a simple room with tatami flooring. A futon lies neatly folded on the side, he'll have to pull it out, but there's a small table on the side with soft cushions.

One arm goes around his back and the other supports his legs as he crouches down to set Allen down right on the cushion slipping the towel from his form to minimize the 'wetness'. ]

I'll get up another towel.

[ Being shifted to one arm so easily causes Allen to blink slightly, just since they are of such an otherwise similar build. Mostly. _O-oh...

His head tips to the side as he takes in the room though, sparse and simple, and despite being Victorian and British recognizing the futon to on side for what it is. It's familiar but also not, reminding him again of parts of China, of the Asia branch, but not quite. More understated. ]

Sorry to make you have to get another one... [ He pulls his legs up onto the cushion as well, figuring out how to "manually" sit cross-legged, and looking a touch contrite. This really is something where he owes him laundry after this... after figuring out how he can manage that without just being more of a bother. ]

I should probably go to the Lumenarium tomorrow and see what might help. [ Anything? Nothing? At least a wheelchair would let him get around and be able to do more on his own if he is going to be like this for... a while. ]

[ Similar height, not build. Allen is tall in stature yet slim whereas Shouto is toned. His arms and legs aren't weighed down by bulky muscle giving him great mobility. His clothes give an illusion of a lean form but he's compact and fit due to a lifetime of regulated meals mixed in with a decade of training under his father's tutelage.

The room reflects its owner, minimalistic and sustainable. There's no clutter, only the necessary items, yet there's beauty in its simplicity from the delicate shoji screen doors to the soft tatami flooring.

When he returns with another fluffy white towel in hand, Shouto crouches in front of Allen offering the towel to him. It's warm as if just came out of the dryer, but his thoughts are elsewhere as he holds Allen's gaze.]

I'm the one who did this to you... Touya and I. [ He amends. ] So, please don't apologize.

[ He nods at the suggestion regarding the Lumenarium. It reflects his own thoughts moving forward. They would have a better idea how to help him than anyone else he can think of. ]

We can go tomorrow.

Edited 2022-06-11 04:38 (UTC)

[ "So, please don't apologize." Allen blinks holds his gaze at that, sober and gentle in expression, but looks a little conflicted too. He does feel the need to... not so much apologize, although that is reflexive, but to at least do his fair share. Not just be a bother. That's just how he is. How he's always been.

Except he also isn't so dense as to think Shouto considers it a bother, in fact he seems to find a sort of peace in it -- and Allen did promise which is why he relents. Giving a small nod in response as he takes the towel, and wrapping it around himself like a blanket with a small burrowing motion. _{It's chilly in here and he's more naked than not and wet.} ]

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

[ He repeats, rising to give him room to dry himself as he pleases. He walks across the length of the room to where the futon is neatly put away and sets it up in the center of the room. A heavy thick futon, a soft comforter, and two pillows. He has to leave the room to retrieve another pillow from the living room.

When he's done, he leaves the room to pick up the clothes he left behind in the bath, taking the time to clean up while he's there, putting the soaps and shampoos before draining the bath. Once he's done, he returns to the room with clothes in hand: a white t-shirt, navy sweats, and a pair of boxer briefs. He hands these over to Allen when he crouches in front of him. ]

Do you want to change here or on the bed?

Edited 2022-06-11 20:29 (UTC)

[ Left to his devices, Allen towels himself off quickly and vigorously. Timcanpy "helps", occasionally picking up a corner of the towel and holding it up. It doesn't take him long, though he does pause occasionally to watch Shouto make the bed. Asking the occasional question like if it's something he has to set up every night.

He's re-wrapped himself back up in the towel like a blanket when he comes back with the clothes, hair even somewhat manageable now after having finger-combed through it, and has settled himself rather peacefully on the cushion. Seeming a little zoned out or lost in thought when Shouto comes back, though with a gentle expression. He snaps back out of it with a bit of a blink when he crouches in front of him though, quickly remembering himself and taking the offered clothes. _Oh. ]

Here is fine, thank you. I won't be long. [ A pause. ]

You'll.... sleep here too, right? I wouldn't want to put you out--

[ He hasn't insisted on much at all but he'd insist on that, oh my god. Could not stand himself to kick someone out of their own bed. ]

[ Set up every night and put away every morning, except while Allen is here. He'll leave it out for him, put it away when he returns from patrol. He's always slept on a futon so it's normal for him. His mother showed him how to put it away when he was younger. Now, it's simply another part of his day.

As for the question, there's a small pause before he shakes his head. He'll give Allen just about anything right now, but letting him sleep at his table with the cushions for pillows isn't something he's willing to do. ]

No, we'll sleep on the futon.

The tatami mats are comfortable, but they're not meant to be slept on.

[ 'No, they'll sleep on the futon?' That's what he meant, but why say it like...

He blinks for a moment a touch comically, trying to follow that-- and then laughing faintly when he realizes it. Reaching out to pat the other boy on the arm lightly, reassured and fond both. Don't worry. ]

That's what I meant.

[ He could sleep here like this and wouldn't even mind it, but he does figure that isn't what Shouto meant and he probably wouldn't allow that. ]

[ His brows knit together at the sudden laugh. What's so funny? Shout looks to Tim for some guidance but the little omen gives nothing away. Allen patting his hand reassuringly doesn't help. ]

You said here. At the table.

Edited 2022-06-11 22:19 (UTC)

[ Oi oi, Tim isn't getting in on this. Although he does wag his wings in a sprightly manner at Shouto when he looks at him, likewise bright as Allen, but is otherwise of absolutely no assistance. ]

"Here" also means this room. [ Heh.

Still smiling good-naturedly, he shakes his head lightly. ]

Sorry, I should have been more specific.

Edited 2022-06-11 22:25 (UTC)

[ He frowns not at the correction but what comes after. ]

... You don't need to apologize.

[ A blink, pausing. Still with half a smile on pause, which gentles a little then in his hesitation. He tugs the towel a little closer around himself. ]

--sometimes that's just because of good manners.

That's just what I was raised to believe.

Edited 2022-06-11 22:40 (UTC)

[ If that's the case then: ]

How many times should I apologize to you for what happened?

[ ...he's serious? Of course he's serious. ]

You already did. [ Hesitating again for a moment, he sets the clothes aside and reaches out quietly with both hands. To take Shouto's very lightly, and with a gentle sort of sobriety. Delicate. ]

You said you wanted to make it up to me by helping me, right? [ Grey to grey and teal. And he gives his fingers a very small squeeze, affirming. ]

Not waking up alone and wondering what had happened, or why I couldn't move... Having someone I want to see there instead of just silence, someone who kept my thoughts in check and who's already been letting me rely on them so much--

[ He hesitates, eyes slipping down to their hands. ]

...Death feels lonely. It always... just feels empty and lonely.

[ There's a small twitch in his hands, not quite a tremble but close, and he holds on a little tighter. Keeps his face schooled but gaze down. ]

So being there... letting me be here means so much more than just saying "I'm sorry."

[ I'm so glad even if the circumstances around it are terrible. ]

[ That's the thing, he's always serious, more so now that it's someone he cares for that he wronged. He lets Allen take his hands but isn't soothed by the gesture. This is important, too important not to say his due.

He nods in turn, holding his gaze even when he feels the light squeeze on his hands. He doesn't return it. Adamant, he keeps listening, needing to understand this at least, if nothing else.

Death feels lonely. It always... just feels empty and lonely.

He grows still, so very still, breath caught in his throat until his lungs burn, starved of oxygen. It always feels... He exhales, takes a deep breath, and steels himself for what comes next. He pulls a hand from Allen's grip and sets it on his shoulder where that jagged scar ends, the one that split him in half. Not like him, but by violent means. ]

... Allen. Have you died before?

Edited 2022-06-12 00:30 (UTC)

[ The jagged scar seems to begin there actually, like something heavy and blunt more than sharp split clean through him front to back all the way down to his hip, except he stayed together. And Allen blinks slightly at that, that his attention drifts there, and at his question. Ah... he tipped his hand a little more than he meant to.

His gaze comes up quickly and flickers between Shouto's and the hand on his shoulder, skittish, though he doesn't move either. Trusting. Locks eyes with him as he catches his bottom lip and worries at it for a moment. ]

...not entirely. [ He admits it in a quieter tone, gentle but somber. ]

I was, or... it felt like I did. But my Innocence pulled me back. It saved me. [ Did he fully die? No, because that is permanent in his world, unlike here. But did he experience death before being wrest back from it? Yes. ]

Not here, but... "before". In my world.

Edited 2022-06-12 00:41 (UTC)

[ Not here. His grip tightens by a notch, turning hot even as his face remains impassive. He lets go of him, not trusting himself as he feels his pulse quicken under his skin, a great sorrow filling his chest.

This time, it's he who looks down at their hands. His right side starts to warm but he catches it in time to shut it off and activate his left to cool himself down and smother the anger that starts to gleam from beneath the sorrow. ]

In your world... you're alive right now?

[ He holds onto that thought to keep his thoughts from spiraling, focused on his voice. He manages to keep equilibrium, cooling to a state of neutrality and shutting off his right side. This time, he won't over-extend because someone important is suffering in front of him. ]

[ He got warm for a moment. Hot. He blinks, trying to piece that back against the two other times that seemed to happen spontaneously and not from trying to warm him. Eyes flicking across his face and trying to read it, and why he looks back down at their hands.

Allen shifts forward slightly, gripping the other boy's hand he's still holding gently. ]

"Right now?" [ His brows furrow, now understanding at first. He is someone who is very certain he is not the same person from his world anymore, that that place existed before and that version of him is likely long dead anyway. Or, perhaps, like Viktor suggested they are "offshoots" of themselves and living in parallel somehow.

Do you mean you think...?

He squeezes again a little tighter. ]

My world was a long time ago, I think. And the "me" from that world, at that time... it isn't the same "me" there is now, here.

[ He thinks of himself as Shouto Todoroki. Son of Rei and Enji Todoroki. Brother to Natsuou, Fuyumi, and Touya Todoroki. His entire existence is tied to his family. The very idea of accepting the tales of their origin means rejecting THEM which isn't something he's capable of doing. He also isn't someone who will accept the identity others give him. He's spent his entire life pushing back against people telling him what to think and how to feel, he won't accept it now. He decides. Has decided that he is Todoroki Shouto and nothing anyone tells him will change his mind.

Broaching this topic isn't something he does, let alone in this manner, so it comes as a surprise when Allen starts talking about --- ]

That's not what I meant to ask.

[ He stops, feeling discomfort with the idea of that first line. My world was a long time ago. ]

I only wanted to know if you survived this wound... I shouldn't have asked.

[ He lets go of his shoulder, pulling back. ]

I'll let you change.

Edited 2022-06-12 04:43 (UTC)

[ It's ironic, as Allen is someone so very bound by his vows to his own world that it's something he can't imagine living without so long as they still exist. Therefore, as it's something that isn't his world anymore and he is now of this world, something he knows from how the very nature of his Innocence has shifted and feels subtly different... it's the only reason he doesn't go insane with trying to go back. The Allen Walker of that world existed for that world. The Allen Walker of this world exists for this one. Both exist for the people in them. Both would go crazy trying to get back to them if separated. Because of that, he's always and forevermore Allen Walker.

Though for him, if he were removed from his own world, considering the state he last remembers himself being in... he would also think perhaps that was a good thing. For that world.

But ah, crap. Breaking away and getting up suddenly like that, that's-- ]

--I did! [ He blurts it out before he can get far, trying to straighten up but obviously not being able to get far. ]

I did survive it, this wound... [ He blinks, centering his own thoughts. The thing he never really talks about, that scar. What it means... Because what it means has nothing to do with what Shouto seems to think it does, and it's why Allen falters slightly in trying to figure out how to explain. ]

I know it looks bad, but it isn't the kind of wound that kills someone.

Edited 2022-06-12 05:10 (UTC)

[ He stops mid-stride, turns his head over his shoulder, and nods at him from across the distance. ]

I'm glad.

[ It's all he wanted to know, nothing more, but once answered, Allen keeps talking and Shouto listens, face impassive. ]

It looks like the kind of wound that leaves a mark on someone, not the scar, but inside.

[ The place that matters. ]

[ The kind that leaves a mark on someone... inside.

His expression flickers a little at that, a touch surprised but also worrying at the inside of his lip for a moment before answering as well. Inside... ]

...yeah. [ He speaks gently, softly, but his expression is sober. Honest eyes if a little haunted as his brows knit.

"Crown... Clown?" ]

I suppose that's true too.

[ He won't ask about its origin, it isn't his place. It's enough knowing he survives because despite what Allen might think of his role here, Shouto will never want him killed in any world. So, he nods, leaving the top where it lies. If Allen wanted to talk about it, he'd bring it up. For now, it's enough,and he pivots back to his primary role. ]

Are you hungry?

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