deercountry | ( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

Who: Obi-Wan + You
What: Obi-Wan updating to Post Revenge of the Sith
When: May 7th
Where: Around Trench + Obi-Wan's House

Content Warnings: Possible intense discussions of grief and trauma. Mentions of genocide and mutilation.

( i. awakening — closed to immediate cr + vyng )

[ he awoke in darkness.

that is what terrified him momentarily. the darkness closed in on him, on everyone and he had to warn, he had to stop it, he had to do something. the yawning abyss stretched out and obi-wan thrust his hand forward to touch . . . something soft? like the folds of a cocoon. he grasps and pulls, the force answering his cry like the tempestuous rush of the tide —

— and it breaks, light cascading into his strange prison. he pulls himself out with a gasp, dragging himself along the floor. blearily, he blinks, taking in his surroundings before he rasps out in a voice ill-used for days. ]

W — Where?

( ii. drinks on the house )

[ after (hastily) settling affairs, obi-wan drifts around the town like a ghost. his robe is pulled over his head, leaving his gaze in shadow. not that he meets anyone’s eyes for long. listlessly, he wanders until he finds himself at a bar. before, he would have called up constantine and they would have settled themselves in a corner, drinking without judgment but mindful of each other. constantine is gone. abby is gone. all the friends he used to do such things with — quinlan, shaak ti, mace, kit . . . they’re all gone. his family. his brothers and sisters, all in the force.

gone. the absence of their bonds ache like forgotten stars. he signals for a drink with a sigh. if anyone approaches him in his melancholia, he will reply as such. ]

I’m afraid I’m not much for company at the moment. You’d be better suited elsewhere.

( iii. the sword in hand )

[ in the morning, he tries to return to routine. normalcy. he shouldn’t forgo everything simply because he is changed.

oh, but everything has changed.

he performs the exercise without the use of his saber. not everything is reliant on the edge of the blade and he had other skills to hone. every day, every minute. obi-wan may dislike a number of things, but he refuses to be anything less than perfect in all his deficiencies. and there were just so many, cluttering his head and his heart.

obi-wan wrenches himself out of his thought with a jerk of his head and in a hurried motion, draws his saber and — lava and fire burns all around them, but all he can feel is cold, cold is the touch of the dark, cold is the way that withers all and not even the hatred in anakin’s eyes changed that and obi-wan is so cold, why was this happening, how did they come to this —

— he flings his saber in a burst of pain. it soars through the air before falling to the ground, landing on soft grass. it makes no sound. obi-wan can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. his knees sink to the ground and he bows his head while his fingers grasp at his ears.

he can’t hear anything anymore. it’s all cold. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I was, yeah.

[ Her voice cracks a little and she takes a sip of her drink to hopefully fix that. ]

I had only just come home from it before I was brought here.

How was it?

I . . . could not be there.

[ because of the whole "traitor to the empire" and the most sought out man in the galaxy. ]

[ The thought should have crossed her mind when he asked about the funeral, but somehow it hadn't registered. She frowns a little- ]

Are you not...? I thought you died...

[ She hadn't been told either way, now that she thinks about it. She'd always just assumed that he and Anakin were among the Jedi who were slain by the Empire. ]

It was... beautiful. No one on Naboo was more loved than she. Even Queen Apailana wore a gown similar to one of her old ones to honor her. [ Sabé really does try her best not to cry in front of others but- she's really losing at that game today. ] I wouldn't be surprised if I was told that half the planet was in attendance.

Reports of my demise were greatly exaggerated.

[ it's a wisp of his old humour. ]

It would take more than an Empire to kill me.

[ more's the pity. ]

I was there. When she — [ his throat goes tight. ] I did my best to bring her home.

[ Whatever relief was felt at his promise that he's still alive is immediately overshadowed at his following remark.

He was there. She wasn't, but he was... and if he couldn't have brought her home safely, there really wasn't anything she could have done.

Usually eloquent, Sabé can only manage to utter a single word as she feels the grief cut through her again like a fresh wound: ]

How?

[ obi-wan starts but his voice falters. ]

I can't. Not yet.

[ And perhaps that's for the best.

Sabé herself might not even be ready to hear it... it might make her want to withdraw and hide even more than she already wants to.

So she nods. She wouldn't be able to talk about it either- she's not going to fault him this. ]

It's okay.

[ whether it is or isn't, sadly, is not relevant. he could not. not simply because he's unable to, with his grief so close. he had to protect the twins and their identity. and unfortunately, that meant distorting padme's death.

it's not comforting. ]

Thank you.

I don't want you to have to relive these memories... If you're anything like me, they're on your mind enough as it is.

[ Healing from everything that happened... it wasn't something that was going to happen easily, or anytime soon, for either of them. ]

Just... [ She sighs and presses her lips together. ] I'm here for whatever you need- whatever helps.

[ he clasps her hand, squeezing it a little. ]

I'm not sure what I need.

[ She returns the squeeze and musters up whatever smile she can. ]

I'll still be here for you regardless.

[ Even if that's just them sitting in silence together. It's nice to have company and to have a reminder that you're not alone. ]

Through the pain?

[ since it's clear as day now where it stems from. ]

[ She really doesn't have to think about it- she nods as soon as he asks the question. ]

Yeah. I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it 100%.

. . . I know that.

I know- I... meant it as a reassurance more than anything else.

[ he manages a faint smile. ]

We could all use a little of that.

[ His faint smile is met with one of her own. She squeezes his hand again and takes a deep, shaky breath. ]

We absolutely could.

( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

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