( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

[jedies]

Who: Obi-Wan + You
What: Obi-Wan updating to Post Revenge of the Sith
When: May 7th
Where: Around Trench + Obi-Wan's House

Content Warnings: Possible intense discussions of grief and trauma. Mentions of genocide and mutilation.

( i. awakening — closed to immediate cr + vyng )

[ he awoke in darkness.

that is what terrified him momentarily. the darkness closed in on him, on everyone and he had to warn, he had to stop it, he had to do something. the yawning abyss stretched out and obi-wan thrust his hand forward to touch . . . something soft? like the folds of a cocoon. he grasps and pulls, the force answering his cry like the tempestuous rush of the tide —

— and it breaks, light cascading into his strange prison. he pulls himself out with a gasp, dragging himself along the floor. blearily, he blinks, taking in his surroundings before he rasps out in a voice ill-used for days. ]

W — Where?

( ii. drinks on the house )

[ after (hastily) settling affairs, obi-wan drifts around the town like a ghost. his robe is pulled over his head, leaving his gaze in shadow. not that he meets anyone’s eyes for long. listlessly, he wanders until he finds himself at a bar. before, he would have called up constantine and they would have settled themselves in a corner, drinking without judgment but mindful of each other. constantine is gone. abby is gone. all the friends he used to do such things with — quinlan, shaak ti, mace, kit . . . they’re all gone. his family. his brothers and sisters, all in the force.

gone. the absence of their bonds ache like forgotten stars. he signals for a drink with a sigh. if anyone approaches him in his melancholia, he will reply as such. ]

I’m afraid I’m not much for company at the moment. You’d be better suited elsewhere.

( iii. the sword in hand )

[ in the morning, he tries to return to routine. normalcy. he shouldn’t forgo everything simply because he is changed.

oh, but everything has changed.

he performs the exercise without the use of his saber. not everything is reliant on the edge of the blade and he had other skills to hone. every day, every minute. obi-wan may dislike a number of things, but he refuses to be anything less than perfect in all his deficiencies. and there were just so many, cluttering his head and his heart.

obi-wan wrenches himself out of his thought with a jerk of his head and in a hurried motion, draws his saber and — lava and fire burns all around them, but all he can feel is cold, cold is the touch of the dark, cold is the way that withers all and not even the hatred in anakin’s eyes changed that and obi-wan is so cold, why was this happening, how did they come to this —

— he flings his saber in a burst of pain. it soars through the air before falling to the ground, landing on soft grass. it makes no sound. obi-wan can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. his knees sink to the ground and he bows his head while his fingers grasp at his ears.

he can’t hear anything anymore. it’s all cold. ]

Comments

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Even with his trepidation about how Obi-wan may react to Anakin, if he wakes up with memories of the Purge, Ezra hasn't sat vigil the entire time.

But he's there, in an attempt at kneeling meditation, when the cacoon finally stirs and opens.

Calm as he can makes his voice, and soft, he replies-]

Your house in Cassandra.

[He doesn't push his presence in the Force closer - although part of him wants to, to press concern and affection around Obi-wan. He simply holds himself as open and clear as he can, no barriers up along their fledging bond. Hopefully that's enough for Obi-wan to register that he's with a fellow Jedi, even if he perhaps doesn't recognize Ezra specifically.]

[jedies]

[ house. yes, he had a house didn't he? the memories slowly knit together, blurred and hazy. he sits up, crossing his legs. breath in, breath out. be in the present moment. he closes his eyes. ]

And . . . who all are here?

iii

[hopesparks]

[ Anakin has kept his presence muted, quietly taking care of day-to-day tasks in the background while Obi-Wan was... away. While everyone rushed to his side, Anakin stayed behind, cleaning up. When people sought him out after he'd disappeared, Anakin made a strong cup of tea to welcome him home (a cup that, in the end, went cold and untouched). It feels so small in the face of the weight Obi-Wan is carrying now.

He's still in the house, cleaning it up as if he can put everything to rights. He stops suddenly as he feels a tremor in the Force. It draws him to the garden and his heart drops when he sees Obi-Wan on his knees. It takes a lot of self-restraint not to rush over. He closes himself off to the Force to hide his worry. To make himself quiet.

Anakin, instead, moves slowly toward Obi-Wan and sinks next to him in the grass. One of his hands overs above Obi-Wan's shoulder, but he refrains. His voice is soft when he speaks. ]

Master Kenobi?

[jedies]

[ for a moment, it seems like obi-wan doesn't hear him. or can't hear him. the force feels hollowed out, like an echo bouncing in an empty cavern. full of whispers and ghosts.

he finally responds, lifting his head up slightly. ]

I hardly think I'm anyone's master at the moment.

ii

[demonicbeauty]

[Ariadne's taken to bringing cherry blossoms to all of the local bars and restaurants. Really, any place that could do with some brightening. She has flowers to spare and...well...who doesn't love a flower?

No one. No one doesn't love flowers.

She's going from table to table, gently dropping fresh, pink and white blossoms into some of the bowls that barkeep has put out for her. Doesn't say much. Doesn't do much more than smile at the patrons, before going on her way.

But she recognizes Obi-Wan's scent when she approaches, pausing when he speaks.]

There's no better company in the multiverse than a flower. They're fantastic listeners. Mostly because they never offer advice.

[jedies]

[ he manages to dredge up a smile, though it's half-hearted at best. ]

Ah, but what if flowers don't see me as pleasant company? Surely they have a right to choose.

ii

[decoyqueen]

[ Even with Padmé present, Sabé can't keep her emotions buried all the time. Bars have become her refuge when she can't smile through the pain any longer.

She slides into the seat next to him, her drink in one hand and what he had ordered when they last met in the other. It doesn't matter that he's already ordered a drink, she recognizes the way he's holding himself... more drinks will be necessary. ]

We don't have to talk.

[ She sets down the drink in front of him before taking a sip of her own. ]

[jedies]

[ ah. he glances at her curiously. ]

Don't we?

iii

[threelayers]

[There was a thin tapping sound nearby. It was a good spot for sparring, for training. Neopolitan didn't come here that often, but it was still a good spot and some variety was never a bad thing. the tap was of her shoes as she walked over towards the grassy patch and leaned down to give the saber a poke, before reaching and picking it up, holding it lightly in her free hand.

Umbrella over her shoulder, she walked up towards him, looking him over and just sort of waiting for him to recognize that there was someone there. Her foot made a small, rhythmic tapping sound while one eyebrow raised.

It was intentional. It might not have looked it, but she could see something was wrong. She was using the small sounds to try and break through whatever was going on, to show him that there was someone else there. She couldn't say what was going on in his head, but she also wasn't exactly the hugging type. Instead, she was the sort to have the saber ready to hand over to him, and just kind of wait for him to gradually deal with it. She might not understand what the trauma was, but she'd seen trauma a lot in her life. Admittedly, her solution had always been to fight through it, which might or might not have been a good call.]

[jedies]

[ it was a familiar technique. jedi are trained in the ways of mindfulness and health. their purpose was to serve, to heal, to bring balance. the noise cuts through the cold silence that had permeated within him.

he releases a shuddering breath. ]

III

[frogfear]

[It's supposed to be just a walk to clear her head a little before heading for the Archives for some research. Maybe swing by Lumenwood as well and see if any of the healers there have a solution for the uncomfortable itchiness that's settled in with the change in the moon this month.

She pauses when she sees Obi-Wan practicing in his yard, and smiles a little, watching the routine. Time spent training with Ozpin since her return from the dead has given her a better appreciation for these sorts of exercises.

The smile fades as the lightsaber comes out, and it's clear this is not part of the routine. As soon as it flies from his hand, and Obi-Wan drops to his knees, she breaks into a run to try to go help him. She crouches down and lays a hand on his shoulder to try to gently shake him out of it.]

Obi-Wan? Hey, can you hear me? What happened?

[jedies]

[ he can't hear anything the dark silence rings in his head like a bell and all he can see is the ugly blaze in anakin's eyes, screaming his hate to obi-wan, the brilliant blue light of their sabers crashing into each other like a wave and he never wanted it, he told yoda he couldn't do it, he couldn't do it.

the touch startles him that he nearly flings a hand out, the force just at his fingertips before he lets it drop. ]

Ah . . . . Willow, was it?

ii

[seaboard]

[ She is not so much better herself. There is somewhere the woman that once had gladly moved through groups like this, in her own way. Knew her place in a feasting hall, at least, but now -?

Too early to be able to sustain herself alone, so she found somewhere with food and drink, but quickly wanted to remove herself from prying eyes.

Feels dreadful, to bother someone who looks no more glad than she did. But it is where the seat was spare, that she bows her head in greeting. ]

I need only a quiet corner, as I am ill at ease in all such noise. No more. I have drink to share.

[ She lifts the bottle she had purchased as an offering to take the seat across from him with her meal. ]

[jedies]

[ that diction . . . it reminds him a little of satine with a pang. he inclines his head politely, as he was trained to do. the negotiator, a diplomat in everything, even his own pain. ]

You're welcome to partake in my corner.

i.

[spiritwalks]

Shhh, shh, shh, shhhh....

[A weighted blanket is gently draped around Obi-Wan's shoulders. A moment later, and Vyng kneels beside him. He's aware of the possible sensory overload that comes with emerging from a cocoon, and is mindful not to touch him just yet. At the same time, his word are soft and measured.]

You're safe, buddy.

[jedies]

[ names. names elude him at the moment. he reaches out with the force, but recoils immediately at the sight of all the charred bonds, all the jedi that are gone and he can't feel them anymore. he draws back into himself, wrapping his senses in a blanket, muddled and heavy. ]

— Who?

[facultative]

[Anakin wasn't there when Obi-Wan first wakes up. He'd tried to, he'd kept watch next to the strange cocoon that had covered his master for as long as possible, but he still had to leave if only to find sustenance.

He comes back to Obi-Wan on the floor.

Couldn't even do this one thing right.]

Master?

[He rushes over and pulls him into his arms. Does he want to help him up? Comfort him while he gets his bearings? Check him over for injuries? He tries to do them all which means none of them happen, his grip slips and he gives up in favour of pressing their foreheads together.]

You came back.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan's head lolls as he tries to keep his bearings, his head and heart aching in tandem. still, he manages to sense anakin's presence and for a moment, it soothes him. things are as they were. he shivers. ]

I am here.

iii

[survivalthroughhate]

[There's always a connection between Maul and Obi-Wan. Sometimes it's through the Force, though now here in Trench there is that blood bond, feeling what each other goes through physically. He's not sure just what it is that draws him to the Jedi but he feels like he's right where he needs to be. When he sees Obi-Wan sinking to the ground, looking so lost, Maul knows something terrible has happened.

There's something alarming in seeing someone who is usually as steady as a rock so......broken. Granted, he's seen Obi-Wan broken several times before, when Maul has taken away those that he loves. That scream of despair when he'd run Qui-Gon through and the struggle between grief, anger, and determination afterwards that had run over his features. The look like his heart had shattered into a million pieces when he'd killed Satine with the Darksaber, like half of his whole would forever be missing. But this is something else entirely.

Maul's touched Obi-Wan before without the intent to kill. But this might be the first time there's genuine kindness in the action. He reaches out and puts a hand on the Jedi's shoulder, squeezing gently, trying to get him to look up. There's no words yet. Those will come later. For now, he's just trying to give Kenobi an anchor, something to hold onto instead of being adrift.]

[jedies]

[ he can't look up. he can't. he can't look up and turn his head and expect things to be as they are. obi-wan meant what he said. he is not and never will be defined by his pain. right now, he's simply caught in the storm and it pulls in many directions. guilt, longing, fear and heartache bleed into his then and now, making him lose sense of time and feeling.

he inclines his head a little in acknowledgement of maul but he won't pick himself up. ]

ii

[tealeafs]

[ Chizuru has never been much of a person for these kinds of places back home.

But after a friend took her to one here in Trench one time, Chizuru has figured that it's a good place to meet some new people, after all. Not that she goes there often still, but.. well, it seems that the one time she has decided to go, she actually finds a familiar face sitting there.

A familiar face that looks so much more tired than before. ]

Sir..? [ She softly says, even after he's already spoken up. It's obvious that something is off about him, after all. ] Is.. everything alright?

[jedies]

[ he casts a weary glance at her, soft and sorrowful like a distant star. ]

Oh . . . Yes, nothing to worry about.

III

[lightthedarkness]

[A hand picks up the saber, actually quite used to holding the thing even though she cannot use it. She walks over to Obi-Wan, her feet silent on the grass before she crouches down and sets the saber down beside him, both hands reach out and rest atop his own hands.

She stays there for as long as he needs, not saying a word, waiting.

She has infinite patience when her loved ones are hurt or in pain.]

[jedies]

[ it is like being in a desert. there is nothing for miles. no life stirs. all he sees as ghosts, people he used to know. he wants in tandem with them. he breathes it in. and yet, his breath comes out shaken, tilted. the world spins. this is not where he's supposed to be. this is where he is now. the world moves on.

jedi do not believe in stagnancy. they have always believed in change and growth. he struggles to remember it now. ]

ii

[firstroar]

It's familiar...

[should he look over, Obi-Wan will find red eyes on him. Blue is resting outside the stone fencing of an empty house here in Crenshaw, his lion omen seated as a silent sentinel at his side.]

That state of mind. Those feelings...

I've had them as company...for a long time.

[jedies]

[ he can feel it. a strong aura in the force, encompassing. it reminds him a lot of the jedi, the wide field that they cast out. always wanting to reach, always wanting to connect. without fear. without sorrow. it makes his heart ache in remembrance. ]

Do you still keep company with them?

ii

[warminded]

[A bar is far from Felwinter's usual haunt, having never been a particularly social creature. But if he wants to find his bearings in this place, to learn and understand whatever reality he's woken up to, then other people are his best bet. And where better to find a great many people who are happy to talk?

He's looking for a quiet corner. To sit and watch and listen for a while. This one happens to be occupied, and the man seated there turns him away as he approaches.]

I am poor company at the best of times.

[If it's an attempt at humour, it falls as flat as his tone of voice, hollow and unemotional as ever. He pauses a moment, with a slight tilt of his strange peaked helm which almost manages to seem sheepish.]

My apologies. I didn't mean to intrude.

[jedies]

You did not.

[ poor or rich, obi-wan would never judge company. he just knows he's a little . . . threadbare on his usual self. the one that smiled easily, whose kindness crinkled at the corner of his eyes. ]

III

[faithfulson]

[ He could feel the pain and agony from the other side of Trench, and knew that Obi-Wan had to have returned. It had been hard for him to understand, why he was suddenly in a cocoon, what it all meant, but it... seemed okay at the time, until the distress overwhelmed his senses. His immediate response was to run over to him, to make sure he was okay, but the Force whispered for him to hold back, that his presence may not be so well received. ]

[ So he held back, having faith in Ezra to offer the comfort he needed. That only lasted as far as the morning, when he woke up to the feeling of overwhelming cold, with Obi-Wan at the center of the mental blizzard. He pulled himself from dead asleep to dressed and out the door in a record time that would have made his uncle proud, hurrying to where he felt that storm of cold coming from. ]

[ Once Luke saw Obi-Wan, hunched over on the ground and covering his ears, he sped over to him, dropping to his knees by his side and resting gentle hands on him -- one on his back and one on the arm nearest to him. He pulled the Force close around them, trying to provide whatever comfort he could offer, even if it was only meager. ]

Ben, I'm here. It's okay.

[jedies]

[ luke. his voice permeates his consciousness. luke, his mother had called him when she gave him to obi-wan, the most precious cargo. luke and leia. he rouses, his blue flickering over to luke. ]

Luke. You're here.

III

[opress]

[He wasn't the most gentle or observant when it came to the fine points of the Force. His use of it was as brute force as the rest of his skills in this big body of his, but even he wasn't so obtuse to miss the shift in the Force since Obi-Wan's return. Not only was there a sad vein to its motion, but it buzzed with an energy that he could only think of as many concerned minds clamoring in it.

It wasn't his business. He remained outside of the affairs of the Force users of this place, but even he found himself drawn away from a potential hunt trip when a new wave of disturbance to the Force washed over him. He followed it back to where Obi-Wan still knelt in the grass.

So vulnerable. It was unlike the Master Jedi. It was jarring even for him and his limited association with Kenobi, something not right about it. And the man looked and smelled different: soured with a deep grief? Maybe?

Savage lumbered closer, stopping to bend to pick up the discarded blade before approaching further. He dropped it in front of Kenobi's knelt form.]

Something essential has been pulled out of you forcefully. Get up, Kenobi.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan seems to not notice. he doesn't even look at the blade. his thoughts are elsewhere. something, something is brimming over. ]