( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

[jedies]

Who: Obi-Wan + You
What: Obi-Wan updating to Post Revenge of the Sith
When: May 7th
Where: Around Trench + Obi-Wan's House

Content Warnings: Possible intense discussions of grief and trauma. Mentions of genocide and mutilation.

( i. awakening — closed to immediate cr + vyng )

[ he awoke in darkness.

that is what terrified him momentarily. the darkness closed in on him, on everyone and he had to warn, he had to stop it, he had to do something. the yawning abyss stretched out and obi-wan thrust his hand forward to touch . . . something soft? like the folds of a cocoon. he grasps and pulls, the force answering his cry like the tempestuous rush of the tide —

— and it breaks, light cascading into his strange prison. he pulls himself out with a gasp, dragging himself along the floor. blearily, he blinks, taking in his surroundings before he rasps out in a voice ill-used for days. ]

W — Where?

( ii. drinks on the house )

[ after (hastily) settling affairs, obi-wan drifts around the town like a ghost. his robe is pulled over his head, leaving his gaze in shadow. not that he meets anyone’s eyes for long. listlessly, he wanders until he finds himself at a bar. before, he would have called up constantine and they would have settled themselves in a corner, drinking without judgment but mindful of each other. constantine is gone. abby is gone. all the friends he used to do such things with — quinlan, shaak ti, mace, kit . . . they’re all gone. his family. his brothers and sisters, all in the force.

gone. the absence of their bonds ache like forgotten stars. he signals for a drink with a sigh. if anyone approaches him in his melancholia, he will reply as such. ]

I’m afraid I’m not much for company at the moment. You’d be better suited elsewhere.

( iii. the sword in hand )

[ in the morning, he tries to return to routine. normalcy. he shouldn’t forgo everything simply because he is changed.

oh, but everything has changed.

he performs the exercise without the use of his saber. not everything is reliant on the edge of the blade and he had other skills to hone. every day, every minute. obi-wan may dislike a number of things, but he refuses to be anything less than perfect in all his deficiencies. and there were just so many, cluttering his head and his heart.

obi-wan wrenches himself out of his thought with a jerk of his head and in a hurried motion, draws his saber and — lava and fire burns all around them, but all he can feel is cold, cold is the touch of the dark, cold is the way that withers all and not even the hatred in anakin’s eyes changed that and obi-wan is so cold, why was this happening, how did they come to this —

— he flings his saber in a burst of pain. it soars through the air before falling to the ground, landing on soft grass. it makes no sound. obi-wan can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. his knees sink to the ground and he bows his head while his fingers grasp at his ears.

he can’t hear anything anymore. it’s all cold. ]

Comments

[ezra_of_lothal]

Alright. [What next?]

Let's back up to - hungry at all?

[jedies]

. . . Perhaps some food wouldn't be a terrible idea.

[ezra_of_lothal]

Good.

[He can't tell if he's being humored, but as long as he's making the physical needs part easier, that's what matters to him. He doesn't plan on badgering Obi-wan about eating, but he has every intention of being around most meal times for the near future and making sure food's available in ready to eat form.]

Vyng brought over a big mushroom casserole. Up for moving to the kitchen, or should I grab some for you?

[jedies]

I think I can make to the kitchen.

[ he does feel a bit more like his old self, though obi-wan suspect it'll come and go in waves. ]

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra's already guessed that Obi-wan's moods and energy levels aren't really going to be any sort of linear, especially at first.]

Alright.

[He gets up and holds out a hand.]

Hey - is there anyone you want me to tell that you're back up? Or ask them to wait until you're ready?

[jedies]

[ anyone . . . ? obi-wan pauses, considering his thoughts. ]

I don't know. I trust your discretion, Ezra. Do what you think is right.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[That's either a lot of faith he's not sure that he's really earned, or apathy with a diplomatic gloss, he thinks, but he can't tell which.]

Um. Thank you? I'll do my best.

[He doubts he can keep Anakin away to give Obi-wan some breathing room. Maul...maybe.]

[jedies]

[ it's definitely the former, though the latter probably factors in a little. ]

Thank you. I imagine I'll — be more proactive soon enough.

[ezra_of_lothal]

I'm sure you will be. [That, he does believe, wholeheartedly.]

But I'm happy to do what I can to give you some breathing room, in the meantime.

[jedies]

[ he nods absently. ]

Just for a few days.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Uh huh. He decides he's not going to argue with that blatantly arbitrary timeline right this minute. Physically recovered from whatever this process was that had Obi-wan down for a week, he'll buy. Less obviously struggling to thread a train of thought, maybe. The rest?

Ezra's philosophy is mostly to address needs he spots in the moment, and then wait and see.

Right now, he's digging out mushroom casserole leftovers to serve up. And cheerfully nattering.]

Maybe my standards are low, but Vyng's a pretty good cook!

[jedies]

[ look,,, he can't do much else. ]

Yes. He has a keen eye for food, I find.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[He nods and passes a plate Obi-wan's way.]

I'll have to ask him for some recipes.

And he's good to talk to, too. Was a big help when I was struggling when I first got here.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan smiles faintly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. ]

Is he? I never would have guessed.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[He makes a huffily amused face and rolls his eyes a little at the teasing.]

Glad we're on the same page, there!

I may have panicked a little in his direction while you were down.

[jedies]

Mmm.

[ that's fair. he wouldn't begrudge that. ]

I'm sorry to have caused trouble.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra snaps straighter, frowning.]

Hey. No. You don't need to apologize for that.

But I did give him, like, a one-minute history lesson - history from my perspective, anyway. With some idea of what I was freaking out about. So if he knows stuff you haven't mentioned to him, that's why.

[jedies]

[ he nods slowly. ]

That's fine. It's not a secret and I wouldn't ask for it to be . . . [ he lets loose a shudder. ] . . . bottled up.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Wryly-]

I'm going to remember you said that. [To remind him, in the future, if he thinks Obi-wan is bottling.

But the tension in his shoulders relaxes some.]

Ok. Good.

[jedies]

[ he is an adept bottler. but the idea of hiding the truth right now felt sour. ]

Considering the events are well known, it makes sense to speak of them.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra hesitates.]

The broad strokes, yeah.

[jedies]

It's fine.

I don't mind it.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[His jaw works as he thinks it through.]

Alright. I've...tried to - like you said, discretion. But I guess if what we know here doesn't affect things elsewhere -

What matters is relationships here and now and what we do here, full stop.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan sighs. ]

It does seem that way. I won't dismiss it out of hand, if you're worried about that.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Hesitant and soft, but asking because he absolutely wants to make they're on the same page-]

Won't dismiss...focusing on life here?