( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

[jedies]

Who: Obi-Wan + You
What: Obi-Wan updating to Post Revenge of the Sith
When: May 7th
Where: Around Trench + Obi-Wan's House

Content Warnings: Possible intense discussions of grief and trauma. Mentions of genocide and mutilation.

( i. awakening — closed to immediate cr + vyng )

[ he awoke in darkness.

that is what terrified him momentarily. the darkness closed in on him, on everyone and he had to warn, he had to stop it, he had to do something. the yawning abyss stretched out and obi-wan thrust his hand forward to touch . . . something soft? like the folds of a cocoon. he grasps and pulls, the force answering his cry like the tempestuous rush of the tide —

— and it breaks, light cascading into his strange prison. he pulls himself out with a gasp, dragging himself along the floor. blearily, he blinks, taking in his surroundings before he rasps out in a voice ill-used for days. ]

W — Where?

( ii. drinks on the house )

[ after (hastily) settling affairs, obi-wan drifts around the town like a ghost. his robe is pulled over his head, leaving his gaze in shadow. not that he meets anyone’s eyes for long. listlessly, he wanders until he finds himself at a bar. before, he would have called up constantine and they would have settled themselves in a corner, drinking without judgment but mindful of each other. constantine is gone. abby is gone. all the friends he used to do such things with — quinlan, shaak ti, mace, kit . . . they’re all gone. his family. his brothers and sisters, all in the force.

gone. the absence of their bonds ache like forgotten stars. he signals for a drink with a sigh. if anyone approaches him in his melancholia, he will reply as such. ]

I’m afraid I’m not much for company at the moment. You’d be better suited elsewhere.

( iii. the sword in hand )

[ in the morning, he tries to return to routine. normalcy. he shouldn’t forgo everything simply because he is changed.

oh, but everything has changed.

he performs the exercise without the use of his saber. not everything is reliant on the edge of the blade and he had other skills to hone. every day, every minute. obi-wan may dislike a number of things, but he refuses to be anything less than perfect in all his deficiencies. and there were just so many, cluttering his head and his heart.

obi-wan wrenches himself out of his thought with a jerk of his head and in a hurried motion, draws his saber and — lava and fire burns all around them, but all he can feel is cold, cold is the touch of the dark, cold is the way that withers all and not even the hatred in anakin’s eyes changed that and obi-wan is so cold, why was this happening, how did they come to this —

— he flings his saber in a burst of pain. it soars through the air before falling to the ground, landing on soft grass. it makes no sound. obi-wan can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. his knees sink to the ground and he bows his head while his fingers grasp at his ears.

he can’t hear anything anymore. it’s all cold. ]

Comments

[tealeafs]

[ Oh.

Well, that sure makes a whole lot of things make sense. ]

I'm so sorry. [ The sympathy is immediately visible in Chizuru's eyes. She understands what that is like, after all. ] Was that loss.. here, in this place?

[ Probably not, right? Since he said remember. ]

Or was it back where you come from..?

[jedies]

[ he gives a stilted nod. ]

My home is . . . gone. A lot of people were killed. Even . . . children.

[tealeafs]

Such a big loss..

[ It's not an unimaginable loss to her. After all, Chizuru comes from a time of war - and even though she doesn't actively remember it, the same thing he's describing right now happened to her own home when she was young. ]

I can understand why it might make you look troubled. [ She says, softly - her tone filled with sympathy. ] That's a lot to suddenly have to come to terms with. Events of that size.. they're often almost impossible to prevent.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan sighs. ]

Yes. And this was planned. Premeditated over a long period of time. They waited for the right moment and . . . it ended.

[tealeafs]

[ The girl is quiet for a moment, seeming to think about all of this. Maybe even imagining it, because it feels so unfair to just think about how it ended, rather than also think about all the poor lives that were lost in the action. ]

.. was it part of some sort of war..?

[ That's usually the culprit, after all. But with how different all the worlds are that are being represented in this place, it could have been a different cause Chizuru just has never experienced herself as well. ]

[jedies]

It wasn't just part of a war. It was an attack no one could defend themselves against.

[ that was the tragedy. that it took them so easily, a ghost in the night. ]

The people who were struck down were . . . helpless.

[tealeafs]

Then why did they have to die..?

[ At least battles during war make sense to Chizuru. She doesn't like them in the slightest, but after spending as much time around the Shinsengumi as she has, she kind of gets it.

But an attack on people who couldn't defend themselves - even children? That just sounds senseless to her. ]

Why was someone planning an attack on them for so long?

[jedies]

[ obi-wan sighs. ]

For control.

The Jedi fought for peace. Democracy. Someone needed us out of the way to take over.

[tealeafs]

But.. [ Not that Chizuru agrees with attacking the Jedi either, mind you. Not if they're fighting for peace, which is a thing that Chizuru dearly loves. Democracy is an idea she doesn't quite understand yet, but she imagines it's probably something like peace if Obi-Wan is including it right after, so it's probably something good too.

The Jedi shouldn't have to die either. But-- even so-- ]

If they wanted to get rid of the Jedi, why didn't they just attack them? Why did all those other uninvolved people have to suffer as well..?

[jedies]

Because it needed to be absolute.

[ he breathes it out. ]

They wanted it to be a genocide.

[tealeafs]

.. that's awful..

[ It's not a word Chizuru hears often. Genocide.

But even in its rarity, it feels more awful than anything else. Especially since she's such a compassionate person herself. ]

How could anyone be so cruel to not think about the suffering of that many people.. [ It's something she truly can't understand.

And even worse - those were Obi-Wan's people. From his world. How much must he be suffering at the thought of it, if even someone unrelated like Chizuru already feels bad to just hear this..? ]

[jedies]

That is what the Dark is. It thrives on such violence, such pain. Nothing makes it stronger. Nothing is more delightful.

[tealeafs]

[ A force out there that only thrives on violence and pain..

Chizuru isn't too sure if she could think of something more awful than that. ]

I'm.. so sorry, sir. It must be so overwhelming to be dealing with something like that in the place you come from.. [ Sure, there's awful stuff in her own world too.

But she feels like it couldn't even get close to being compared to this. ]

[jedies]

[ overwhelming doesn't even come close. ]

It is. For now, at least.

[tealeafs]

.. for now?

[ That implies some sort of change, right? Not too sure though what he could mean, Chizuru just echoes the words gently back at him, like she's leaving him some space to elaborate if he's alright with doing so.

She can imagine him not wanting to say too much when the topic is so heavy, after all. ]

[jedies]

[ he exhales quietly. ]

I need to focus on the present. And there are people here who still need me.

[tealeafs]

Oh. [ Not exactly what she expected, but.. it's still definitely understandable enough to her. ]

I get that. But at the same time.. [ Her voice trails off.

Is it really necessary to say this? She feels like she might be overstepping her bounds here. Maybe he doesn't even need to hear this.

But at the same time - the thought is so strong that she can't help but voice it all the same, even in the middle of all those concerns. ]

.. please don't be too hard on yourself if you have a hard time getting over it enough to focus on the present. I don't think a lot of people would be able to deal with all that knowledge.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan's smile is faint. it feels like it would vanish if you call attention to it. the ghost of warmth. ]

You think I'm too hard on myself?

[tealeafs]

[ This kind of feels like a trick question. Mostly due to Chizuru's politeness and kindness. She doesn't want to imply he's doing anything bad, but at the same time..

... ]

Not necessarily, I just--! [ Look at her rushed way of speaking, like she doesn't want him to think she's thinking anything bad about him. Hasty denial. ] .. I just worry about you, sir. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan absorbs that for a moment. a moment that should be recognized. ]

Thank you, Chizuru. It's very kind of you.

[tealeafs]

[ Usually she'd say it's just the sort of thing anyone would do. Because Chizuru does genuinely believe that. Who could see Obi-Wan struggling like this, and just.. not care? Not want to reach out?

It's impossible to even imagine for her.

But she tries her best to accept the compliment this time, if not just because she doesn't want to argue about it while he's already dealing with so much. ]

Then.. if you need anything else, please let me know. If you ever need to talk, or.. um, just need a warm meal you don't have to make yourself, or anything else at all..

[ She seems to be struggling to find the right words for a moment, but then shakes her head. ]

Please just ask me for anything whenever, alright, sir? This place is so much to deal with already, and when you're dealing with all those awful things from back home at the same time.. I want you to know that there are people you can rely on here.

[jedies]

[ people are . . . truly amazing. he may never have the core faith he used to have in people. not after they were gunned down. not after they were murdered so cruelly and painfully, their trust betrayed. not after his shaking fingers touched the cold throat of a child, their warmth extinguished.

and yet. here they were. once he had wished for the galaxy to do the same, to care, to help. the jedi could only do so much and they were dying in the war to save others. hope still lives. it may not be his. he may not keep any for himself.

but it lives. still. ]

. . . Thank you. I'll do my best to remember.

[tealeafs]

I'm glad.

[ Just to hear that, she means. It makes her smile, mostly since she's used to dealing with men who are way more stubborn about accepting this sort of thing, or just any form of help.. ]

I should probably get going now, but.. I'm happy I happened here at the right moment to talk to you, sir. [ Hopefully there are many people around to help lighten his burden, Chizuru thinks. ]

[jedies]

. . . As am I.